Scholarship G2 W6 Writing
- January 26, 2023
- 1:09 pm
- 85 Comments
Part 1.
Prompt 1: What is more important for your city: a new shopping mall or a community centre? Use statistics and logical reasoning to make your case. (WHENEVER YOU DON’T HAVE REAL FACTS, GIVE A PERSONAL ANECDOTE)- 20 word mindmap
Westfield- rent, leases, land value/property value appreciation/ provide jobs/stimulate the economy/ encourage businesses to converge operate/ pay the government. Dubai. Bangkok. Shanghai – huge shopping districts.
Community centre- provides community services, costs money
Prompt 2: Write a persuasive essay to argue for or against the use of cell phones in the classroom.
- cyberbullying
- distraction/procrastination/addiction
- theft
- cheating
- socialisation (negative)
- unauthorised recording
- invasion of privacy
- comparison
- health detriment (small screens and blue light- myopia)
Prompt 3: Which is more important for your town: a new police station or a new sports complex? Provide evidence and logical arguments to support your position.
Prompt 4: Write a persuasive essay to argue for or against the use of homework in schools.
Exemplar 1
The city is the beating heart of our community, the fountain of our culture and commerce. It is the place where we come together, to share our laughter and tears, to have a great time and to learn from each other. But, it is also a place of immense inequality, where many communities struggle for basic resources and quality of life.
The question then arises: what is the most important need for our cities? A new shopping mall or a community centre?
The answer is clear. We must invest in the power of community, in the strength of our people, and in the hope of our spirit. A community centre will bring life-saving resources to our city’s most vulnerable and marginalised populations, while a shopping mall will only increase the wealth of a few already privileged individuals.
We must invest in the power of education. A community centre will provide educational resources and outlets to our youth, allowing them to learn and grow. It will provide a safe place to go after school, where children can explore their interests and continue their education. It will also provide job training and career advice, giving our citizens the opportunity to find meaningful employment.
We must invest in the power of health. A community centre will provide basic medical care and nutrition counselling to those in need. It will provide mental health support and counselling services, allowing our citizens to cope with the struggles of everyday life. It will also provide physical activity and exercise programs, allowing our citizens to remain healthy and active.
Finally, we must invest in the power of community. A community centre will provide a space for our citizens to come together to share their stories and experiences, to build relationships and to strengthen the bonds of our community. It will provide outlets for creative expression, allowing our citizens to express themselves in a safe and welcoming environment. It will also provide recreational outlets, allowing our citizens to come together and have fun.
Ultimately, the choice is clear. A community centre is far more important than a new shopping mall. It will bring essential resources and outlets to our citizens, allowing them to live healthier, more prosperous lives. It will also provide a place for our citizens to come together and build relationships, strengthening our community and our city.
Let us make the wise choice and invest in the power of community. Let us build community centres in our cities, bringing essential resources and outlets to our citizens. Let us come together to build a brighter future for our city.
Exemplar 2
The classroom is the foundation of our education, the cornerstone of our knowledge and the stepping stone to our future. It is the place where we come together, to learn and grow, to explore and discover, to share and discover. But, it is also a place of immense change, where technology is advancing faster than ever before.
The question then arises: should cellphones be allowed in the classroom?
The answer is clear. We must invest in the power of knowledge, in the potential of our students, and in the promise of our future. Allowing cell phones in the classroom will provide access to essential resources and outlets to our students, while prohibiting their use will only limit their potential.
We must invest in the power of education. Allowing cell phones in the classroom will provide access to educational resources and outlets to our students, allowing them to learn and grow. It will provide access to real-time information, giving our students the opportunity to stay up to date on topics and events. It will also provide access to online resources, giving our students the opportunity to explore their interests and continue their education.
We must invest in the power of collaboration. Allowing cell phones in the classroom will provide access to collaborative tools, allowing our students to work together and share ideas. It will provide access to communication channels, allowing our students to discuss their thoughts and opinions. It will also provide access to peer-reviewed content, allowing our students to learn from each other.
Finally, we must invest in the power of creativity. Allowing cell phones in the classroom will provide access to creative outlets, allowing our students to express themselves in a safe and welcoming environment. It will provide access to creative apps, giving our students the opportunity to explore their interests and create projects. It will also provide access to virtual reality, allowing our students to explore and experience new worlds.
