Scholarship G1 W9 Writing
- February 15, 2023
- 7:21 pm
- 62 Comments
Prompt 13: Write a persuasive essay arguing for or against the use of homework on weekends.
Exemplar:
I have a dream of a world where children can enjoy their weekends without being burdened by the pressures of homework. A world where children can use their weekends to relax, explore their creativity, and spend time with their families. A world where children can learn and grow, without having to worry about the endless piles of homework they have to complete.
Homework is a necessary part of schooling, and it can be a great way to reinforce what has been learned in the classroom. However, when it comes to weekends, there should be a balance between work and play. Homework should not be assigned on weekends, as it can be a source of stress and anxiety, and can take away valuable time that could be spent with friends and family.
My vision is a world where children can be free of the pressures of homework, and can use their weekends to relax and recharge. A world where children can learn and grow, without having to worry about the endless piles of homework they have to complete. A world where children can spend their weekends exploring their creativity, discovering new interests, and spending time with their families.
This is why I am against the use of homework on weekends. Homework can be a source of stress and anxiety, and continue to burden children with additional work. It can also take away valuable time that could be spent with friends and family. Furthermore, it can lead to an unhealthy balance between work and play, and can discourage children from exploring their creativity and discovering new interests.
In addition, some children may not have the necessary resources or support to complete their homework on weekends. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and can make them feel like they are not keeping up with their classmates.
In conclusion, I believe that homework should not be assigned on weekends. It can be a source of stress and anxiety, and can take away valuable time that could be spent with friends and family. It can also lead to an unhealthy balance between work and play, and can discourage children from exploring their creativity and discovering new interests. It is my hope that all children can enjoy their weekends without being burdened by the pressures of homework.
Prompt 14: Write a persuasive essay on the importance of foreign language classes in the curriculum.
I have a dream of a world where everyone has the opportunity to learn and understand different languages, and to connect with people from different cultures and backgrounds. A world where foreign language classes are seen as an essential part of the curriculum, and not as an optional or elective course. A world where language is seen as a powerful tool for communication, connection and understanding.
Learning a foreign language is not only beneficial for communication, but it can also be a great way to learn about different cultures and to gain a better understanding of the world around us. It can also open up a whole new world of opportunities, allowing us to travel and work in other countries.
For these reasons, I believe that foreign language classes should be an essential part of the curriculum. Foreign language classes can provide students with the opportunity to learn about different cultures, to explore their creativity and to gain a better understanding of the world. They can also open up a whole new world of opportunities, and can help to foster a sense of global citizenship.
My dream is a world where everyone has the opportunity to learn and understand different languages, and to connect with people from different cultures and backgrounds. A world where language is seen as a powerful tool for communication, connection and understanding to be seen as an essential part of the curriculum.
In addition, foreign language classes can help to improve cognitive skills, such as problem solving and critical thinking. They can also help to improve communication skills and to increase confidence.
In conclusion, I believe that foreign language classes should be an essential part of the curriculum. They can provide students with the opportunity to learn about different cultures, to explore their creativity and to gain a better understanding of the world. They can also open up a whole new world of opportunities, and can help to foster a sense of global citizenship. It is my hope that everyone has the opportunity to learn and understand different languages, and to connect with people from different cultures and backgrounds.
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Prompt 13: You are an explorer searching for a lost civilization.
The sun was setting, casting a soft glow on the land. On this day, I, an explorer, had set out on a quest to search for a lost civilization. I had been warned that the task would be difficult, but I was determined to use my knowledge and skill to uncover the secrets of the long-lost civilization. With a heavy heart and a determination to succeed, I set off on my journey, ready to face whatever challenges lay ahead…
Exemplar:
The sun was slowly setting, painting the land with a soft golden hue. On this day, I, an explorer, had set out on a quest to search for a lost civilization. I had been warned that the task would not be easy, but I was determined to use my knowledge and skill to uncover the secrets of the long-lost civilization. With a heavy heart and a determination to succeed, I set off on my journey, ready for whatever challenges lay ahead.
As I travelled, I felt a strange sense of anticipation and excitement. I had been given the opportunity to discover something extraordinary, and I was determined to make the most of it. As I travelled, I felt as if I was being pulled towards something I couldn’t quite explain. I felt as if I was being guided by something greater, and I had a feeling that I might find the answers I was seeking here.
The scenery changed as I travelled, the land becoming more wild and untamed. I could feel the power of the land around me, and I felt a strange sense of connection to the world around me. I felt as if I was being welcomed into a place of magic and mystery, and I couldn’t help but be filled with a sense of awe and reverence. Everywhere I looked, I could feel the beauty and power of the land, and I was filled with a strange sense of peace and comfort.
I eventually arrived at my destination, and I couldn’t help but be filled with a sense of awe and wonder. I had been given a chance to uncover something that had been lost for centuries, and I was determined to make the most of it. I could feel the power of the civilization I was searching for, and I was filled with a strange sense of pride and accomplishment. I had been chosen to do this, and I was determined to succeed. I was an explorer, and I was here to find the lost civilization.
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Prompt 14: You are a superhero trying to save the world from a supervillain.
The night sky was dark and the full moon shone brightly as I flew across the heavens, filled with a sense of purpose and determination. I had been chosen by the gods to save the world from a powerful supervillain and I was determined to succeed. My strength and courage had been gifted to me for this purpose and I was ready to face whatever challenges might arise. I had been on a journey that had taken me all over the world and I was now arriving at my final destination: the city where the villain had taken refuge. The fate of the world rested in my hands and I was prepared to take on the challenge. I just had to find the villain and stop him before it was too late…
Exemplar:
The dark sky was illuminated by the glimmer of the stars, like a thousand eyes watching my journey. I flew silently across the night, my heart heavy with the burden of my mission. I had been chosen by the gods to save the world from a powerful supervillain and I was determined to succeed.
My strength and courage had been gifted to me for this purpose and I had used them to overcome all the obstacles I’d faced on my journey. Now, I had arrived at my destination: the city where the villain had taken refuge.
The fate of the world rested in my hands and I had to find the villain and stop him before it was too late. I had to use all of my courage and strength to prevail. I crept through the shadows, looking for any sign of the villain, when suddenly I heard a loud crash. I knew he was close.
I raced towards the sound, my heart pounding against my chest. I found him in a dark alley, surrounded by a group of thugs. He was a menacing figure, and I could feel the evil radiating from him. I had to end this now.
I charged forward, ready to take him on. He was strong, but I was stronger. My strength and courage were like a shield around me, and I was sure I could prevail. I used all of my strength and courage to subdue the villain and eventually emerged victorious. The world was saved and the people rejoiced at my brave victory.
I had done what I had set out to do, and I was proud. I had faced impossible odds, but I had done it. I was a hero. The gods had chosen me to save the world from the supervillain, and I had done it. I had used all of my strength and courage to do what was right, and I had triumphed.
62 thoughts on “Scholarship G1 W9 Writing”
I have a dream of a world where children can enjoy their weekends without being burdened by the pressures of homework. A world where children can use their weekends to relax, explore their creativity, and spend time with their families. A world where children can learn and grow, without having to worry about the endless piles of homework they have to complete.
First, weekend homework is detrimental to the student’s mental health. Having an excessive amount of homework after their regular school and after-school activities can lead to feeling stressed, anxious and overwhelmed. On weekends, children should be free from their academic worries and obligations, and instead, should be able to take part in leisure activities, develop hobbies, and socialize with friends and family. These activities are important for their physical, mental, and emotional development.
Second, weekend homework can be seriously detrimental to the student’s academic performance. It is important to give students time to mentally recuperate and rest their brains during their time off. A great learning opportunity often happens with an interesting discussion of current events, a science museum visit, or simply just taking a break while visiting friends or family members. By taking this “away time” and using it to rest, students can come back to school on Monday morning better prepared to learn by being more alert and attentive, as opposed to feeling burned out.
Finally, weekend homework can disrupt family time. By the time Friday evening rolls around, the majority of parents are exhausted and desire some quality time with their children, which provides them with a great bonding experience and family traditions. Homework steals away precious time that could be spent doing something much more meaningful and enjoyable, such as going to the park, playing a board game, or having dinner together as a family.
In conclusion, weekend homework does not serve a purpose for young children, as it can lead to increased stress, decreased academic performance, and can interfere with family time. From a health and social standpoint, it is a better idea to give children the weekend as an opportunity to be creative, use their imaginations, and develop self-discipline. There should be no doubts that assigning weekend homework is not in their best interests.
Overall Score: 17/20
Structure: 8/10
The structure of the essay is mostly clear, but can be improved. For example, the topic sentence of the first paragraph is “First, weekend homework is detrimental to the student’s mental health”. This can be improved by adding more descriptive language, such as “ weekend homework can be an insidious and debilitating force on the student’s mental health”. The transition sentence at the end of the second paragraph could also be improved. Instead of “By taking this “away time” and using it to rest…”, a more effective sentence would be something like “By taking a break and dedicating their weekends to rest and leisure activities…”.
Persuasive Techniques: 7/10
The essay makes effective use of persuasive techniques, but could be improved upon. For instance, the sentence “Having an excessive amount of homework after their regular school and after-school activities can lead to feeling stressed, anxious and overwhelmed” could be made more persuasive by changing it to something like “The relentless burden of homework after their regular school and after-school activities can trigger feelings of stress, anxiety and helplessness”. The essay could also benefit from stronger use of rhetorical questions, such as “what could be more meaningful and enjoyable than spending quality time with your family?”.
Emotional Appeal: 8/10
The essay does a good job of connecting with the reader on an emotional level, but could be improved. For example, instead of “These activities are important for their physical, mental, and emotional development”, the sentence could be changed to “These activities are essential for their physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing”. The essay could also be made more emotionally appealing by including more vivid language such as “A relentless tide of homework can sap away a student’s energy”.
Figurative Language: 8/10
The essay makes effective use of figurative language, but could be improved. For example, instead of “On weekends, children should be free from their academic worries and obligations”, a more effective phrase would be “On weekends, children should be liberated from the shackles of their academic worries and obligations”. The essay could also benefit from stronger use of metaphors, such as “the piles of homework are like a dark cloud hovering over the student’s head”.
Grammar, Syntax and Use of Evidence: 8/10
The grammar, syntax and use of evidence in the essay is mostly correct, but could be improved. For example, instead of “It is important to give students time to mentally recuperate and rest their brains during their time off”, the sentence could be changed to “It is essential to give students time to recuperate and recharge their minds during their break”. The essay could also benefit from stronger use of evidence, such as “A recent study conducted by the University of Oxford found that students who took part in leisure activities on weekends had better academic performance than students who spent the entire weekend on homework”.
Vocabulary: 8/10
The essay uses language that is mostly appropriate for the intended audience, but can be improved. For example, instead of “weekend homework”, a more sophisticated phrase would be “weekend assignments”. The essay could also benefit from stronger use of advanced vocabulary like “deteriorate” instead of “decrease” and “demoralize” instead of “interfere”.
Vocab list:
Insidious – Subversive
Debilitating – Crippling
Liberated – Freed
Shackles – Chains
Recharge – Reinvigorate
Deteriorate – Worsen
Demoralize – Dishearten
Weekend homework can be a draining and oppressive force on students’ mental and physical health. It can sap away their energy and leave them feeling stressed, anxious and overwhelmed. Furthermore, it can have a detrimental effect on their academic performance, as it takes away time that could be spent doing something more enriching and meaningful, such as developing hobbies, spending time with friends and family and connecting with the wider world.
Moreover, weekend homework can be a serious impediment to family time. Many parents look forward to the weekend as an opportunity to take a break from their daily routines and enjoy quality time with their children. Homework can disrupt this precious time, robbing families of building memories and creating traditions together.
It is essential to give children the weekend as an opportunity to rest and explore their creativity, as this is a fundamental part of their physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing. Allowing them to take part in leisure activities, develop hobbies, and spend time with their families will prepare them to come back to school on Monday morning feeling refreshed and better prepared to learn.
In conclusion, assigning weekend homework is detrimental to the student’s mental and physical health, as it takes away the time they need to rest and recuperate. It can also have a negative impact on the student’s academic performance, as well as their family relationships. Thus, it is in the best interests of children to not have homework on weekends.
Prompt 13
Tendrils of Smoke
Verdant branches stretched out into the benevolent sunlight, reaching for hope. Jack’s weary eyes glanced to and fro, darting through the grimy underbush. Twigs and leaves blanketed the soggy, tepid floor as his boots tread upon lifeless souls of insects. Caliginous wisps of perilous, asphyxiating smoke tumbled from above the mountain. The zealous zephyrs whispering among the archaic, wizened trees. Tales of foregone explorers seemed to usher throughout this desolate, forsaken part of the woods. Stories of rugged, mysterious stone carvings, sending deep billows of rumination upon passerbys. Trepidation tickled and reverberated throughout Jake’s mind, eerie rustles in the grass became monsters waiting to consume him from inside his mind. He imagined faceless, discombobulated figures, scratching at his soul, lacerating his threads of hope.
No one said finding an ancient civilization would be easy. No one cared if he died on this mission. But it was his mission. Branches of life grazed his bleeding cheeks, tepid streams of blood trickled down his emaciated face. Lines of starvation were etched deep within his haggard jaw, creatures stared with a cruel malevolence at the new face. Cracked palms were shaking with fear as uncanny sounds shivered throughout the canopy. The sun had fallen, collapsed under the burden of shadows. Its warmness which lingered in the cool gale took its last breaths. Darkness had fallen. Shadows consumed Jake’s world. Mahogany echoed its mysterious tunes, the ebony singing along. Hanging vines stuck out like olive branches of escape to a safe place. Finding a home for the ancients wasn’t so appealing now. The billows of smoke from the mountain became hungrier and denser, turning into a cloud of maliciousness. As if the smoke seeped into Jake’s mind, his emotions turned dark. Piles of shining, glistening coins of history became vicious plumes. Hidden behind a veil of doubt was his hope, incarcerated behind the corrugated iron bars of misery. Why had he done this to himself? His friends had warned him about the perilous deaths that people met by messing around with the yellowed pages of time. As he trudged through the mud, precipitous stones littered a clearing. The trees which were conversing stopped and listened.
The fervent gale however, continued its haughty laughter, blowing across Jake’s head. Piles of thickly cut rocks lay isolated, separated from each other. Forming a strange circle. His curiosity led him to the edge of the stones. The trees sniggered with a cruel, spiteful chuckle as his knees met the floor. Vast columns of quartz pillars stood stoically and unwavering in the breeze, cracked, disembodied skeletons starred with their empty eyes upon the skull of Jake. Perturbation encumbered Jake, covering him with the ebony, obscure shadows of amazement and fear. At this point, the billowing columns of smoke became impossible and arduous to bear. The tenebrific coils of evil crawled into his mouth, confounding his mind. He had to run. He had to escape. But what about the discovery? What about the lengths he went to for this encounter? No, he sprinted through the underbrush, escaping from the spearheads of smoke, threatening to kill him. But they caught up. They suffocated his mind from the constant flow of thoughts. His eyes surrendered to the darkness. And the smoke carried him away…
Overall score: 17/20
Structure: 8/10
The structure of the original passage is mostly logical and well structured. Sentences are mostly well-crafted and flow logically. However, there are some moments where the structure could be improved. For example, the sentence “Trembling with fear as uncanny sounds shivered throughout the canopy” could be improved by adding in a clearer transition phrase to better connect the two clauses.
Sensory Imagery: 8/10
The sensory imagery of the original passage is vivid and descriptive. For example, the phrase “caliginous wisps of perilous, asphyxiating smoke tumbled from above the mountain” effectively conveys the danger of the situation. However, there are some moments where the imagery could be improved. For example, the phrase “Tales of foregone explorers seemed to usher throughout this desolate, forsaken part of the woods” is somewhat vague and could be improved by adding in more concrete description.
Grammar: 10/10
The grammar of the original passage is sound, with no glaring errors.
Syntax: 9/10
The syntax of the original passage is mostly effective, with sentences being constructed logically and containing a consistent flow of ideas. However, there are some moments where the syntax could be improved. For example, the sentence “Lines of starvation were etched deep within his haggard jaw” could be improved by using a stronger verb to better convey the severity of the situation.
Characterization: 8/10
The characterization of the original passage is mostly effective, with the protagonist being described as a courageous explorer. However, there are some moments where the characterization could be improved. For example, the phrase “creatures stared with a cruel malevolence at the new face” could be improved by including more detail about the creatures’ features and behavior.
Vocabulary: 8/10
The vocabulary used in the original passage is mostly effective, with words and phrases used to effectively convey the tone and mood. However, there are some moments where the vocabulary could be improved. For example, the phrase “faceless, discombobulated figures” could be improved by using stronger and more precise words to better convey the mysterious nature of the figures.
Juxtaposition: 8/10
The juxtaposition in the original passage is mostly effective, with contrasting elements being used to create tension. For example, the phrase “vast columns of quartz pillars stood stoically and unwavering in the breeze” effectively contrasts with the phrase “cracked, disembodied skeletons starred with their empty eyes upon the skull of Jake” to create a sense of unease. However, there are some moments where the juxtaposition could be improved. For example, the phrase “piles of shining, glistening coins of history became vicious plumes” could be improved by adding in more detail to better contrast the two elements.
Figurative Language: 8/10
The figurative language used in the original passage is mostly effective, with metaphors and similes used effectively to convey the mood and tone of the passage. However, there are some moments where the figurative language could be improved. For example, the phrase “hidden behind a veil of doubt was his hope” could be improved by using a stronger metaphor to better convey the idea of hope being hidden.
Vocab List:
Cavernous, malevolent, lurid, acrid, somber, sweltering, insidious, malevolence, despair, pallid, noisome, macabre, morbid, lugubrious, oppressive, diabolical, eerie, foreboding, ghastly, desolate, ashen, sinister, furtive, ominous, dread, bane
You are an explorer searching for a lost civilization. A cool, balmy wind caressed your face as you braved the sinister woods. The lurid trees seemed to watch you with malevolent eyes as you stumbled through the dank underbrush. The noisome smell of acrid smoke filled your lungs, the somber air heavy with dread. You trudged on, guided by a faint glimmer of hope, but the sweltering heat and oppressive atmosphere drained your courage. The macabre stories of those who ventured before you echoed through the forest, warning of the diabolical fate that awaited you.
You stopped at the edge of a clearing. Glistening in the meager light were the remnants of a forgotten civilization. The eerie atmosphere was almost unbearable, the oppressive weight of history crushing your soul. You stepped forward, furtive and cautious, your gaze fixed upon the ghastly, ashen stones. You caught the faintest whisper of a voice, beckoning you to venture closer. You dared not refuse.
The billowing smoke from the mountain was becoming more and more insidious, the sinister tendrils of smoke wrapping around your throat. But you were determined. You had come so far, and you weren’t ready to give up. Your body shook, the pallid fear overwhelming your mind. But you were determined, and you carried on. You followed the winding path of smoke, the bane of your journey, until you stumbled upon the lost civilization. As you looked around, you saw piles of shining, glistening coins of history. You had done it. You had found the lost civilization.
There is much debate surrounding children learning a second language at school; however, there are many compelling arguments in favor of it. In a world that is increasingly interconnected and defined by globalization, learning a second language at school can create a diverse set of opportunities for children and prepare them for their future.
The first argument in favor of children learning a second language at school is that it can foster a strong appreciation of connectedness and global understanding. A second language gives children the opportunity to connect with and understand the cultures, values and experiences of others from around the world. This understanding contributes to and nurtures the development of the child’s sense of global citizenship. Understanding of the complexities, nuances and nuances of a different language and culture can help to build a child’s cultural awareness and sensitivity to the perspectives of others.
Another reason for children learning another language is to expand job opportunities. In a world where language proficiency is often a requirement for job success, children who can speak more than one language are a step ahead of those who cannot. Employers in fields such as international relations and tourism often require bilingual employees, and the competitive advantage offered by being able to communicate in a second language cannot be underestimated.
It’s also worth noting that learning another language can help nourish a child’s intelligence. Recent studies have suggested that learning a second language can help to improve a student’s cognitive abilities, leading to increased skills in problem-solving and critical-thinking. When a child is asked to think in two different languages instead of one it requires extra effort, which can help to increase their areas of the brain associated with learning and memory.
Finally, learning a second language can provide children with a sense of intercultural communication and mutual understanding. This can help to combat racism and xenophobia, and promote a harmonious society. By teaching children early on about different languages and cultures, we can promote acceptance and create a more tolerant society.
In conclusion, there are many reasons why children should learn another language in school. It can cultivate a sense of global understanding, provide job opportunities and nourish cognitive development. Ultimately, being proficient in a second language can open up a world of possibilities for children and help them to become more engaged and informed members of our globalized world.
My adventure to discover a lost civilization in Cambodia began as I boarded a bus to the northwest of the country. As I started my journey, I was filled with a sense of excitement and curiosity, eager to see what wonders this journey would bring.
After a few hours of travel, the bus came to a stop at a small village and I stepped out into the balmy, humid air. Looking around, I noticed the village had a slightly run-down feel and appeared to be long forgotten. I asked a few local villagers where I could find evidence of the lost civilization, and thankfully, they were able to direct me to an area outside the village, near an old temple ruin.
Descending a steep path, I eventually reached the temple ruin and I was in awe. I could see the remains of majestic towers and walls, with intricate carvings and reliefs still visible in places. It looked like something out of a fairytale. After studying the ruins more closely, I began to feel intrigued by the culture that once flourished here, and I started to imagine the people that once inhabited this place.
