Scholarship G1 W1 Writing
- December 19, 2022
- 12:57 pm
- 72 Comments
Part 1.
Write a DISNEY-INSPIRED narrative about the man climbing the skyscraper (400 words)
Include: Omniscient Magic, Beauty Phrases, Gemstone Colours, Oxymorons, Magical features
Man climbing skyscraper: describe view and equipment
High winds blow and it seems like he must turn back-difficult decision where he thinks about his safety and trying to prove himself to his family who did not believe he would make it
He perseveres even though a police helicopter is calling him but when the reaches to top, he realises he has not won over his family, he has won over himself
The gelid zephyrs crept up my back, indignantly inducing frenzied shivers that excruciatingly seared through my dilapidated physique like electricity. Steely moonstone clouted me with a coarse adamantine fist of denial, perfumed with the miasma of metal. The panoramic scene glinted with a spectrum of hues that mingled with each other on the flamboyant canvas of the world- benevolent beryl, shimmering sapphire, dynamic carnelian, vehement citrine and a flurry of amethyst. All would be callously obscured by a militia of grey, grey, grey…Bellowing blares seethingly caterwauled into an ebony black hole of delirium. I yearned for the scrumptious salads from my hometown yet all I devoured was a platter of acerbic fumes. However, I must keep going on. The serrated steel spire taunted me with its shrill scornful squeaks. Scintillating silvery skyscrapers clustered together like a bag of tools that impaled the alabaster clouds. The besmirched Huangpu river was begrimed with a fetid landfill that could cover the planet, just like the rancid landfill of contrition inside me. Vestiges of brine, piquant pork relentlessly coerced me to be brimmed with silenced outrage and stubborn dolour, yet it caused me to be emerald with envy. Eyes shrouded by wind, I misplaced my leather-clad foot, almost tumbling into the hematite abyss and only held back by a slender harness which screeched in agony. Suddenly the sonic gusts ushered the demanding demeanour of my father-YOU SHALL DIE AND NEVER REACH THE TOP!!! The words were a billion blades of agonising affliction on my skin. It was then that I resolved to continue.
The Herculean gales urged me to retrace my steps to amelioration. Though would it be worth it? The carnelian crimson crane stretched its sturdy arms above the hectic skyline. I could be back there but confront my entire family’s exasperation! I must not return, not before reaching my goal, though I could die if I linger any longer! My ebony harness was evading the delicate grasp of the hooks. What would I do?
The world is scrutinising my every step-I would be censured by all and my family! I coerced to permit me to be here yet all of them deplored me: “You idiot, you shall never make it!” Words ricocheted through my head mingling with a thousand thoughts of contrition. Yet if I proceed, I could perish, and my family would never even see me again! Though what is superior in significance-my repute or life. Life is nothing without acceptance though this is just a single achievement! I cannot deal with the manacles of indignation! Qualms encircled my mind in an inevitable vortex-what would I do?
I envisaged my family morosely mourning a tsunami of troubled tears—my countenance in the picture by the funeral with no coffin. Just a wretched urn was storing the remains of my disfigured body. Yet then I conceptualised being led away in a police car, while crowds vociferously babble their deriding. I envisioned the seething shrieking of my mother: “How could you have done this, you could have died, DIED!” Whilst my family woefully wobbled their heads. The pondering has transformed into a black hole, devouring my dreams.
NO! I could not refrain from my family, yet I could not deal with disappointment. AH!!! I pounded my calloused hands on the stern metal. Morbid skin flinched before peeling away, unveiling an abhorrent labyrinth of vermillion. Cerise blood streamed down, yet I did not care. All I cared for was my decision. I had to do something.
Suddenly, in vicious rage, I hurled myself up the crane. Ascending my consternation, my dolefulness, my ruminations, I perceived the peculiar sensation of ground. That was when I realised; I had made it. The world lay in front of me, bowing in veneration. Helicopters whirled around the skyscraper, some blaring reprimands while some were brimmed with the babble of interviewers. I contemplated my family, observing on live television and not believing anything anymore. Though, as I trudged aboard a helicopter, I had not won over anyone-I had won over myself.
Part 2.
Scholarship Interview Questions
1.TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF (300 words)
2. TELL ME WHY YOU ARE A GOOD FIT FOR YOUR DREAM PRIVATE SCHOOL (300 words)
72 thoughts on “Scholarship G1 W1 Writing”
Part 1.
I look back. My safety harness clenched on to me, as if trying to pull me down, already increasing the agoniing pain in my shoulders. I looked up. Just a bit further, and this would all be over.
The rusty metal framework of the building was like a ladder. Any horizontal bars, I would climb, whereas any vertices would be neglected. I found crevices to cling on to, so I wouldn’t fall. I continued to climb. The wind blew against me, ushering the words my father had said to me:
“You shall perish upon this very day. No one offers you mercy, and no one gives you kindness. But at the same time, no one depresses you, nor do they hurt you. Simply, you are trapped in an oblivion. By climbing this, you show your pride and stupidity. Do you think you can climb up this 300 metre high building if you can’t even climb up a 300 centimetre high tree? No, of course not. But we all know you’re doing this because you want to escape from your worries. All you are doing is trying to run away, by earning a medal or something and then gaining money by saving it to leave. But you won’t. You’re just going to end your suffering here, and not achieve anything in life. So what even is the point of doing this? Nothing. You are just a plain loser. I don’t think you will go anywhere in your godforsaken life. I hate you, but I dismiss you. Sometimes, I question your existence. What can yu do to this world? Nothing. You will fail, and you will perish”.
The world came crashing down on me with my thoughts. I was absolutely depressed by my life. I had done nothing to help anyone. I was straight down the middle in everything: my grades, my abilities, my IQ, my thinking speed……. Everything exists. And here I was, trying to do something extraordinary. Would I make it? I would. I knew it and had no doubts.The ebony black city skyline was lit up with luminescent light sources, making it seem like the sun was falling towards us. Then, it finally happened. While holding onto a bar, the rope snapped. I thought this wait, the end of my life. But it wasn’t. I pushed on. Finally, it came. Hope. I saw the top of the building, lit up like the candles on a birthday cake, guiding me. I found that the rope was still there, just not connected. So I tied myself to it, quickly.
I was wrong. I was delusional. It was nother 150 metres up. Helicopters Swirled around, their rotor blades spinning like a top, and turning the gentle breeze into a tornado. I continued, making my way up. I saw a man, with a gun, aiming at me, in a police uniform.
“Stop, or we’ll shoot. Put your hands in the air”
I did. I fell. Into a bar. I survived. I continued climbing. The man realised what I was doing. But he followed me up. The jet black skyline was still illuminated, and it motivated me. I wanted to see it from a higher point. The wind continued to push me towards the building. I couldnt bear this torture anymore. I was close. Suddenly, out of rage, I climbed, pulling on the rope I tied myself and climbing like a monkey. I made it. Alive. Now, how would I get back down?
Lucky for me I need not think about this as one of the helicopters picked me up. I had gone beyond my family’s expectancy.
Part 2:I have many hobbies which I will show you. Firstly, I really love drawing maps from many different time periods. If you check my drawing book you would find my most recent drawings contain a large variety of memory-drawn maps that would be a million pound item to topographers and explorers alike to people from between B.C 3200 and the mid 18th century, which proves that my skill is intense. I can draw an entire map of Asia with labelled borders, seas, oceans and capital cities, as well as any disputed territories. I can draw the entire topography map of South Asia from memory and a 50% accurate demographic map of Europe ( probably the easiest continent). Secondly, I am an avid designer. In a couple of seconds I came up with a design for fireworks that could easily be made at home with some matchsticks. I attempted to re-engineer a Stug III tank destroyer once and I calculated how successful it would be… on my own. So you can see I have a very interesting mix of hobbies. I also heavily enjoy researching military vehicles. 1 year ago, when I was a feeble-minded 8 year old, I managed to write a full military analysis on my favourite plane, the IAI Kfir c.7. Even though it was extremely inaccurate, it’s still impressive to me for a 8 year and 4 month old child. Now I’m almost ten so I have gotten another hobby: writing stuff about history. I’m a history buff, to put it simply. If there’s anything about history, whether it be the Reconquista or the Kronstadt rebellion of 1921, I’m up for it. Finally, I’m an expert scout. Even though I’ve only been one for less than 2 terms, I have mastered everything there is: trekking, hiking, fire making, cooking, tying knots, untying knots, or basically anything else scouting related. I’m on my way to receiving my first badge, but when that comes I will be greeted by a lot of others.
I am special for this scholarship for many reasons. For one, I can speak (or at least read) many languages. I can fluently read Sinhala, Cyrillic, Latin and Nordic text. I can only speak 2 languages, Sinhala and English, but I can understand many others, mainly Tamil, French, German, Russian and Spanish. Secondly, I have had a long history of academic and co-curricular achievement. Even though I am not a very sporty person, I still, as I said, play cricket and attend swimming lessons weekly. My team at cricket has won multiple matches due to a combination of skill and teamwork. My bowling skills are ample but my batting skills are incredible for a 9 year old at least. In academics, I cannot mention the amount of times I have won academic awards at school. Finally, I can speak in front of a large audience without difficulty and have a decent sense of humour. My public speaking ability has flourished since I was in kindergarten. For example, in the Kindergarten public speaking competition, I managed to make it to the school finals, but since I was in kindergarten I couldn’t progress further. As well as that, I am an expert topographer. I have been complimented many times by my teachers, who dislike me due to bias, about my amazing geography skills. During class, the teachers often complain about having inaccurate world maps to stick in to our boos. Does that matter? NO! I just draw one in myself, and absolutely smash my geography tasks. I have also achieved multiple awards in ICAS, completely destroying the test.
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FEEDBACK -Kfir-PART 2
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FEEDBACK -Kfir-PART 1
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FEEDBACK -Kfir-PART 1
The mystical embers of hazed condensation began to sulk away into the distance, as I climbed up the treacherously high skyscraper. A gnarled grin of an effluvium blocked a thin halo of light that still remained. Specks of rufescent blood glistened on my tallowed hands, and I heard a thunderous boom, as another rope snapped. The dilapidated structure was deteriorating as though a miasma of magnets were trying to cling to the iron. The vital words that rebeverated through my head, arms and ears were: REACH THE TOP! It was my only dashing of feeble hope as I clutched desperately to the infrastructure .
I had been climbing for an eternity. My senseless body was alive with a frenzy of shivers, that scorched my shaking hands like electricity. The wind through adamant fists of denial at me, threatening to make me fall numb with every blow fiercer. The country that was now just a droplet of the ocean glistened beside me, the pale mist creating a strangely beautiful vista. And then I continued my condescending climb, up the infinite height of the tower.
The put-me-down quotes that echoed in my head made my aching spine tingle, words such as Idiot! and Can’t Wait To see you fail! that I wasn’t able to shake off. However, these abominable comments were the ones that ultimately fuelled me, when the sharp spikes of the raging sun at its fullest shot down on my back, and when the glacier winds tried desperately to shoot me down with its icy glazes.
Sounds of frayed discouragement hit me every time I reached forward, threatening to make me look down and feel the stinging acidic wind rushing past me at a fatal rate. My teeth ground together as they did during my years of youth when I used to chew peppermint, and I knew I had to keep going.
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FEEDBACK -EB000MZ-PART 1 (1)
Here’s my homework. I’m Claire Wang by the way and not Kevin. That’s my brother’s name, still figuring how to change it but attached below is my HW.
Scholarly Writing Homework
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FEEDBACK – CLAIRE WANG
Part 1.
The satirical voices of dejection thundered in my head as the empyrean above me glouted in a pompous way. The brisk ocean beneath my woozy feet were manoeuvring anchovies and pewter blocks. Tentacles encroached up the gimcrack and bewailing scaffolding. Trepidation brimmed my heart like grains of rice. The pillars of flimsy iron felt penetrable with my straining grip. The arctic beads of sweat advanced down my tautened jaws like the rain droplets on a window. But the disdainful voices of my parents invertebrates against my skull was as torturous as a brick to the head. Death bathed in the pool of anxiety in my eyes. Someone a mile away could’ve spotted it. I felt abased by my impetuous lack of certitude, confidence had abandoned every inch of me and my void soul.