Ultimately, the choice is clear. Allowing cell phones in the classroom is far more important than prohibiting their use. It will provide essential resources and outlets to our students, allowing them to learn and grow. It will also provide access to collaborative and creative tools, allowing our students to explore their interests and stay up to date on topics.
Let us make the wise choice and invest in the power of knowledge. Let us allow cell phones in the classroom, bringing essential resources and outlets to our students. Let us come together to build a brighter future for our students and our city.
85 thoughts on “Scholarship G2 W6 Writing”
Part 1 prompt 1
The city is the pounding heart of our neighbourhood, the foundation of our culture and economy for our citizens. It is the place where we gather together, and share our laughter and tears, to have an amazing time and learn from each other. An opportunity to socialise and make friends with others while still. But our city has a weakness, it is a place of extreme equality with families having difficulty even eating something every day while there are people who have mass riches. We have wealthy and affluent people spending their riches and squandering it away, isolating themselves from the less fortunate people who struggle to receive basic resources and quality of life.
From this a crucial question arises: what is more important for our city and community, a new shopping mall or a community centre?
The answer is crystal clear. We must invest our time and money in erecting a new community centre, which will be the heart and strength of our people, empowering young minds and giving hope in spirit that they will succeed. A community centre will bring much deserved and needed money to the poor and vulnerable population with basic food, money, education, health and hope and a feeling of belonging. While Shopping malls will only further separate the gap between privileged and unprivileged individuals, only the affluent can afford to squander their money there.
We must invest in the power of community and the feeling of being in a safe and inclusive environment. Community centres are a place where people can come together and have fun, share stories and strengthen the relationships between different households. It can influence the less privileged individual by having a place where they can feel included and welcomed, with no one judging them or not welcoming them. It is shown by research that people who are involved with community centres and on regular intervals participate in its activities, they will be generally happier than those who do not, rich or not rich. You may say that shopping malls also provide this rich and impressive opportunity but they do not, only influencing further isolation from the richer members of the city’s insatiable thirst for more wealth while less privileged are left to only just watch them.
Furthermore, it will be invested for the power of health. Community centres are an opportunity to participate in sports and exercise regimes, which will allow our citizens to remain fit and have fun at the same time. Community centres will provide the essential healthcare that would otherwise be very expensive and out of reach for most citizens but community centres can provide the basic version of it. Community centres since they will feel involved, this will improve mental health since they feel like they are loved and welcomed in a positive environment. It will also help social health since you can interact with others in your community.
In addition, community centres will be able to provide education. It is an opportunity to access books and other learning sources allowing young children or adults to learn extensively and be able to learn for free. Schools could not completely cover a topic so they could come to a community centre to read to answer their question or ask senior members of the community for answers. This education can help inspire citizens to see what their future job will be and what they are passionate about and getting advice from people who are in that career path. It can help them get job experience and more people who can help you pursue your dream job who have achieved that already.
I would like to clear any disbelief about community centres and show why shopping malls are detrimental to society. This is because they waste so many resources, energy and just things like food scraps. According to a website called Onbuy, 12 million tonnes of waste are produced every year by a shopping mall and that’s not including the mass loss of energy from heaters and air conditions running through open doors, the unnecessary bright lights running day and night and many more things.
To conclude, the choice is crystal clear, community centres are superior to shopping malls. It is a place where citizens can gather and share knowledge, important outlets for our citizens and promote a healthy and prosperous lifestyle while shopping malls offer nothing positive. Let us make the smarter choice and invest in a community centre for our future generations. Let’s share our knowledge and wisdom through the years to come.
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FEEDBACK -KERRY CHEN
Feelings of exuberance and blissfulness fills me, as I hear the fixed beat of the cities heart, reverberating around the city. My eyes, as far as I could see were once throbbing archeries of metropolis snaking around as exquisite of white tapestry of mist engulfed the town. The town is a fountain, breathing, alive. The fountain is our education, our guide and our stepping stone. We must treat our town with esteem and its our moral duty to make the right choices not only for us, but the society also.
And so there has been a debate going on, whether for our benefits, we should get a shopping mall or community centre.
Human greed and folly has kept our cherished community from advancing, due to peoples toxic mentality for profit. Shopping malls are exploits, serving the owners of the shop for money. Shopping malls are puppet masters, controlling and corrupting peoples minds. It is quite straightforward that we must empower our society to invest for a community centre rather than a shopping mall.