Continuing my exploration, I ventured through the ruins, finding increasingly impressive structures in my path. I stumbled across a giant archway, carved entirely out of stone, and further evidence of vast sculptures and works of art. Everywhere I looked I could see signs of an advanced and thriving civilisation that had long since disappeared.
As I concluded my exploration, I felt as though I had truly unlocked a secret; a secret long forgotten and forgotten by time. It was a memorable experience, and one that I won’t forget. I now look back always fondly, thankful to have discovered the lost civilisation in Cambodia.
Overall Score: 18/20
Structure: 7/10
The structure of this narrative is well-developed and easy to follow. Sentences are ordered logically and the story progresses naturally. However, there are some minor improvements that can be made. For example, you could try adding a few more interesting details to your descriptions, or use more varied sentence lengths for better flow.
Sensory Imagery: 8/10
This narrative contains some good sensory imagery. For example, you describe the humid air, the intricate carvings, and the giant archway carved out of stone. You also provide some good descriptions of the ruins. However, there were some missed opportunities for more vivid imagery. For example, you could try adding some more specific details about the textures, smells and sounds of the village and the ruins.
Grammar: 4/5
The grammar in this passage is mostly accurate and easy to understand. However, there are a few minor errors that can be corrected. For example, you have used the incorrect verb tense in one sentence (“I asked a few local villagers where I could find evidence…”), and there are a few misplaced modifiers that could be improved.
Syntax: 4/5
The syntax of this narrative is mostly effective. You have used a variety of sentence types, including simple, compound and complex sentences. However, there are a few awkward phrasings that could be improved, such as “I asked a few local villagers where I could find evidence…”.
Characterization: 3/3
You have successfully created a vivid protagonist in this narrative. You provide some insight into their motivations, feelings and thoughts, and give the reader a good sense of who this character is.
Vocabulary: 3/5
Your use of vocabulary is mostly accurate and consistent. However, there are some opportunities to use more sophisticated words and phrases. For example, instead of “balmy”, you could use “muggy”; instead of “run-down”, you could use “dilapidated”; and instead of “long forgotten”, you could use “forlorn”.
Juxtaposition: 2/3
You have effectively used juxtaposition to create a contrast between the protagonist’s expectations and the reality of the village and ruins. However, there are some missed opportunities to use more juxtapositions. For example, you could contrast the protagonist’s feelings of excitement and curiosity before they began the journey with the feelings of awe and intrigue they experienced after exploring the ruins.
Figurative Language: 2/2
You have used some effective figurative language in this narrative. For example, you compare the ruins to “something out of a fairytale” and the lost civilization to “a secret long forgotten and forgotten by time”.
Vocab List:
Muggy, dilapidated, forlorn, majestic, intricate, reliefs, flourished, vast, sculptures, works of art, advanced, thriving, unlocked, secret, forgotten, awe, intrigue, contrast, fairytale, secret.
Rewritten Narrative:
I had set out with the ambition of uncovering a lost civilization, a mysterious and forgotten society that had long since disappeared, and I was determined to make my dream a reality. Thus, with a sense of excitement and curiosity, I boarded a bus to the northwest of Cambodia, ready to embark on my adventure.
As the bus came to a stop in a small village, I stepped out into the muggy, humid air. The village appeared to be dilapidated and forlorn, and I wondered if I was in the right place, but thankfully, a few local villagers were able to direct me to an area outside the village where I could find evidence of the civilization.
What I uncovered was truly majestic. Descending a steep path, I eventually reached an old temple ruin, and I was immediately blown away by the sight of the towering walls, intricate carvings and reliefs, and the vast sculptures and works of art that lay before me. It was clear that this place was once home to an advanced and thriving society, and I was filled with awe and intrigue.
I explored the ruins further, finding increasingly impressive structures in my path. Everywhere I looked I could see evidence of a lost civilization, a secret forgotten by time, and I had the feeling that I had unlocked a fairytale.
As I concluded my exploration, I felt an immense sense of satisfaction. I had discovered the lost civilization of Cambodia and I knew that I would look back on this experience with fondness. I had uncovered a secret, and one that I would never forget.
Overall Score (out of 20): 17
Structure:
The writer has used a clear structure for the essay, with an introduction, body paragraphs and a conclusion. The introduction does a good job of introducing the topic and providing an overview of the main points that will be discussed in the essay. There is a clear flow from one paragraph to the next, with each paragraph containing a single main point that is supported with evidence. The conclusion sums up the main points from the body of the essay and leaves the reader with a strong sense of the importance of learning a second language at school. However, there could be more variety in sentence structure and length to make the essay flow more smoothly. For example, the sentence “A second language gives children the opportunity to connect with and understand the cultures, values and experiences of others from around the world” could be rephrased as “Learning a second language can enable children to cultivate an appreciation of the cultures, values and experiences of people from all around the world.”
Persuasive Techniques:
The writer has used a variety of persuasive techniques throughout the essay, such as using evidence to support arguments, using strong language, and making use of rhetorical questions. For example, the sentence “When a child is asked to think in two different languages instead of one it requires extra effort, which can help to increase their areas of the brain associated with learning and memory” effectively uses evidence to support the argument that learning a second language can help to nourish a child’s intelligence. However, the essay could be improved by using more emotionally charged language and rhetorical questions. For example, the sentence “Learning another language can help nourish a child’s intelligence” could be rephrased as “Learning another language can foster a child’s cognitive development and sharpen their problem-solving skills.”
Emotional Appeal:
The essay does well to make use of emotionally charged language. For example, the sentence “Ultimately, being proficient in a second language can open up a world of possibilities for children and help them to become more engaged and informed members of our globalized world” effectively conveys the importance of language learning. However, more emotionally evocative language could be used to make the essay more persuasive. For example, the sentence “In a world that is increasingly interconnected and defined by globalization, learning a second language at school can create a diverse set of opportunities for children and prepare them for their future” could be rephrased as “In our increasingly interconnected and globalized world, language learning can open up a plethora of possibilities for children, equipping them with the tools to become successful and informed members of society.”
Figurative Language:
The writer has used some figurative language throughout the essay, such as the phrase “cultivate a strong appreciation of connectedness”. However, more figurative language could be used to make the essay more engaging and persuasive. For example, the sentence “This understanding contributes to and nurtures the development of the child’s sense of global citizenship” could be rephrased as “This understanding helps to nurture and cultivate a child’s sense of global citizenship.”
Grammar, Syntax and Vocabulary:
The essay makes use of a wide range of vocabulary words and phrases, and the grammar and syntax are generally correct. However, the essay could be improved by using more sophisticated vocabulary to make it more emotionally powerful. For example, the word “understand” could be replaced with “comprehend”, and the phrase “nurture the development” could be replaced with “foster the growth”.
Use of Evidence:
The essay makes use of evidence to support the arguments, such as the studies suggesting that learning a second language can help to improve a student’s cognitive abilities. However, more evidence could be used to strengthen the arguments. For example, evidence could be used to support the argument that learning a second language can provide children with a sense of intercultural communication and mutual understanding.
Rewrite:
It is essential for students to learn a foreign language in order to equip them with the skills to compete in a globalized world and foster a sense of interconnectedness and understanding of diverse cultures. Learning a foreign language can open up a world of possibilities for children, providing them with the opportunity to become more engaged and informed members of society.
First, learning a foreign language can foster a strong appreciation of connectedness and global understanding. A foreign language can provide students with the ability to communicate and empathize with people from different backgrounds, enabling them to cultivate an understanding of different cultures, values and experiences. This understanding can help to nurture students’ sense of global citizenship, promoting acceptance and tolerance in our society.
Second, being proficient in a foreign language can also provide students with more job opportunities. Employers in fields such as international relations and tourism often require bilingual employees, and language proficiency can give students a competitive edge in the job market.
Third, learning a foreign language can also help to nourish students’ intelligence. Studies have suggested that learning a foreign language can help to improve a student’s cognitive abilities, leading to increased skills in problem-solving and critical-thinking. When a child is asked to think in two different languages instead of one it requires extra effort, which can help to sharpen their areas of the brain associated with learning and memory.
In conclusion, learning a foreign language can provide students with a plethora of benefits. It can cultivate a strong sense of global understanding, provide job opportunities and sharpen cognitive development. Ultimately, being proficient in a foreign language can open up a world of possibilities for students, equipping them with the tools to become successful and informed members of our globalized world.
The sweat runs down your face and sizzles onto your piece of paper, you think to yourself: “Hadn’t five days in a row of continuous torture been enough?” Each page of homework you complete sends another fifty kilograms on top of you, trudging helplessly through the maze of assignments. As you glance to your side, hoping to have finished your languishing and arduous journey, you discover ten extra books placed next to you. You finally fall into fatigue through the endless, bottomless, pit of knowledge. You wake up the next day starting at the exact point as you start the other day. This cycle continues one after another, until the long-awaited holidays come, the time of year when you can finally take a deep breath of fresh air. Once it’s over, the cycle repeats itself again and again and again and again. Until the future leaders of the world are all talentless, socially blocked, and fatally stressed out.
The weekends provide the time when children are able to explore their interests, their passions, and the necessary skills needed for their future goals. Sports, creative arts, debating, and much more are all types of activities that will teach children the most vital skills once they finally move out and live by themselves, such as independence, confidence, and self-esteem. Letting children enjoy themselves on weekends can help kids develop a new way of thinking. It has been known that many successful people are much more creative than others and think outside of the box, for example, Albert Einstein, Walt Disney, Steve Jobs, and more famous people that you know of.
Always being drowned in knowledge isn’t necessarily a great thing, in fact, it does more harm than good. With so much homework to do, a brain naturally and gradually shuts down social connections, being so focused on their work that they can’t think about anything else. The researchers found that excessive homework means students are more likely to give up extracurricular activities, spend less time with friends and family, and stop pursuing their hobbies.
Without balance in work and rest, there can be severe mental and physical issues. Large amounts of homework can easily pile up stress, anxiety, and even depression, and this can be detrimental to both the brain and body. These illnesses can make students highly overwhelmed and can display symptoms of loss of interest in activities and significant impairment in daily life. Staying in a room with no sunlight shining through leads to students lacking vitamin D, and not growing well with skin problems. So it is extremely crucial that students get their rest at the end of each week.
Overall Score: 17/20
Structure: 8/10
The structure of the essay is mostly clear, with a strong introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the body of the essay could have been better organized – the two primary points are a bit muddled together.
Persuasive Techniques: 5/5
The writer makes a compelling argument, successfully utilizing a variety of persuasive techniques. For instance, they write, “This cycle continues one after another, until the long-awaited holidays come, the time of year when you can finally take a deep breath of fresh air. Once it’s over, the cycle repeats itself again and again and again and again. Until the future leaders of the world are all talentless, socially blocked, and fatally stressed out.” The writer successfully employs pathos to evoke an emotional response from the reader.
Emotional Appeal: 4/5
The writer’s use of emotions is effective and evocative. For example, they write “The sweat runs down your face and sizzles onto your piece of paper, you think to yourself: “Hadn’t five days in a row of continuous torture been enough?” This powerfully conveys the sense of frustration and despair associated with excessive homework assignments.
Figurative Language: 4/5
The writer makes good use of figurative language to communicate their point. For example, they use the metaphor “bottomless pit of knowledge” to illustrate the seemingly endless nature of homework. This metaphor successfully communicates the author’s point.
Grammar/Syntax: 4/5
The essay has few grammar and syntax errors, making it mostly easy to read and understand. However, there are a few small mistakes that should be corrected. For example, in the sentence “The weekends provide the time when children are able to explore their interests, their passions, and the necessary skills needed for their future goals”, the writer should replace “when” with “where”.
Use of Evidence: 2/3
The essay makes some use of evidence to support its argument, such as citing research that “excessive homework means students are more likely to give up extracurricular activities, spend less time with friends and family, and stop pursuing their hobbies”. However, the writer could have included more evidence to further support their argument.
Vocabulary: 4/5
The essay makes good use of vocabulary, but could include some more sophisticated words to capture the reader’s attention. For example, instead of “torture”, the writer could use words like “anguish”, “torment”, or “agony”.
Vocab List:
Torture – Anguish, Torment, Agony
Passions – Fascinations, Proclivities, Affinities
Interests – Pursuits, Quests, Endeavors
Knowledge – Wisdom, Understanding, Insight
Rewrite:
The oppressive weight of excessive homework hangs over students like a dense, murky cloud, and each page of assignments is like a suffocating blanket that restricts their freedom. For five days in a row, children are subjected to a relentless cycle of arduous labor, only to wake up the next day in the exact same spot. When holidays finally arrive, a breath of fresh air is taken, only for the cycle to start all over again. This cycle can lead to feelings of talentlessness, social paralysis, and an overwhelming amount of stress, sapping the life out of the future generation of leaders.
Weekends are crucial for children in order to explore their pursuits and uncover the necessary skills for their future aspirations. Partaking in activities like sports, creative arts, and debating can help foster independence, self-esteem, and confidence. With the freedom to explore their fascinations, students can develop a new way of thinking, just like many successful people who think outside of the box.
However, being constantly bombarded with knowledge can be damaging. Too much homework can cause students to give up their extracurricular activities, spend less time with friends and family, and stop pursuing their hobbies. This can lead to severe mental and physical illnesses such as stress, anxiety, and depression. It can also lead to a deficiency in vitamin D due to the lack of sunlight, resulting in poor growth and skin problems. Consequently, it is paramount that students get their much-needed rest during weekends to maintain balance between work and leisure.
In conclusion, weekends are essential for students to explore their passions and discover the skills they need to reach their future goals. It is also crucial to ensure that students get the necessary rest in order to avoid the mental and physical issues associated with an overload of homework. Without balance between the two, the future of our world will suffer from the effects of extreme stress and exhaustion.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1vh9Zw1P5SYOJc0mko5KFL41KeQCgkCBJyM733y_BVPU/edit
Overall Score: 19/20
Structure: 8/10
The structure of this narrative is clear, with a clear beginning, middle and end. The sentences build up to a climax, where the protagonist finds the lost civilization. However, the narrative can be improved by adding more descriptive language to the beginning and middle sections, to build the suspense and create a more immersive experience for the reader.
Sensory Imagery: 10/10
This narrative is full of powerful sensory imagery which creates a vivid image in the reader’s mind. Sentences such as “The silent shout of the ivy adorning the tree told me unknown secrets of human civilization” and “Aromas of vanilla and saffron danced in my nose, curing my sense of hunger” create a vivid and immersive experience for the reader.
Grammar: 9/10
The grammar in this narrative is mostly correct, but there are a few typos and minor errors. For example, “their crowing melody fluttered to the ears of” should be “their crowing melody fluttered TO the ears of”.
Syntax: 8/10
The syntax in this narrative is mostly correct, but there are a few minor errors. For example, “The roar of the wind slashed the very saffron of my being” should be “The roar of the wind SLICED through the very saffron of my being”.
Characterization: 9/10
The protagonist in this narrative is well characterized, with clear motivations, thoughts and feelings. The character’s emotions and inner dialogue are conveyed through powerful descriptions, such as “Consternation gushed down the waterfall of my brain” and “A foggy mist of self-doubt creeped over me, engulfing me in anxiety”.
Vocabulary: 8/10
This narrative contains a wide range of vocabulary, with words such as “trepidation”, “enigma”, “citrine”, “agitating”, “saffron” and “citrine”. However, some of the words are repeated, such as “azure” and “citrine”. It would be beneficial to replace some of the words with more sophisticated and magical words, such as “verdant”, “riddle”, “garnet”, “inciting”, “scarlet” and “topaz”.
Juxtaposition: 10/10
This narrative contains a wide range of juxtapositions, such as the contrast between the protagonist’s fear and the beauty of nature, the contrast between the fear and hope, and the contrast between the protagonist’s inner thoughts and the outside world.
Figurative Language: 9/10
This narrative contains a range of figurative language, with metaphors such as “the calico of life” and “the lullaby of the birds”, and similes such as “the morning dew on the grass served as an encouragement for me to keep going on” and “His smile was like succulent honey on my tongue”.
I awoke to a canvas of beautifully blended hues, a cacophony of citrine, amethyst, tourmaline and rose quartz. I felt a sense of rejuvenation, like a newborn emerging from its cocoon, as my feet were tickled by the morning dew. The rooster’s song beckoned me to arise, as if they were heralding a new dawn. I knew that I had to be courageous, to fulfill the expectations of my beloved parents, so I opened the grand mahogany door, and stepped into the unknown.
The bustling bazaar of this lost civilization was a sight to behold, with children squealing in joy and spicy aromas of vanilla and saffron tickling my senses. An elder approached me and spoke in a language that I did not understand, yet his fond and loving smile told me that he was pleased. I admired the intricate and elaborate buildings, and he gave me a token as a sign of gratitude.
But as I ventured deeper in, a fog of self-doubt loomed over me. The roar of the wind seemed to ask me who I was, and I felt as if I was trapped in an ant puzzle. I wanted to turn back, but I had the responsibility of uncovering this mysterious and strange ancient civilization. I laid my head on the soft and damp soil, and the lullaby of the birds lulled me to sleep. When I awoke, I was imbued with courage, as if I had been gifted with the power of a thousand dragons. I had found the path that I would take.
I opened the grand mahogany door, and inside, it was like a bustling Roman marketplace. Hundreds of squeals from excited children came to me. Aromas of vanilla and saffron danced in my nose, curing my sense of hunger. The elder came to me and spoke in a language that I could not understand. I could not tell whether he was pleased or angry. But, the fond and loving smile on his face told me he was happy. His smile was like a warm embrace, one of comfort and serenity. I stared at all the ornate and articulate buildings, and he realised what I was looking at. He gave me it and I thanked him. I had done my task now, and could head back into the warm and tender arms of my parents.
Vocab List:
Verdant – lush
Riddle – enigma
Garnet – citrine
Inciting – agitating
Scarlet – saffron
Topaz – tourmaline
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Overall score: 19/20
Structure: 8/10
The overall structure of this persuasive essay is effective, as it is written in a clear, logical order that follows the protagonist’s journey. However, some sentences are too long, making them difficult to follow. For example, “My strength and courage had been gifted to me for this purpose and I was ready to face whatever challenges might arise.” This sentence can be improved by breaking it up into two sentences: “My strength and courage had been gifted to me for this purpose. I was ready to face whatever challenges might arise.”
Persuasive Techniques: 9/10
This persuasive essay contains a range of persuasive techniques, such as the use of personal experience, rhetorical questions and repetition. For example, “My strength and courage had been gifted to me for this purpose and I was ready to face whatever challenges might arise. I had been on a journey that had taken me all over the world and I was now arriving at my final destination: the city where the villain had taken refuge. The fate of the world rested in my hands and I was prepared to take on the challenge.” Here, the repetition of “I was ready”, “I had been” and “I was prepared” gives the essay a sense of urgency and purpose. This sentence can be improved by breaking it up into two sentences: “My strength and courage had been gifted to me for this purpose. I was ready to face whatever challenges might arise.”
Emotional Appeal: 9/10
This essay contains a range of emotional appeals, such as allusions to family and the protagonist’s determination. For example, “I found out recently that my family was living in the city where the villain had taken refuge. The Midnight Empress was living innocently in a mask in my family’s home. My home. I wouldn’t let my enemy poison my family at midnight.” Here, the allusion to family creates an emotional connection with the reader, as the protagonist’s determination to save them is relatable and evocative. This sentence can be improved by making it more emotive and personal: “I had recently discovered that my family was living in the city which the villain had taken refuge in. The Midnight Empress had infiltrated my home, and I was determined not to let her poison my beloved family.”
Figurative Language: 10/10
This essay contains a range of figurative language, such as metaphors and similes. For example, “The hairs on my neck prick up, as if alert and alive.” This metaphor is effective in conveying the protagonist’s heightened senses. This sentence can be improved by making it more vivid: “The hairs on my neck sprang to life, standing on end in anticipation of danger.”
Grammar: 9/10
This essay contains a few grammar errors, such as incorrect verb tense and incorrect use of punctuation. For example, “My strength and courage had been gifted to me for this purpose and I was ready to face whatever challenges might arise.” Here, the verb “had been” should be in the past simple tense. This sentence can be improved by using the correct verb tense: “My strength and courage were gifted to me for this purpose and I was ready to face whatever challenges might arise.”
Syntax: 8/10
The syntax of this essay is generally effective, as it is written in a clear, logical order. However, some sentences are too long, making them difficult to follow. For example, “My strength and courage had been gifted to me for this purpose and I was ready to face whatever challenges might arise.” This sentence can be improved by breaking it up into two sentences: “My strength and courage had been gifted to me for this purpose. I was ready to face whatever challenges might arise.”
Use of Evidence: 9/10
This essay contains a few pieces of evidence, such as the protagonist’s strength and courage, and his weapon arsenal. For example, “My strength and courage had been gifted to me for this purpose and I was ready to face whatever challenges might arise. I had taken down one of The Erenyessa, and now I had her bow that always aimed perfectly.” Here, the evidence of the protagonist’s strength and courage is effective in conveying his determination to save the world. This sentence can be improved by making it more vivid and emotive:
Vocabulary: 10/10
This essay contains a range of sophisticated vocabulary, such as “cooed”, “slivered” and “cackled”. This language creates a vivid and evocative image of the protagonist’s journey.
Synonymous words and phrases:
Gifted – bestowed
Ready – prepared
Arose – emerged
Poison – contaminate
Pricked up – stood to attention
Surging – flowing
Oozing – dripping
Slivering – glinting
Cackled – guffawed
Echoed – reverberated
Sway – stagger
Faintly – softly
Plunging – penetrating
Rewritten persuasive essay:
It is widely accepted that learning a foreign language is one of the most important skills for students to acquire. It opens up a world of opportunities; from travelling to studying abroad, and even to better job prospects. Language classes should be a mandatory part of the curriculum, and I’m here to explain why.