But I wasn’t going to licence this miraculously petrifying height to get on my nerves. I would establish I wasn’t a mimsy and lanky man who still lived with his parents. Suddenly, an extravagant wisp sailing beneath me, bestowing the dastard tentacles grasping for my disquietude. This wisp was a Guardian Angel descending down and safeguarding me from the treacherous Kraken. The flocculent and finely etched wings enveloped the unwelcoming creature. The Guardian Angel’s radiating halo, shone the light I needed all along.
Suddenly, I wasn’t a timid and naive youngster anymore, I would venture further. The glacial ice that felt like ice smothered on my cheeks but now the zephyr was merely a soft caress on my face. Every inch I went forward was a big leap, I would prove my parents wrong. I had success and triumph under my thumb by now, it would never leak out of my reign. I could now remark at the hope and faith that the generous Guardian Angel gifted me when empires and mythical gods condescended down at me. But then… I heard a deafening quiet crack in one of the planks. I glanced down, my hysteric eyes darting around in the small but vast piece of wood. My mind pounded and churned. Would I fall? Did I meet my abrupt end? Was it time? It would be a bittersweet feeling if I stopped now.
The Guardian Angels mellow glow just like a plate crafted with gold shimmering in the evening sun. Even the pinpoint of light illuminated through the agitation and alarmingness caving in rapidly. So I strived forward, closer to the glory I longed. When I actually had reached the tip, I could scrape handfuls of celestial stars. They were at my fingertips. But that wasn’t what brought so much pleasure to me and it wasn’t I had just proven my parents wrong, I had proved myself wrong in the best way possible. My heart glowered with amour propre.
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FEEDBACK -ELVIAL-PART 1
Part Two.
Tell Me About Yourself: My name is Elvia Lin. I’m 11 years old and currently a student in the opportunity (OC) class at Ryde Public School. I’m part of the school debate team. I like debating because I can lead discussions and find flaws in not just the opposing teams arguments but also me teams! I love to read books and explore different genres. I’ve enjoyed all the types of books I’ve read, some are mystery books. I really enjoy reading mystery and crime books because the cryptic suspense always captures me and pulls me into the book like I’m really there. I also play two sports, swimming and tennis. Out of the two, I like tennis the most. When I play a perfect topspin in tennis, there’s nothing better at the moment. I have many hobbies. They are playing tennis, reading, sudoku, playing piano and swimming. Out of those, my favourite is sudoku, this is because in sudoku you can play individually and in a group which makes me want to work faster. My role model is Rafael Nadal. What I most find inspiring about this 14 time French Open winner is his mindset. Nadal is always trying his 100% whatever the situation. His positive mindset reminds me to also have similar thinking with Rafael Nadal.
Tell Me Why You Are a Good Fit for MLC: The MLC slogan is “Dare to be More”. This is something that motivates me to go to this school. I like to embrace challenges whether or not they’re big or small, I’ll push through. I also want to go beyond my limits and discover more every time, I would fit with MLC because I want to be more. I would show MLC that I can attempt things outside my comfort zone. Another reason I would be a good fit for MLC is when I grow up I want to become an astronomer. However, this field has been dominated by men. But even with that I will still want to be an astronomer. I want to do what other astronomers haven’t done. Even with the astronomical field dominated by men I still want to make discoveries in the vast universe. I want to be more than what others may think about me.
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FEEDBACK -ELVIAL-PART 2
Tell me about yourself.
My name is Claire Wang and I currently attend Opportunity Class at Balgowlah Heights Public School. There are a lot of interesting things about me and I don’t think you’d be surprised that I’m a shy, diffident person if you set your eyes on me. I’m Claire and I’m going to be telling you a bit about myself. As I said before I’m not confident in front of a large audience especially when it has stuff to do with Public Speaking, but that doesn’t mean I won’t give it a try. From babbling quietly in class I managed to sign up for a Multicultural Public Speaking competition held at Abbotsleigh Private School For Girls. I had prepared a speech and had practised it perfectly, but when it was my turn to go on stage, with the blinding, fluorescent spotlight my stomach lurched. But I still walked on with a confident, uneasy smile and did my speech. Even if I’m a bit shy, that doesn’t mean I won’t give things a try. I got a third place certificate and that memorable experience told me to never give up. One of my many hobbies is the love to read. I always give new books a go and so far have read quite a lot of books and book series. I am also currently writing a fantasy book and hope to get it published and ready to sell on Amazon next year. Besides from reading , I also like to write. As you can see, I have entered multiple competitions and this year I have won first place in the W&T Academy with hundreds of students competing. I felt so accomplished and that gave me energy to persevere with my love of writing. However, I can’t always be perfect, I am struggling in the maths area but thanks to all of my Scholarly tests and homework my marks are improving significantly. Not only do I face nervousness and struggle in my life, I know that life is hard and you can’t avoid what’s coming at you. So I try my best in everything I get hit at hoping that next year when I sit the selective exam I will make it into my dream Selective school.
Tell me why you are a good fit for your dream school
My dream private school would be Meriden. I feel like I bond better with girls my age and I feel more comfortable around them. Meriden’s slogan is Semper Fidelis which is the latin word for ‘Always Faithful’. Meriden has achieved high academic performance and supports a wide range of activities such as music, sport and a bunch more extracurricular activities. When I grow up I’d like to be a CEO of a business. I hope that I can get a business started and make my parents proud. I feel infinitely encouraged by Steve Xu the founder and CEO of Scholarly which has made a bunch of really great kids that have got into top selective schools and have been awarded full scholarships. All the wonderful teachers such as Anastasia, James, Cullen, Jen, big dog teachers and of course Steve who has helped me a lot. I think I would be a good fit for Meriden because they encourage young girls to be who they are. They are encouraged to find their voice and Meriden is just one of many of the Private girls schools that support girls and help them find their inner self. The world has improved so much and now girls are granted the same privileges as boys. Meriden also has tennis courts where you’re free to play tennis. I play tennis for fun and it would be nice to pratise that. This is why I feel like I am a good fit for Meriden and how I am so privileged to have a loving family and excellent tutors.
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FEEDBACK -CLAIRE WANG-PART 2
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FEEDBACK -ELLAJIN-PART 1
The savage wind whipped through my coarse hair as my hands the rusted metal poles as I stumbled forward, ever so wary of my steps. I cast a quick eye down at the earth. While staggering fiercely, the shattered skyscraper soared over all the indistinguishable buildings. The chilly arctic morning fog blasted through my frostbitten ears as I cackled with joy when I heard the zephyr vociferate an ear-piercing song. While my lacerated shirt clung tightly to my lacerated back, I felt nauseous, and freezing sweat streamed down my torrid back. I knew I couldn’t go on, but the desire to show my family that I was more than an underdog won out. The nasty harness dug through my emaciated shoulders, while my broken, bloodied hands gripped tightly to the tarnished poles, which also appeared to be in anguish.
I had been ascending for what seemed like an eternity. My mindless body was alive with chills that burnt my shaking hands like electricity. The wind slashed at me with steely fists of denial, threatening to numb me with each fiercer blow. The nation, which had shrunk to the size of a droplet of water, glistened alongside me, the pale mist producing an oddly attractive sight. Then I resumed my contemptuous ascent up the tower’s unfathomable height.
As the empyrean above me gloated pompously, sarcastic voices of dejection thundered in my thoughts. Under my drowsy feet, the brisk ocean was teeming with anchovies and pewter blocks. Tentacles infiltrated the gimcrack and bewailing scaffolding. My heart was filled with trepidation like rice grains. With my strained hold, the thin iron pillars felt penetrable. The freezing beads of sweat cascaded down my clenched teeth like raindrops on a window. The scornful sounds of my parents’ invertebrates against my skull, on the other hand, was as painful as a stone to the head. In my eyes, death was soaked in a lake of dread. Someone a mile away could have noticed it.
I looked up into the blue ashen sky, I could see the end just mere metres. The sweat covered my pale fingers as I pulled with the last remaining I had. And then all of a sudden I was at the top. An unearthly laugh escaped my lips as I looked down at the city. My nerves weren’t jittering anymore. In the distance, I could see some police helicopters flying towards me. What did I care? I was just an insane kid at the pinnacle of a skyscraper. This was it I realised, I had beat myself.
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FEEDBACK -JOHN P – PART 1
Part 1
The unwelcoming cold-blooded claws of the eerie argentine vapour snaked their way up the brittle desquamative skyscraper, pursuing the disguised man as he leapt from scaffolding to scaffolding. As he began to saltate the building, he started to question his decision. Turning back would ensure his safety, but would prove his family correct about him being a coward. Climbing the skyscraper would allow him to join his family at the top of the tower, but the rickety path would be fraught with peril. An eternity passed, but he finally decided to climb and set off to reach the top.
As he climbed, he glimpsed the scintillating sapphire windows glinting in the distance like shimmering stars a million miles away. The frostbound hypothermic air started to get to him, giving him frostbite and turning him blue. The excruciating pain from the frostbite seared through his body from his ear. Still, he endured the painful sensation and let the cold numb his aches. The man rested and let his aches leave his body. He stared out on the horizon, able to see the whole city – his house, the hospital, the church… but the most amazing sight he could see was the beautiful encaptivating sunset. The fluffy marshmallow clouds drifted around the amber, rosette sun. The silhouettes of large distant trees oscillating in the zephyr caught his eye and he watched them until he could no longer see the sun. It was an awfully good, intoxicating sight to watch.
It was now night so the cloaked figure once again resumed his long and treacherous journey. He climbed up until he reached the neglected incomplete part of the skyscraper. He was level with the feathery fluffy clouds now and the rest of the journey to the top would be the most death-defying part yet. There would be jagged nails sticking out at every twist and turn, there would be inconceivable heights he would have to face, and unfastened, insecure scaffolding that could collapse at any second. As he reached another part of the scaffolding he was climbing, he realised that it was precariously swaying in the wind. It tilted to the left, then to the right and finally, fell backwards.
Down, down, down the man flew, unable to grasp anything while his arms flailed about helplessly. Suddenly, he felt his unyielding right hand clench onto a razor sharp nail, drawing a deep red crimson stream of blood like sewage leaking into a river. He abruptly stopped falling, but his sweaty moist hand immediately began to slip from its weak grip. “WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!” his body screamed in pain, the words ricocheted through his feeble mind. The man fell again, almost down to the clouds at this point.
POOF! He crashed his way into the fluffy cloud and the giant pillow cushioned him from the impact, shielding and protecting him from any injuries. He looked up, still paralysed by the confusion of what had happened. He stared at the clouds beneath him and then looked around and saw a staircase of clouds that led to the top of the skyscraper and his family. So, once again, he began to climb.
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FEEDBACK -SARAH-H-YONGGMAIL-COM – PART 1
An mystical, angelic shroud gently caressed the fatigued, puffy-eyed traveler. Its translucent tendrils wrapped him in its soft embrace like a mother cradling her beloved child. He feebly scrambled up the steep ramp and ascended for what felt like a millennia, not halting once to take in the view of the world he’d left. The traveller had come so far and he was not going let fear’s sharp claws sink in and slay his burning courage.
As he trudged on, he began to question his remaining sanity as all he could see for a leviathan
amount of distance was maroon -painted steel poles and snowy alpine, beige wood planks. The foreign traveller could no longer remember anything of his life before his current conquest, which he was wholeheartedly devoted to. As the traveller advanced upwards, the came to an enlightenment that he truly had nothing to to lose his past was a forgotten chapter in the story of his life. This mission was all he lived for and so his heart, now laced with determination caused him to confidently continue, stronger than before.