It is crucial that we build a community centre for the power of culture. Community centres support those from a range of background. For a while, racism has been affecting our humane world with black people rejected because their skin colour. It is vitally significant for us to build a centre so that we can treat others with respect and help those with a different background.
Community centres build a society without contradicts and controversy. For far too long human avarice and imprudence has separated our society. Community centres build a strong bond with each other and helps socialise with those who you’ve never met. Socialising is an important part of our lives as it staves off lonely feelings and sharpen our memory. You will also learn to have faith in others around you and let others confine you. As Helen Keller said, “Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.” This means as a society and community, we can do a lot more than one person by themselves.
We should scrutiny the power of health and haleness. Community centres aid those who needs help, and will assist anyone who is physically or emotionally hurt. Injuries kill 3.16 million people every year. When there is a community centre, they will help them get better as well as reducing the amount of death and injuries around the world. There are only 1000 community centres in Australia, meaning we should invest for community centres then shopping malls.
While some may argue, there are more essential equipments in shopping malls and entertainment, I strongly believe health is more important and we should empower to invest for a community centre than a shopping mall.
Its a call of unity as its our moral duty to save the world. It is discernible to invest for a community centre then a shopping mall.
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FEEDBACK -DAVIDK7777777
Part 1 Prompt 2
Schools and classrooms are the foundation of education, the keystone of our knowledge and a stepping stone to a prosperous and healthy future. It is a place where we can come together, to learn and grow with our peers, to explore and discover new things and share it and discuss it with our fellow students and teachers. But it is also a place which is evolving rapidly, with new technology improving the quality of learning much more than before. Technology is giving us a huge amount of help with learning and education, with information one click away. We are provided with such great privileges, so we should use them effectively.
But then the question arises: should cellphones be allowed in the classroom?
The answer is clear. We should definitely invest in phones for the classroom so we can get the power of more learning sources, more collaboration with friends and peers and the power of creativity and the ability to express themselves clearly through online learning devices. Allowing cell phones will help children prosper immensely with learning outlets and sources for them to access while banning them will only limit their potential they could have gotten and hinder their learning.
We must invest in the power of education and learning resources. Cell phones will bring important learning sources to the classroom, allowing them to grow and prosper with excellent resources. Technology is advanced and can give interesting things that students would not otherwise know or learn. It gives plenty of opportunity to explore their interests without the confines of how many books are about this topic because on an electronic device the answers are endless. It gives a chance for them to consult and see example topics and information made by experts, giving credible and extensive information about a certain topic. You may say these websites could be fake and contain false information but teachers will be able to identify this and it is good practice for being able to spot the difference between a fake and real website and what it is true.
We must also invest in the power of collaboration. Phone apps have lots of tools that wouldn’t be available without electronic devices, allowing students to work together on a project whilst being far away from each other, giving opportunities for ways to express their opinions and thoughts about something. You can edit and annotate each other’s work, allowing students to learn from each other effectively. Tools just as simple as annotating someone’s work can instantly make their work better and receive constructive feedback. You may say it will isolate them from the world but this is false because you will be collaborating on work and using your learning opportunities.
Furthermore, we must invest in the power of creativity and our imaginations. Phones have access to lots of creative outlets, allowing students to feel safe when expressing their thoughts and in the most efficient way possible. It will force children to think out of the box, generating ideas that wouldn’t be picked up that are common and being able to share your thoughts with the rest of the class. Opportunities as simple as something like a padlet to something as advanced as virtual reality, all give you the power to influence others and generate unique ideas and creations.
I would like to clear up any disbeliefs you have about cell phones. Cell phones are not going to be a huge burden in price because the more affluent students can be provided with their own phone while the less privileged parents can pay for half while the school pays for the other half. And phones will make up for the price. And initially textbooks would cost way more money because you can read infinite textbooks on a phone while a textbook is a textbook. Students won’t be able to get exposed to cheating because phones will be prohibited during tests and will be only available for homework assignments.
To conclude, the better option is clear, we should definitely allow cell phones in classrooms. It has way more benefits than prohibiting them, allowing students to get reliable learning sources, letting them collaborate more efficiently and being able to explore their interests and generate ideas in a safe environment. We must continue building a bright future for generations to come. And we can start allowing cell phones at school.