I can personally attest to the power of language. Having been gifted with a love for the French language, I was able to travel abroad to France, and immerse myself in the culture. It was an incredibly enriching experience, and I was able to make friends and learn so much more than I ever could have in the classroom.
Furthermore, speaking a foreign language helps to foster cultural understanding. It gives us a window into the customs and beliefs of other cultures, and allows us to better appreciate different perspectives. It helps us to become more open-minded and tolerant, and encourages us to embrace diversity.
The knowledge of foreign languages also provides a competitive edge in the job market. Employers often prefer candidates who are bilingual, as it demonstrates the ability to think outside the box and to problem solve effectively. It also makes it easier to communicate with customers from different countries.
Finally, language classes are enjoyable and stimulating. They help to improve our writing and reading skills, and enable us to become more creative. They also help to build our self-confidence and enable us to express ourselves more effectively.
In conclusion, language classes should be a mandatory part of the curriculum because they help to open up a world of opportunities, encourage cultural understanding, provide a competitive edge in the job market, and are enjoyable and stimulating.
Prompt 1)
Why We Shouldn’t Have Homework On Weekends
You groan loudly as you shift through the never-ending piles of weekend homework. According to your teachers this is necessary for you to achieve higher grades. You shuffle to the bathroom to brush your teeth as you feel fatigue and a desperation for rest creeping up on your like and insidious mist. Stygian rings of sleep deprivation are drawn under your bloodshot eyes. Your hair is a mess and your lips are parched and cracked. You feel as if you are trapped in a prison, a hellhole of nothing but homework. I feel as if it is highly unnecessary to give children weekend homework, when they could be spending their time doing activities that they actually enjoy.
Homework is seen as essential for students but new research has proven otherwise. According to Professor Harris Cooper, one of the world’s most respected homework researchers. Homework has not been proven to the grades of a student. In fact, most children already understand the curriculum that is taught in class, so they don’t need revision. As it would just be aimlessly repeating it got them. So why do we still assign homework to children to do on the weekends?
Additionally, homework does not only trouble students it also troubles teachers. Teachers are told to assign, mark and revise homework. This process will take multiple, long hours or even days to completely fulfill. And not only does this take up a teacher’s time it also takes lots of effort. This is one of the reasons teachers are often overworked and underpaid. This will eventually lead to understaffed schools.
Finally, weekends are meant to be breaks. So how come adults get to sit and relax during the end of the week while their children are engulfed in homework and toil. Adding on, children are constantly pressured by deadlines which may lead to stress, overthinking and sleepless nights. This can lead to more severe symptoms such as insomnia, depression, heart and kidney disease, obesity and diabetes.
Homework on weekends does not improve the grades of a student, eliciting it useless, it can also lead to teachers being overworked and underpaid. It may also lead to severe health problems in children such as diabetes, kidney and lung disease and depression, just to name a few. In conclusion, we should not assign children homework on weekends.
Overall Score: 16/20
Structure: 8/10
The essay is structured well, with a clear introduction, body and conclusion. However, the author could include more transitions between the paragraphs in the body to help the flow of the essay and make it easier for the reader to follow the author’s argument. For example, the author could use phrases such as “In addition to this”, “Moreover”, “Furthermore”, “Consequently”, and “In conclusion”.
Persuasive Techniques: 8/10
The author uses strong persuasive techniques such as “You groan loudly”, “Stygian rings of sleep deprivation”, “You feel as if you are trapped in a prison” and “This can lead to more severe symptoms such as insomnia, depression, heart and kidney disease, obesity and diabetes.” These powerful phrases draw the reader in and help to make the argument more convincing. However, the author could use more sophisticated and emotive words, such as “anguish” instead of “trouble”, “imperative” instead of “necessary”, and “labyrinth” instead of “hellhole”.
Emotional Appeal: 8/10
The author makes good use of emotional appeal, using language that is vivid and evocative. For example, “You feel fatigue and a desperation for rest creeping up on your like and insidious mist”, and “You feel as if you are trapped in a prison”. However, the author could use more powerful and emotive words such as “despair”, “torment”, and “anguish” to further draw the reader in and make their argument more persuasive.
Figurative Language: 8/10
The author makes good use of figurative language to evoke a sense of emotion in the reader. For example, “Stygian rings of sleep deprivation” and “creeping up on your like and insidious mist”. However, the author could use more vivid and emotive metaphors, such as “the walls of homework caging me in” and “the dark, smothering blanket of exhaustion”.
Grammar, Syntax, Use of Evidence and Vocabulary: 8/10
The essay is well written and there is a good use of evidence to back up the author’s point. The author could use a more sophisticated vocabulary, with words such as “insidious”, “imperative”, “labyrinth”, “despair”, “torment” and “anguish”.
Vocab List:
Insidious – crafty, sly, cunning
Imperative – essential, required, necessary
Labyrinth – maze, web, tangle
Despair – misery, grief, anguish
Torment – torture, suffering, agony
Anguish – distress, grief, sorrow
You groan in anguish as you stumble through the never-ending labyrinth of weekend homework. According to your teachers, this is imperative for you to achieve higher grades. You trudge to the bathroom to brush your teeth as you feel fatigue and a desperation for rest smothering you like a dark blanket. Stygian rings of sleep deprivation are drawn under your bloodshot eyes. Your hair is a mess and your lips are parched and cracked. You feel as if you are caged in a prison, a web of nothing but homework. I feel as if it is highly unnecessary to give children weekend homework, when they could be spending their time doing activities that they actually enjoy.
Homework is seen as essential for students but new research has proven otherwise. According to Professor Harris Cooper, one of the world’s most respected homework researchers. Homework has not been proven to improve the grades of a student. In fact, most children already understand the curriculum that is taught in class, so they don’t need revision. As it would just be aimlessly repeating it over and over. So why do we still assign homework to children to do on the weekends?
Moreover, homework does not only cause misery to students it also causes torment to teachers. Teachers are told to assign, mark and revise homework. This process will take multiple, long hours or even days to completely fulfill. And not only does this take up a teacher’s time it also takes lots of effort. This is one of the reasons teachers are often overworked and underpaid. This will eventually lead to understaffed schools.
Finally, weekends are meant to be breaks. So how come adults get to sit and relax during the end of the week while their children are engulfed in homework and toil? Adding on, children are constantly pressured by deadlines which may lead to stress, overthinking and sleepless nights. This can lead to more severe symptoms such as insomnia, depression, heart and kidney disease, obesity and diabetes.
Homework on weekends does not improve the grades of a student, making it useless, it can also lead to teachers being overworked and underpaid. It may also lead to severe health problems in children such as diabetes, kidney and lung disease and depression, just to name a few. We must put an end to this injustice, for it is both cruel and inhumane. We must fight for our right to be free from this tyranny and reclaim our weekends as a time of rest, relaxation and rejuvenation. In conclusion, we should not assign children homework on weekends.
Prompt 1)
Why We Shouldn’t Have Homework On Weekends
You groan loudly as you shift through the never-ending piles of weekend homework. According to your teachers this is necessary for you to achieve higher grades. You shuffle to the bathroom to brush your teeth as you feel fatigue and a desperation for rest creeping up on you like an insidious mist. Stygian rings of sleep deprivation are drawn under your bloodshot eyes. Your hair is a mess and your lips are parched and cracked. You feel as if you are trapped in a prison, a hellhole of nothing but homework. I feel as if it is highly unnecessary to give children weekend homework, when they could be spending their time doing activities that they actually enjoy.
Homework is seen as essential for students but new research has proven otherwise. According to Professor Harris Cooper, one of the world’s most respected homework researchers. Homework has not been proven to the grades of a student. In fact, most children already understand the curriculum that is taught in class, so they don’t need revision. As it would just be aimlessly repeating it got them. So why do we still assign homework to children to do on the weekends?
Additionally, homework does not only trouble students it also troubles teachers. Teachers are told to assign, mark and revise homework. This process will take multiple, long hours or even days to completely fulfill. And not only does this take up a teacher’s time it also takes lots of effort. This is one of the reasons teachers are often overworked and underpaid. This will eventually lead to understaffed schools.
Finally, weekends are meant to be breaks. So how come adults get to sit and relax during the end of the week while their children are engulfed in homework and toil. Adding on, children are constantly pressured by deadlines which may lead to stress, overthinking and sleepless nights. This can lead to more severe symptoms such as insomnia, depression, heart and kidney disease, obesity and diabetes.
Homework on weekends does not improve the grades of a student, eliciting it useless, it can also lead to teachers being overworked and underpaid. It may also lead to severe health problems in children such as diabetes, kidney and lung disease and depression, just to name a few. In conclusion, we should not assign children
Prompt 2)
Foreign Languages Are An Important Part Of Curriculum
“je peux t’offrir 20 millions de dollars pour 20 kilogrammes de fer”
You clutch your quaking palms as trepidation and fear engulf you like a monstrous beast. Your eyes dart around the room looking for an escape. This is your most esteemed customer yet. However, you can’t even understand them. Your phone dings and you gesture awkwardly at it trying to suggest you are reading a message. Your customer nods his head. You look down at your phone and click on your customer’s self-description. They can only speak French… Regret snakes around you like a cloud of stygian mist. You wish that school had prepared you for this.
Being able to speak a foreign language should be taught in school. Many people view knowing another language as useless. But in fact, it can be much more than a hobby or a cool skill. In some circumstances knowing a foreign language can be essential for business transactions. It can’t also help you to find a job easier. Either way, I believe that foreign languages should be taught in school. Or at least be an optional extracurricular activity for students who do want to learn another language.
Additionally, learning a language can help you develop many other skills easily. Such as improving your memory, learning a new language means you have to learn new words, grammar and punctuation. This will challenge our brain and help it make connections between the two languages. It can also help you multitask, multilingual people can alternate between two languages. Which is similar to multitasking, the act of switching between two tasks. Learning a new language can also help you in academic areas since you have to learn a new language from square one, which will stretch your brain to its limits allowing you to use your mind to its full potential.
And lastly, it can help you connect. Using a diverse language, you can communicate with people you wouldn’t be able to understand if you hadn’t learned the language. You will meet unique people who you may think are smart, funny or extremely kind. You may become great friends with them. Learning another language can help you connect to people you’d never meet or understand without that language.
In sum, knowing another language can help you make transactions, find a good job and learn new skills such as multitasking, better memory and even increased intelligence. Knowing another language can also help you with connecting with diverse groups of people. In conclusion, schools should teach diverse languages. And next time someone says “je peux t’offrir 20 millions de dollars pour 20 kilogrammes de fer”
Just say “Oui, j’accepte l’offre”.
Overall Grade: 18/20
Structure:
The essay is structured well and is organized in a logical manner that is easy to follow. However, in the conclusion, the author could have used a more effective “call to action” or provided more of a closing statement to leave the reader with a lasting impression. 8/10
Persuasive Techniques:
The author does a good job of using persuasive techniques such as providing examples and making logical appeals. For example: “Either way, I believe that foreign languages should be taught in school. Or at least be an optional extracurricular activity for students who do want to learn another language.” However, the author could have used more examples and provided more evidence to make the argument even stronger. 8/10
Emotional Appeal:
The author does a good job of using emotionally charged words and phrases to evoke a strong emotional reaction from the reader. For example: “Regret snakes around you like a cloud of stygian mist.” However, the author could have used more emotionally charged language throughout the essay to make the argument more powerful. 7/10
Figurative Language:
The author does a good job of using figurative language to create vivid images in the reader’s mind. For example: “However, you can’t even understand them. Your phone dings and you gesture awkwardly at it trying to suggest you are reading a message.” However, the author could have used more figurative language throughout the essay to make the argument even stronger. 8/10
Grammar & Syntax:
The author does a good job of using correct grammar and syntax throughout the essay. There are no major errors that need to be addressed. 10/10
Use of Evidence:
The author does a good job of providing evidence to support the argument. For example: “Learning a new language can also help you in academic areas since you have to learn a new language from square one, which will stretch your brain to its limits allowing you to use your mind to its full potential.” However, the author could have used more evidence throughout the essay to make the argument even stronger. 7/10
Vocabulary:
The author does a good job of using appropriate and varied vocabulary throughout the essay. For example: “Regret snakes around you like a cloud of stygian mist.” However, the author could have used more sophisticated vocabulary throughout the essay to make the argument even stronger. 8/10
Suggested Sentences:
Persuasive Techniques:
-Furthermore, learning a new language can foster cross-cultural understanding and appreciation, which is essential for building bridges among different societies.
-In addition, being able to communicate in a foreign language can help build business relationships and make international commerce more efficient.
Emotional Appeal:
-Regret seeps into you like an insidious fog.
-Dread slithers around you like a malevolent serpent.
Figurative Language:
-Your heart races like a stampede of wild horses.
-Your pulse quickens like an accelerating racecar.
Grammar & Syntax:
-Besides, acquiring knowledge of a foreign language can be a gateway to explore different cultures and customs.
-Moreover, students can gain invaluable insight into the history and heritage of the language by studying it.
Use of Evidence:
-Additionally, it has been observed that people who are bilingual are better at problem-solving, as they are able to think objectively when presented with a challenge.
-Research also indicates that bilingual people have better memory recall, as they are able to draw on different sources of information.
Vocabulary:
-Regret snakes around you like a cloud of stygian mist.
-Trepidation and fear engulf you like a monstrous beast.
Rewrite:
It is an undeniable fact that the ability to speak a foreign language should form an integral part of any curriculum in order to ensure that students are well-equipped to face the challenges of a globalized world. Knowing another language not only helps students to find better jobs, but also opens up a plethora of opportunities to them.
For instance, learning a foreign language enables pupils to communicate with people from different cultures, thus promoting cross-cultural understanding and appreciation. In addition, possessing a mastery of a foreign language makes international commerce more efficient and helps to build business relationships.
Moreover, the process of acquiring knowledge of a foreign language can be a gateway to explore different cultures and customs. Students also gain invaluable insight into the history and heritage of the language by studying it. Furthermore, due to the cognitive benefits associated with learning a new language, such as improved memory recall and better problem-solving abilities, students are able to think objectively when presented with a challenge.
In conclusion, foreign language classes should be an essential part of any student’s curriculum, as they open up a plethora of opportunities for students, enabling them to thrive in the globalized world. The cognitive benefits associated with bilingualism are also an added advantage. Therefore, it is essential that students are given the opportunity to learn a foreign language and benefit from its multifarious advantages.
Prompt 3)
A Lost Civilisation
The fierce sunlight pierced through the dense canopy creating a pattern of mottled shadows on the lush frondescence. The pandemonium of raucous chirps, squeals and growls ceased as I came to a clearing. The radiant sunlight shone softly on my skin, shrouding me like an ethereal beam of luminescence. An abundance of multi-coloured flowers veiled the emerald grass, however one captured my attention, holding my mind captive. A long shrub with wispy tendrils of aquamarine, tumeric and violet. The Herb of The Midnights, this was the mythical City of Midnights! Abruptly I felt a graceful laughter like the ringing of bells enter my ears and pierce through my prison of lustful thoughts.
I whipped my head around to see a fair Midnight maiden with creamy-coloured skin and raspberry lips. Her pale vermillion hair was juxtaposed with her entrancing ocean eyes. Bolts of glacier-blue dazzled in her sapphire eyes reflecting her bold soul, full of energy and youth. The corners of her mouth seemed to twist upwards as she saw me. “Visitor! We have a visitor!” She chanted in a melodic voice. As she stood up and offered me her hand her powder-white dress fluttered in the genial summer zephyr.
It was almost as if the maiden’s chorus was a demand as I was entrapped in a tight circle of supervision. All their eyes were on me, monitoring my every move as if they were toddlers seeing an animal for the first time. Cold sweat poured down my back as they stared at me, I clutched my quaking palms in trepidation. A million thoughts stampeded through my mind all at once. I felt like a tiny ant underneath their harsh gazes. I raised my lowered head to see the warriors encircling me flashing their teeth at me. They were smiling!
The warriors stepped aside, giving me space to roam free. I explained to the Midnights how my dad had Midnight Fever and the Midnight Herb was the only cure. However, It could only be found in the Midnights. So I had journeyed for 2 months and finally found The City Of Midnights. I explained how I needed the Midnight Herb. A tall white-headed man who looked to be the chief looked at me sympathetically and explained that once the Herb of The Midnights was pulled out of the ground the tribe of midnights would disintegrate.
A cloud of trepidation and indecision fogged my mind, if I took the herb an esteemed civilisation would crumble in my hands, if I didn’t my own father would die while I did nothing. Suddenly, a stygian figure dashed forward, clearing my misty mind. It took me a moment to realise…They had stolen the Midnight Herb.
Overall Score: 18/20
Structure: 14/20
The passage is structured in a way that allows the reader to follow the narrator’s journey. However, there is a lack of smooth transitions between sections of the passage, making it difficult to read. For example, when introducing the Midnight maidens, the passage abruptly shifts from the narrator’s thoughts to the action taking place. To improve the flow of the passage, try adding phrases such as, ‘As I continued my journey, I noticed…’ and ‘Suddenly, I saw…’.
Sensory Imagery: 19/20
The passage does an excellent job of providing sensory details to bring the reader into the narrator’s experience. For example, the phrase ‘Bolts of glacier-blue dazzled in her sapphire eyes reflecting her bold soul, full of energy and youth’ paints a vivid image of the Midnight maidens. To further enhance the reader’s experience, try adding more sensory details such as the smells, sounds and textures of the setting.
Grammar: 19/20
The grammar in the passage is generally correct, with few errors. For example, ‘Bolts of glacier-blue dazzled in her sapphire eyes reflecting her bold soul’ should be ‘Bolts of glacier-blue dazzled in her sapphire eyes, reflecting her bold soul’. To further improve the grammar, be sure to check for any typos or errors.
Syntax: 18/20
The syntax in the passage is generally correct, however there are some moments where the sentence structure could be improved. For example, ‘As she stood up and offered me her hand her powder-white dress fluttered in the genial summer zephyr’ could be rewritten as ‘As she stood up and offered me her hand, her powder-white dress fluttered in the genial summer zephyr’. To further improve the syntax, try varying the sentence length and structure.
Characterization: 18/20
The passage does a good job of characterizing the Midnight maidens, providing vivid descriptions of their appearance and personalities. However, there are some moments where the characterization could be improved. For example, the phrase ‘The corners of her mouth seemed to twist upwards as she saw me’ is too vague. To enhance the characterization, try adding more specific details such as ‘A tiny smirk appeared at the corner of her mouth as she saw me’.
Vocabulary: 16/20
The passage contains a few sophisticated words such as ‘raucous’, ‘entrapped’, and ‘pandemonium’. However, the passage could benefit from more sophisticated vocabulary. For example, ‘lush frondescence’ could be replaced with ‘verdant foliage’ and ‘raucous’ could be replaced with ‘cacophony’. To further improve the vocabulary, try using words such as ‘luminescence’, ‘euphonic’, ‘ebullience’, ‘exuberant’, ‘effervescent’, ‘zephyr’, and ‘stygian’.
Juxtaposition: 17/20
The passage does a good job of juxtaposing the narrator’s fear and the Midnight maidens’ joy. For example, the phrase ‘The corners of her mouth seemed to twist upwards as she saw me’ juxtaposes the narrator’s fear with the Midnight maiden’s joy. To further enhance the juxtaposition, try adding more details to contrast the narrator’s fear and the Midnight maiden’s joy.
Figurative Language: 18/20
The passage does a good job of using figurative language to bring the reader into the narrator’s experience. For example, the phrase ‘An abundance of multi-coloured flowers veiled the emerald grass, however one captured my attention, holding my mind captive’ uses a metaphor to describe the narrator’s experience. To further enhance the figurative language, try adding more metaphors and similes to bring the reader into the narrator’s experience.
Rewritten Narrative:
I treaded onwards, my eyes searching the dense canopy for any sign of the lost civilization. The cacophony of raucous chirps, squeals and growls ceased as I neared a clearing. The luminous sunlight shone softly on my skin, shrouding me like a ethereal light beam. An abundance of multi-coloured flowers veiled the emerald grass, however one captured my attention, and held my mind captive. A long shrub with wispy tendrils of aquamarine, tumeric and violet. The Herb of The Midnights, this was the mythical City of Midnights!
Abruptly I heard a graceful laughter like the ringing of bells enter my ears and pierce through my prison of lustful thoughts. I whipped my head around to see a fair Midnight maiden with creamy-coloured skin and raspberry lips. Her pale vermillion hair was juxtaposed with her entrancing ocean eyes. Bolts of glacier-blue effervesced in her sapphire eyes, reflecting her bold soul, full of energy and youth. A tiny smirk appeared at the corner of her mouth as she saw me. “Visitor! We have a visitor!” She chanted in a euphonic voice. As she stood up and offered me her hand, her powder-white dress fluttered in the genial summer zephyr.
It was almost as if the maiden’s chorus was a demand as I was entrapped in a tight circle of supervision. All their eyes were on me, monitoring my every move as if they were toddlers seeing an animal for the first time. Cold sweat poured down my back as they stared at me, I clutched my quaking palms in trepidation. A million thoughts stampeded through my mind all at once. I felt like a tiny ant underneath their harsh gazes. I raised my lowered head to see the warriors encircling me flashing their teeth at me. They were smiling!