Finally, the traveller reached a point where he could see an end, it was encased by enigmatic mist and he knew he had reached the end, he had travelled further than any living entity had ever. He came to two doors. He opened one. It had a picture of him standing next to a slim, graceful woman. He was smiling wider than he had ever been able to recall. Lying in his arms was a small girl with a small round face and a button nose. he didn’t think he knew these people but then, it hit him. This was the world he had lived in before his search. Tears streamed down his eyes, clouding his vision. What was he really searching for? Suddenly, he was drawn to the second door, compelled to open it but, inside there was nothing, nothing but never ending darkness and despair. This was it. This was the end of life. The man contemplated was he really ready to die and never return to this world?
No, he decided. His life was not over yet he had to live it to the fullest so he ran back, down the bridge, down the skyscraper and down the path from which he had came. He was not ready to die. He started a new quest. A quest to find out who he really was and where he could fit in.
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FEEDBACK -ALISSA-CHEN-COM – PART 1
PART 1 WRITING HW:
Trepidation gripped me tight. The corroded, ramshackle composition of brittle metal rods shook savagely to remind me of the perilous danger if the corrugated building ever collapsed. The blustery winds crowed with gelid contempt, its sinuous tendrils crackling with an unhinged madness. Its searing blade of icy barbarity impaled my agonised heart with a galvanic cackle, mangling my petrified soul into corrupted tatters. My rusted second-hand carabiner clunked in unfluctuating rhythm with the worn harness, as the acrid smog strangled my lungs with bloodthirsty aggressiveness. I was trembling like a deranged madman on a rickety tower…
But I had to do this. I had to prove my family wrong. Their harsh, slicing words tore through my mind – “This is the one thing you will fail. You shall never reach the top”. Their paralysing comments had scared me, their callous words sliced my confidence and it tore it down into reclusive shatters. I wanted to gash at their wounding foolishness, I wanted to free myself from the malicious shackles of self-scrutiny, I wanted to regain my seat of superior prominence.
And then I heard the static rumbling of the helicopter’s formidable engine, as the main rotor flickered in the sultry grey fog. The coarse yell emanating from the cockpit mocked me as a “stupid maniac who should come into the helicopter now”. Their ignorant reprimandment. I felt the icy gossip of the tempestuous winds critique my every step, as the harsh jibber of the helicopter’s reverberating roll cruelly exchanged notes with the grating wind.
I felt a hiss of demonic rage spark inside my indignant heart, concocting a rancid landfill of resentment, bitterness and fury. How dare they judge me? I sensitively scaled my way up the frail, sangria arc, slowly snaking my way across the serrated steel spire. Meanwhile, oppressive, anchor grey smog choked me with its constricting jaws while its scaly whip threw punches at my cowering figure. Yet still, I shoved on, gingerly trying my leather-clad boots forward in the last portion of the daring climb.
The rush of air greeted me; I had made it. I was intoxicated with the sensational exhilaration of intrepid accomplishment. I felt like a king, and the scintillating silvery skyscrapers clustered together were my dangerous artillery of swords that impaled the alabaster clouds, feebly bowing before my feet. I felt pulsating exuberance as I tightly clenched the final bar.
Alongside, though, the displeased police helicopters were shrieking warnings of hyperbolised punishment. When I reluctantly slid into an irked pilot’s seat, my bursting feelings of excitement had dissipated into the logic of rational consideration. I felt a sneaking sense of insightfulness restrain my pulsing exuberance. I didn’t beat anyone. I hadn’t proved anyone wrong. I had just won over myself.
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FEEDBACK -CALEB WU – PART 1
PART 2 WRITING HW:
1. I am a 10 year old boy in year 5. My hobbies include piano, trombone and swimming. I have enjoyed playing the piano since I was 5 years old and I have been trained under the hands of my excellent piano teacher. I have played in numerous concerts and competitions and I am now in Grade 7. I also play the trombone and I participate in the school band. I have played since I was in year 3 and I have developed a bit of skill with the instrument. I enjoy it as it is quite a unique instrument, and you can change your notes by pressing buttons, which makes it all the more exciting. I enjoy playing in a band because it enables me to work in a team. It is not just about you, but everyone playing to merge into a song. I also enjoy swimming and I swim as an extracurricular activity and to keep me fit. I swim in swimming lessons and some skilled swim teachers. In my free time I enjoy reading. I like to read historical fiction books because it allows me to see a new field from different historical perspectives. This makes it much more interesting and easier to comprehend than a simple history book. This makes it so much more fresh to take in new knowledge, and gives you the wealth of having opinions on different historical events. When I have a bit of spare time, I also enjoy playing soccer with my brother in the backyard. I enjoy this because it is just fun to play with my brother and also, I enjoy the quick-paced action of the sport. I simply like how fast the action can get, and I have picked up a few skills along the way. These are somethings about me.
2. I am a good fit for this scholarship for a number of reasons. First, I am a compassionate person who always tries to help others to the best of my ability. I feel empathy for people who have problems and I will always try to help them get through an issue. For example, I once helped my friend who was going on holiday by looking after his pet chickens. I worked very hard to make sure the chickens would not get sick. I also work very well in a team, and I can get along with others very well. I am flexible with ideas and I can work with both my and other people’s plans. I am also a resilient problem solver. I understand that inevitably we will always run into problems, so it is important to be adaptable and find a solution for any problem that I will meet. For example, if I was missing something, I would always find a replacement. If something was broken, I’d try to fix it to the best of my ability. If something was not working, I would always try to identify the problem and fix it. This makes me a problem solver. I also value integrity and honesty. I am a honest person and not disposed to lying or manipulation to gain an edge over others. I am always inclined to tell the truth even if it is the harder option. This makes me dependable on other people. Others can rely on me if they ever need an answer or have to depend on me keeping my promises. I am also loyal. I would not turn my back on a friend, and I will always stick with them even when they are going through problems. I believe this makes me a suitable candidate for the scholarship.
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FEEDBACK -CALED WU – PART 2
PART 2
Tell me about yourself…
My name is Alissa Chen and I am currently attending Ryde Public School. As a kindergartener I originally went to Newington Public School but then, moved to an OC (Opportunity Class). I am extremely thankful for being able to experience something new in this vast world I have met and made friends with so many wonderful and creative people who I would never had met before. If I wasn’t given the chance. I play badminton and tennis, I also participate in swimming. Outer of the three my favourite would probably be badminton because it helps me feel more energetic and is really easy to learn. Some of my hobbies are reading, badminton, sketching floor-plans and playing flute. From young, I have always aspired to be a landscape architect so that I can inspire others to go for their dreams and what they believe in. Being a landscape architect would allow me to design a monument as a symbol to never give up and to pursue your dreams.
Some of the things I love the most Are family and friends. They are so important to me and are the people who carved the person I am today. My family have always supported my dreams and helped me to chase them. They always want whats best for me and what makes me happy. My friends comfort me through out hard times and make me smile when my world is blue. My friends and family light up my world and without them I’d only be a shell of the person they have shaped me to be. I owe so much to my family and friends yet they don’t require anything from me but my happiness.
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FEEDBACK -ALISSA-CHEN – PART 2
Part 2:
My name is Kerry Chen and I currently go to Trinity Grammar Preparatory School. I have many attributes I could start off with but I will start with how introverted and shy I am. Whenever I am faced with speaking out loud to a large group or interacting with unfamiliar people I feel very nervous. This won’t stop me from trying to make myself feel more confident. I was assigned to do a speech at a class but I tried my best and it turned out I made it into the top 9 in the grade and I will keep trying to talk to more people and do more public speaking.
My hobby is origami and building things because it shows me that if I persevere and put effort into something, I can turn something as simple as a piece of paper into a dragon. Origami has this unique ability and it also helps me be clean and neat because I need to be a good fold otherwise it won’t turn out the result you want it to be. I enjoy debating because it combines an element of public speaking, writing and criticism in it and I need to improve those skills. Debating allows me to talk about issues and present my speech and write out my speech and find points in a limited amount of time.
When I grow up I want to be a lawyer because it means helping people who are in need of someone to help them in a legal case. AS a lawyer I can help people who are in need of help settling a legal case. That is the main reason but a bonus factor is that I also get to basically have lots of debating skills incorporated into it and it helps me improve those skills and practice them.
My dream school is Sydney Grammar because it has a very good academic focus and can help me achieve my goal to get a lawyer. I am a good fit to Sydney Grammar because coming from a Christian school I have a faith in god already which matches their school motto Laus deo, Praise be to god. The school also has very high emphasis on sports as well as academics and in sport and I am a very good sport, being happy whether I lose, draw or win. I’m not the best but I know that I strive to improve in whatever sport I play and as all the other students, I will represent the school well.
I am able to learn very quickly because at my own privileged school, I am considered gifted because I learn material faster than others. Aiming for a very advanced and difficult job is crucial because I need to learn a lot about law and everything else that is necessary to life which means I will be valuable to the learning environment. The many co curriculars that Sydney grammar will offer will create big opportunities such as things that I have never done before like rowing or cadets or more advanced musical opportunities and teach me things that I haven’t learnt yet.
This is why I think I am a good fit to Sydney Grammar.
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FEEDBACK -KERRY CHEN – PART 2
1) Leap of a Lifetime
Adrenalin coursed through my veins drowning out my sensibilities. The glacial wind biting and blistering the retina of my eyes, its teeth tearing through my clothes freezing me to death. It is almost as if it is being caringly dangerous. The nebulous fog strangling the towers below me, attempting to blind my sight and my sense of stability, oscillating my body as I unsteadily take the next step. A nauseating sensation overwhelms me as the smaller buildings beneath seem to diminish before my eyes and the ground below seems to be a universe away. This unimaginable feeling, the alarming danger before me, is where I most feel at home.
The inevitable backpack feels heavy but what is inside will determine my fate, like the angel and the demon on my shoulder. The clips will bind together the strings as I become the puppet of my destiny falling like a feather floating in the breeze. My speed and velocity will be measured for the record books in this extremely dangerous sport that gives me unmeasurable thrill and passion. The longing for absolute precision amongst the unknowable turbulence of nature and its ability to shatter life in a millisecond, has made me determined to conquer this feat. The Guinness Book of Records will forever remember my name and my base-jumping achievement on this day.
My heart pounds like a fatal drum, pulsating and hammering nails into my arteries, as my foot tries to steady itself on the perilous edge of the beam. My mind is flooded with childhood memories of leaping from heights that made my mother shriek as she watched me in horror tumbling from the garage rooftop. “Don’t you ever, ever think of performing such a horrific stunt again”. I grin as I recall this moment and feel the scar on my chin that still remains like a warning, an omen perhaps?
The cameraman shooting this moment is getting impatient as I contemplate my next step which is always the most laborious. How can one small leap seem so vast and daunting? I turn on the Go-Pro that weighs heavily on my head, waiting to capture my glory and my flight of freedom. I imagine the gratifying cheers below, my mother looking up, craning her neck to witness my accomplishment. I tell myself, “You’re in control” but am I?
I bend, I stretch and I fly…
2) About Myself
My name is Hamish Ryan and I am 11 years old. If I could describe myself in one word, it would be “eclectic”. This is because I have a plethora of interests including sports, music and Ancient History. Although I am extremely competitive in sports, especially in soccer, I am really quite a humble and compassionate person who has lots of friends and likes to be part of a team. I like contributing because I like to be part of a team that achieves goals together. I am resilient and hard-working and I believe soccer and music have taught me how to remain disciplined and consistent in developing my skills in these two areas. I am part of the University of Sydney SAP soccer program and have been part of the Football Brilliance Academy for a number of years. In soccer, whilst skills are essential, thinking about the position of play is most important. Long and short distance running have also taught me determination and perseverance and learning how to push through being uncomfortable and to never give up. Trombone is my main instrument and I enjoy playing in two bands at my school where I am part of an ensemble and can contribute to the overall quality of the band. I am currently working towards my 5th Grade exam and my favourite genre to play is jazz. I am a passionate reader and love learning about ancient stories and legends, especially Greek mythology. One myth that relates to me is the tale of Orpheus as he was superbly musical and showed perseverance are went to the ends of the earth, the Underworld, for his loved one. My passions are the things that drive and motivate me and are enjoyable and I like sharing my skills with others.