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FEEDBACK -KERRY CHEN2
Overall score: 45/50
Structure: 10/10
Persuasive Techniques: 9/10
Emotional Appeal: 7/10
Figurative Language: 6/10
Grammar & Syntax: 8/10
Use Of Evidence: 8/10
Vocabulary : 7/10
This persuasive essay is a solid attempt at convincing readers that cell phones should be allowed in classrooms. It provides clear arguments and evidence to back up the author’s point of view. In terms of structure, the essay is well-organized and easy to follow, with an introduction outlining the topic and conclusion providing a summary of key points. The persuasive techniques used are effective; for example, when discussing collaboration, the author uses language such as “allowing students to work together on a project” which conveys enthusiasm for this concept. However, there is room for improvement in terms of emotional appeal – by including more examples or anecdotes about how technology has improved learning environments or helped individuals grow academically, it would make the essay more engaging and memorable for readers.
In addition, there could be more figurative language employed throughout; phrases like “power of education” or “building a bright future” are general statements that lack originality or vividness. To improve this aspect of writing style, synonyms could be used instead (e.g., might replace ‘power’ with ‘strength’). Furthermore, some grammar errors were present in this piece – these should ideally be corrected before submitting any kind of written work! Finally, while vocabulary was generally appropriate here (words like ‘prosperous’ being particularly sophisticated), introducing new words related to technology (such as ‘annotate’) would help create further interest from readers who may not have heard them before.
Prompt 1:
(I replaced the words in the exemplar with synonyms)
The city is the throbbing heart of our society, the fountain of our culture and commerce. It is the place where we come together, to share our laughter and tears, to have an exceptional time and to learn from each other. But, it is also a place where inequality is off the scale, where many communities struggle for basic resources and quality of life.
The question then arises: what is the essential need for our cities? A new shopping mall or a community centre?
The answer is clear. We must invest in the power of community, in the might of our people, and in the hope of our spirit. A community centre will bring rejuvenating resources to our city’s most vulnerable and underrated populations, while a shopping mall will only increase the wealth of a few already privileged individuals.
We must invest in the power of education. A community centre will provide educational resources and beacons to our youth, allowing them to learn and prosper. It will provide a risk-free location to go after school, where children can dive deeper into their interests and continue their education. It will also provide job training and career advice, giving our citizens the chance to find worthwhile employment.
We must invest in the power of health. A community centre will provide fundamental medical care and nutrition counselling to those in need. It will provide mental health aid and counselling services, allowing our citizens to tackle the struggles of everyday life. It will also provide physical activity and exercise programs, allowing our citizens to remain fresh and active.
Finally, we must invest in the power of community. A community centre will provide a hub for our citizens to come together to share their stories and experiences, to build relationships and to strengthen the bonds of our community. It will provide outlets for creative expression, allowing our citizens to express themselves in a protected and welcoming environment. It will also provide recreational activities, allowing our citizens to bond with one another and have fun.
Ultimately, the choice is clear. A community centre is far more worth investing in than a new shopping mall. It will bring essential resources and outlets to our citizens, allowing them to live healthier, more prosperous lives. It will also provide a place for our citizens to come together and build relationships, strengthening our community and our city.
Let us make the wise choice and invest in the power of community. Let us build community centres in our cities, bringing essential resources and outlets to our citizens. Let us come together to build a brighter future for our city.
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FEEDBACK -GH
I hope u like it
Part 1 Prompt 1
The city is the beating heart and hearth of our community. It is a place where we socialize, come together to share stories and laughter and have a great time. Nevertheless, it is still a place for colossal inequality, where communities struggle for resources, while others spend their money recklessly.
From this, a pivotal question emerges. What is more important for our city? A shopping mall, or a community centre?
The question is straightforward and clear. We must spend our time and money building and erecting a new community centre, which will help young people, building and inspiring many youthful minds, socializing with other humans, and provide more education and social activities for kids to enjoy and flourish their minds. The solid reason for a community centre is to help someone. Unlike a shopping mall, which traps us in endless hellholes of confusion, sucking people’s attention to new clothes or food and corrupting people’s mind with sales all around the country, a community centre is a place for education and entertainment.
Community centres teach us about the power of socializing. Even if you talk to someone for a bit, they will feel joy and happiness of being recognized. Then, they will spread more passion and love. An endless ripple of kindness and generosity will submerge the world. If we do not build community centres, then this kindness ripple will disappear, and the world will be plagued and infected by feelings of sorrow, bitterness, anger and disrespect.