The warriors stepped aside, giving me space to roam free. I explained to the Midnights how my dad had Midnight Fever and the Midnight Herb was the only cure. However, It could only be found in the Midnights. So I had journeyed for two months and finally found The City Of Midnights. I explained how I needed the Midnight Herb. A tall white-headed man who looked to be the chief looked at me sympathetically and explained that once the Herb of The Midnights was pulled out of the ground the tribe of midnights would disintegrate.
A cloud of trepidation and indecision fogged my mind, if I took the herb an esteemed civilisation would crumble in my hands, if I didn’t my own father would die while I did nothing. Suddenly, a stygian figure dashed forward, clearing my misty mind. It took me a moment to realise…They had stolen the Midnight Herb. I was left with a difficult decision: save my father or save a civilisation.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1atIaf4-7aMDXN0AsvkIDIdsQhXb5AlDGgmXNPnaHOiQ/edit#
you should be able to mark it now. Thanks!
Overall Score: 18/20
Structure: The structure of the narrative is quite effective, as it builds up tension and suspense as the protagonist moves from one point to the next. The narrative is also quite well-paced, with the protagonist making progress towards their goal. However, the structure could be improved by providing more depth and detail in the description of the protagonist’s actions. Phrases such as “I suspiciously prodded everything that seemed out of place” could be more descriptive and provide more insight into the protagonist’s thought process.
Sensory Imagery: The sensory imagery in this passage is quite effective, as it helps to create a vivid and immersive experience for the reader. For example, the phrase “The mountain looked peculiar today, did it just flicker?” helps to create a sense of mystery and tension in the narrative. However, the sensory imagery could be improved by providing more details and descriptions of the environment. For example, the phrase “I trembled from head to toe” could be changed to “My body shook with fear and my heart pounded in my chest” to provide a more vivid and accurate description of the protagonist’s emotions.
Grammar and Syntax: The grammar and syntax of this passage is quite effective, as it is easy to read and understand. The sentence structure is concise and clear, and the grammar is correct. However, the syntax could be improved by using more varied sentence structures and making more effective use of punctuation. For example, the phrase “I squinted my eyes, and yes! The mountain flickered like a hologram” could be changed to “I squinted my eyes. Yes! The mountain flickered like a hologram” to create a more interesting and varied sentence structure.
Characterization: The characterization of the protagonist in this passage is quite effective, as they are portrayed as a determined and brave explorer. The phrase “With a heavy heart and a determination to succeed, I set off on my journey, ready to face whatever challenges lay ahead” helps to create a vivid and immersive experience for the reader. However, the characterization could be improved by providing more insight into the protagonist’s thoughts and emotions. For example, the phrase “I had been warned the task would be difficult, but I was determined to use my knowledge and skill to uncover the secrets of the long-lost civilisation” could be changed to “I was warned the task would be difficult, but I was determined to use my knowledge and skill to uncover the secrets of the long-lost civilisation, despite my fear and uncertainty” to provide a more vivid description of the protagonist’s emotions.
Vocabulary: The vocabulary in this passage is quite effective, as it is quite specific and accurate. For example, the phrase “distant roars of rocks plummeting to the ground shook like earthquakes desperate to consume me” helps to create a vivid and immersive experience for the reader. However, the vocabulary could be improved by using more sophisticated and poetic language. For example, the phrase “Uneasiness crept up my spine” could be changed to “Anxiety coursed through my veins” to provide a more vivid and poetic description of the protagonist’s emotions.
Juxtaposition: The juxtaposition in this passage is quite effective, as it helps to create an interesting and engaging narrative. For example, the phrase “The mountain flickered like a hologram. Is it a trick? Did the lost civilisation not be lost after all?” helps to create a sense of mystery and tension in the narrative. However, the juxtaposition could be improved by providing more insight into the protagonist’s thoughts and emotions. For example, the phrase “My other friends, Olive, Cacey, Annabelle, and Dia all ignored me when I asked them to come along” could be changed to “My other friends, Olive, Cacey, Annabelle, and Dia all refused my pleas to come along, leaving me to face this task alone” to provide a more vivid description of the protagonist’s emotions.
Figurative Language: The figurative language in this passage is quite effective, as it helps to create a vivid and immersive experience for the reader. For example, the phrase “The Snake Empress loomed out from the darkness” helps to create a sense of mystery and tension in the narrative. However, the figurative language could be improved by providing more insight into the protagonist’s thoughts and emotions. For example, the phrase “I panted and whimpered in fright and desperation” could be changed to “I gasped in terror and my heart raced in panic” to provide a more vivid description of the protagonist’s emotions.
Vocab List:
• Prodded – Examined
• Tutus – Costumes
• Branch headdress – Wreath
• Nibble – Savor
• Dagger-like nails – Razor-sharp claws
• Blade-stars – Daggers
• Perimeter – Boundary
• Catched – Grasped
• Bated – Suspended
• Synonymous – Equivalent
• Loomed – Emerged
• Cackles – Laughs
Rewrite: I trudged wearily towards the mountain, my camera drawn close, as I suspiciously scanned the area for anything unusual. My friends had refused my pleas to join me, with Olive and Cacey engrossed in their HOBO game and Annabelle and Dia entrenched in their gymnastics practice. Thus, I had embarked on this mission alone, my heavy heart filled with determination to uncover the secrets of the long-lost civilisation.
As I steadily approached the mountain, my gaze fixed on the strange flickering I had noticed. Could the civilisation not be lost after all? I squinted my eyes, and indeed! The mountain shimmered like a hologram. I stepped closer, and an enormous hole suddenly gaped open, and I tumbled inside, unconscious of what had happened. How can the earth just open? I reviewed my actions on my camera, and yes, the ground had just transformed into an abyss.
I groaned in agony from the fall, and pushed myself back onto my feet. Ahead of me, a waterfall roared overhead, and I crept towards the sound, examining the walls suspiciously. Ancient monkeys danced in tutus, their headdresses made of branches. What did this mean? Was the civilisation based on- on monkeys? Unease coursed through my veins, pinning me to the ground. I wandered around the perimeter and peered behind the waterfall. Sure enough, a tiny gap between two rocks, covered in moss, revealed an entrance. I shoved and grunted, eventually managing to pull the rocks aside, and I tiptoed inside. More monkey-dancing carvings lined the walls, in the same positions. Did this mean something?
Then I saw it. An ancient scroll was sitting in a bowl on the other side of the room. “Hisss, hissss,” came a voice. I looked down, shrieking in surprise. About a hundred snakes reached out for me in a hole, their stripes of crimson and ebony black hissing in delight. In front of me dangled a vine, swinging over the two sides. I calculated the distance between the two shores, and I sighed with defeat. I would have to use the vine. As I swung cautiously across, the bowl suddenly rattled. “Not so fast,” another voice cooed. I spun around, and The Snake Empress loomed out from the darkness. I had met her before in one of my other unfortunate exploring days. “That’s my bowl for eating, and the scroll is what I nibble on. It has the answer to the lost civilisation, but oh! I know what it is because I started the civilisation, fool.” The Snake Empress commanded, blocking my path. I backed away in terror, and The Empress caught me before I fell in the hole. “You’re my prey, and I’m not letting you get away this time!” The Empress roared in fury, her voice echoing off the walls. I lunged at the scroll, knocking the bowl off its place. A distant rumbling shook the cavern like earthquakes desperate to consume me. The Empress whimpered and disappeared into the darkness again.
I sprinted down the corridors, my bated breath grasping at the misty fresh air. I was out! Frantically climbing the hole, I missed the rolling boulder that chased me, and I realised, it wasn’t The Empress’s tricks, or she wouldn’t have whimpered. It was Dr. Alva’s lazer beams cutting through the mountain. I knew it! The flickering had led to what Dr. Alva was doing! “No,” I whispered faintly, like a snowflake landing on a branch. Her cackles echoed even louder than The Empress’s, her delight spreading to my camp. Dr. Alva approached me, her dagger-like nails twitching towards me, holding my blade-stars. And all was black.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1RYLsXUS2FCDtXpR9kSUxTHO5j8_qxfUUhKiHt2Blk6o/edit?usp=sharing
Overall Score: 19/20
Structure:
The structure of this persuasive essay is well done, with the introduction providing a vivid description of a typical Saturday night as a student, followed by the body of the essay presenting arguments for why homework on weekends should be stopped. The conclusion then ties the essay together with a call for action. 16/20
Persuasive Techniques:
This essay uses some persuasive techniques, such as presenting facts and evidence to support the argument, “No longer can students go outside in the park and play football, no longer can students go with their parents and explore the natural world, and no longer can students even step foot outside their studies.” This statement is impactful and convincing, as it paints a clear picture of the impact of homework on weekends. However, the essay could be more persuasive if the author provided more specific examples of the effects of homework on weekends. For instance, “Weekend homework can lead to family conflicts, as it reduces the amount of time students can spend with their families. Furthermore, it can cause physical stress, such as fatigue and exhaustion, due to lack of sleep. Additionally, it can interfere with physical activities, such as playing sports and exploring the outdoors.” 16/20
Emotional Appeal:
The author makes an emotional appeal in this essay by describing the effects of homework on weekends in vivid detail, such as “Rain pummelled into the roof of the study, clobbering down like bullets. The flickering light of my lamp illuminated my small room. A small bed lay in the corner of the room like it was cowering from the monsters outside.” This description evokes empathy from readers, as the reader is able to imagine the feelings of the student in the essay. However, the essay could be more emotionally appealing if the author provided more specific examples of how homework affects students’ lives, such as, “Weekend homework can take away from family time, lead to family conflicts, cause physical stress and interfere with physical activities, such as playing sports and exploring the outdoors.” 17/20
Figurative Language:
The author makes effective use of figurative language in this essay, such as “The wind was like a howling beast, incessant and virulent. I could hear its trenchant claws raking against my study’s window.” This comparison paints an effective image of the wind as a powerful force, and evokes a feeling of suspense in the reader. However, the essay could use more figurative language in order to create a stronger emotional appeal. For instance, “Weekend homework can be like a relentless storm, battering down on students’ lives, preventing them from enjoying quality time with their families and exploring the outdoors.” 18/20
Grammar and Syntax:
The grammar and syntax of this essay is mostly correct, with only a few minor errors. The author mostly uses correct sentence structure, and the essay flows well. 17/20
Use of Evidence:
The author provides evidence to support the argument, such as “Studies show that kids who have more homework have higher levels of academic stress, physical health issues, and a lack of balance in their life.” This statement is effective, as it provides an example of the effects of homework on weekends. However, the essay could be more effective if the author provided more specific evidence to support the argument, such as “According to a study from the American Psychological Association, students who had more than two hours of homework per night reported higher levels of stress and negative effects on their physical and mental health.” 16/20
Vocabulary:
The author uses mostly appropriate vocabulary in this essay, but could use more sophisticated words and phrases in order to create a stronger emotional appeal. For instance, instead of “cowering”, the author could use “huddling”; instead of “pummelled”, the author could use “pounded”; instead of “clobbering”, the author could use “battering”. 15/20
Vocab List:
– howling beast: raging tempest
– trenchant claws: razor-sharp talons
– clobbering: pummeling
– cowering: huddling
– interminable ticking: relentless clicking
– pummelled: pounded
– clobbering: battering
Weekends should be a time for rest and relaxation, a time to reenergize and reconnect with loved ones. But for many students, weekends are filled with anxiety and exhaustion as they are forced to sacrifice time with their family and friends in order to complete a never-ending stream of homework. This punishing method of education is not only detrimental to students’ physical and mental well-being, but it also strips them of any sense of freedom, preventing them from exploring their passions and discovering the world around them.
The evidence is clear: students who receive more than two hours of homework per night have significantly higher levels of stress and negative physical and mental health outcomes. This can lead to family conflicts, as it reduces the amount of time students can spend with their families. Furthermore, it can cause physical stress, such as fatigue and exhaustion, due to lack of sleep. Additionally, it can interfere with physical activities, such as playing sports and exploring the outdoors.
The long-term implications of such an oppressive system of education cannot be overstated. Without the chance to explore their passions and discover the world, students are denied the opportunity to cultivate their curiosity, creativity and critical thinking skills. This can have far-reaching effects on their future, as these skills are essential for success in both academic and professional life.
It is time to break down the walls of homework on weekends and give students back the freedom they deserve. We need to give them the chance to explore the world, to connect with their families and to discover their own unique paths. We need to give them the opportunity to flourish.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/11T5ayH-FJSWahuYHOsXwtVVFOvsvVQGcZaTMuFqVqzM/edit?usp=sharing
Overall Score: 17/20
Structure: 8/10
The structure of the essay is well-organized and clear, with an introduction, body paragraphs and a conclusion. The introduction is effective in providing an overview of the argument and introduces the main points of discussion. The body paragraphs are also logically structured, with each paragraph discussing a different point. The conclusion provides a clear summary of the essay. However, the conclusion could be further improved by providing a strong call to action or a thought-provoking statement.
For example: Therefore, we must ensure that students are provided with the opportunity to explore and develop foreign language skills in order to reap the many benefits that come with it.
Persuasive Techniques: 6/10
In this essay, the author uses a range of persuasive techniques, including facts, statistics and personal experience to support their argument. For example, “I remember staggering out of the school gates carrying a loaded bag filled with notes taken absent-mindedly and pages upon pages of homework, all because of this new subject that became compulsory”. This statement gives a strong emotional appeal to the reader and makes them feel sympathetic to the author’s viewpoint. However, more persuasive techniques could be employed in order to strengthen the argument.
For example: Introducing foreign language classes in the primary school curriculum can open up a range of opportunities for students, from exploring new cultures to gaining a competitive edge in the job market.
Emotional Appeal: 7/10
The essay contains a strong emotional appeal, with phrases such as “I remember staggering out of the school gates carrying a loaded bag filled with notes taken absent-mindedly and pages upon pages of homework, all because of this new subject that became compulsory”. This evokes an emotion of sympathy and understanding in the reader, making them more likely to side with the author’s opinion. However, more emotional appeal could be employed to further strengthen the argument.
For example: By introducing foreign language classes in the primary school curriculum, we can give students the invaluable opportunity to explore the beauty of different cultures and immerse themselves in the beauty of language.
Figurative Language: 5/10
The essay contains some figurative language, such as “with the multiple benefits of learning languages like broadening the horizon of who you can talk to”. This phrase gives a strong visual image to the reader and draws them in. However, more figurative language could be used to further engage the reader.
For example: Learning foreign languages can open up a world of possibilities, from breaking down language barriers to unlocking a whole new range of opportunities.
Grammar, Syntax and Vocabulary: 10/10
The grammar, syntax and vocabulary used in the essay are all accurate and appropriate. The author uses a wide range of sophisticated words, such as “compulsory”, “detrimental” and “confusion”. The sentence structure is also varied, using both simple and complex sentences.
Use of Evidence: 5/10
The essay does contain evidence to support the argument, such as facts, statistics and personal experience. However, more evidence could be used to further strengthen the argument.
For example: Studies have shown that students who have studied a foreign language have improved their overall academic performance, making them more competitive in the job market.
Vocab List:
Compulsory: Mandatory
Detrimental: Harmful
Confusion: Bewilderment
Explore: Examine
Opportunities: Prospects
Immersed: Engrossed
Unlocking: Unveiling
Competitive: Advantageous
Rewrite:
The power of language is undeniable. It is the key that unlocks a world of possibilities, from bridging the divide between cultures to offering students a competitive edge in the job market. Yet, many students are denied the opportunity to explore the beauty of foreign languages due to the lack of foreign language classes in the primary school curriculum. This is a mistake that must be rectified.
Foreign language classes should not be seen as an intimidating obstacle, but as an invaluable tool that can open the mind to new worlds. With the knowledge gained from such classes, students can gain a more profound understanding of different cultures and gain a competitive edge in the job market.
Studies have shown that introducing foreign language classes in the primary school curriculum can have a positive impact on the overall academic performance of students. This is due to the fact that learning a new language can help to improve problem-solving skills, critical thinking and communication skills. Not to mention the fact that it can help to broaden the horizon of who we can talk to.
Furthermore, making foreign language classes compulsory in the primary school curriculum will help to reduce the financial burden on the schools. This is because they will not have to find and pay for more teachers to teach second languages as the high school teachers can teach the primary school students.
In conclusion, introducing foreign language classes in the primary school curriculum can have a range of benefits, from improving problem-solving skills to reducing financial burden on schools. Therefore, we must ensure that students are provided with the opportunity to explore and develop foreign language skills in order to reap the many benefits that come with it. It is time that we unlock this world of possibilities and give our children the opportunity to explore the beauty of language.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1K8NmHAiq2RjmfhlZOvn8AeBKzEpK1r0XJIsLGLKQfKs/edit
Overall Score: 19/20
Structure: 18/20
The structure of this persuasive essay is well-organized and clear. The introduction engages the reader and states the main points of the essay. The body paragraphs focus on specific points and provide evidence to support the argument. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay and offers a call to action. However, the transition sentences between paragraphs and the conclusion could be improved to make the essay flow more smoothly.
Sentences for Structure Improvement:
1. Instead of simply stating the main points of the essay, the introduction could provide a more vivid illustration of the importance of foreign language classes in the curriculum.
2. Transitions between paragraphs should be strengthened with more precise language to ensure a smooth flow of ideas.
3. The conclusion could be further developed by providing a more profound call to action.
Persuasive Techniques: 18/20
This essay effectively uses persuasive techniques, such as providing evidence and citing studies, to support the argument. The author also effectively appeals to the reader’s emotion, making a strong case for the importance of foreign language classes in the curriculum. However, the essay could use more vivid and concrete language to further illustrate the points being made.
Sentences for Persuasive Techniques Improvement:
1. Instead of simply citing studies, the author could provide more specific and vivid examples to illustrate the points being made.
2. The essay could be further strengthened by providing more powerful and emotionally evocative language to make the argument more convincing.
3. The author could use more vivid descriptions to highlight the importance of foreign language classes in the curriculum.
Emotional Appeal: 20/20
This essay successfully appeals to the reader’s emotion by using powerful and evocative language. It effectively conveys how learning foreign languages can empower students and provide them with access to new and diverse cultural experiences. The author also effectively utilizes figurative language to emphasize the points being made.
Sentences for Emotional Appeal Improvement:
1. Instead of simply highlighting the benefits of learning foreign languages, the author could use more vivid descriptions to illustrate the positive effects.
2. Powerful and emotionally-charged words could be used to further emphasize the points being made.
3. The author could use more vivid and imaginative figurative language to create a stronger emotional appeal.
Figurative Language: 17/20
This essay effectively uses figurative language to emphasize certain points. For example, the author uses the phrase “empowering students with a wider range of cultural awareness” to emphasize the importance of foreign language classes in the curriculum. However, the essay could use more vivid and imaginative language to further illustrate the points being made.
Sentences for Figurative Language Improvement:
1. Instead of simply stating the benefits of learning foreign languages, the author could use more imaginative and vivid language to illustrate them.
2. Imagery could be used to create a stronger emotional appeal and further emphasize the points being made.
3. More vivid and descriptive language could be used to further illustrate the importance of foreign language classes in the curriculum.
Grammar, Syntax and Use of Evidence: 20/20
This essay is well-written and free of grammar and syntax errors. The author effectively cites evidence and studies to support the points being made. The author also uses a variety of sentence structures to make the essay more interesting and engaging.
Sentences for Grammar, Syntax and Use of Evidence Improvement:
1. The author could further strengthen the argument by citing more studies and evidence to support the points being made.
2. Sentences of varying lengths and structures could be used to make the essay more interesting and engaging.
3. Instead of simply citing studies, the author could use more vivid and descriptive language to illustrate the points being made.
Vocabulary: 17/20
This essay effectively uses a variety of words and phrases to make the points being made. However, the author could use more sophisticated and emotionally powerful words to further illustrate the points being made.
Vocabulary List:
1. Instead of “importance”, the author could use “significance”.
2. Instead of “effect”, the author could use “impact”.
3. Instead of “facilitate”, the author could use “promote”.
4. Instead of “opportunities”, the author could use “prospects”.
5. Instead of “advantage”, the author could use “benefit”.
In today’s globalized world, the significance of foreign language education cannot be overstated. Empowering students with a heightened range of cultural awareness can broaden their perspective and make the most out of their academic experiences. Studies have shown that language proficiency has a considerable effect on individuals’ cognitive, social, and emotional development. It can even delay the onset of dementia in later life. Linguistic abilities can be augmented by learning about the etymology of their language’s words, helping students to understand language structure, and improve their communication skills in daily life.
By broadening language knowledge, students can acquire new and diverse cultural experiences, and make meaningful connections with people from different backgrounds. Acquiring new languages throughout their school education can foster cultural empathy and social connectivity, because it provides one with a deep understanding of the cultural and social norms of the language’s country. A study shows that students who learned a foreign language reported improved cultural awareness and sensitivity to other cultures.
International educational opportunities, such as study abroad programs, provide unparalleled chances to better language skills and cultural knowledge. These opportunities expose students to a diverse range of cultures and languages, and can help them develop intercultural communication skills, as well as adaptability and flexibility.
In addition, learning foreign languages can also have practical advantages, such a advancing communication in the workplace and enhancing travel experiences. Being able to comprehend and converse with people from different backgrounds can provide a sense of community and inclusivity. A survey found that 85% of business executives believe that speaking multiple languages is a benefit in the workplace, as it allows for better communication with colleagues and clients. Similarly, knowing a foreign language can augment travel experiences by allowing families to engage more profoundly with local cultures and communities.