3) Dream Private School
Newington is my dream private school. Newington has many co-curricular activities that I can be involved in and can be part of a team that represents the school and is filled with students who are passionate and determined. This school has an excellent sports program and professional coaches who are skilled and experienced at making sure the participating students are happy, healthy and learning about and appreciating the sport. Newington has supported many established sporting heroes including Jonathan Aspropotamitis, who played football for the Western Sydney Wanderers and now Macarthur FC. Newington has an exceptional music program with many ensembles and choirs that I would like to be a part of such as playing my trombone in the jazz ensemble and Concert Band and singing as part of services and events. Newington could help me achieve my goals as it has an abundance of activities and opportunities that suit me perfectly. I also believe that I could help the school with music and sport by sharing my abilities. Newington offers lots of community service activities which I would like to participate in and help serve others in the community. I am passionate about history and would like to study Latin in high school and not many schools offer this subject. Newington has a strong language department, and I would like to learn more about the language of the Roman Empire and the history of English and other languages. I would like to go to a school that values strong academic, sporting and creative pursuits rather than a school that is mostly focused on academic results. Newington offers a broad range of educational opportunities, and I would be honoured to attend such a school.
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FEEDBACK -HAMISH RYAN
Tell me About Yourself:
I am a kind and compassionate student who strives for excellence. Additionally, I set high expectations for myself and always try to improve myself. Because I believe that self improvement is the best improvement. I am a pretty social person and is always open to make new friends. To further explain, I am a very approachable person who is kind an caring towards others. An additional fact about myself is that Im a respectful person who follows rules. I have many hobbies and interests like Basketball, Cricket, Piano and Reading. These interest keep me fit, educated and eager to learn more about the world and differing perspectives. One of my favourite sports is Basketball. I play this sport at a competitive level for my local team. It teaches me how to cooperate effectively with other people. It keeps me fit and responsive to my environment. Another sport that I play is cricket. One of the most popular sports. I enjoy playing cricket because you can work on all physical movements. Running, throwing and catching. This helps you to be quicker at movements and have a quicker reaction time. Another interest of mine is playing the piano. It offers me peace and a space to vent out feelings. I love music as it is relaxing and after a long day it is all you really need to relax. Another one of my most beloved hobbies is reading. I read all sorts of books from non-fiction to fiction to biographies. Books act as an easy and enticing way to grasp knowledge. Fiction books allow your mind to be creative and think outside the box. All in all, Im a persistent, caring person who loves to play sports and play the piano.
Why are you the perfect fit for this School:
Im a perfect fit for this school because I understand that this school is academically pleasing and I will do my best to strive for my goals in the present and future. In addition, I love the compulsory sport where we can compete in teams and learn resilience to bounce back from any problem. To further exemplify, I want to share my love for sport with all the students. So, I want to make a positive difference where all people are interested in or at least don’t despise an active community. Moreover, I think that I can make a contribution by leading more kids to love sports and active lifestyles. As this school has a Christian backround, I believe that I’ll fit in perfectly with the students around me. It would be a great honour to study at this school. I will work hard to inspire other students. As hobbies and interests, I play basketball at a competitive level and I also enjoy playing the piano in my free time. I heard that this school has a band so my skills could finally have some use. I love working in a team in any situation and being park of an Athletic and musical team would be great. At my current school, I have grasped a Prefect position in the SRC and hope that I can become a great leader at this school aswell. Moreover, I would hopefully contribute by helping other students learn and getting them involved in thought-provoking exercises. Coming to this school will grant me a higher education thats tailored to me.
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FEEDBACK -SUNPHEE.ZHENG
Part 2
Tell me about yourself
My name is Josh and I currently attend Epping Heights Public School. I have two sisters whose names are Chloe and Savannah. Savannah goes to Epping Heights with me and Chloe goes to Ravenswood. Some of my favourite things to do are playing the saxophone, playing soccer, going on long tiring walks with my dog, hanging out with my family, and socialising with my friends at school. I play the saxophone in the concert band for Epping Heights and I love doing performances and going to band camp. I can sort of play piano and can play a bit of the drums. I also play soccer for Epping FC with my friends and love to go swimming both at the beach and in our pool. Another hobby that I have is driving my remote control car with my dad and flying my drone. I also like going fishing with my dad and once almost caught a massive fish at my school camp. As well as this, I like going bike riding around my neighbourhood. I go with either my family or my friends. I love playing tennis as well and have lessons at both Beecroft and Cheltenham. My favourite experience I have had is undoubtedly moving to America. I lived in St Louis and loved going to school on snow days as we were permitted to bring toboggans and sleds to race down a large hill on the edge of the school. I also liked going around the city and exploring new things such as the Gate-way Arch. After we moved back to Australia, we went to Cairns and the Great Barrier Reef. The reef was really cool as we went on a floating pontoon and went snorkelling to see the coral which was nice as the heat was unbearable.
Tell me why you are a good fit for your dream private school
My dream private school is The King’s School. I would be a good fit for this school because I am ready to learn new skills and become a global thought leader. I would love to participate in school events and also enhance my abilities in different areas such as public speaking and debating. I also want to enhance my character which I can do at the school. I have toured the school and I love the massive school grounds, sporting facilities and the day houses. I think that I would love doing cadets and going to cadet camp. I also really like the cafeteria and I love the grounds because there is so much space to play and socialise. I love the day houses because there is space to chat and play games during break times. I also like to play soccer, swim and know a bit of basketball, and I would be eager to try out new sports like rowing. I would like to represent the school in school sports. Another part of the school I was fascinated by was the science centre. The science centre was massive, with a room for actual scientists that have been hired to help students. There were also cool experiments and holes in the walls to look inside the ventilation and engineering used. I would love to be able to use these facilities.
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FEEDBACK -SARAH-H-YONGGMAIL-COM
PART 1-By Vinal Liyanage
The caliginous zephyr tortured the climber, with its merciless Siberian chill, spitting out sudden bursts of rain, laughing demonically baring it’s gnarled teeth. The climber was irritated but still, was determined to get to the top of this voluminous skyscraper. The pain in the mans body was gruesome. But as he climbed, one step at a time equalled more and more pain, he was even more determined to get to the top of this beast.
The torn orange skyscraper felt rusted as the man hanged onto the mechanical beast, holding on for dear life. Just as he put his leg out to go to the next step an eagle flew like a bullet right into his ankle and the poor man banged his head on the hard metal. He cursed. As he banged his head onto the metal, the mans beanie had fallen off. This meant in his natural instincts, the man looked down to see his beanie flying away and screamed like a 4 year old boy losing his lollipop when he saw how high he was. He was just about to give up and fall to the ground without reaching his goals, but the man was determined and he didn’t let that happen.
Then he heard a voice that he was never willing to here ever in his life. His demonic, manic father screaming, “You will never make it in life. You surely should have known that that by now. You will die from your stupidity and your silliness. You will die soon. Very soon.” Although the man didn’t want to believe that, he knew his mad father was right. He knew that some day he would die.
The only reason this man was doing this task was because he wanted to prove to his family that he was not worthless. He was brave and had courage.
After the man climbed a small amount of steps, the unfinished skyscraper wobbled a bit. The man looked around in panic trying to see what caused it and fix it then he saw a bolt coming out. “Oh no,” he thought to himself. Then the man quickly tried putting the bolt back in but it wouldn’t go in. So the man quickly ran up the stairs, hoping that having no equipment like a harness was necessary. But this situation made it worse and he heard from the very bottom of the skyscraper rumbling and heard clatters of metal on the floor. The man ran as fast as he could to get to the top. Where he was a minute ago, he would have been dead, and not buried in a cemetery. He would have been buried under a lot of metal.
As the clattering got closer and closer he finally saw the end of this magnificently tall skyscraper. He shouted at the top of his lungs and ran. But the metal falling was only around 5 stairs behind him. He got to the top only to be hearing, not applause but “You have committed a crime. Get onto the helicopter. Now.”
This was it. It was the end of his life. He would be taken to prison and be sentenced for life. “No,” he screamed and fell to the floor from more than 10 kilometres from the sky.
His blood curdling scream escaped his mouth just like his goals had escaped him. He wanted to show his family something. He wanted to win over his family except, he won against himself. His scream was so loud that it could be heard from all of the town.
Then a soft bump came. Even though the bump was soft, it hurt a lot. The metal kept travelling but he didn’t.
“Lucky we caught you there,” said the police officer and then they took him down to the ground to the police station, where he would stay for the rest of his life.
The man was happy though, his bright smile in the night sky. He had not been killed which was all the man cared about, and he proved his father wrong.
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FEEDBACK -VINAL
Part 1 by Aaron Wang
The devilish mist whipped my back every time the wind came or went. My soaked shirt gripping on tightly to my shivering body. I looked up towards the looming height of ominous skyscraper, Then remembering the voices, the hating voices of my parents, shrill in my brain as if they were screaming it right beside me. “Don’t do it! My mother had squealed when my dad suddenly dragged her into their bedroom. I heard quiet whispers and I caught one phrase. It will okay. one less person to breathe oxygen means more for the rest of us. With that, I sprinted out the door, holding back the waterfall of tears that were raring to be let out.
As I continued to scale the skyscraper, I looked down onto the floor, then the sky. There was so much distance between both. My stomach churned as I thought of the consequences of being caught. My heart palpitated inside my body and black rings appeared on the corners of my vision. Thoughts rushed through my head. Was my dad right? Am I going to die? In my life, I had achieved nothing. No good grades, no sporting excellence. Nothing. Now here I am, doing an unreachable and illegal act. What was the point? I kept thinking this when the iron grip of a policeman dragged me aboard a helicopter.
I had been in distress ever since I had been pulled into the police station. My heart did not stop thumping when the police let me go with a warning. I thought about my parents, whet they would say. I thought about trying again and as I was ferried home by the police, that was exactly what I was going to do. Then, before I stepped onto the front porch of my house, a policeman dragged me aside. He said, you don’t need to do illegal things to make an achievement. You don’t have to give up on what you are not good at. To this day, ten years later, I still remember that. By far the most memorable point in my life.
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FEEDBACK – WTANDTT
PART 1
Week 1 Part 1
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FEEDBACK – CAROLYINGLIANGMAIL-COM
PART 2 (my name is Annie, not Sundew)
TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF
My name is Annie Liang. This year, I am currently attending Ravenswood, but I will be going to OC in Neutral Bay Public School next year. I have numerous hobbies such as violin, rhythmic gymnastics, and languages. At this stage, I am learning Grade 7 violin, and have been the only Junior School Student to be in Symphony Orchestra (the largest orchestra in Ravenswood). Dr. Michael Varecka, the director of the Ravenswood Symphony Orchestra has addressed me various times, in which he has congratulated me because of my achievement. I am learning in the great hands of Sun Yi, the associate concertmaster of the Sydney Symphony Orchestra. This has led me to the outcomes of achieving an A+ in my Grade 6 Violin exam previously this year. My favorite hobby is Rhythmic Gymnastics, and I have represented Ravenswood numerous times in IPSHA, and NSW competitions. I have been awarded countless gold ribbons, and occasionally, medals. Following close behind, I have been awarded a few silver bandings, and none of the third-place bandings, which most of my peers have been awarded. Furthermore, I deeply cherish Rhythmic Gymnastics, resulting in all my achievements in gold bandings 95% of the time. In languages at school, our grades have been learning Latin and French. Personally, I know Latin, French, Cantonese, Mandarin, and English. Our Latin and French teachers address us every lesson with a French or Latin Greeting, to which we all have to respond. In French classes, our teacher, Mrs. Daverio taught us French family, house, and clothing words, as well as the French alphabet, in which our class has all actively participated in the quizzes we take. Latin, on the other hand, we learned Latin myths, roman numerals, family, animals, and numerals in Latin. Even though I have contributed to a few events, I have still participated in other activities although I have not been awarded, such as IPSHA athletics, basketball, netball, swimming, and training band in drums (which I started this year).