The quote “A powerful society is one where everyone is valued” represents community centres. In these areas, all kinds of humans are welcome and individually valued. Therefore, community centres represent a powerful society.
Community centres aid people in need who are injured, educate the youth and provide company for the elderly. About 80% of people who are disabled went to a community centre, and are living healthy and having a fun time. We should value the hospitality that these wonderful hostages provide us. We are lucky to have community centres. They can be fun and help many people. Although many may argue that community centres are boring, aren’t shopping malls boring too? What is the difference?
More essential needs are provided in shopping malls, but I believe health and education come first and they are our priority. I insist that we must fabricate community centres to help our community. This is a call to action to manufacture a new community centre and we must answer the call.
Overall score: 43/50
Structure: 10/10
Persuasive techniques: 8/10
Emotional appeal: 7/10
Figurative language: 5/10
Grammar, syntax, and vocabulary: 9/10
Use of evidence: 4/10
Suggested improvements for this persuasive essay include rewriting it to use emotional and figurative language more. For example, instead of saying “We must spend our time and money building and erecting a new community centre” the author could write “Let us invest our resources into constructing a brand-new community center.” This rephrasing adds an impactful tone to the sentence by emphasizing its importance. Additionally, when discussing what sets community centers apart from shopping malls, the author should add more figurative language in order to make their point stronger; they could say something like “Unlike a shopping mall which traps us in an endless labyrinth of confusion” or “Unlike retail outlets that ensnare us within swarms of advertisements”. These phrases help paint a vivid image for readers while also demonstrating how different these two types of places are. Furthermore, the author can replace words such as “people” with synonyms like individuals or citizens in order to give the essay greater variety. Lastly, they should expand upon their evidence supporting why making investments towards creating community centers is important; this can be done by adding information on how people benefit from attending them or presenting statistical data on how many people have benefitted from going there before.
A city is both abundant with opportunity yet plagued by inequality – where some communities suffer due to lack of resources while others squander wealth recklessly. We are presented with an important question – what takes precedence? A grandiose shopping mall or an alluring communal hub? The answer lies clear before us – we must prioritize the creation of a vibrant communal center that will cultivate youthful minds through education and leisure activities alike!
Such spaces provide countless benefits – not only does it offer fellowship among strangers but also grants recognition that breeds joyousness and spreads love far beyond its boundaries! If we neglect this essential element then feelings such as sorrow, animosity and disrespect will pervade society indefinitely! Moreover, these facilities value every individual no matter their social standing thus forming powerful societies where everyone has worthiness! About 80% percent injured persons who visit such centers end up being healthier than ever due to its plentiful aid amongst other advantages it offers!
However one may argue these places lack amusement compared to malls filled with enticing goods – but at what cost do those come? Education surpasses consumerism especially because health comes first priority wise! Thus I implore you all – let’s construct a magnificent commune center so our fellowships remain strong in tandem with uplifting each other’s spirits during times good or bad!
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FEEDBACK -YISUB
The city is the throbbing heart of our community, the everlasting fountain of our traditions and residents. It is the spot where we come together to share our happiness and disappointment, to have an excellent time and to learn from each other. But, there is an unequal balance in the economy. We have many homeless people, having the hardship of even having lunch to eat and we have mega-rich people, having a $300 breakfast. But it is also a place of an enormous discrepancy, where many communities struggle for fundamental resources and quality of life.
From this, an enquiry then arises: what is the most essential need for our cities? A new shopping mall or a community centre?
The answer is crystal clear. We must invest our power and time in the strength of the community, and give hope to the spirit of our people. A community centre will bring life-saving opportunities and resources to our city’s most helpless and overlooked populations, while a shopping mall will only increase the economy of a few already advantaged individuals.
We must invest in the power of essential education. A community centre will provide enlightening supplies and outlets to our youth, allowing them to learn and maturate. It will provide a secure place to go after school, where children could explore their hobbies and continue their education work. It will also be responsible for job training and business advice, giving our citizens the prospect to find relevant employment.
We must invest in our well-being. A community centre will provide basic but crucial medical care and nutrition guiding those in need. It will provide mental therapeutic support and counselling services, allowing our inhabitants to cope with the endeavours of everyday lives. It will also administer physical activity and exercise programs, allowing our citizens to assemble together and have fun.