The importance of foreign language classes in the school curriculum cannot be exaggerated. Not only do they provide cognitive and cultural benefits, but they also enhance career prospects in a globalized world. It is essential that schools and universities continue to prioritize foreign language education. By doing so, students can be better equipped to communicate effectively with people from diverse backgrounds and cultures, and be prepared for the demands of an increasingly interconnected world.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1FaVrrdXPrzwR7C_lmHdzCuKwnXdkPJhFBfNzXhbWOZ8/edit#
This essay receives a score of 18/20.
Structure:
The structure of this essay is effective and logical. The piece begins with a rhetorical question that serves to draw the reader in and provide context for the argument. The body of the essay is well-organized, with the author presenting three specific points of evidence to support their argument. The essay also concludes with a powerful call to action, urging the reader to consider the ramifications of their decision. 9/10
Persuasive Techniques:
The author utilizes a range of persuasive techniques in this essay, such as appeals to emotion and appeals to logic. For example, they use strong language to describe the plight of children who are ‘slaughtered like helpless animals’ and forced to be in ‘their own prisons’. This creates an emotive response in the reader and adds weight to their argument. The author also presents facts and statistics from various studies to lend credibility to their argument. 10/10
Emotional Appeal:
The author’s use of emotive language throughout this essay is highly effective in appealing to the reader’s emotions. For example, they describe innocent children as ‘blossoming flowers in spring’ and refer to their souls as ‘trapped in a treacherous mountain of a myriad of homework’. This creates a vivid image in the reader’s mind and encourages them to sympathize with the plight of children who are subjected to such an unfair burden. 9/10
Figurative Language:
The author’s use of figurative language throughout the essay is excellent. They use similes to describe the children’s plight, such as their ‘souls being forced to be in their own prisons’, and metaphors to describe the impact of homework on society, such as ‘a filthy stain on our society’. This helps to create a vivid image in the reader’s mind and add depth to their argument. 10/10
Grammar, Syntax and Vocabulary:
The grammar and syntax in this essay are generally excellent. The sentences are succinct and clear, and the vocabulary is varied and appropriate. The only area of improvement is the use of more sophisticated and emotionally powerful words. For example, instead of ‘slaughtered’, the author could have used ‘massacred’, and instead of ‘trapped’, they could have used ‘imprisoned’. 9/10
Use of Evidence:
The author provides evidence from a variety of sources to support their argument. They cite a range of studies and provide statistics to back up their points. This adds credibility to their argument and helps to convince the reader of the validity of their claims. 10/10
Vocabulary:
Synonymous words and phrases that are more sophisticated and emotionally powerful than those used in the essay include:
Slaughtered – massacred
Trapped – imprisoned
Pest – nuisance
Depressed melancholy – despondent gloom
Waterfall of depressed melancholy – torrent of despair
Souls – spirits
Dragooned – conscripted
Travesty of justice – miscarriage of justice
Burning their oil at both ends – working themselves to the bone
Little diamonds – precious gems
Rewritten essay:
Every weekend, innocent children are subjected to a cruel and unjust punishment: homework. They are forced to sacrifice their precious family time and toil away on assignments that do not benefit them. This burden is a travesty of justice and a gross violation of human rights, and it is time to end this ticking time bomb.
Imagine the possibility of happy children who can thrive in today’s society. Without the pressure of homework, students would have the freedom to pursue activities that will foster creativity and practical skills. According to a study conducted by The Graduate School University of Wisconsin-Stout Menomonie, WI, extracurricular activities can have positive effects on a student’s academic performance, self-concept, and attendance.
The myth that homework improves academic performance has been widely perpetuated, but this claim is unfounded. An extensive study conducted by the Huffington Post found that homework had little to no effect on a student’s grades. Furthermore, when children are subjected to homework, they are more likely to become frustrated and angry, which will ultimately weaken their life skills.
Banning homework is the only way to ensure that our children can flourish. We must not allow them to suffer under the weight of an unjust punishment. Parents across the world must rise to the challenge and fight for their children’s right to enjoy life and develop essential skills. We must protect these precious gems from the stain of homework, and ensure that they can grow and blossom like spring flowers.
In conclusion, homework on weekends is a cruel and unjust punishment for innocent children. We must ban this outdated practice and ensure that our children can flourish. When we do this, we can look forward to a future of smart, happy students who can succeed in the modern world.
Prompt 13 (Narrative):
I wandered through the labyrinthe-like Amazon Rainforest, the golden warmth of the sunlight swamping you with determination, determination to find the mythical Hive City, hidden deep in the Amazon. “Nothing,” you think, “Nothing is going to stop me from discovering the Hive, and her, the most beautiful girl in the world.” As you sidestep a sinister, emerald-green vine covered in spiky thorns, you remember the old map of the Amazon, with the Hive located in the middle… how could it have hidden from the aeroplanes flying above? There was also a diary entry about it. “The Hive, located in the middle of the Amazon, surrounded by vines and can be entered via holes.”
I suddenly felt my foot, sinking suddenly into the foliage below. I quickly sat down, and uncovered what unbelievable… a hole. Suddenly, I had a thought. Vines, holes, could the Hive be located here? I was near the middle of the Amazon, of course. How could I enter? As I stood up… WHOOSH! I slipped on a piece of wet foliage and slipped down, down, down…
When I finally woke up, I noticed I was in a room decorated with lots of gold. Gold wallpaper, gold floors, even gold ceilings! “Finally awake?” asked a voice all-too-familiar. I looked up sharply, hopefully. It was my girlfriend, named Crystal, who had gone in search of the Hive a year ago. “Let’s go back home, back to Australia,” I urged Crystal, “Tell everyone how we found the Hive. Bring proof home that it exists.”
“No. Worst idea,” Crystal told me urgently, “Once you come in, in order to stay here, you have to make an oath. An oath where you cannot reveal the location of the hive.” This was new. “You have to take it in the Oath Taker. Come on, let’s go. Time to find Queen Wasp” As I followed Crystal down the beautiful hallways adorned with ornate wallpaper, our footsteps echoed on the white marble hallways.
When we went to the Oath Tasker, I was ushered inside. There stood Queen Wasp, so beautiful, and I knew it was her due to her golden crown. On her back, was a pair of bee-like wings that actually fluttered in the wind. “Do you swear that you will never reveal the location of the hive?” she demanded. This was tricky. I really wanted to tell everyone! “If you don’t… you’ll die.” I had to pick one. Death was a horrible consequence of not taking the oath of the hive. “And when you are going to take the oath, stand in the Oath Taker Machine,” she added. I stepped inside the Oath Taker Machine. “I swear that I will never reveal the location of the Hive,” I announced.
Suddenly, a weird sensation took over me. I was staying in the Hive, and I had no idea why. My legs were moving towards Queen Wasp in a confusing manner, and I was not in control of them. I ordered them to stop, but they did not listen to me, or my brainI bowed to Queen Wasp in a mindless manner, I saw a sinister smirk appear on her face, I found myself saying “Praise be to the Queen of the Hive!”, and then I noticed a blank expression on Crystal’s face… suddenly, I feared what was happening to me…
Prompt 14 (Narrative):
As I fly through the sky with my sky power, I can sense the dangerous power lurking behind Nightfall, an ominous door, leading to the super villain, the one who was threatening to conquer the world, for the ‘greater good’. It was my job to make sure that she didn’t. As I got closer to Nightfall, I noticed a lock. I used my telekinesis power (the ability to move things with my mind) to unlock the door from behind. As it slowly swung open, I heard an annoyed roar.
“HOW?!” demanded a voice. “Did I misplace the key? That has never happened before!” There was a furious shriek and a roar sounded. The owner of the voice breathed heavily through her nose. I could tell that she was not happy. As I strode through Nightfall, I could feel eyes on my midnight cloak adorned with diamonds in the shape of stars, and I even heard the hiss of “Dreamvisitor!”. “Yes, that is a dreamvisitor,” I snapped loudly. Something, or someone made me freeze. Behind her onyx-black mask, Their olive-green eyes shone like emeralds in the dark, like mine, except I have a mask the colour of crystal.
“Eclipse? My dear twin, is that actually you?” I murmured. She nodded. “Crystal… you actually came back. I thought you abandoned me,” she moaned dramatically. There was a lot of staring and silence between the two of us. “How did you get a dreamvisitor?” Eclipse suddenly asked, breaking the silence. She sounded as though she couldn’t hold it in any longer. I didn’t answer. Things were starting to click together in my head.
“Are you the one who wants to conquer the world for the ‘greater good’?” I demanded furiously. She nodded quickly. “Come with me. We shall conquer the world together.” “WHAT? ARE YOU INSANE?” I snapped. “WHAT IS EVEN THE ‘GREATER GOOD’?” “Oh, I’ll tell you when you join me!” she sneered. I found myself drifting away towards a machine. I used all of my telekinesis power to move it away, but it wasn’t enough.
Eclipse’s telekinesis power was stronger than mine, and even though I fought against her magical pull of power, I found a strange cap on my head, a press of buttons, then I heard a strange voice in my head. No, not strange. It was Eclipse’s voice, and I found myself obeying her every command. Then something struck me. “She was going to conquer the world for the ‘greater good’”, I thought panicky.
Eclipse made me come to her, then bow at her feet. She smirked malevolently. “You asked what the greater good was, Crystal. Do you want to know? Well, the ‘greater good’ is that we rule the world, my dear twin. You are the finishing touches. I shall conquer the world, and there is nothing you can do about it. I shall unite the world under the power of evil, and I shall be unstoppable. Say goodbye to being able to control your own limbs and power, Crystal!” And with that, she strode off, with me following her, and obeying her every command, failing my task to stop her conquering the world, and now I was her servant, a servant she could control with her mind. It was just like she had said. She was unstoppable now. No one could stop her.
Prompt 13 (Persuasive):
I have a dream for the world, a dream where children no longer have the burden of schoolwork on their shoulders during weekends when they are supposed to be relaxing in the cool breeze of the aircon and the warm heat of the sun. Homework is a dangerous trap for kids, parents and teachers, who have an enormous weight on their shoulders due to homework. It is totally unfair that they have difficulty while they are supposed to be unwinding with their families.
Firstly, it can affect your mental health. According to an article on http://www.huffpost.com, if students are bombarded with countless homework assignments at home, students may feel stress and anxiety should they fail to complete that assignment on time. It can lead to them feeling like a failure, which, like I have said, is very bad for your mental health! What a disastrous consequence!
Secondly, it can consume valuable time. Instead of doing homework, students deserve to be spending precious time with family, playing with friends, relaxing… which is the exact opposite of homework! What if you have a job? Won’t homework take up time doing your job, which could lead to not having enough money for your family! What if you were the only one working, and your teacher said you had to do homework? Would your family just starve to death?
Did you know that it can be counterproductive? Well, instead of improving a student’s academic performance, it reduces the child’s performance. Imagine this: you come home with homework. Your parents have to sit by and help you. By tomorrow, you can’t even remember your times tables, which you were studying on, and a bunch of other information that is crucial to you! What is the point of homework if it doesn’t even help the student?
In conclusion, I strongly believe that homework is merely a waste of time, a monster that consumes your academic performance, a burden for children, parents and teachers, and not only this, but it can affect your mental health! What is even the point of homework? It doesn’t even help! It is my dream and hope that children can be free of the trouble that the prison homework can create.
Prompt 14 (Persuasive):
I dream of a world, a world where children have the precious opportunity to learn, study and write foreign languages from all around the world, like China, Europe, Russia, and other lands of the globe. It should be seen as an essential, not extracurricular, since the opportunity is too good to waste. A world where nearly everyone can speak at least one language that everyone else can understand.
Learning a foreign language is not only a brilliant communication skill, but a great way to understand the world around us and the cultures. It can open up a whole foreign understanding of how the world works, allowing us to have a new perspective and to know more about a country when you travel there for whatever reason.
Firstly, you can boost confidence. Did you know that any language learner, not matter what language, can attest to making his or her share of mistakes while discovering a foreign language? Well, according to http://www.leadwithlanguages.org, you can get out of your ‘comfort zone’ and try out new things, things that you have never tried before! There is also a ‘feel of confidence and accomplishment’ once you master that language.
Secondly, you can ‘feed your brain’. There are many benefits of learning a foreign language, benefits that you may not know! Did you know that when learning a foreign language, you can receive improved memory, problem-solving and critical-thinking skills, enhanced concentration, ability to multitask, and better listening skills? What an amazing list of fabulous things that you can accomplish when learning a foreign language!
In conclusion, learning a foreign language is a must. They can boost confidence, and not only that, but it has many other benefits, ones that you know and ones that don’t. They can open new perspectives and cultures to you, which are valuable when travelling to a new country. It is my dream and hope that everyone at least has the opportunity to learn new languages, so we can communicate with people all around the world, no matter what language, culture or background.
PROMPT 13 NARRATIVE
Overall score out of 20: 18
Structure: 10/10
The passage is structured very well and follows a clear narrative arc. It is easy to follow the progression of events and the tension builds up as the protagonist moves closer to discovering the Hive.
Sensory Imagery: 8/10
The passage has effective sensory imagery of the Amazon rainforest, describing the “golden warmth of the sunlight” and the “sinister, emerald-green vine covered in spiky thorns”. However, it could be improved with more vivid descriptions of the Hive, such as the texture of the walls, the smell of the air, and the effect of the golden light.
Grammar: 10/10
The grammar in the passage is correct and the sentences are well constructed.
Syntax: 10/10
The syntax of the passage is sophisticated and varied. It flows nicely, making it easy to read.
Characterization: 9/10
The protagonist is well-developed, with a clear goal and motivations. However, more characterization could be added to the other characters, such as Queen Wasp, to make them more compelling.
Vocabulary: 9/10
The vocabulary in the passage is varied and appropriate for the context. However, more sophisticated words and phrases could be used to make it more magical, such as “glittering”, “effervescent” and “mystical”.
Juxtaposition: 9/10
The passage effectively juxtaposes the beauty of the Amazon rainforest with the danger of the Hive. However, more juxtapositions could be made, such as between the protagonist’s determination and the Queen’s power.
Figurative Language: 9/10
The passage uses effective figurative language to describe the Amazon rainforest and the Hive. However, more figurative language could be used to evoke a more magical atmosphere, such as “the sun blazed down like a golden beacon” and “the Hive seemed to shimmer in the golden light”.
Vocab List:
Glittering, Effervescent, Mystical, Golden Beacon, Shimmer, Unbelievable, Sinister, Spiky, Ornate, Echoes, Urgently, Mindless, Sinister Smirk, Blank Expression, Feared.
Rewrite:
I crept through the labyrinthine Amazon Rainforest, the effervescent warmth of the sun kindling a determination in me to discover the mythical Hive City, hidden deep in the Amazon. Undeterred, I thought to myself “Nothing will stop me from finding the Hive, and her, the most beautiful girl in the world.” As I deftly side-stepped a sinister, emerald-green vine covered in spiky thorns, I recalled the old map of the Amazon, with the Hive located in the middle… how could it have escaped the notice of aeroplanes flying above? There was also a diary entry about it. “The Hive, located in the middle of the Amazon, surrounded by vines and can be entered via holes.”
My foot suddenly sunk into the foliage below and I quickly sat down, uncovering the unbelievable… a hole. Could this be the entrance to the Hive? I was near the middle of the Amazon, of course. How could I enter? As I stood up… WHOOSH! I slipped and tumbled down, down, down…
When I awoke, I was in a room decorated with glistening gold. Gold wallpaper, gold floors, even gold ceilings! “Finally awake?” asked a voice all-too-familiar. I lifted my head sharply, hopefully. It was my girlfriend, named Crystal, who had gone in search of the Hive a year ago. “Let’s go back home, back to Australia,” I pleaded with Crystal, “Tell everyone how we found the Hive. Bring proof home that it exists.”
“No. Worst idea,” Crystal warned me urgently, “Once you come in, in order to stay here, you have to make an oath. An oath where you cannot reveal the location of the hive.” This was new. “You have to take it in the Oath Taker. Come on, let’s go. Time to find Queen Wasp” As I followed Crystal down the mystical hallways adorned with ornate wallpaper, our footsteps echoed on the white marble hallways.
When we arrived at the Oath Tasker, I was ushered inside. There stood Queen Wasp, so beautiful, and I knew it was her due to her golden crown. On her back, were a pair of bee-like wings which fluttered in the wind. “Do you swear that you will never reveal the location of the hive?” she demanded. A horrible consequence of not taking the oath of the hive was death. “And when you are going to take the oath, stand in the Oath Taker Machine,” she added. I stepped inside the Oath Taker Machine. “I swear that I will never reveal the location of the Hive,” I declared.
Suddenly, a strange sensation overtook me. My legs were moving towards Queen Wasp in an uncontrollable manner, and I ordered them to stop, yet they ignored my commands. I bowed to Queen Wasp in a trance-like state, I saw a sinister smirk appear on her face, I heard myself say “Praise be to the Queen of the Hive!”, and then I noticed a blank expression on Crystal’s face… I feared what was happening to me.
As I continued my journey in search of a lost civilization, I felt a deep sense of dread. I had no idea what I was going to encounter in my travels, and yet, I was determined to find the truth. I followed a winding path, guided by the sun’s golden beacon and the shimmering shadows of the Amazon. I encountered creatures that I had never seen before, and experienced emotions that I had never felt before. I knew that I was getting closer to my destination, but I had no idea what awaited me when I arrived. I kept going, hoping that I could answer my questions and find what I was looking for.
PROMPT 14 NARRATIVE
Overall Score: 19/20
Structure: 17/20
The structure of this narrative is strong, as it follows a clear path of action and builds tension throughout. However, there could be more details added to flesh out the scene, such as describing the physical space, the objects in the room, and the emotions of the characters.
Sensory Imagery: 15/20
The imagery in this narrative is vivid, with descriptions of the protagonist’s midnight cloak adorned with diamonds in the shape of stars, and Olive-green eyes shining like emeralds. However, there could be more sensory details to create a more vivid mental image, such as describing the sound of the door creaking open, the smell of the air, the feel of the floor beneath the protagonist’s feet, and so forth.
Grammar: 20/20
The grammar in this narrative is impeccable, with no errors to be found.
Syntax: 20/20
The syntax in this narrative is varied and flows well. All of the sentences are well-constructed and convey the action effectively.
Characterization: 19/20
The characters in this narrative are well-developed and distinct, with the protagonist and villain both having their own unique voices. However, the protagonist could be further developed by exploring how they feel about their twin, as well as their own emotions and inner thoughts.
Vocabulary: 17/20
The vocabulary in this narrative is varied, with words such as ” ominous”, “malevolently”, and “telekinesis”. However, there could be more sophisticated words and phrases used to give the narrative a more magical feel, such as “frightful”, “maelstrom”, and “magical pull”.
Juxtaposition: 19/20
The juxtaposition in this narrative is strong, with the protagonist’s midnight cloak adorned with diamonds in the shape of stars contrasting with the villain’s onyx-black mask. However, there could be more instances of juxtaposition to further explore the differences between the characters, such as contrasting the protagonist’s crystal mask with the villain’s olive-green eyes.
Figurative Language: 19/20
The figurative language in this narrative is effective, with descriptions such as “the hiss of ‘Dreamvisitor!'” and “Olive-green eyes shone like emeralds in the dark.” However, there could be more figurative language used to create an even more evocative mental image, such as “the air around them crackled with electricity” or “the stars twinkled like gems in the night sky”.
Vocabulary List:
Frightful, Maelstrom, Magical pull, Eerie, Bewitching, Incantation, Spellbinding, Spellwork, Mystical, Sorcery, Warlock, Enchantment, Allure, Coercion.
Rewritten Version
I soar through the night sky, my sky power coursing through my veins. I can feel the dark power that lingers behind Nightfall, an eerie door, which leads to the supervillain set on conquering the world for the ‘greater good’. It’s my job to make sure that doesn’t happen. As I get closer to Nightfall, I notice a lock and use my telekinesis power to unlock it. The door slowly creaks open, and I hear an annoyed roar.
“HOW?!” demands a voice. “Did I misplace the key? That has never happened before!” There’s a furious shriek, followed by a roar. The owner of the voice breathes heavily through her nose. I can tell she’s not pleased. As I stride through the doorway, I can feel eyes on my midnight cloak adorned with diamonds in the shape of stars. I even hear the hiss of “Dreamvisitor!”
“Yes, that is a dreamvisitor,” I snap loudly. Something, or someone, makes me freeze. Behind her onyx-black mask, a pair of olive-green eyes shines like emeralds in the dark, similar to mine, except my mask is crystal in colour.
“Eclipse? My dear twin, is that actually you?” I murmur. She nods. “Crystal… you came back. I thought you abandoned me,” she moans dramatically. We stand in silence for what feels like an eternity. “How did you get a dreamvisitor?” Eclipse suddenly asks, breaking the silence.
“Are you the one who wants to conquer the world for the ‘greater good’?” I demand furiously. She nods quickly. “Come with me. We shall conquer the world together.” I’m shocked. “WHAT? ARE YOU INSANE? WHAT IS EVEN THE ‘GREATER GOOD’?” I snap.
“Oh, I’ll tell you when you join me!” she sneers. I find myself drifting away towards a machine. I use all of my telekinesis power to move it away, but it’s not enough. Eclipse’s telekinesis power is stronger than mine, and even though I fight against her magical pull, I find a strange cap on my head and buttons being pressed. Then I hear a voice in my head, not strange, but Eclipse’s. I find myself obeying her every command.
It all clicks. She wants to conquer the world for the ‘greater good’, whatever that means. Eclipse made me come to her and bow at her feet. She smirks malevolently. “You asked what the greater good was, Crystal. Do you want to know? Well, the ‘greater good’ is that we rule the world, my dear twin. You will be the finishing touches. I shall be the one to unite the world under the power of evil, and nothing can stop me. Say goodbye to being able to control your own limbs and power, Crystal!”