TELL ME WHY YOU ARE A GOOD FIT FOR YOUR DREAM PRIVATE SCHOOL
My dream school is Kambala, and their motto is “Let the Sun be your witness”. Kambala encourages every student to have a go at subjects and activities that interest them. I am a curious girl, and I love to explore new activities I could participate in like tapestries, baking, science, and many more. This school provides many gymnastics activities, in which I would like to explore all of them, since I have a passion for Rhythmic Gymnastics. Kambala also provides experiences in music, which gives everyone a chance to have a go at different instruments. This school is an active school, so many of the girls are deeply encouraged to try everything. Out of all these opportunities, what interests me the most is all the roles you can sign up for. From a Green team leader to SRC representatives, Kambala ensures everyone is content. From STEM to science, art to languages, and music to dance, the girls get given the experiences of their lifetime. The grounds overlook the harbor, with a view of the Sydney Opera House, and the Harbour Bridge, which makes me even more motivated to go to Kambala.
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FEEDBACK -SUNDEW
Tell me about yourself (btw this is Ella)
During my lifespan (of only 10 years) I have found many different interests and qualities that I have. My hobbies include art, badminton, tennis, dance, piano, flute, robotics, reading and writing. Of all, I really enjoy visual arts as it lets me use my imagination and creativity in new and interesting ways. I also like puzzles such as sudoku, wordles and puzzles. I am Ella Hou in the year five Oc class at Ashfield public school. It has been a wonderful experience but when I move on to a different school, it’s better to have a goal to try and achieve. My goal is to get a scholarship for Plc. My sister thrives there and I believe I will too.
All my school teachers have said that I was a kind student. I am willing to help out anybody in need. My teacher was once afraid that I was too nice and others would take advantage of me. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing. I’ve never hesitated to help a friend or donate $20 to charities. I have always known how to conquer obstacles with optimism and finish what I start. I will always try my hardest and will solve the problems with honesty and integrity.
I want to make discoveries and explore the wild. This is why I want to be a biologist. To be completely honest, any type of scientist is okay with me but I like to see living organisms in their natural habitats. During class I enjoy research tasks about plants and animals and I find great pleasure in learning about how human brains work. I ask questions when needed and I strongly believe that parents, carers and teachers will not clear all the obstacles that you will meet during your road of life, you will have to do it yourself. Otherwise, how will you learn?
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FEEDBACK -SHARON
Part 1
The pernicious gales curved in a never-ending vortex, oscillating at a sickening speed as I looked up at the inauspicious scaffolding touching the sky. The ubiquity bathing me in a basin with an abominable amalgamation of apprehension and affliction, yet I maintained my ground, or, should I say, maintained my metal pole.
I sharply shot an unbelieving glance at the microscopic yet immense world underneath, almost losing my grip and lunging wildly for the rungs. I closed my careworn, lachrymose eyes, allowing the dark to engulf me in its wings. I stayed like that for a second, or was it an hour? it’s hard to tell when you plunge yourself into the vast cave of memories and listen to the excruciating, snide remarks of your family. “The failure’s not ready!” “he’ll die trying!” “The loser would fall on the first step!” each assault felt like a small, yet ever-so-acute knife flying right into my dreams, my ambitions, and my heart. for a second, letting go felt like the best alternative… a cold zephyr hoicked me out of my agonizing with glacial, crystal-clear hands, knocking me so close to the edge, then, my eyes widened as I realized that I was climbing into a storm.
I lost my footing, lost my calm, and lost my jacket, and already, the hypothermic tempest hypothermic cold was seeping into my soul and grasping my heart in its talons. Its frigid talons of doom. The ferocious frenzy of remorseless rage seemed to have taken hold of the cyclone. It thrashed my dying body in endless circumrotations, throwing me into a daze. I knew that the only way to succeed was to keep climbing, so, hand on ice, I thrust myself upwards, desperate to stay alive. I vaulted from one palisade to another like a daring monkey and dodged the falling blocks, and after an eternity of scaling, the infinite ladder came to an end.
I tossed my hands onto the platform and just remained there for a minute, trying to grasp a greedy amount of air. My senses were circulating in circles, shrieking “I DID IT! I DID IT! I PROVED THEM WRONG!” I had done it. I, Hugo first, had reached the top of a spiraling sprawl of a malevolent maze, without giving up, which proves anything, as long as you try, can become a reality, as long as you never give up.
“Congratulations Hugo, you’ve reached the top of that 20-meter treetop climb without breaking your neck” was what my father said when he caught sight of me. It was something he never said before.
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FEEDBACK-ALBIE
The sinister, silver-grey fog grinned as it strangled the brittle building. The building screeched with pain and shuddered. Everything was covered with condensation. The normally dazzling, brilliant sun was converted into an ashen dejected ball of depression that was barely visible above the dark, villainous fog. I cautiously climbed the wet, slippery scaffolding, my sable jacket just barely protecting me from the vicious cold that ferociously bit at me. I looked down and immediately regretted it.
Cars looked like minuscule ants and people weren’t even visible. The world seemed tiny from this high up. It was a long fall. A tsunami of nausea drowned me. Suddenly the high-speed winds felt too strong for me. The cold was too much for my thin jacket to handle. I gripped the scaffolding with all my might, hoping to not fall and become a bloody splatter on the ground. My gloveless hands shivered, I knew I should’ve put on gloves before this. Well, I couldn’t put on any gloves now so there wasn’t any point in thinking about it.
Suddenly the bitter fog cleared with a shriek of pain. The sun brightened. The building started screeching with encouragement. It was as if a guardian angel was looking out for me. I imagined one with a halo, lily-white robes, and an aura of friendship, and help. A new determination flowered inside my heart. I pushed on and climbed up the scaffolding. The distance between me and the top rapidly decreased. It all seemed more possible now. Easy. Within minutes I reached the top. I touched the spire. I had done it. The height didn’t seem so scary now. It all seemed impressive and amazing. I couldn’t believe it. My childhood dream of reaching the top of this building, this very building had been done.
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FEEDBACK -LW
Part 2 by Aaron Wang
My name is Aaron Wang. I have been attending the school of Lindfield public school for my entire primary school career and won plenty of awards from it. I enjoy maths as one of my favourite topics. Maybe that’s why in my school I scored the highest in the Math Olympiad tests with a score of 24/25. This was also against the year sixes meaning that I had beat them all. I also like soccer (though I will admit I am not the best at it) I still managed to get into the B1 (third division) team in my school. One of the strongest aspects of me is my swimming. I have represented my school in the zone, area and once even state swimming championships. Along with that, I also attend swimming competitions in my own time and I have quite a collection of medals.
I am a fun loving being with many hobbies like reading, gaming, soccer, playing with friends an chatting. As well as that, I also like going to the park to spend some of my extreme amounts of energy. With this energy I am always proactive in class and always ask deep, meaningful questions with the same deep and meaningful answers. However, learning is hard. I know this from the countless hours spent on OC practice where I eventually got 114.74 out of 120. Practice makes perfect, as they say. A great saying that I whole heartedly agree with.
My dream private school.
I would love to go to Knox Pymble. As you already know, I am a sporty person with a lot o energy. I think Knox fits this with its motto Virile Agitur, which means strength and energy, success. Another reason why I would love going to Knox is their immense amount of after school activities. This includes chess, swimming, water polo and much more. I would love this as I believe that to be successful, not only do you need to be smart, but also energetic and active. Another reason is Knox is so favourable for me is their facilities. Going to a public school, I have never seen such grand and open classrooms, sporting facilities or playgrounds. I think Knox Pymble is a great school and that’s why I would like to go there.
Part 1
I will enthusiastically participate in Choir, Tennis teams and Netball teams and I will encourage others to try them out too. I am also a really keen learner, getting in Ermington OC and always ready to learn new things. I am also a thoughtful, fun loving and respectful leader.
Right now, I am really passionate in tennis, netball and choir. I play club level tennis parramatta city competitions, compete in school PSSA netball, and is in the specialist group for Australian Girls Choir (AGC). I would definitely join those groups in potential years at Queenwood and encourage people who aren’t so sure to try too. After all, they might find a new hobby and eventually share my love for those activities.
I am also rather advanced academically, getting in one of the top three OCs. Therefore, I am striving to get into my dream school – Queenwood since I view it as a school brimming with smiling kind people, and opportunities with such an extended curriculum. Therefore, I put a lot of effort into my studies, so I can be one step closer to reaching my goal.
I will also be a good leader at Queenwood, just like now. I am currently sports/house captain, since two of my biggest hobbies are in the field of sport, and I just really want more people to engage in and love sports. I am also a current SRC (Student representative Council), elected by my class as being one of the most passionate, responsible and kind members of our community.
Once again, in Queenwood, I will contribute by participating in groups and encouraging others to do so too, being a keen and engaged learner and by being an excellent leader.
I am Jessie Xu from Ermington Public School’s OC class. Some of my interesting hobbies include playing sports such as tennis and netball, singing, and learning the Chinese language. I am a perfect fit for this school because I always aim to excel in everything I do, especially my hobbies. I believe I exceed all the expectations of the school and if I attend MLC, I will be one step closer to changing the world.
I have a collection of things that make me feel joy, and one of them includes sports. I have been in my school netball team for three years in a row, and I practice my shooting and throwing skills daily. I do not always succeed in scoring a goal, but as Malcolm Forbes quotes: “Failure is success if we learn from it.” I always make sure that I do not give up, always thinking of another method that could potentially improve my goal scoring. Another sport in which I actively participate is tennis. I used to dislike the sport due to not being very proficient with backhand strokes, but encouragement helped me grow to love tennis, and now, I am quite advanced in the sport.
I also take great interest in singing. Over the years, I improved a lot on this skill. I have been in the Australian Girls Choir ever since kindergarten, where I improved a lot on my English. My family immigrated here from China, and therefore, when I first arrived in Australia, I couldn’t speak the language at all. I now take pride in learning the language in less than a year. Not only am I fluent and clear in English, I can also speak, understand, and read the Chinese language. I would be interested in teaching younger students the art of Chinese and make them feel proud to be multilingual.
Sulphurous ashen tendrils snarled with develiish loathing as its distorted lips jeered at me, brimming me with grotesque insecurity. Icy blades of wind slammed into my face, now pools of a concoction of frost and misery. As i peered down, my heart thumping like Sasquatch feet stepping through exfoliative leaf foliage , my legs trembled. However, i must reach the top. I must prove my father wrong.
He never thought i could climb up here the moment i told him i was going to try the ultimate challenge my friends provided me with. Police helicopters hovered above me, preparing for landing and humming as if a hive of bees had just penetrated my ears. I quickly scurried up the wavering structure, cutting trough the nebulous locks, meandering around me. Sweltering gales seemed to bestow an unassailable barrier for me, like a protective guardian angel shielding me with soft, leaden wings.
My family’s paralysing criticisms would forever scar me but if i reached the top, maybe victory would just wash them off. The finish line was in sight. Cold sweat was smothered all over me and the harsh wind submerged me in a bottomless abyss of exhaustion. I trudged along, my almost deformed face smothered with detestable hues of blue, purple and red.
At last, i made it! Contentment enveloped me and i was intoxicated with intrepid exhilaration. Ending my abbreviated moment of joy was an officer, sombrely glaring me in the eyes. As I stepped in the helicopter, i knew i had not only proven myself to my parents, but also myself. I couldn’t help but covertly simper at my achievement.