Finally, we must invest in the power of community. A community centre will provide a space for our citizens to come together to share their stories and experiences, build relationships and strengthen the bonds of our community. It will provide outlets for creative expression, allowing our citizens to express themselves in a safe and welcoming environment. It will also provide recreational outlets, allowing our citizens to come together and have fun.
Ultimately, the choice is clear. A community centre is far more important than a new shopping mall. It will bring essential resources and outlets to our citizens, allowing them to live healthier, more prosperous lives. It will also provide a place for our citizens to come together and build relationships, strengthening our community and our city.
Let us make a wise choice and invest in the power of community. Let us build community centres in our cities, bringing essential resources and outlets to our citizens. Let us come together to build a brighter future for our city.
Part 1
Prompt 1
Overall Score: 42/50
Structure: 8/10
Persuasive Techniques: 9/10
Emotional Appeal: 7/10
Figurative Language: 7/10
Grammar & Syntax: 8/10
Use of Evidence: 5/5
Vocabulary: 6/7
Improvements for this persuasive essay can be made in the emotional appeal and figurative language categories. Examples of more sophisticated language or techniques could include using anecdotes, metaphors, and rhetorical questions to make a stronger argument. Additionally, synonyms such as “throbbing” (pulsing), “excellent” (exceptional), and “enquiry” (inquiry) could be used to improve the vocabulary.
The city is the pulsing heart of our community, the everlasting fountain of our traditions and residents. It is the spot where we come together to share our joys and sorrows, to have an exceptional time, and to learn from each other. But there is an unequal balance in the economy; while some are homeless with no means even for lunch, others indulge in $300 breakfasts. This inequality has caused many communities to struggle for basic resources and quality of life – so what do these cities need most? A new shopping mall or a community centre? The answer is clear; we must invest our power and time into strengthening communities by providing hope through a community centre that will bring vital opportunities and resources to those who are overlooked or struggling. In contrast, a shopping mall would only boost wealth among those already advantaged individuals.
We must put effort into empowering education – having access not just books but also outlets that facilitate learning like clubs which foster hobbies or spaces dedicated solely for homework help after school hours would provide youth with necessary tools for growth . Job training programs should also be available giving citizens prospects at meaningful employment whilst business advice helps them become self-sufficient entrepreneurs . Furthermore investments towards well-being should not be ignored either – these centres should provide nutrition assistance , mental health support services, physical activity programs that encourage communal engagement so people can keep up their spirits despite hardships they face on daily basis . Lastly , they serve as hubs where everyone can gather together regardless of background uniting all under one roof via creative expression activities as well as recreational outlets allowing folks to bond over shared interests fostering strong relationships within bricks walls creating atmosphere full of understanding love acceptance compassion building stronger sense unity making it home away home if you will . We must focus on investing in power of community rather than building another shopping mall — providing essential resources needed living healthier more prosperous lives forming life long connections between families friends colleagues neighbours strengthening bonds alleviating hardship filling void despair left poverty injustice . So let us join forces to build brighter future starting off by constructing much-needed centres offering boundless possibilities and contributing betterment entire cityscape altogether!
Prompt 2
The fountain of learning is school and we can’t take away the amounts of learning a child does after all they only get 12 years of school.Using the internet has beneficial factors such as facts and information being used in classes are more interesting than usual. In all that good information a question arises should we let students use cellphones ? I strongly doubt this would help at all with the educational benefits, and I talked about how students can use the internet but cellphones cannot be monitored by the school and that is a recipe for chaos allowing blackmailing, unsupervised recordings, cyber bullying , invasion of personal details/ privacy and many more. Mental health of the students decrease since the screen on the phone is very small.
Now lets talk about tests , if students in this situation are stuck on a question they can research the answer and get high marks. Now if students are able to do this consistently Oxford University wouldn’t be so hard and students would easily get high marks and good jobs ,which I think is very unfair and even worse, they would be able to conceal what they’re doing. But since teachers can find good facts on the internet she/he could give a large variety without having cellphones involved in the students class.This also causes a distraction to learning as students could start sneaking in their phones into class and start logging onto media and get pulled into addiction this is known as the social media addiction disorder. This would cause the student to stop paying attention in class, miss the knowledge, and have higher stress levels as they always will finish the work at the last minute.” Phones are the biggest culprits’’says the diamondrehabthailand website.