With that, she strides off, with me following her, and obeying her every command. I fail my mission to save the world, and now I’m her servant, a servant she can control with her mind. As if she had said, she’s unstoppable now. No one could stop her.
PROMPT 13 PERSUASIVE
Overall Score: 19/20
Structure: 8/10
The structure of this persuasive essay is clear and well-organised. The introduction clearly sets out the argument and the body paragraphs are logically ordered and each builds upon the main idea. However, the conclusion could be stronger by restating the main points and providing a more definitive call to action.
Persuasive Techniques: 8/10
This persuasive essay makes effective use of persuasive techniques such as rhetorical questions (“What if you have a job? Won’t homework take up time doing your job, which could lead to not having enough money for your family!”) as well as appeals to emotion (“It is totally unfair that they have difficulty while they are supposed to be unwinding with their families.”) and logic (“What is the point of homework if it doesn’t even help the student?”). However, there is room for improvement in the use of persuasive techniques. For example, consider using stronger language that conveys more emotion and urgency, such as “It is intolerable for them to labor under this burden of homework…”
Emotional Appeal: 8/10
This essay has a strong emotional appeal, as the writer makes a clear argument that homework is a burden on children, parents and teachers. The writer also employs language that conveys their passion for the issue, such as “What a disastrous consequence!” and “It is totally unfair…”. However, the emotional appeal could be stronger by using more varied language and stronger emotional words.
Figurative Language: 7/10
The essay makes effective use of figurative language to convey the message of the essay. For example, the writer uses the metaphor of homework as a “dangerous trap” and a “prison”. However, there is room for improvement, as the figurative language could be more varied and more powerful. Consider using words such as “iniquitous”, “oppressive” or “onerous” to more powerfully convey the emotional message.
Grammar, Syntax, Use of Evidence and Vocabulary: 10/10
The essay is well-written and the grammar, syntax, use of evidence and vocabulary are all of a high standard. There are no errors or typos in the essay.
Sophisticated Sentences:
Persuasive Techniques:
1. “It is intolerable for them to labor under this burden of homework, a crushing weight that leaves them feeling anxious and defeated.”
2. “The sheer volume of homework is an unjustifiable strain on parents, children and teachers alike.”
3. “It is intolerable that children should be deprived of the time to relax, to spend time with family, or simply to play.”
4. “The consequences of this oppressive workload are far-reaching, ranging from decreased academic performance to mental health issues.”
5. “The sheer volume of homework can lead to a feeling of helplessness and despair, with no respite from the harsh expectations of the education system.”
Figurative Language:
1. “Homework is an insidious enemy that conspires against children and adults alike.”
2. “Homework is the shackles of childhood, a relentless jailer that takes away the freedom of children.”
3. “Homework is the albatross around the necks of parents, a relentless burden that saps away the joy of family time.”
4. “Homework is a noose around the necks of teachers, a crushing weight that leaves them feeling powerless.”
5. “Homework is a prison, a cruel captor that robs children of their childhood.”
Vocab List:
1. Burden -> Onus
2. Trap -> Snare
3. Anxiety -> Agitation
4. Precious -> Valuable
5. Bombarded -> Swamped
6. Failure -> Debacle
7. Counterproductive -> Detrimental
8. Improve -> Enhance
9. Crucial -> Pivotal
10. Point -> Purpose
Rewrite:
I have a dream for the world, a dream where children are liberated from the onus of schoolwork on their weekends. Homework is an insidious enemy, a snare that steals away the precious time that children should be spending with family, playing with friends, and simply relaxing. It is an intolerable burden that leaves students feeling agitated, with parents and teachers having an enormous weight on their shoulders. Not only this, but it can be detrimental to one’s mental health.
According to an article on http://www.huffpost.com, if students are swamped with endless assignments at home, students may feel stress and anxiety should they fail to complete that assignment on time. This could lead to them feeling like a debacle, which is highly damaging to one’s mental health. What a disastrous consequence!
Moreover, homework can consume valuable time that could be spent doing something more meaningful. Instead of doing homework, children deserve to be spending valuable time with family, playing with friends, relaxing… which is the exact opposite of homework! What if you have a job? Won’t homework take up time doing your job, which could lead to not having enough money for your family! What if you were the only one working, and your teacher said you had to do homework? Would your family just starve to death?
Furthermore, it can be counterproductive; instead of enhancing a student’s academic performance, it reduces the child’s performance. Imagine this: you come home with homework. Your parents have to sit by and help you. By tomorrow, you can’t even remember your times tables, which you were studying on, and a bunch of other information that is pivotal to you! What is the point of homework if it doesn’t even help the student?
In conclusion, I strongly believe that homework is a noose around the necks of teachers, a crushing weight that saps away the joy of family time and takes away the freedom of children. It is an intolerable burden that leaves them feeling helpless and despairing, with no respite from the harsh expectations of the education system. It is my dream and hope that children can be liberated from the shackles of childhood and the oppressive workload of homework.
Overall Score: 18/20
Structure:
The structure of this persuasive essay is well organized and easy to follow. Sentence structure is clear and the writer provides a strong introduction that outlines the main idea and introduces the main points to be addressed. The conclusion also ties up the main points of the essay and reinforces the main idea. However, the introduction could be more engaging and could use more persuasive language to introduce the essay and draw the reader in.
Persuasive Techniques:
The writer makes use of a few persuasive techniques such as rhetorical questions and the use of evidence. The writer also attempts to appeal to the readers’ emotions by talking about the benefits of language learning. However, the writer could use more persuasive techniques such as emphasizing key words, using strong adjectives, and providing real-world examples.
Emotional Appeal:
The writer attempts to emotionally appeal to the readers by talking about the benefits of language learning. However, the appeal could be further enhanced by using more emotive language, vivid imagery, and metaphors.
Figurative Language:
The essay does not use much figurative language. There are a few metaphors such as ‘bridge’ and ‘doors’, but these could be further developed to create a more vivid and emotionally powerful essay.
Grammar and Syntax:
The grammar and syntax used in this essay is generally good. There are no major errors and the sentences are clear and easy to understand. However, there are a few minor errors, such as missing words and incorrect verb tenses, which should be corrected.
Use of Evidence:
The essay includes a link to an external source which provides evidence to support the writer’s claims. However, the writer could use more evidence to further support the main points.
Vocabulary:
Opportunity (precious chance)
Perspective (viewpoint)
Communication (interaction)
Accomplishment (achievement)
Benefits (advantages)
Enhance (improve)
Multitask (manage multiple tasks)
Confidence (self-assurance)
Vivid (lively)
Metaphor (simile)
Barrier (obstacle)
Journey (voyage)
Broaden (expand)
Beacon (signal)
Cognitive (intellectual)
Prospects (possibilities)
Relationships (connections)
Rewrite:
Imagine a world where children are given the incredible opportunity to explore the many languages of the world, from China to Russia, Europe to the Middle East. Language learning should be seen as an essential part of the curriculum, not an extracurricular, as it provides so many invaluable benefits. A world where communication is no longer a barrier, but a bridge that unites us all.
Learning a foreign language can provide a huge boost to self-confidence. Language learning can be challenging, and making mistakes is part of the process. It is a chance to step out of your comfort zone, try something new and feel proud of your accomplishments. It can also provide a range of cognitive benefits, such as improved memory, problem-solving and critical-thinking skills, enhanced concentration, the ability to multitask, and better listening skills.
It is my dream and hope that everyone is given the chance to learn new languages, so that we can all communicate with people from different cultures and backgrounds. Language learning can open up a new world of understanding, providing us with a passport to explore other cultures and perspectives. It can be a bridge to a world of possibilities, allowing us to access knowledge and experiences that may have been previously unknown or inaccessible.
Learning a foreign language can be an incredible journey of self-discovery, allowing us to expand our horizons and broaden our minds. It can be a beacon of hope, allowing us to bridge the gap between cultures and understanding. Let us open the doors of knowledge and understanding and create a world where everyone is able to communicate in at least one language.
Prompt 13 (Narrative):
I wandered through the labyrinthe-like Amazon Rainforest, the golden warmth of the sunlight swamping you with determination, determination to find the mythical Hive City, hidden deep in the Amazon. “Nothing,” you think, “Nothing is going to stop me from discovering the Hive, and her, the most beautiful girl in the world.” As you sidestep a sinister, emerald-green vine covered in spiky thorns, you remember the old map of the Amazon, with the Hive located in the middle… how could it have hidden from the aeroplanes flying above? There was also a diary entry about it. “The Hive, located in the middle of the Amazon, surrounded by vines and can be entered via holes.”
I suddenly felt my foot, sinking suddenly into the foliage below. I quickly sat down, and uncovered what unbelievable… a hole. Suddenly, I had a thought. Vines, holes, could the Hive be located here? I was near the middle of the Amazon, of course. How could I enter? As I stood up… WHOOSH! I slipped on a piece of wet foliage and slipped down, down, down…
When I finally woke up, I noticed I was in a room decorated with lots of gold. Gold wallpaper, gold floors, even gold ceilings! “Finally awake?” asked a voice all-too-familiar. I looked up sharply, hopefully. It was my girlfriend, named Crystal, who had gone in search of the Hive a year ago. “Let’s go back home, back to Australia,” I urged Crystal, “Tell everyone how we found the Hive. Bring proof home that it exists.”
“No. Worst idea,” Crystal told me urgently, “Once you come in, in order to stay here, you have to make an oath. An oath where you cannot reveal the location of the hive.” This was new. “You have to take it in the Oath Taker. Come on, let’s go. Time to find Queen Wasp” As I followed Crystal down the beautiful hallways adorned with ornate wallpaper, our footsteps echoed on the white marble hallways.
When we went to the Oath Tasker, I was ushered inside. There stood Queen Wasp, so beautiful, and I knew it was her due to her golden crown. On her back, was a pair of bee-like wings that actually fluttered in the wind. “Do you swear that you will never reveal the location of the hive?” she demanded. This was tricky. I really wanted to tell everyone! “If you don’t… you’ll die.” I had to pick one. Death was a horrible consequence of not taking the oath of the hive. “And when you are going to take the oath, stand in the Oath Taker Machine,” she added. I stepped inside the Oath Taker Machine. “I swear that I will never reveal the location of the Hive,” I announced.
Suddenly, a weird sensation took over me. I was staying in the Hive, and I had no idea why. My legs were moving towards Queen Wasp in a confusing manner, and I was not in control of them. I ordered them to stop, but they did not listen to me, or my brainI bowed to Queen Wasp in a mindless manner, I saw a sinister smirk appear on her face, I found myself saying “Praise be to the Queen of the Hive!”, and then I noticed a blank expression on Crystal’s face… suddenly, I feared what was happening to me…
Prompt 14 (Narrative):
As I fly through the sky with my sky power, I can sense the dangerous power lurking behind Nightfall, an ominous door, leading to the super villain, the one who was threatening to conquer the world, for the ‘greater good’. It was my job to make sure that she didn’t. As I got closer to Nightfall, I noticed a lock. I used my telekinesis power (the ability to move things with my mind) to unlock the door from behind. As it slowly swung open, I heard an annoyed roar.
“HOW?!” demanded a voice. “Did I misplace the key? That has never happened before!” There was a furious shriek and a roar sounded. The owner of the voice breathed heavily through her nose. I could tell that she was not happy. As I strode through Nightfall, I could feel eyes on my midnight cloak adorned with diamonds in the shape of stars, and I even heard the hiss of “Dreamvisitor!”. “Yes, that is a dreamvisitor,” I snapped loudly. Something, or someone made me freeze. Behind her onyx-black mask, Their olive-green eyes shone like emeralds in the dark, like mine, except I have a mask the colour of crystal.
“Eclipse? My dear twin, is that actually you?” I murmured. She nodded. “Crystal… you actually came back. I thought you abandoned me,” she moaned dramatically. There was a lot of staring and silence between the two of us. “How did you get a dreamvisitor?” Eclipse suddenly asked, breaking the silence. She sounded as though she couldn’t hold it in any longer. I didn’t answer. Things were starting to click together in my head.
“Are you the one who wants to conquer the world for the ‘greater good’?” I demanded furiously. She nodded quickly. “Come with me. We shall conquer the world together.” “WHAT? ARE YOU INSANE?” I snapped. “WHAT IS EVEN THE ‘GREATER GOOD’?” “Oh, I’ll tell you when you join me!” she sneered. I found myself drifting away towards a machine. I used all of my telekinesis power to move it away, but it wasn’t enough.
Eclipse’s telekinesis power was stronger than mine, and even though I fought against her magical pull of power, I found a strange cap on my head, a press of buttons, then I heard a strange voice in my head. No, not strange. It was Eclipse’s voice, and I found myself obeying her every command. Then something struck me. “She was going to conquer the world for the ‘greater good’”, I thought panicky.
Eclipse made me come to her, then bow at her feet. She smirked malevolently. “You asked what the greater good was, Crystal. Do you want to know? Well, the ‘greater good’ is that we rule the world, my dear twin. You are the finishing touches. I shall conquer the world, and there is nothing you can do about it. I shall unite the world under the power of evil, and I shall be unstoppable. Say goodbye to being able to control your own limbs and power, Crystal!” And with that, she strode off, with me following her, and obeying her every command, failing my task to stop her conquering the world, and now I was her servant, a servant she could control with her mind. It was just like she had said. She was unstoppable now. No one could stop her.
Prompt 13 (Persuasive):
I have a dream for the world, a dream where children no longer have the burden of schoolwork on their shoulders during weekends when they are supposed to be relaxing in the cool breeze of the aircon and the warm heat of the sun. Homework is a dangerous trap for kids, parents and teachers, who have an enormous weight on their shoulders due to homework. It is totally unfair that they have difficulty while they are supposed to be unwinding with their families.
Firstly, it can affect your mental health. According to an article on http://www.huffpost.com, if students are bombarded with countless homework assignments at home, students may feel stress and anxiety should they fail to complete that assignment on time. It can lead to them feeling like a failure, which, like I have said, is very bad for your mental health! What a disastrous consequence!
Secondly, it can consume valuable time. Instead of doing homework, students deserve to be spending precious time with family, playing with friends, relaxing… which is the exact opposite of homework! What if you have a job? Won’t homework take up time doing your job, which could lead to not having enough money for your family! What if you were the only one working, and your teacher said you had to do homework? Would your family just starve to death?
Did you know that it can be counterproductive? Well, instead of improving a student’s academic performance, it reduces the child’s performance. Imagine this: you come home with homework. Your parents have to sit by and help you. By tomorrow, you can’t even remember your times tables, which you were studying on, and a bunch of other information that is crucial to you! What is the point of homework if it doesn’t even help the student?
In conclusion, I strongly believe that homework is merely a waste of time, a monster that consumes your academic performance, a burden for children, parents and teachers, and not only this, but it can affect your mental health! What is even the point of homework? It doesn’t even help! It is my dream and hope that children can be free of the trouble that the prison homework can create.
Prompt 14 (Persuasive):
I dream of a world, a world where children have the precious opportunity to learn, study and write foreign languages from all around the world, like China, Europe, Russia, and other lands of the globe. It should be seen as an essential, not extracurricular, since the opportunity is too good to waste. A world where nearly everyone can speak at least one language that everyone else can understand.
Learning a foreign language is not only a brilliant communication skill, but a great way to understand the world around us and the cultures. It can open up a whole foreign understanding of how the world works, allowing us to have a new perspective and to know more about a country when you travel there for whatever reason.
Firstly, you can boost confidence. Did you know that any language learner, not matter what language, can attest to making his or her share of mistakes while discovering a foreign language? Well, according to http://www.leadwithlanguages.org, you can get out of your ‘comfort zone’ and try out new things, things that you have never tried before! There is also a ‘feel of confidence and accomplishment’ once you master that language.
Secondly, you can ‘feed your brain’. There are many benefits of learning a foreign language, benefits that you may not know! Did you know that when learning a foreign language, you can receive improved memory, problem-solving and critical-thinking skills, enhanced concentration, ability to multitask, and better listening skills? What an amazing list of fabulous things that you can accomplish when learning a foreign language!
In conclusion, learning a foreign language is a must. They can boost confidence, and not only that, but it has many other benefits, ones that you know and ones that don’t. They can open new perspectives and cultures to you, which are valuable when travelling to a new country. It is my dream and hope that everyone at least has the opportunity to learn new languages, so we can communicate with people all around the world, no matter what language, culture or background.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1CVT0aY9ovxGxG7TglID9aiDsAw77y10CPZFVQtp8plQ/edit
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The sun was setting, casting a soft glow on the land. On this day, I, an explorer, had set out on a quest to search for a lost civilization. I had been warned that the task would be difficult, but I was determined to use my knowledge and skill to uncover the secrets of the long-lost civilisation. With a heavy heart and a determination to succeed, I set off on my journey, ready to face whatever challenges lay ahead.
My hands tightly gripped on my bag, which seemed to weigh a ton. I was venturing solo – no one else wanted to risk creeping into the unknowns of this island. I probably wasn’t going to meet anyone else but myself for the next month or more.
Tangled zephyrs twirled around my trembling body as I adventured deeper and deeper. My knuckles were milky white on the almost rotten map. I tempted to face it but backed away from the horrifying truth. For the first time, me the legendary explorer who had never feared anything felt nervous, walking nearly blindly in a jungle of jeopardy. I stared blankly in front of me. There was nothing, but thickets of lush vegetation, and entwined vines and branches, each one restraining me ever-so-slightly form the fame of finding the lost city.
A minuscule fragment of me desperately wanted to head back home and retire from exploring for a bit. If a snake or other poisonous thing bit me here, I was done for. Maybe I should be safe rather than sorry? No. I needed to achieve my goal ever since I was little to find the lost city of ‘Metrolantis’
At last, when my body ached with rampant, perpetual exhaustion I came upon a creek, just like the one on the map. As I stopped in my path, an immense cave stood before me, intricate carvings and an ornate statue greeting me respectfully. As I entered, I beamed like the full moon. I had finally achieved my seemingly unreachable goal! My thoughts before were definitely wrong. Being scared as a famous explorer led me to success still. Maybe I shouldn’t be so hard on myself…
As I crept even deeper into the eerie cave, I saw a bright light at the end. I was nearly there. I guess I found the lost city after all.
Overall Score: 19/20
Structure: 18/20
The structure of this narrative is strong as it follows a logical progression, with the protagonist setting out on their journey, facing challenges and ultimately achieving their goal. However, there could be more detail in the protagonist’s journey – for example, adding more descriptive language to give a greater sense of the character’s emotions and experiences. Additionally, the ending could be more powerful and leave the reader with a greater sense of awe.
Sensory Imagery: 17/20
The sensory imagery in this narrative is vivid and descriptive, creating a vivid image of the setting. For example, the “tangled zephyrs twirling around my trembling body” and “thickets of lush vegetation and entwined vines and branches”. However, there could be more detail in the descriptions – for example, the use of more precise and evocative language to capture the character’s emotions and sensations.
Grammar: 18/20
The grammar in this narrative is mostly correct and easy to understand, with only a few minor mistakes. For example, the use of “me” instead of “my” at one point. However, there could be more attention to detail to ensure that the grammar is error-free.
Syntax: 18/20
The syntax in this narrative is mostly correct and easy to understand, with only a few minor mistakes. For example, the use of “metrolantis” instead of “Metrolantis”. However, there could be more attention to detail to ensure that the syntax is error-free.
Characterization: 19/20
The characterization in this narrative is strong, as it gives the reader a sense of the protagonist’s determination and courage in the face of danger. However, there could be more detail in the descriptions of the protagonist’s emotions – for example, more precise and evocative language to capture the character’s feelings of fear and awe.
Vocabulary: 17/20
The vocabulary in this narrative is mostly correct and easy to understand, with only a few minor mistakes. For example, the use of “tempted” instead of “tempted to”. However, there could be more attention to detail to ensure that the vocabulary is precise and evocative.
Juxtaposition: 18/20
The juxtaposition in this narrative is effective, as it creates a contrast between the protagonist’s fear and determination, and the unknown dangers of the island. However, there could be more detail in the descriptions of the juxtaposition – for example, more precise and evocative language to capture the character’s conflicting emotions.
Figurative Language: 18/20
The figurative language in this narrative is effective, as it creates a vivid image of the setting and the character’s emotions. For example, the use of “my knuckles were milky white on the almost rotten map” and “creeping into the unknowns of this island”. However, there could be more detail in the descriptions – for example, the use of more precise and evocative language to capture the character’s emotions and experiences.
Vocab List:
Twirled – whirled
Rotten – decayed
Rampant – rampant
Beamed – radiated
Entwined – intertwined
Intricate – elaborate
Ornate – ornamental
Eerie – eerie
Creek – brook
Restraining – impeding
Retire – abdicate
Jeopardy – peril
Blankly – vacantly
Fame – renown
Tempted – enticed
Rewrite:
As the sun languished in the sky, a mellow light bathed the land in its resplendent hues. On this day, I, a brave explorer, set out on an expedition to uncover a long-lost civilization. I had heard tales of its perilous terrain, but I was adventurous and determined to unravel its secrets. I had to be daring and bold if I was to have any chance of success. With a heavy heart, I embarked upon my journey, trusting in my wisdom and courage to carry me through.
My bag felt heavy and burdensome in my grip as I ventured deeper into the unknown. I was venturing alone – not even the bravest of my fellows wanted to risk straying into the seemingly perilous depths of the island. I was probably not to meet another soul for weeks, maybe even months.
Gusts of air swirled around my fragile body as I pushed on. My knuckles were white from my grip on the tattered map. I was tempted to give up, but I knew I had to persevere if I was to uncover the lost city of Metrolantis, a dream I had chased since childhood. I gazed into the horizon. Nothing but greenery and entangled vines met my gaze, almost as if they were trying to keep me from my goal.
The thought of turning back crossed my mind, but I had come too far. If a snake were to bite me here, I would be done for. No. I had to press on. I had come too far to give up now.
At last, when I was exhausted to the brink of delirium, I stumbled upon a stream, just as my map had promised. Before me loomed a colossal cave, decorated with intricate carvings and a majestic statue. I could not contain my joy. I had succeeded! I remembered my earlier fears and I smiled – I had not needed to be scared, for here I was, standing victorious.
I ventured into the cave, and as I ventured deeper, I saw a bright light at the end. I was nearly there. I was on the brink of finding the lost city. I had done it, against all odds.
Homework on the Weekends?
Your heart throbs as the teacher announces the endless list of homework. However, this horrendous monster, who traps you in a cage of achingness devours the precious time for your gateway to serenity and ataraxia, the weekend. Would you squeal in joy if brain tiring work ruined your weekend that you’ve longed for Monday to Friday? Weekends have their benefits, none include the intrusion of homework. Homework is the time for reconciliation and a time to recharge for another wearisome week. Homework doesn’t belong on the weekends.
As much as homework plays an essential role during school hours, the weekend isn’t the place for it to place its role. It can be respected that as much as homework helps students develop, it should also be acknowledged that the weekend is a time for students to sleep and shake off that burden they have carried. Homework will only pile upon the albatross the students are barely managing. In an article written by Good Schools, they discovered that homework could cause students to unwillingly feel stress, anxious and unmotivated. This can consequently lead to sleep deprivation and behaviour changes. A lack of crucial sleep on the weekend should at all costs be avoided.
Furthermore, a weekend shouldn’t have a student occupied with homework, in fact, students should have the freedom to spend this deserved time to explore their interests. During school, work and homework has become first and foremost priority however, during the two days, supposedly to be free from homework, is the time for personal interests to come in. Students could spend this time searching for or doing hobbies. In research conducted by Skilled At Life, it was proven that hobbies can relieve stress. They’re like pain killers that make your heart feel elated. People with hobbies have specialised knowledge in that area which means they’re able to share with others. Weekends should be the time for personal development and interest, not homework.
Adding on, homework takes students away from family and friends. It should be seen that there should be a healthy balance between homework and enjoyment. Some students do tutoring during weekends, school homework won’t make their situation any better. It should be learnt and remembered forever that homework has its time to shine its light, the weekend is not.
It can be clearly seen that homework itself during school days is beneficial and vital, but on the weekends, it is best to stay away. Homework shows its ghastly side on weekends, snaring students into the web of anguish and burden. So think about it again, should homework meet the weekend?
Overall score: 17/20
Structure: 10/10
The structure of this persuasive essay is well-structured and logical. The essay is divided into three distinct sections, each with a clear introduction, middle and conclusion. Each of the three sections builds on the previous one in a logical way, making the essay’s argument easy to follow.
Persuasive techniques: 9/10
The essay makes effective use of persuasive techniques to make its point. For example, the author appeals to emotion by writing “Would you squeal in joy if brain tiring work ruined your weekend that you’ve longed for Monday to Friday?” This phrase successfully evokes a feeling of dread in the reader and helps to illustrate the argument. In addition, the author also appeals to logic by writing, “It can be respected that as much as homework helps students develop, it should also be acknowledged that the weekend is a time for students to sleep and shake off that burden they have carried.” This statement effectively makes the case that homework can be detrimental to the health and wellbeing of students.
Emotional appeal: 8/10
The essay effectively uses emotional appeal to make its point. The author writes, “Homework is the time for reconciliation and a time to recharge for another wearisome week.” This phrase successfully creates a feeling of sympathy in the reader and helps to illustrate the point that homework can be a burden. In addition, the author also writes, “It should be learnt and remembered forever that homework has its time to shine its light, the weekend is not.” This statement effectively evokes a feeling of sadness in the reader, emphasizing the idea that homework should not interfere with the weekend.
Figurative language: 7/10
The essay makes effective use of figurative language to make its point. For example, the author writes, “This horrendous monster, who traps you in a cage of achingness devours the precious time for your gateway to serenity and ataraxia, the weekend.” This phrase successfully creates an image of a monster that is consuming the weekend and helps to illustrate the argument. In addition, the author also writes, “Homework will only pile upon the albatross the students are barely managing.” This statement effectively creates a feeling of heaviness in the reader and emphasizes the idea that homework can be an additional burden on students.
Grammar, syntax, use of evidence and vocabulary: 8/10
The essay effectively uses grammar, syntax, evidence and vocabulary to make its point. For example, the author writes, “In an article written by Good Schools, they discovered that homework could cause students to unwillingly feel stress, anxious and unmotivated.” This sentence successfully cites evidence to back up the argument and helps to illustrate the point. In addition, the author also writes, “People with hobbies have specialised knowledge in that area which means they’re able to share with others.” This statement effectively uses sophisticated vocabulary to make its point and emphasizes the idea that hobbies can be beneficial.
Vocabulary:
• Heart throbs: Palpitates
• Achingness: Agony
• Serenity: Tranquillity
• Ataraxia: Bliss
• Wearisome: Tiresome
• Albatross: Hindrance
• Elated: Jubilant
• Reconciliation: Peace
• Recharge: Reenergise
• Ghastly: Horrid
• Snaring: Entrapping
• Crucial: Vital
• Deserved: Earned
• Explore: Investigate
• Personal development: Advancement
• Balance: Equilibrium
• Unwilling: Reluctant
• Unmotivated: Disheartened
• Pain killers: Analgesics
• Specialised knowledge: Expertise
Rewrite:
The weekend provides a much-needed respite from the rigors of school, but when homework is assigned, it can be like a noose around the neck of students, slowly strangling them of their time and freedom. Homework should not be allowed to encroach upon the weekend, in order to protect the physical and mental health of students.
Sleep is a crucial part of health and well-being, and homework can cause students to suffer from sleep deprivation. When students are overburdened with homework, they become anxious, stressed and disheartened. This can lead to significant changes in their behaviour, and can even cause serious health issues. Therefore, it is important to ensure that there is a healthy balance between homework and leisure time.
The weekend is also a time for students to explore their interests and passions, to discover new hobbies, and to recharge their batteries for the week ahead. Allowing homework to invade the weekend takes away from the freedom that students need to discover and develop their personal interests. Furthermore, when students are engaged in hobbies, they are able to build up expertise in that area, and can share their knowledge with others.
It is clear that homework plays an essential role in the development of students during school hours, but it is not necessary to assign it on the weekend. Rather, the weekend should be a time for students to relax and enjoy the company of friends and family, without the looming burden of homework hanging over them. Therefore, it must be remembered that homework has its place, but the weekend is not it.
Foreign Languages
You feel like a molecule in the bustling city around you. People are pushing past you, knocking you around like a feeble and vulnerable toy. You just want to open your mouth and ask where the shop is or where the nearest train station is. But you can’t, it seems like the border between your language and theirs has left you stranded in a sea of bafflement. However, there is a solution to this worldwide dilemma. Because nowadays, the majority of the population have access to school, we should use this global advantage to teach students to learn new languages. This not only aids people in communication, it will help develop skills and open a portal to a plethora of new opportunities.
Many countries’ way of talking differs from culture to culture. In fact, there are 7106 living languages today. As much as this number shows the diversity of this planet, it also foretells the confusion and perplexity it can cause. Foreign languages are the best mind bogglers. They can twist and turn your mind so much you might even think about giving up. Imagine being able to only speak one language, going to other countries with different languages can seem more like a nightmare than a vacation. But schools are the perfect places to help students speak a different language fluently. Because schools are such a suitable place for students to learn, developing a new language at school will benefit students in the future. Learning a new language in the school curriculum can make a complicated discussion into an easygoing badinage.
Furthermore, in a survey done by the Department of Education, it was found that learning a second language enhances memory and brain function. When learning a new language, it’s strengthening the hippocampus with lots of new things. Bilingual students are better at memorising lists, sequences, names and directions. They are also found to be more creative and can concentrate for longer. Maybe we can avoid those awkward moments of forgetting someone’s names just by implementing foreign language classes into the school curriculum. When you learn something new, you are progressing your ability to handle new information, nearly forcing your brain to remember something. This not only unlocks your profusion to knowledge but also helps you develop new things along the road.
But there’s more. If school included foreign language classes into a students daily routine, they would not only be educating them, they would also be offering them an abundant amount of new opportunities. A student might never have travelled to a new country because they fear they will struggle to communicate. But a school is building a students confidence by teaching them a new language. This means that students will be able to access new countries without having to fear so much about the language barrier. Wouldn’t it be an honour to contribute to a student’s comfortable trip across the world?
The ability to save students from drowning in the sea of unknown foreign languages, being knocked over by the waves of muddling words is in the schools hands. Adding foreign language classes to the school curriculum is the absolute correct way even if it isn’t compulsory. Visage the benefits it provides, convenient communication, newly found skills and a gateway to opportunities. It would be a wise decision to include second language classes to a students everyday routine.
Sorry, Anonymous is Elvia
Overall Score: 16/20
Structure: 8/10
The essay is logically structured with a clear introduction, body and conclusion. However, the introduction could benefit from more detail and the body paragraphs could be more clearly signposted.
For example, in the introduction, the phrase “People are pushing past you, knocking you around like a feeble and vulnerable toy” could be elaborated upon to provide emotional context. This could be done through the use of a metaphor or simile which paints a vivid picture of the situation.
Persuasive Techniques: 3/5
The essay makes good use of persuasive techniques such as the use of evidence, emotive language, and rhetorical questions. For example, the use of evidence in the form of statistics “In fact, there are 7106 living languages today” and the rhetorical question “Wouldn’t it be an honour to contribute to a student’s comfortable trip across the world?”.
However, the essay could be improved by making more use of persuasive techniques such as the use of repetition, inversion and direct address. For instance, the use of repetition to emphasise key points such as “Learning a new language in the school curriculum can make a complicated discussion into an easygoing badinage. Learning a new language in the school curriculum can make a complicated discussion into an easygoing badinage.” or the use of inversion to draw attention to a statement such as “But a school is building a student’s confidence by teaching them a new language.”
Emotional Appeal: 4/5
The essay makes effective use of emotive language to draw the reader into the argument. For example, the phrase “knocking you around like a feeble and vulnerable toy” is a powerful phrase which conjures up the feeling of helplessness.
However, the essay could be improved by making more effective use of emotional language. For instance, the phrase “knocking you around like a feeble and vulnerable toy” could be replaced with a more vivid and evocative metaphor such as “blowing you around like a leaf in the wind”.
Figurative Language: 3/5
The essay makes good use of figurative language such as the metaphor “It seems like the border between your language and theirs has left you stranded in a sea of bafflement”.
However, the essay could be improved by making more effective use of figurative language. For example, the phrase “stranded in a sea of bafflement” could be replaced with a more vivid and emotive metaphor such as “left adrift in an ocean of confusion”.
Grammar, Syntax and Vocabulary: 3/5
The essay makes good use of sophisticated grammar, syntax and vocabulary. For instance, the use of the phrase “a portal to a plethora of new opportunities” demonstrates an effective use of sophisticated vocabulary.
However, the essay could be improved by making more effective use of complex grammar and syntax. For example, the use of the sentence “Foreign languages are the best mind bogglers” could be replaced with a more complex sentence such as “Foreign languages are the most perplexing of puzzles”.
Use of Evidence: 3/5
The essay makes good use of evidence in the form of statistics “In fact, there are 7106 living languages today”.
However, the essay could be improved by making more effective use of evidence. For example, the use of statistics could be supplemented with the use of surveys and interviews to demonstrate the potential benefits of learning a new language.
Vocab List:
Molecule: atom
Bafflement: bewilderment
Badinage: banter
Hippocampus: brain
Complicated: intricate
Convenient: expedient
Profundity: profundity
Opportunities: prospects
Learning a foreign language is an essential part of a student’s education. It provides them with the tools to break down the barriers of language and fosters a deeper understanding of the cultures and customs of different countries. However, as much as it is important to learn a foreign language, it can be daunting and difficult.
At times, it can feel like we are pirates, stranded in a foreign land, unable to communicate with the natives. We can only stare at them, baffled and confused, wishing that we could have the confidence to converse. That is why learning a foreign language in school is so important; it provides us with the skills to understand and connect with people of different backgrounds.
The benefits of being able to communicate with people of different cultures are far-reaching. Not only will it open up a world of new opportunities, it will also help to develop cognitive abilities. Research has demonstrated that learning a foreign language can improve memory, creativity and focus. It facilitates the growth of our hippocampus, making it easier to remember things such as names, directions and sequences.
Furthermore, being able to communicate in a foreign language can provide students with a sense of confidence and security. It can enable them to travel to new countries without fear of being left adrift in an ocean of confusion. It can also be a source of pride, a sense of accomplishment, as students become more proficient in the language.
In an ever-interconnected world, being able to communicate with people of different cultures is an invaluable asset. It can provide us with new opportunities, help us develop new skills and open up a portal to a plethora of new experiences. That is why learning a foreign language in school is so important; it is the key that unlocks the door to a whole new world.
Vinal Liyanage Prompt 1
Let us dream of a world where homework is banned on weekends. Where students can have free time on weekends and play with their family and friends. This can only be done by banning the piles of homework and letting students free from their hellholes.
Homework is a must have in life, however, when making kids do homework on weekends, is taking the subject of homework, to another level. Do you think it is right for a student to be sitting in their room, alone, looking outside the window watching their siblings play and them telling themself, “I wish I could be there.” This causes depersonalization disorder, which means feeling like you are disconnected with everyone. Homework on weekends also cause stress, anxiety, and depression. This shouldn’t be happening to anyone especially when you are still maturing to be an adult.
Homework can also cause tension around the house. This means conflicts between parents and students, and the child will start to grow apart from their family.
Students are constantly feeling depersonalization disorder. This means that students feel like they aren’t connected to anyone else. They feel like they can’t talk to anyone and they feel embarrassed or ashamed of themselves. This means they can get subordinate marks and then there is no point of homework. Depersonalization disorder can also make kids feel as if they want to quit everything and give up on achieving their goals. This negativity forces strong emotions to kids and then they will keep remembering this and they will have a rough time. Homework on weekends may seem like a small topic, but it has a very big impact on students.
Homework causes stress, anxiety, and depression. These emotions are not healthy for the human body. The reason why most students get sleep deprivation is because of homework. Just the mere thought of writing a homework piece on a weekends sets students depressed. Students who have piles and piles of homework makes students not enjoy anything. Even when they try to, they fail, because they know as soon as they finish, they have to do homework. This causes anxiety towards students, who then can’t concentrate on doing anything fun.
Were you thinking that homework only causes stress to students? It causes much more. An example of this is how students and their parents have heated arguments and conflicts. In the the boxing arena, there is mum and dad vs student. K0. The match starts. Mum and dad attack by saying, “Do your homework!” then students punches back and say, “No!” and then the argument keeps going, back and forth until parents win and the students decide to never talk to their parents again and ignore them for an eternity. This breaks family morale and this means no trips or fun things. According to Psych Central, stress can lead to dying.
In conclusion, I believe that homework should not be assigned on weekends. They are a source of depersonalization disorder, a source of stress, and a source of conflicts between parents and students. Homework on weekends also take away valuable time that can be taken from friends and family. Homework on weekends also force kids not to follow their dreams and find creativity. I hoped you have dreamt of a world where homework was assigned on weekends and it is my wish that homework is banned on weekends.
Overall Score: 18/20
Structure: 8/10
The structure of this persuasive essay is effective and logical. It starts with an introduction that clearly states the opinion of the author, and then provides three main points of argument. The essay then ends with a conclusion that summarizes the argument. However, the essay could be improved by adding a thesis statement at the beginning that more clearly states the main argument.
Persuasive Techniques: 8/10
The essay includes several persuasive techniques such as personal anecdotes, logos, and pathos. For example, the essay states, “Do you think it is right for a student to be sitting in their room, alone, looking outside the window watching their siblings play and them telling themself, “I wish I could be there.” This causes depersonalization disorder, which means feeling like you are disconnected with everyone.” This statement appeals to the reader’s emotions, making them feel sympathetic towards the student’s situation. The essay could be improved by using more logical arguments, such as statistics, to support its points.
Emotional Appeal: 9/10
This essay effectively employs emotional appeal to make its point. The author uses personal anecdotes, such as “Do you think it is right for a student to be sitting in their room, alone, looking outside the window watching their siblings play and them telling themself, “I wish I could be there.”” to make the reader feel sympathetic towards the student’s situation. The essay could be improved by using stronger and more vivid language to evoke stronger emotions in the reader.
Figurative Language: 8/10
The essay includes several figurative language devices, such as similes, metaphors, and personification. For example, the essay states, “This means that students feel like they aren’t connected to anyone else. They feel like they can’t talk to anyone and they feel embarrassed or ashamed of themselves.” This sentence uses personification to give the reader a vivid image of the student’s feelings. The essay could be improved by using more vivid and creative metaphors to make its points more effective.
Grammar and Syntax: 10/10
The grammar and syntax of this essay are excellent. The author uses a variety of sentence types, such as declarative, interrogative, and imperative sentences, to make the essay more engaging. The author also uses correct grammar and punctuation throughout the essay.
Use of Evidence: 9/10
The essay includes several pieces of evidence to support its points. For example, the essay states, “According to Psych Central, stress can lead to dying.” This statement is supported by a reliable source, making it more credible. The essay could be improved by using more evidence to make its points more convincing.
Vocabulary: 8/10
The author uses a variety of vocabulary words to make the essay more interesting and engaging. For example, the author uses words such as “depersonalization”, “subordinate”, and “negativity”. However, the essay could be improved by using more sophisticated and emotionally powerful words to make its points more effective.
Vocab List:
Depersonalization – Disconnect
Subordinate – Inferior
Negativity – Gloom
Heated Arguments – Fiery Discourse
Piles of Homework – Sheaves of Assignments
Sleep Deprivation – Insomnia
Conflicts – Disputes
Strong Emotions – Intense Feelings
Achieve their Goals – Accomplish their Objectives
Family Morale – Household Spirits
Quit Everything – Abandon All
Homework on weekends should be abolished for many reasons. It leads to depersonalization, stress, anxiety, depression, and conflicts between parents and students that can have devastating effects on the student’s life. It takes away valuable time from friends and family, and it can prevent students from following their dreams and finding their creativity. The mere thought of having homework on weekends sets students in a state of depression and causes sleep deprivation. This is not healthy for any human being, especially young children who are still maturing into adulthood.
Going on a weekend free of homework can allow students to be free and explore the world, spend time with their families, and gain the courage to pursue their dreams. It can also provide students with the chance to find their creative outlets, such as writing, painting, or photography. It can also create an environment where students feel connected to their peers and family, and can experience the joys of life.
We can create a world where homework on weekends is abolished. We should strive for a world where students can enjoy their weekends, and not be bogged down by the pressure of homework. We should strive for a world where students can have the freedom to explore and follow their dreams, and where families can spend quality time together. This can be done by banning the piles of homework and letting students free from their hellholes. Let us dream of a world where homework is banned on weekends and let us make this dream become a reality.
The Lost Civilization
The sun was setting, casting a soft glow on the land. On this day, I, an explorer, had set out on a quest to search for a lost civilization. I had been warned that the task would be difficult, but I was determined to use my knowledge and skill to uncover the secrets of the long-lost civilization. With a heavy heart and a determination to succeed, I set off on my journey, ready to face whatever challenges lay ahead…
My shuttle laid on the detritus, scattered beyond my vision. I was also carefully warned that this believed to be alive civilization were savage, always ready to attack trespassers. It would be best to discover the civilization before the sun was fully beneath the evergreen. But I couldn’t help pondering over the verdant trees and blossoming balsam. The exotic plantation reminded me of the horrid image of my home. My home was littered with trash and all life except for humans and animals had been swept away. I would be honoured to find how this civilization managed this ravishing planet.
As I meandered into the thicket, I instantly regretted my decision. As soon as I left the mellow sunshine that tingled my skin, regret hit me hard. The sky was shrouded with pitch blackness. Only dimly lit bioluminescent mushrooms lit my path. I kept on slamming into brambly branches and stumbling on erupting tree roots. My khaki pants were stained with the dirt and moss. I winced as razor sharp leaves sliced the abrasions scattered along my skin. Soon, my shirt was left with nothing but feeble rags. Only a fragment, invisible to the human eye, wanted to continue. But this fragment was enough to compel me.
While I bumped into craggy trees and got whipped by leaves, I could feel tendrils of dejection and torture snaking around me, mocking me and suffocating me till I couldn’t stand it. Soon, the palpitating of my heart thumped so vigorously in my chest,my rib cages would’ve dislocated. I was a stranger to this land, an absolute stranger and nothing more. I could be followed by a vicious beast right now. A beast with tusks splotched with burgundy. A beast with pools of malevolent eyes. A beast that wouldn’t hesitate to wolf me down.
But suddenly,streams of lights filled my vision. The ice shards blurring my eyes started to melt, clearing my lenses to the world. I could see the vermillion blood seeping out, oozing along my scarred legs like tree sap. But my deteriorated skin wasn’t what caught my attention. It was the creatures in front of me. This was nothing I had visaged on my venture from earth. This planet bestowed wonders that nobody else sees. My endeavour was finally worthy of my effort. Regret was washed away by the sudden flood of delectation. The creatures raised tantalising treats above their heads that made my drool flow down. They weren’t savage or ravenous or my species. They were peaceful and looked like they heavily prioritised peace in their life. This world of theirs was an ethereal haven that no man could ever describe. After all my torment, no light guiding my painful journey, I in the end, as a determined explorer has found the lost civilisation.
Overall Score: 19/20
Structure: 18/20
The structure of this passage is strong, with a clear beginning, middle, and end. Each paragraph is well-crafted and builds upon the last. The author creates suspense and tension by hinting at the danger and difficulty of the task ahead. The transitions between ideas are smooth and logical. For example, “My shuttle laid on the detritus, scattered beyond my vision. I was also carefully warned that this believed to be alive civilization were savage, always ready to attack trespassers.” However, the author could further enhance their structure by providing more context and details in the introduction and conclusion.
Sensory Imagery: 19/20
The author paints a vivid picture of their journey with detailed and evocative descriptions. For example, “the exotic plantation reminded me of the horrid image of my home. My home was littered with trash and all life except for humans and animals had been swept away.” The imagery is powerful and brings the narrative to life. However, the author could further develop their sensory imagery by utilizing more vivid descriptions and include the five other senses.
Grammar, Syntax, and Vocabulary: 18/20
The grammar, syntax, and vocabulary of this passage are strong. The author’s sentences are varied and well-crafted. For example, “But this fragment was enough to compel me.” The author utilizes a broad range of sophisticated and poetic words, such as “verdant,” “balsam,” “pondering,” and “vermillion.” The author could further enhance this section by varying sentence structure and utilizing a more sophisticated and magical vocabulary.
Vocab List:
Verdant: lush, verdure, fecund
Balsam: salve, balm, alleviation
Pondering: mulling, ruminating, musing
Vermillion: crimson, scarlet, cerise
Characterization: 19/20
The author does a great job of conveying their character’s emotions and motivation throughout the passage. The protagonist is determined and courageous, facing danger and fatigue in pursuit of their noble goal. For example, “With a heavy heart and a determination to succeed, I set off on my journey, ready to face whatever challenges lay ahead.” Additionally, the author utilizes strong imagery and vivid descriptions to convey the character’s emotions, such as “Regret was washed away by the sudden flood of delectation.” The author could further enhance their characterization by providing more direct insight into their protagonist’s thoughts and feelings.
Juxtaposition: 18/20
The author does a great job of contrasting the protagonist’s home planet with the lush and vibrant planet they explore. For example, “The exotic plantation reminded me of the horrid image of my home. My home was littered with trash and all life except for humans and animals had been swept away.” The author could further enhance the juxtaposition by providing more vivid descriptions of the differences between the two planets.
Figurative Language: 20/20
The author utilizes powerful and vivid figurative language throughout the passage. For example, “tendrils of dejection and torture snaking around me.” The figurative language paints a vivid image and brings the narrative to life.
Rewritten narrative:
The sun was setting, casting its meek glow on the land as I, an explorer, set out on my quest to uncover the secrets of the long-lost civilization. I had been warned of the challenge before me, yet I was driven by a heavy heart and an indomitable will to succeed. I was determined to use my knowledge and skill to unravel the mysteries of this forgotten world.
My shuttle rested on the debris, strewn across the expanse. I was warned that the civilization I sought was savage, primed to attack any trespassers. I had to find the civilization before the sun had sunk beneath the evergreen. But despite the danger, I couldn’t help but admire the verdant trees and fragrant balsam. The exotic plantation reminded me of the desolate ruins of my home, blanketed in waste and devoid of all life save humans and animals. I would be honored to discover how this civilization managed to preserve this lush planet.
I ventured deeper into the thicket, and regret engulfed me like a wave. As soon as I left the soft sunshine, I was met with an inky darkness. The only illumination came from the dimly lit bioluminescent mushrooms that lined my path. As I stumbled forward, I slammed into brambly branches and tripped on erupting tree roots. My khaki pants were coated in dirt and moss, and the razor-sharp leaves left a trail of abrasions along my skin. My shirt was left in tatters. Only a small spark of determination kept me going.
As I advanced, tendrils of despair and torture coiled around me, mocking my progress and sapping my strength. My heart pounded so hard I feared it might burst through my rib cage. I was an outsider, an intruder in this unfamiliar world. I shuddered at the thought of a malevolent beast with tusks splotched with burgundy and pools of sinister eyes, stalking me through the shadows.
But then, streams of light flooded my vision and my eyes cleared. The ice shards melted away and I beheld the vermillion blood oozing from my wounds. However, it wasn’t my scarred legs that grabbed my attention- it was the creatures in front of me. I had never seen anything like it before. This planet had granted me wonders that no man had ever seen. After all my pain and suffering, I had finally found the lost civilization. Regret was replaced with joy as the creatures held aloft tantalizing treats, making my mouth water. They were peaceful and seemed to prioritize harmony in their lives. This world of theirs was a celestial haven, untouchable by human words. After my painful journey, I, a determined explorer, had achieved my goal.
Prompt 13
Homework is a monster, which many children try to avoid, but the monster always catches up with students. The monster slowly eats away your free time, each minute causing you to ache of frustration and stress. This is not anyone’s utopia. Weekends have their own benefits, none which include doing homework. The weekends are a time for students to take a short break before resuming school again. The weekend can be used as a time for students to meet up with friends, and they allow you to relieve stress to help you work better in school.
After a grueling week of school, children look forward to a weekend of freedom. Weekends are meant for people to have a rest from work so they can recharge and come back with a fresh mind. Giving homework to students will take away from the time that they can use to recharge, which may make a person seem less enthusiastic or interested in activities.
Weekends can give students time to meet up with friends and relatives. This is a time where students can socialise with other people. Giving homework to students will take away time to socialise with friends and family. Instead, students will be trying to figure out questions in their homework.
Also, the weekend can help children perform better in school by relieving stress. Recharging is important for students, and the weekend allows children to rest for a longer period of time. If students get time to relax, they will be able to relieve stress, which will lead to students coming to school with a fresh new mind, which will result in a more enthusiastic attitude towards school. If homework was given to students over the weekend, students would be more stressed to complete the homework and as a result, children would come to school in a weary mood.
Although homework is important, it is best to keep homework away from the weekend as shown. Weekends are not meant for homework. Instead, they are meant to be used for a break, socialisation and relieving stress. To boost a child’s learning and education, homework should be kept away from the weekends.
Overall Score: 17/20
Structure: 12/15
The essay has a basic structure of introduction, body and conclusion, however it could be improved by having more transitions between the paragraphs. For example: “However, there is another side to the story.”, “Furthermore,” or “In addition,”.
Persuasive Techniques: 7/10
The essay has some persuasive techniques but it could be improved by having more. For example, the essay could include rhetorical questions such as “How can students be expected to learn when they are deprived of the opportunity to rest and socialise?” or “Who can work efficiently when their minds and bodies are drained?” It could also include a call to action such as “Let us all join together in the fight against this monster and make the weekend a much-deserved break from the grind of homework.”
Emotional Appeal: 4/5
The essay does not have a lot of emotional appeal but could be improved by using more powerful language such as “overtaxed” or “frustrating” instead of “ache of frustration”, and “devastating” instead of “not anyone’s utopia”. It could also use more evocative language such as “a sanctuary of solace” instead of “a short break”.
Figurative Language: 8/10
The essay does use some figurative language such as “monster” and “eats away” but could use more such as “paralyzing” or “lurking” instead of “tries to avoid” and “caught up”. It could also use metaphors such as “homework is like a mountain that we climb every day”.
Grammar, Syntax and Use of Evidence: 3/3
The essay has no major issues with grammar, syntax and the use of evidence.
Vocabulary: 4/5
The essay could use more sophisticated words such as “arduous” instead of “grueling” and “exhilaration” instead of “freedom”.
Vocab list:
Ache of frustration – Agony of exasperation
Short break – Interlude of respite
Relieve stress – Allay anxiety
Enthusiastic – Vibrant
Recharge – Reenergize
Socialise – Intermingle
Figure out – Resolve
Grueling – Exasperating
Freedom – Liberation
Weekends are a time for children to take a break from the arduous week of school. They deserve an interlude of respite from work to reenergize and come back to school with a vibrant attitude. Students should be given the time to intermingle with friends and family, instead of being caught up in the agony of exasperation as they try to resolve homework questions. The weekend is a sanctuary of solace, a time of liberation where children can allay their anxieties and come back to school with a refreshed mind. Let us all join together in the fight against this monster and make the weekend a much-deserved break from the grind of homework.
Homework can be a daunting task and while it is important, it should not be given over the weekends. Weekends should be used as a time for students to rest, recharge and socialise. It should be a break from work so that students can come back to school with a fresh new mind, full of enthusiasm and energy. Giving homework to students over the weekend will take away from the time that they can use to rest, which can lead to students coming to school in a weary mood. Homework should be kept away from the weekend in order to boost a child’s learning and education. The weekend is a gift of freedom and we should use it to our advantage.
Write a persuasive essay arguing for or against the use of homework on weekends.
You glance wearily at the clock, 3AM. As you look in the mirror, you reel back in horror. Huge, black bags erupt from under your bloodshot eyes. Time goes so fast when you do homework. You’re not worried, it’s a Saturday night, well now Sunday, so you can sleep in. You keep working, working working…
Is this what a fun two days off from school is supposed to be? Snoring at your desk to finish the hellhole of homework you have been assigned? Students should be playing sport, spending time with their family, and relaxing. But it was all snatched by weekend homework. Should we allow this beast roam free? The answer is simple, no.
To start, instead of tiring their brain with endless problems, pupils should be playing sport with their peers. Sport is a great way to release students’ emotions. It will help them grow muscles and stay focused in class. If they left all their anger bottled up inside, and insufficient sleep, they won’t be able to listen in learning time. If you were to choose between real, school lessons, and mind-numbing homework, you would probably choose the lessons. A better way to spend your weekend is playing sport and being active.
To add insult to the injury, weekends are supposed to be family days. Children’s mothers and fathers are usually busy with work on weekdays. If they have a sibling, the sibling also must go to school. Weekends are the rare two days were everyone is free. We cannot squash this chance with a mountain of books filled with numbers, can we? I’d rather be screaming my head off on a rollercoaster then sitting at my desk, scribbling away.
Additionally, relaxation is supposed to be knitted into the word ‘weekend’. Isn’t that the purpose of having two days off school? All the stress that work puts on your shoulders should be eased, and you should be able to recline comfortably. But instead of bathing your hair in the warm, local pool, you find yourself, once again, scanning the text fruitlessly for answers. If homework is assigned for weekends, you might as well not call it a weekend. There should be a healthy balance of relaxation and study.
Is it not clear enough that weekend homework should be banned? It steals away valuable time which could be used for passing a ball with your mates, going on an awkward but love-filled camping trip with dad and mum, or sleeping in and visiting the spa. What is the point of weekend homework? Are you trying to drown students in mounds of textbooks? Weekends are fun, full of buns. Do you really want to spend it with your nose in a book?
You are a superhero trying to save the world from a supervillian.
The night sky was dark, and the full moon shone brightly as I flew across the heavens, filled with a sense of purpose and determination. I had been chosen by the gods to save the world from a powerful supervillain and I was determined to succeed. My strength and courage had been gifted to me for this purpose and I was ready to face whatever challenges might arise. I had been on a journey that had taken me all over the world and I was now arriving at my final destination: the city where the villain had taken refuge. The fate of the world rested in my hands, and I was prepared to take on the challenge. I just had to find the villain and stop him before it was too late.
***
“You are super, and you are my hero. That means you’re a superhero!” she squealed, climbing into my lap.
I stroked her smooth hair lovingly.
“I don’t have any powers, but if I’m your hero, it’s enough,” I smiled, reading a story until she fell asleep.
I thought that my job was to protect her, like a shell of an egg. I never wanted her to leave my side. But I soon learnt that children leaving home is part of growing up.
***
“Dad! I got into the famous British ballet school!” she screeched, bursting through the door.
From since she was a little kid, she had loved to dance. I jumped, but then the words sunk in, and I grinned.
“How about Dad’s special cupcakes to celebrate?” I chuckled, opening the oven.
She responded with an enthusiastic nod, the taste of icing covering her mind like a blanket of clouds across an angry sky. I hummed as I busily checked the clock, and she waited at the table, tapping her foot.
Packing her suitcases, I couldn’t believe she was going overseas. I couldn’t take it, so I did something horrifying.
“Okay, Dad. I’m leaving! You’re the best. I’ll call you every day,” she sighed hugging me tightly.
Ridden with guilt, I stared shamefully at the ground.
“I cancelled your plane tickets. I didn’t want you to go-” I started.
“How could you? You were my hero!” she yelped, rushing out of the door.
I had lost to the supervillain, Overprotection, and the fight cost me a daughter.
Brave
The night sky was dark and the full moon shone brightly as I flew across the heavens, filled with a sense of purpose and determination. I had been chosen by the gods to save the world from a powerful supervillain and I was determined to succeed. My strength and courage had been gifted to me for this purpose and I was ready to face whatever challenges might arise. I had been on a journey that had taken me all over the world and I was now arriving at my final destination: the city where the villain had taken refuge. The fate of the world rested in my hands and I was prepared to take on the challenge. I just had to find the villain and stop him before it was too late…
As much as it was a tenebrous night, with only the faint radiation of the moon and few lights turned on, I could feel it. I was now aware of the invisible, fetid odour the villain emitted. I had versed him, Odio Fortis, and I had lost. It was a fatal loss, many of the gods, including my idol Zues abandoned me in my trench of shame. But tonight, I wouldn’t give in to this villain. The remaining gods had faith in me, I wouldn’t disappoint them.
Soon, my nose picked up on the pungent smell. I could almost see the tendrils of aversion in the air. I flew down, I mortalized into a man with a well tailored suit and hat. Nobody could know my identity. I nearly passed out by the ominous smell, my head knocked against my skull as waves of my excruciating pain in the past lapped over me. But I wasn’t a wimp, not today and not ever. As I fumbled around the streets, I smacked into something steely. My head swelled with the smell. It was him.
At first, I backed away cautiously. My heart was hammering against my chest. My legs turned torpid, so paralysed my feet could barely stand anymore. But then the bravery the gods had blessed me activated me and I charged. Wrong decision. Odio Fortis asphyxiated me. Thrashing me against the walls. As I sprawled, wincing on the floor, I was heaved up by Odio Fortis’s muscle-bound hand. I was hoisted up so fast my eyes flipped to the back of my sockets. It was the end, my life was cut short.
My mind was whisking around and around. My heart felt like it was sinking as I held my breath. Shards of failure and disappointment pierced through my courage. Penetrating the feeble walls. I had dishonoured the faithful gods. I could hear Odio’s uproarious laughter. For every ounce of disquietude brimming my body, the Odis Fortis’s girded. But then I remembered. Odia Fortis in Latin meant hate brave. I knew it, I had to be brave. I’d been gifted that indispensable ability just for this moment!
I mustered all the courage left in my body. Charging it, ready to take down this devil. But I didn’t need to bring out my trembling hands or my maladroit legs, I just needed to find the fire in my heart.
Odis let go of me. I could feel his body crumbling into nothing. Before I could see his remains, the wind had taken it away. Amour propre fought off the terror and tremble in my heart, replacing it with pride that could never be taken. I was held victorious at last. I guess bravery could be the answer.
Prompt 1
Homework should not be given on weekends
School is finally over. You go home, ready to enjoy the weekend, but when you unpack your bag, what do you see? Stacks and stacks of homework! You cram to get it all done, and by the time Saturday is over, you have been engulfed into a sea of paperwork. It rocks you back and forth, sending your focus into an endless abyss of nightmares. Agitated dark rings appear under your eyes, blurring your vision for the day ahead. You look to the side of your desk, only to be met with a blurred stack of homework twice the size of the last one.
Having daily homework can be quite gruelling, however, having homework on the weekend is next level. Weekend homework can take away precious resting time that is imperative for students to properly operate for school. Taking this away is devious and detrimental to students. For example, imagine the pain and suffering of someone who is trapped in a prison of homework. They have no break time, no time to rest, or even time to eat and sleep! Homework most definitely must not be assigned on weekends.
On top of this, homework on weekends may not be covered during class. It is ineffective to be assigned weekend homework that is just considered something to pass time and is not discussed in class. Due to the necessity of completing the tasks, students do so. Frustration results from not reviewing the homework on Monday. It’s never a good idea to assign homework that has no purpose. For example, imagine you are in class and you are tasked with a research project for the weekend. The topic is something completely unrelated to what has been happening in class, and when you get back to school on Monday, the homework is not reviewed. All your work and time spent on the assignment was for nothing.
People can also become extremely stressed because of homework. They can lash out at the slightest comments and even become violent. All of this is caused by stress. One of the main causes of stress is being under pressure. Homework puts you under pressure due to the fact that there is a deadline to finish it by. Often, when students have assignments, they think they have a plentiful amount of time to complete them. Thus, they complete their assignments when they only have an even more limited amount of time. Weekend homework makes this stress even greater as it is generally harder than normal assignments.
However, homework on the weekend can also be beneficial. It can help enrich your cognitive skills and enhance your ability to think critically. Even so, these assignments can still be detrimental to your health because of the need to finish your assignments by the time the weekend is over.
Ultimately, homework on weekends can be detrimental and disadvantageous. It can be hard to complete, the topic may not be covered during class and it can cause stress. No matter the circumstances, homework must not be given on weekends.
Part 2 Vinal Liyanage 😁👦🏿
Let us dream of a multicultural diversity where everyone can connect, share, and talk to each other in different languages. Learning foreign languages is beneficial to the curriculum. So why does the curriculum say that learning languages is optional? Languages is a powerful subject that is beneficial and should not be optional to you.
Foreign languages provide a lot of things, this includes job opportunities, you can look for a job in a variety of countries, it gives you more freedom to travel, as you know more about the places languages and you can talk fluently with the people that live there. Learning languages also provides students with a hobby to do when they are bored.
Let us dream of a place where learning foreign languages gift students job opportunities for their future. For example, if the student can not find any jobs in Australia, they can fly to a country and the likeliness of finding no job in two countries is a very unlikely chance. Students who learn languages also ten to be smarter which will also hoick the level of job opportunities right up. Languages are beneficial to the curriculum.
Learning foreign languages also give the freedom and the comfort to travel to different places. This is because no one has a reason to pick on you because you don’t know how to speak the language properly, and also you will never be lost unless someone isn’t there, because you can easily ask for help. Would you rather be a bit bored learning languages, or lose your life. And also learning languages isn’t even boring, so change the question to, would you rather be happy and have a safe life, or bored doing something else, and potentially lose your life?
Going back to what I said earlier, learning languages is fun and many students should equip it as a way to lose stress and have fun. Learning languages helps students become less anxious, less lonely, and generally more happier. Learning languages has been proven by many scientists and the great Einstein himself as a way to forget bad memories to and to feel better. Even doctors say that students should learn languages as a hobby since languages is practically a medicine.
Let us dream of a world where people had no diversity. This is what Earth will look like when foreign language subject is only done by some people and isn’t going to be a subject that is compulsory. Take a good hard look at this bland world and tell me, do you want our world to look like this?
Also a quick question, is it ok for me to do fake statistics in exams because I just did with the Einstein thing and doctors saying languages is like medicine?
Prompt 2
Prompt 13) Persuasive
Imagine yourself staring at your computer’s screen, curtains down, heavy bags under your dark eyes. You struggle as you try to research and type up the long, boring essays, as you look out and see the wonderful weather, kids from the neighbourhood running around, laughing, and you look at yourself. Completing your homework during a beautiful Sunday, luminous and radiant under the welcoming Sun. You continue to write and write, becoming more and more of a chore to do, and suddenly, in a matter of seconds, you drop on your table, asleep from exhaustion. Homework on weekends should be banned for three main reasons. It provides stress for students to attain high marks, causing them to drill themselves out, causing a depletion of energy. Homework on the weekends is also catastrophic to the students, as it takes a substantial toll on the students’ physical and mental health.
You look at your friends’ previous project marks. 94, 90, 89, 87. You get only 71. How would this make you feel? Ashamed, of course. You feel like you’ve tried your best, and yet you still failed. Homework can cause a sense of negative competitiveness that can hurt someone’s self-esteem and accomplishment. It creates a sense of failure, not learning up to your classmates’ standards, always lacking behind in class. You already spend 2-3 hours a day, and even more on the weekends to complete your projects. And yet that is still not enough. This sense of disappointment can be a cause for much stress for kids around Sydney. Homework is a mandatory chore to do, and breaks down self-esteem and personalities.
Emotional feelings aside, homework on weekends also takes a toll on many students’ physical and mental health. It reduces the opportunities to go out and take a walk, play sports and have fun with friends. This causes you to end your social life, which will be extremely important for you in the future. Obviously, you have school to play with friends, but studies show that it is not enough. This stop of going outside can also affect your mental health, making you unable to concentrate during class lessons and can cause grumpiness and anger. Your physical health is no better. You have tutoring on the weekdays, all your time is full, except for weekends. But now, you have to do homework on weekends, and you have no time to exercise. You just sit on your chair all day, looking at the glowing rectangles of your overheating device.
Homework on weekends creates a sense of dishonour, causing feelings of failure, causing negative feelings such as depression, which is a main cause for inactive behaviour during class. Your emotional, mental and physical health has gone down, your energy depleted from the absence of exercise on the weekends. That is why schools should ban weekend homework, to set us free from the exhaustion that we face every day.