The antiseptic tempest streamed up my back as the blistering, ice cold vapor that cracked my bones and numbing my skin. I climbed higher and higher, the pain ramping up my back, the higher I went the more I dared not to look down but I didn’t have much luck and tripped. I froze. My hands clenched on to the metal bar of denial thinking I would never get to the top I knew I was only halfway to the top, but when I looked back I thought of how far I already went and didn’t wan’t it to go to waste so I continued.
The pain is unbearable, I took a look at the ground to see how high I was which I immediately regretted. The city below was now veiled by the mist, completely out of sight. It then hit me, I was above the clouds and there was no turning back now. As I scaled the sky scraper I had a dash of hope left in as I knew the city below needs someone for this job. Who knows it might even be a world record. A nauseating sensation overwhelms me as the buildings beneath seem to disappear before my eyes and the ground below seems to be depleted. It’s a do or die.
As the empyrean above me gloated pompously, sarcastic voices of dejection thundered in my thoughts. I saw this as motivation. So after days and weeks of climbing in life threatening environment I I was nearly there I didn’t bother to look down and looked up and saw the top only fifty seven more levels to go. I pushed on and climbed up the scaffolding. The distance between me and the top rapidly decreased. It all seemed more possible now.
Another five days past and I finally made it So I did what I had to do I took a photo and waited for the rescue copter. After nearly a whole year of pain, hunger and bitter coldness I finally finished my task. I fell down on the scaffolding laying down staring at the sky. “I finally proved them wrong.”
TELL ME WHY YOU ARE A GOOD FIT FOR YOUR DREAM PRIVATE SCHOOL.
I believe Plc is a wonderful school. If I was in this school, I would be able to explore my interests while also learning and socializing. There are clean facilities that would be very helpful for tasks and experiments. At plc the staff believe all students are able to achieve in all subjects. Plc is also a Christian school and though I am not Christian myself, it will be extremely interesting to see different practices, perspectives.
In plc, the motto is lex dei vitae lampas which translates to the law of god is the lamp of life. Although it is not a selective school, plc is still one of the top independent girls schools. The teachers and staff are helpful and I will be able to ask questions freely. My sister currently goes to plc and has enjoyed it for the short year that she has been there. If I am awarded the scholarship for Plc, I will be able to develop my skills in all areas and can improve not only academically, but as a person.
Plc is a great school and I hope that I can join their community. They can help me improve and show me different ways of life. I believe I can flourish under the help and guidance of their staff.
The gray plumes surrounded and protected the agile man who stood proudly. The scaffolding beaneth his feet rocked as we watched him skillfully navigate his way through. The crowd beneath him cheered relentlessly as he was picked up by a helicopter and drove away. As I watched, thoughts filled my head like a high speed rail. What if I did that. Would I get the love and attention? Would the world lay before me like I wanted it to? When I introduced my silly idea to my family, they indignantly lashed out at me. They made spiteful comments and called me an idiot and a fool. These remarks just strengthened the urge to go just to spite them. The world looked down in misery at my will to disobey my family.
The next morning I woke up just as the sun peeked over the clouds ready to conquer my goal. I exited my house and entered the real world and began to trot up to the skyscraper which I would be climbing. I seemed to be deaf and could only hear the sound of my own voice. Completely ignoring the echoing calls from my family or the bright yellow barricade tape, I began to climb up the endless flight of stairs that would soon lead me to exhaustion. It started off pretty easy but soon became a torturous, ongoing activity that anyone would dread.
As I advanced up the half finished staircase, I visualised my distraught parents yelling at me about how I could have killed myself. I thought about all the people I have distressed as sirens whizzed below me. Policemen and women blabbered muffled sentences into their walkie-talkies. I envisioned the frightened faces of my siblings looking down at my shrivelled body, yet I still couldn’t deal with the small chance that someone would vex me if I backed out so with the last ounce of strength I had in my body, I launched myself up onto the scaffolding in unfinished level of the skyscraper.
Icy gusts of wind blew onto my back, pushing me forward. Wherever I looked there was fog and mist. It sent a chill down my spine. I had already achieved an unrealistic goal yet I was not satisfied. Waves of nausea fell upon me and I felt ill and dizzy. “SIR, PLEASE DESCEND FROM THE SKYSCRAPER” a policeman yelled into his megaphone. My anguished family watched as I was escorted down the skyscraper. I had not thought once about my unreasonable actions.
TELL ME WHY YOU ARE A GOOD FIT FOR YOUR DREAM PRIVATE SCHOOL.
I believe Plc is a wonderful school. If I was in this school, I would be able to explore my interests while also learning and socializing. There are clean facilities that would be very helpful for tasks and experiments. At plc the staff believe all students are able to achieve in all subjects. Plc is also a Christian school and though I am not Christian myself, it will be extremely interesting to see different practices, perspectives.
In plc, the motto is lex dei vitae lampas which translates to the law of god is the lamp of life. Although it is not a selective school, plc is still one of the top independent girls schools. The teachers and staff are helpful and I will be able to ask questions freely. My sister currently goes to plc and has enjoyed it for the short year that she has been there. If I am awarded the scholarship for Plc, I will be able to develop my skills in all areas and can improve not only academically, but as a person.
Plc is a great school and I hope that I can join their community. They can help me improve and show me different ways of life. I believe I can flourish under the help and guidance of their staff.
Part 1
The gray plumes surrounded and protected the agile man who stood proudly. The scaffolding beaneth his feet rocked as we watched him skillfully navigate his way through. The crowd beneath him cheered relentlessly as he was picked up by a helicopter and drove away. As I watched, thoughts filled my head like a high speed rail. What if I did that. Would I get the love and attention? Would the world lay before me like I wanted it to? When I introduced my silly idea to my family, they indignantly lashed out at me. They made spiteful comments and called me an idiot and a fool. These remarks just strengthened the urge to go just to spite them. The world looked down in misery at my will to disobey my family.
The next morning I woke up just as the sun peeked over the clouds ready to conquer my goal. I exited my house and entered the real world and began to trot up to the skyscraper which I would be climbing. I seemed to be deaf and could only hear the sound of my own voice. Completely ignoring the echoing calls from my family or the bright yellow barricade tape, I began to climb up the endless flight of stairs that would soon lead me to exhaustion. It started off pretty easy but soon became a torturous, ongoing activity that anyone would dread.
As I advanced up the half finished staircase, I visualised my distraught parents yelling at me about how I could have killed myself. I thought about all the people I have distressed as sirens whizzed below me. Policemen and women blabbered muffled sentences into their walkie-talkies. I envisioned the frightened faces of my siblings looking down at my shrivelled body, yet I still couldn’t deal with the small chance that someone would vex me if I backed out so with the last ounce of strength I had in my body, I launched myself up onto the scaffolding in unfinished level of the skyscraper.
Icy gusts of wind blew onto my back, pushing me forward. Wherever I looked there was fog and mist. It sent a chill down my spine. I had already achieved an unrealistic goal yet I was not satisfied. Waves of nausea fell upon me and I felt ill and dizzy. “SIR, PLEASE DESCEND FROM THE SKYSCRAPER” a policeman yelled into his megaphone. My anguished family watched as I was escorted down the skyscraper. I had not thought once about my unreasonable actions.
Part 1
He was smartly dressed in an all-black suit that was silky and shiny with a slight touch of coal and was fire-resistant. He had a mask that covered his maniac lips. He had magnetic steel boots used to stay firm on the bars and emerald green eyes and a slight complexion. He was tall and sturdy and had a vice grip. His black backpack made him look like he was going to run.
The super-tall skyscraper towered over all the high risers and looking down on the grey concrete city, spanning over 350 metres high, the construction site was constantly making a racket and had a crane spanning all the way to the top. This tall sky riser had a massive tower crane made out of numerous metal poles and had walkways leading to the motors. The depth of the city was full of an oblique range of fog constantly making it hard to see the skyline, the people on the street and the other roads.
The crane was especially sturdy and was held up by Tangerine orange metal poles and had planks so falling down would be grimmer. The crane was supported by beams of concrete on the side of the building like a spider. He started limping over to the end of the crane to the controls looking down, he started moving the crane’s arm towards the workers making them fall to the abyss causing havoc.
The people at the bottom of the hill looked like tiny ants scurrying about in amazement as pieces of concrete and people fell. There were trees no bigger than a dot and grass that just looked green. The man was barely suspended on his now almost fallen-apart cable and was just about to snap. It was as if the rods were made of unbreakable string. It looked as though the gods had made it so that I wouldn’t fall. The misty fog charred the view and made it look like Zeus had been angered by the presence of the tower, trying to reach his kingdom
Part 2
Tell me about Yourself
I see myself as a friendly, happy and enthusiastic person. I have enjoyed a wide variety of activities like reading, music, sports, debating and learning things. I was awarded the 2021 and 2022 age champions at the swimming carnivals. I was a top 10% achiever in the 2022 maths Olympiad. I’m a member of the School debating team who represented the school to compete at IPSHA and the Debating Gala. I gained an A in Cello Grade 4 AMEB in 2021 and am ready for grade 6 examinations. I am willing to try new activities such as water polo and Saxophone. I have dreams for the future just like everyone else. I have always cherished a dream to become a Medical Scientist as I would like to help in the prevention and treatment of diseases. I will do whatever it takes to achieve my goal.
_______________________________________________________________
Tell me why You are a Good Fit
Newington is my favourite school and has every single thing that I love; a wide range of co-curricular activities, humongous campus, advanced facilities, a good mixture of male and female teachers. Most importantly, it has a proposal to become a co-educational school. I prefer a co educational because I can improve my social skills, learn to respect the other gender’s opinion and have wider academic opportunities. Especially some co-curricular activities that Newington offers I had never had the chance to learn and participate in. I consider myself a good fit for Newington.
Part 2
TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF
My name is Albert Song and I presently attend the Opportunity Class at Summer Hill public school. I have an abundance of hobbies such as public speaking, English, and writing, although, I’m not perfect. I am not very good at spelling. I am going to tell you about myself. I reiterate I am not very good at spelling, but I always thought that that doesn’t mean that you can’t try, so, I tried out the spelling bee. I continuously reviewed the words tested and memorized them, then, when the competition arrived, I plastered a confident smile on my face, and walked on stage, just to be met by a scintillating light. it soon faded and the pronouncer asked me to recite the words. I repeated them with perfect clarity. I achieved second place. As I stated above, I love to write. I entered the young writer’s competition last year, hosted by treefall writing, and was awarded the first place certificate. Furthermore, I have never got a grade lower than an A in English and was rewarded with the most English-fluent boy in the grade award. despite this, I also have fallacies. before I attended scholarly, I got Bs to Ds in maths. now that I started scholarly, my grades have rocketed to an A+. I am now struggling in the music area and no matter how much I try, I just can’t get that A. I am now trying very hard in the music area. I still struggle in some areas and am still terrible at music, but slowly yet surely, I’m improving. but over the years, I’ve learned that I can’t be perfect and I will always have some flaws, yet it doesn’t mean you can’t try to mend them. I am now aiming to get into the North Sydney Boys selective school and if I try hard enough, I know I can get in.
TELL ME WHY YOU ARE A GOOD FIT FOR YOUR DREAM SCHOOL
My dream school would be North Sydney Boys. I feel more reassured when near other boys in the same grade as me. Its motto is Vincit Qui Se Vincit which means one conquers, who conquers oneself in Latin and I can easily overcome my weaknesses and failings. North Sydney boys have obtained high performances in academics and in the rankings, they are always in the top five. it supports miscellaneous sports activities which I wish to attend because I am currently struggling in those areas. it also encourages other activities such as coding, which is what I am aiming at because I want to be a software developer when I grow up. I was aided by my father, who now, is also a software developer. North Sydney Boys also believes that it is important to stand up for what you think is right, which I think I should improve on because I usually just flow with the rules. It also has exceptional libraries with over 5000 books which would be useful if I have nothing to do at recess or lunch. Continuously, it has a strong debating team which I am wishing to join because I think that debating is a very important part of your school and your lifetime altogether. This is why I feel like North Sydney Boys is the perfect school for me.
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FEEDBACK-ALBIE 2
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Week 1 Part 2 (1)
PART 1
As I scaled the skyscraper, I poised myself against the obsidian pathway that was laid across the bridge. Winds buffeted me toward the precipice, creating an eternal fight against the wind. But I had to make it. As I continued my journey upwards, the smog that surrounded me blanketed the top of the skyscraper, only getting thicker. The wind lashed around me, buffetting the bridge. The smog made it almost impossible to see where I was going. I extended my arms, feeling around for a cold metal bar that I could use to stabilize myself.
In the midst of the dense smog, I could see the pure light gleaming from above. I was almost there! Grasping onto the frigid railings of the bridge, I hastily climbed up. My heart raced faster than a horse as the light grew brighter and bigger. Even though the wind continued to thrust itself against the bridge, I kept my strength, gripping onto the bars even tighter. The smog cleared into vapour as the citrine ball of light became more obvious. I could see the end of the bridge to the top of the skyscraper as my pace accelerated.
After a final clang from the last step of the bridge, there I was. The top of Dubai’s highest skyscraper, above the misty clouds. The sun embraced me in its warmth as I looked down at the ant-like people and cars below. From this view, I could see anything, even though I couldn’t see the small details of everything. But the majestic sight was eye-catching. The view from the top, seeing all the citizens passing around the streets, made one feel at the top of the world.
The usually clamorous noises of the street were reduced to whispers at the top of the skyscraper. The only sound that could be properly heard at the top of the building was just the breaths of the wind. Closing my eyes, I emanated a sigh of relaxation. I envisioned myself, sailing on the clouds, and playing with the saints of heaven.
Opening my eyes again, the sun already had its head peeking above the horizon, and the sky released amethyst streaks. Dark was approaching. Looking to my left, I hesitantly walked towards the bridge, thinking of my rough journey just to reach the peak of the skyscraper. Just keeping my family waiting for a little while wouldn’t hurt, right? I sat back down, smiling to myself until the sun finally set.
PART 2
1. My name is Kim Doan, and I am in the Summer Hill Public School Year Five Opportunity Class. I enjoy learning with my peers in a variety of subjects. When I am not participating in my studies, I spend my free time in my garden, either cleaning it up or just enjoying the peaceful environment. On weekends I also go to my scouts’ group, where we learn survival skills, like how to stay safe during a fire, we also play different types of sports, and we occasionally work on our leadership and cooperation skills.
I occasionally play chess, as well. Even though I do not participate in chess competitions or play the game competitively, I do however just enjoy the luxury of playing the game. I enjoy it because every time a play it, it seems like a new challenge even though it is the same thing every time. Taking on challenges and risks sets up my determination and it gives me new experiences that I can learn from.
Outside of school, I also take on acting and drama classes. I have also been a part of the 2022 New South Wales Year Five Public School Drama Ensemble, giving me the opportunity to perform at the Seymour Theatre. I have also been able to meet new people, and make new friends with the other fifteen people in drama the ensemble.
Aside from drama and acting, I also play the violin in my school’s orchestra, where we performed at the Sydney Opera House and at some evening school concerts. I have also sung a few songs at the Sydney Opera House, and in my school choir, as well. I have even performed three songs on the recorder at the Sydney Opera House as well. I also do a bit of piano at school in music classes.
2. I would be a great fit for MLC because I can contribute to MLC’s I.B program and to all the dance, music, and drama streams. MLC having just female peers makes me feel more comfortable around them. MLC isn’t a great fit for me just because it has entirely female students, but because the teachers at MLC support every learning style and a school with flexible teaching methods that includes the extracurricular activities that I am strongest at. If I am at a school that supports my learning styles and methods along with all subjects that I can learn from, I will benefit well from being a representative of MLC.
Hearing about the school’s outstanding achievements, I feel that I will really benefit by going to MLC from learning from the skilled teachers there. MLC achieves incredibly well every year in the I.B, and to be one of the students that achieve a score like that with the guidance from the teachers of MLC, I would be honoured to attend MLC as an official student.
Part 2- Why are you a good fit for Meriden?
Meriden is a school that strongly supports sports all kinds such as tennis, badminton, basketball and more. I believe I would fit in quite well to the school because I participate in many sports. These sports include: badminton, swimming, tennis and more. Additionally, Meriden has a large library, it is often used for reading and studying after school. I believe that I will spend a large amount of my after-school time in the library. Meriden also has a gardening club to take care of their large and diverse garden. I have a strong interest in the many wonders of the natural world so, I would be naturally compelled to join this club. Meriden also has band and strings. Since I play both flute and violin, I can already see myself joining both strings and band.
Furthermore, I already have three cousins growing and thriving in Meriden. I’m certain that the apple wont fall far from the tree. I know that I will easily make an abundant amount of friends and find my place in this wonderful school. From what my cousins have told me all the people in Meriden are compassionate, supporting and humorous. These three qualities are all things that I am known for in my current school. I always care for a hurt or sad classmate, friend or younger person. I easily find similarities between myself and other people which I use to base many friendships on. I converse often with teachers about their interest points and some unique things that i know. I easily adapt so I know that I will easily fit into Meriden.
I am very passionate about sharing my interest in piano. I really like playing graceful melodies in front of large audiences. Usually everyday after school I always look forward to playing a duet with my little brother. In fact I got an A for my piano grade three leisure repertoire exam. My main inspiration is from a famous pianist, Alfred Brendel, although he has ended his concert career he has inspired me with his charming performances and jovious concerts. Additionally I enjoy debating, I love to think on my feet and allow comforting ideas to come to me. Although I haven’t made any major achievements, I have gotten into my school debating team twice already. My role model is Gretta Thunberg as I am inspired by many of her speeches about global warming. Sometimes I would practice with my friends at lunch at school or maybe even invite them to come to my house to help me with my practice. Last of all I really enjoy chess, I have won several awards and unsurprisingly played it since I started school. Chess also helps me find friends as I play with people all around the school allowing me to meet new people that eventually become my friends. I also got into the school chess club which is where I learn a lot of new strategies and techniques. For chess my role model is Garry Kasparov as he has shown me the beauty of chess with his intelligent checkmates and moves.
I believe Kings is the best school for me because all the activity groups suit me really well. However these activities are not found in all other private school an example could be the film club and much more. I have also heard there is a comic group and I’m really looking forward to it.
1)
Colourless white vapours granted a fantastical resemblance upon the valiant defender, heaving from the large battle, sheltering his darkly reddened, swollen eyes like a guardian angel from the deceitful jade rays of the blazing sun. The gleaming aura that wrapped around his oppressed body healed the injuries that had been bestowed upon him. Valiantly, he drew his wand and fought the mighty beast. He could feel the moisty grasp of the divine wisp’s crisp fingers slip away the sweaty beads of distress as he clambered wearily up the tarnished staircase.
As he stood, sheathing his ruthless sword, glaring daggers towards the inhumane intruder, laughing thunderously, wind blowing into his unpleasant face. The two nemeses stood face to face, weakened to the bone from the tolling and prodigious battle. Mighty beads of sweat swept through his face as the millions below watched in astonishment. Someone was going to save them! As gracious as that sounds, that was far from the truth.
The magical being stood up on his fours and screamed ferociously, like an untamed lion. Half of the monumental skyscraper below blew apart and the wizard fell, landing on a piece of metal, his magenta-coloured shirt now covered with puddles of red. The wind hissed maliciously, fangs sinking into the wizard’s flesh. Their pupils glanced anxiously towards the sky, as if it were a real person. Amidst the confusion, the wizard opened his eyes and watched as his wounds healed at an extreme rate.
He stood heroically, as ready as he could’ve been, took out his sword, and started the actual war, where all his power was directed to defeat his one enemy.There was a rumble in the sky. A tall, giant-like, majestic being appeared out of the sky. It’s purple robes blending with his golden chiton like a beautiful mix. It was Muhammad, the lord of all beings.
Perplexed, the wizard stood as Muhammad himself rose on his colossal feet, his sparkling head twisting and turning while the serpent was turned into a mere tortoise, slow and weak. What was he going to do now? His one and equal enemy has been defeated by an immortal. The one that he had been destined to fight was gone, disintegrated, smothered into smithereens. He had been broken apart with the one that, strangely, had the only connection to him. NO! He tumbled off the tower, ready to fight his nemesis once again, in the afterlife.
2)
Hi Steve! I’m Andrew Sze, and I’m currently a student in Artarmon OC(Opportunity Class). I’m trying to get into selective schools such as North Sydney Boys, or private schools such as Sydney Grammar. This is the reason why I joined Scholarly. Although I do not have as many hobbies as some might would, when I participate in these games, I try my hardest to do my very best. My hobbies are sports such as soccer and basketball, although I may not be the best at them. To be honest, I like soccer more than basketball, although I am better at basketball than soccer. One sport that I hate is swimming, which is ironic, since I have a pool in my backyard. But, I believe the cause of this hatred is my swimming coach. I particularly enjoy academic subjects such as writing, geography and history. I also admit that I’m sometimes very lazy-working, always trying to finish my tasks as quickly as possible. However, once I pick up my mindset, most of the time, I complete my task with ease. However, I have a number of dislikes. Just to name one of many examples, I do not enjoy arts and crafts, as I do terribly when I attempt to complete an artwork, craft piece, or painting. To sum up, I am a year 5 student, about to graduate into year 6 in 2023, practising selective and scholarship tests to get into prestigious schools. I enjoy sports such as basketball and soccer, but dislike swimming. I also enjoy subjects such as writing, geography and history. However I hate art, because every single time I try, I fail. Just to end this on a good note, I am a passionate student but sometimes have miss-ups and turn lazy. But when I don’t do this, I try my hardest to do my personal best.
3)
I, Andrew Sze, believe that I am a terrific fit for my dream private school, Sydney Grammar. I am a hard-working student that often tries my best to complete tasks in and out of class. Although I may not be the most witty or sporty person in class, I can say that I am capable of completing tasks that are required in classes in schools. I have won multiple awards throughout my years of school for my academic achievements. I also successfully completed the OC test and got into Artarmon Public School OC. I am an active participant of class discussions, and take part in group activities. I may not be a good leader, but I am a good listener and a helpful person. Sometimes I do slack off and be lazy, but I always pick up the pace when I gain my ‘consciousness’. I always complete every task required from me, such as homework and literature studies tasks. The subjects I am particularly good at are history, geography, and english, especially narrative writing. I set up daily goals to complete my homework in time, and if I don’t have enough time to finish my homework, I spend extra hours at night to complete my due assignment. When I find something rather challenging, I try to work harder and harder at it and if I can’t complete it, I ask a friend or classmate. I never am late to school, unless I am stuck in a traffic jam or some sort of time like that. Unless I am sick, I never take days of school off. Most of the time I am organised, owning what is needed to complete daily school tasks. I always wear the correct school uniform, not casual everyday shirts and pants. I hope that this has persuaded you that I am a good fit for my dream private school, Sydney Grammar.
PART 1
Everyone said I couldn’t do it. Everyone said that I would fail halfway. I was here to prove them wrong. I set my hands onto the crane and started climbing. My first few steps were a piece of cake. It felt remarkable to be this high up. But as I rose higher and higher, I could understand why so many people were skeptical of this feat.
My heart palpitated as I went higher, and my hands burned from the iron being blazed by the sun. I felt like falling. But no. I couldn’t. This was my time to shine. I couldn’t let it go to waste. I could feel the crowd’s eyes, watching me with hawk eyes. One wrong move and I would plummet to my demise. But my limbs were immobile. I tried moving them but they felt chained to the crane. Only my mind had the strength to keep on going, but not my body. Just one more step would be enough, but my body didn’t allow me to do so.
I couldn’t do anything. I was stuck on the crane, dehydrated and worn out. And to think I actually could have accomplished this feat. How ridiculous. I had no experience in climbing whatsoever, let alone without supervision or a safety rope. Utter stupidity. All this words of discouragement were true, and I thought I would be able to prove them wrong.
But I remembered my mother. She would tell me to keep moving no matter what obstacle was thrown at me. To surpass my limits. And I did just that. A roar exploded out of my mouth and I broke free out of the chains. I went on, power surging through my muscles. I felt unstoppable, invincible even.
I leaped down from the top of the crane to the nearest building, where I stood triumphantly on top. But there was no applause. I looked down from the building. Instead, police cars surrounded the building, guns pointed at me. I could hear more sirens wailing in the distance. I had just realised my fatal mistake. I had jumped on top of a bank, dressed in a full black costume.
By Lucas Zhong-Part 1
Swirling tendrils swarming like bees circled around my faint body, menacingly snapping at my throat, entangling me in mist creeping along the delicate scaffolding. My spine was engulfed in pain that sent constant shivers up my howling spine, trembling with every thought that was crossing my fuzzy but pertinacious mind. The thought that one could survive this monstrosity of a tower was meagre, yet I hung on with every inch of my dwindling strength, the thought of my parents disgraced at me more failing the countless challenges I had faced. The wind bit into my ear, howling like wolves ready to kill, snaking up with every breath I took.
A holy aura stood around the sun, shining with light that was taunting to me that I would never reach my goals. Shimmering around the glistening rays of sunlight were waves of brightness, overcoming the dark shadow. But the wind prevailed, continuing on its deadly path to constrict me, shattering me into nothingness. The hours around me passed almost as if magically until darkness had beaten night, ebony streaks dancing around in the night sky. Stars shone with little hope glimmering until disappearing into the dark auras and gone into the cosmos, never to be seen again for another year.
I continued on my journey, desperate to reach my goal, yet what was I really doing this for? I began to question myself, if this was actually what life was for. Cameras were flashing around me, news headlines screaming my name, but all of this, just for fame? What did my parents really want me to do, live my life as hopeful as I can, or corrupt it so I couldn’t have joy but only fake fame.
Words echoed in my head, quotes I had heard before but never thought about. What was the point of living a fake life, built on a lie that did nothing but make one question what was living.
By this point, I had already thought I was delusional. The sun had come up its bright rays of light radiating heat onto me, but I still felt as cold as I was when I was in a freezer, the truth of the real meaning of life freezing me. Almost 3 helicopters had surrounded me, but I didn’t care, I had reached the end of the line. But almost in the end, I realised what I had truly done. I had only won over myself, and as everything in my life came back to me, my family, my friends and everyone I knew, I was determined to have it back. I stepped onto the helicopter with the real purpose of life brought back to me.
Part 2
1st Question
My hobbies as a student in year 5 includes creating puzzles which may boggle the ordinary human mind as well as creating diy inventions. Some of these projects may include creating a motor boat or taking out spare parts of a toy helicopter so I can use them in projects I may use in the future. I also love reading books about mythology or science fiction because they make me question the wonders of life and are also interesting as a whole with excellent and unsuspecting plot twists. Some of these books include Percy Jackson all 3 series, wings of fire, also all of the 3 series and other books like Harry Potter.
I have also taken an interest in rubix cubes in the past few weeks because of their complex structure and the 49 quintillion different combinations that one could scramble a 3×3 rubik’s cube. Imagine how many are in a 6×6 or even a 21×21. I still only use the beginner method, but soon I will use more effective methods, and my goal is to get below 60 seconds this holiday.
I’m also interested in marine biology because animals are extremely interesting, almost thinking of ingenious methods. Some include killer whales or orcas being able to create a massive tidal wave to wash seals off floating icebergs, or purposely beaching themselves to catch fish. Others also include whales communicating using songs which may sound extremely weird or high pitched to you, but is something like talking to us. Imagine you are a whale, and if a human talks to you, it may sound extremely low pitched and weird.
I am also into debating because it’s a fun subject and in some classes you get to play certain games. It’s extremely effective to use in arguments, because then you can easily win when the other opponent is arguing something against you.
2nd Question
I believe that I am meant for my dream private school, Trinity Grammar because it’s a fun and exciting school with lots of opportunities to try out. I have heard many things about your school, some including a debating club, which is a subject I enjoy and also lots of sports programs as well as lots of clubs. Trinity Grammar is a school that requires respect to your peers and elders as well as care to the younger generations, and I believe I fit that requirement, and am ready to do anything for your school, like helping out with tasks and helping other children with things that require more than 1 person.
I will also follow the school rules with pride and respect, as well as following the dress code, wearing my school uniform with dignity. I will stay in the correct school uniform, making sure not to wear the wrong thing and will not fail to appreciate the school teachers and help them out with tasks, like taking out a message or other small little pieces that add up to a huge sum of work saved. I will also help my fellow students if they need any advice in their homework, as well as being a fair cooperative student.
I will not slack off and try as hard as I can to complete the school homework and not fail any subject. Even if I do, I will keep trying harder and harder and make sure it’s done. I believe Trinity is my dream school and the perfect fit for me because it has the perfect opportunities I need to become a great person, with exciting places to be and lots of different activities which can only be found in your school. This is why I believe I am the best fit for Trinity Grammar, my dream school.
Part 2
My name is Ethan, and I currently go to Summer Hill Public School, where I am in the Opportunity Class. I enjoy playing volleyball, and am currently searching for a club to join. I am interested in a career with something to do with robotics or mechanical parts. Ancient history also interests me as you can dig up some things which you may be able to compare to today’s society, and maybe find a way to make the world a better place.
I also take up a hobby in music, playing two instruments, the piano and clarinet. I occasionally participate in concerts, and I have been to the Opera House to perform a piece.
Playing chess is another thing which I thoroughly enjoy, although I rarely participate in the game competitively. Playing chess helps me analyse the situation and look for threats which may result in my loss.
I also enjoy debating since it not only improves my public speaking skills, but it also improves my ability to think on my feet during rebuttals. It also helps me form solid arguments, making it harder for opponents to refute it.
One thing which sparked my interest in robotics was when my brother’s friend built a robot which had the potential to play soccer against other robots. Last year, I built a robot which could navigate through a maze and back out. These things sparked up my interest in the robotics field.
I believe that I will be a perfect fit for Kings because I can respect all the traits the school values: responsibility, respect, honesty, humility, integrity, compassion, excellence and gratitude. Also, the quality facilities will help me immensely through my academic and sporting life, as well as the arts. I believe that I can contribute to the school through whatever I will be doing there, whether I like it or not. I will respect those around me and cooperate with them whenever needed. This is why I am a perfect fit for Kings
Part 2
My name is Leo Wu and I am in the Summer Hill Public School Opportunity Class Program, I have a wide variety of different hobbies that I enjoy ranging from reading to playing tennis. I enjoy swimming though I am not the best at it and playing the piano. I enjoy playing video games too. I love being with my peers and having discussions with them. When I grow up I want to be a game developer. I want to be a game developer because I want to give the enjoyment that video games have given to me to other people. Another reason I want to be a game developer when I grow up is to be able to work with people that share my passion for creating video games.
1.TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF (300 words)
My name is Lewis Chou and I was born and raised in London, UK, a wonderful city offering rich history culture, diversity and tolerance. I feel grateful of my past environment which has shaped who I am today. Intrigued by the world around me, I appreciate different cultures and I am fortunate to experience the ways of life of different nationalities with respect and compassion through many adventures and travels with my family. Whilst relocating to Sydney last year, I quickly adjusted to new discoveries with curiosity and courage and have made many new friendships in Sydney whilst cherishing fond memories and old friendships in London through Zoom calls and sending letters.
I am active and enjoy many sports such as soccer, swimming, volleyball, tennis and table tennis as well as adventure sports such as skiing, cycling, hiking, white water rafting and quad biking. My other hobbies include playing chess, coding, violin, piano and Minecraft. Of all my hobbies, my favourites are; soccer because it is a team sport and I enjoy perfecting my soccer skills, skiing because I love the thrill of speeding down the mountain with the views and the fresh air of the European Alps and especially Minecraft because I enjoy building, crafting, creating and experimenting with different blocks, materials and structures. It also enables me to continue to connect to my friends in London, when we play Minecraft together.
I am rather shy in nature and I realise my shyness is a disadvantage and it is something I am working on to overcome by continuously trying to challenge myself such as participating in activities and events that encourages me to perform and meet others such as participating and performing in the Senior Choir and playing my violin in the Festival of Instrumental Music, which helps me deal with my nerves in front of a large audience.
2. TELL ME WHY YOU ARE A GOOD FIT FOR YOUR DREAM PRIVATE SCHOOL (300 words)
My dream school is Sydney Grammar because it offers a wide range of opportunities, subjects and extra-cocurricular to challenge and expand my interests and curiosity, particularly in new areas I would like to try like cadets, drama and rowing. It also has a very strong music department and facilities for me to continue my music skills in the string ensemble. The school’s Information Technology Department is extremely impressive and would be an ideal place for me to transform my passion in Minecraft and coding to make a difference in technology for the future. At this moment of time, I do not know what profession I will take; however, I am positive that I will pursue a career in the exciting technology industry in this ever changing world.
I believe I am a good fit for Sydney Grammar because I have a strong school spirit, positive leadership skills and a very fair attitude in supporting my friends and anyone who needs help because I care a lot about what happens at school. I am collaborative, considerate, a good and respectful listener and a happy student who gets along with everyone. I am a Prefect at my current school and have many good traits to bring to Sydney Grammar. Recently, I participated in the City and Country Association Leadership Camp with over two hundred students from other schools across New South Wales and surprised myself when challenged by the presenter to come on stage to overcome my fear by singing a solo in front of the whole audience and leading them to join me to sing along, AKA I came out of my shell and Rick Rolled the audience.
This has made me believe in myself that I can conquer my fear of stage fright. From this experience, I would like to take on more leadership responsibilities and through hard work and determination, I believe I am best fit for this school.
I was ensnared in a mist that was scurrying along the delicate scaffolding as swarming, wriggling tendrils that looked like bees swarmed around my weak body and menacingly snapped at my throat. My spine was immersed in torment that sent steady shudders up my wailing spine, shaking with each felt that was crossing my fluffy however pertinacious psyche. I hung on with every ounce of my dwindling strength, the thought of my parents disgraced at me for failing the numerous challenges I had faced. The thought that one could survive this monstrosity of a tower was pitiful. With each breath I took, the wind howled like wolves about to die, biting into my ear.
I was being taunted by a holy aura that surrounded the sun and shone with light, implying that I would never accomplish my objectives. Waves of brightness overcame the gloomy shadow by glistening around the sun’s rays. However, the wind prevailed and continued on its perilous course, enclosing me and shattering me into nothingness. In front of me, the hours passed almost magically until nightfall, when ebony streaks danced across the sky. There was only a glimmer of hope in the stars before they vanished into the cosmos, never to be seen again for another year.
I carried on with my journey, determined to achieve my objective, but what was I really doing? I started to wonder if this was really the point of life. I was surrounded by cameras and news headlines that screamed my name. But was all of this just for fame? What did my parents really want me to do? Live my life as hopeful as I possibly could, or tamper with it so that I could only fake fame and not joy?
I was reminded of quotes I had heard before but never considered. What was the point of leading a fictitious life that was based on a lie and only served to raise questions about one’s own existence?
I had already concluded that I was delusional at this point. I was still as cold as if I were in a freezer, the truth of the true meaning of life freezing me, despite the sun’s bright rays radiating heat onto me. I didn’t care that I was surrounded by nearly three helicopters because I had reached the end of the line. I did, however, realize what I had done almost at the very end. As everything in my life came back to me, my family, my friends, and everyone I knew, I was determined to get it back. I had only won over myself. As I got into the helicopter, I was reminded of my true purpose in life.
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