That is why I believe phones should not be allowed in classes and if seen confiscated.
AGASTYA
IGNORE THIS
The fountain of learning is school and we can’t take away the amounts of learning a child does after all they only get 12 years of school.Using the internet has beneficial factors such as facts and information being used in classes are more interesting than usual. In all that good information a question arises should we let students use cellphones ? I strongly doubt this would help at all with the educational benefits, and I talked about how students can use the internet but cellphones cannot be monitored by the school and that is a recipe for chaos allowing blackmailing, unsupervised recordings, cyber bullying , invasion of personal details/ privacy and many more. Mental health of the students decrease since the screen on the phone is very small.
Now lets talk about tests , if students in this situation are stuck on a question they can research the answer and get high marks. Now if students are able to do this consistently Oxford University wouldn’t be so hard and students would easily get high marks and good jobs ,which I think is very unfair and even worse, they would be able to conceal what they’re doing. But since teachers can find good facts on the internet she/he could give a large variety without having cellphones involved in the students class.This also causes a distraction to learning as students could start sneaking in their phones into class and start logging onto media and get pulled into addiction this is known as the social media addiction disorder. This would cause the student to stop paying attention in class, miss the knowledge, and have higher stress levels as they always will finish the work at the last minute.” Phones are the biggest culprits’’says the diamondrehabthailand website.
Teenagers with social media addiction get largely influenced and become very easy to lie to or to give propaganda to. This causes them to use these concepts in class and potentially fail a test/activity.
In conclusion school is not to be fiddled with and social media addiction can be easily prevented by making sure that students can’t bring their phones to school.
AGASTYA. Prompt 2
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The classroom is foundation to our education and learning, the place of knowledge and is a stepping-stone to our future. It is also a place where we all come together to experience the joys of learning, a place where we grow socialise in our environment. However, it is also a place of immense change, where technology and our knowledge is advancing.
From this, an ambiguous question arises: should cellphones be allowed in the classroom?
The answer is distinctive and crystal-clear. We must invest in cellphones for the sake of our future and the growing potential of our students. Embracing the use of cell phones will be essential for students. It produces more knowledge than we would ever be able to teach and permits them access to outlets they have never known before. It is portable and reliable, unlike the way teachers teach, and provides useful and educational resources that not only expand your knowledge, but you can review the resources anytime you want. Prohibiting cellphones and online learning will only limit the students’ potential.
We must in the power of education and collaboration. Providing classrooms with cellphones will extend their intelligence, allowing kids to learn and develop their brains. It will permit students to keep track of important dates using calendars in history, research facts in science and much more. It will provide students with real-time and reliable information, and using emails, they can share their new discoveries. Students can cooperate with other students to complete difficult tasks and can share ideas related to the topic. It will also enable access to peer-reviewed content, allowing classmates to learn from each other.
Finally, we must invest in the power of creativity. A wide variety of limitless activities can be available on the internet, and many enjoy them. It will provide permission to creative outlets, allowing students to express themselves in a safe environment. Allowing students to use creative apps, the use of phones will increase their imagination and creativity.
Ultimately, I believe that phones should exist in classroom, as they provide many benefits as collaboration, creativity and education purposes. Let us make the wise choice and empower the use of cellphones in class.
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Part 1 – Prompt 1 – Pearl – 872 words
( Because I’m doing shopping centre, only put synonyms in the intro and conclusion, otherwise, it’s all my work)
The metropolis is the pulsing heart of our society, the reservoir of our culture and commerce. It is the place where we come together, to share our laughter and tears, to have a dazzling time and to learn from each other. But, it is also a place of extensive struggle to find perfect items you need. You travel from here to there, there to there, there to there, but still find nothing.
The question then arises: What is the most important need for our cities? A new shopping centre or a community centre?
This has been a topic for controversy for years now, but I believe the answer is crystal clear. We must invest in a new shopping centre. I understand many of us think differently, but read on, if you would like to be convinced.
We must invest in the power of Economy. Opening a new shopping centre stimulates the economy greatly, as shopping centres provide and offer jobs, such as cashiers, sales people, staff, doctors, dentists, bank people and more. Also, shopping centres are hotspots for tourism. How? You ask. