Scholarship G2 W10 Writing

3 thoughts on “Scholarship G2 W10 Writing”

1. 

   davidk7777777

   1 March 2023 at 8:16 pm

   14. What do you see yourself doing in 6 years?

   I envision myself in 6-7 years time in Uni learning. When I grow up, I want to be a General Practice doctor, as I read a book of everyone in poor country, sick, crying and depressed. I want to create a safe place and I want everyone to trust in me. Many people want to be doctors because of wealth and money. But I genuinely want to nurture those in need. I look up to doctors because of their significant roles in our lives, and how doctors inculcate professional values, attitudes, and behaviours towards everyone that they meet, and I want to be one of them. And I imagine kings, providing me an opportunity to become one of those people, the one us humane beings can look up to. And I truly believe in Kings high schools motto,’ Fortiter et Fideliter’, meaning faithfully and bravely, and I want them to know, that they can trust in me no matter what and I want to teach others, no matter what, have perseverance and it will work out well.

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2. 

   davidk7777777

   1 March 2023 at 8:57 pm

   5. At home, what are you currently reading?

   At home, I’m currently reading the Hunger games. Hunger games out of the several thousand books I’ve read in my life is most intriguing. I absolutely admire the author (Suzanne Collins) and how she taken me to a whole new dimension where I can escape reality and complexities of the real world is just… flabbergasting!!! This book is about 24 contestants, their hearts tied with determination to win is shocking. They have never ending perseverance and they are risking their lives for freedom and income from the Capitol for life! The main character, Katniss Everdeen is the protagonist in the story and she wins the whole thing. Her determination and kindness, (to kill others quickly, rather than slow death) is startling and her friends in the story who ends up dying for her has really captured my image, that sometimes, we have to make sacrifices and that friendship is important. Hunger games is intriguing and I’m sure that I’ll finish the series!

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   1. 

      Anonymous

      8 March 2023 at 4:41 am

      Thanks for patiently waiting! Here’s the feedback for your writing! 🙂

      Score: 41/50

      The answer provided displays vivid storytelling, honest self-reflection, universality, and memorable moments. The use of literary devices, such as imagery and emotion, is also present. The answer could be further improved by expanding on the use of figurative language and metaphors, as well as increasing the word count to over 500 words. Make sure you answer all the questions.

      Specific Criticism and Direct Quotes with Explanations for Improvement:

      1. “I look up to doctors because of their significant roles in our lives, and how doctors inculcate professional values, attitudes, and behaviours towards everyone that they meet, and I want to be one of them.” – This quote is impactful and provides an honest reflection of the applicant’s motivation. To further improve, the applicant could provide a more detailed description of the values and behaviours that doctors exhibit, as well as how these values and behaviours have personally impacted them.

      2. “And I truly believe in Kings high schools motto,’ Fortiter et Fideliter’, meaning faithfully and bravely, and I want them to know, that they can trust in me no matter what and I want to teach others, no matter what, have perseverance and it will work out well.” – This quote provides a powerful message of perseverance, but could be improved with more vivid language. The applicant could use metaphors, imagery, and more figurative language to paint a more vivid picture of this motto and its role in their life.

      Reworked Phrases for Inspiration:

      1. “I see doctors as pillars of our society, instilling important values and behaviors that foster trust and security.”

      2. “I embrace the motto of Kings High School, ‘Fortiter et Fideliter’, embodying its message of unwavering courage and faith.”

      3. “Katniss Everdeen is a symbol of valiance, exemplifying how we must sacrifice ourselves in order to protect our loved ones.”

      4. “Friendship is paramount, and this was poignantly illustrated in Hunger Games.”

      5. “Perseverance is key in life, no matter what challenges may come our way.”

      Improved Vocabulary Wordlist:

      1. Inculcate
      2. Professionals
      3. Determination
      4. Tenacity
      5. Valiance
      6. Poignantly
      7. Pillars
      8. Fostering
      9. Unwavering
      10. Sacrifices

      Rewritten Example:

      I consider myself incredibly lucky to have had the opportunity to explore my passions and develop my talents. Over the years, I have grown to admire the incredible work of doctors in our society, and how they are pillars of trust and security, inculcating important values, behaviours, and attitudes to everyone they meet. I want to be one of them, not for the wealth and money, but to provide a safe haven and nurture those in need. This is why I am applying to Kings High School, as their motto, ‘Fortiter et Fideliter’ meaning “faithfully and bravely”, is something I wholly embody and embrace.

      I am currently reading the Hunger Games, which is, out of the several thousand books I’ve read, the most intriguing. It is a story of 24 contestants, each bound by determination and risking their lives for freedom and income from the Capitol. The protagonist, Katniss Everdeen, is a symbol of valiance, demonstrating how we must sacrifice ourselves in order to protect our loved ones. The story poignantly illustrated the importance of friendship, and how perseverance is key in life, no matter what challenges may come our way.

      In six years, I would like to be in college, learning to become a doctor. I believe that I am capable of making a difference in the world, and I can use my skills to provide care and support to those in need. I am passionate, and determined, and I am looking forward to the challenge of becoming a doctor.

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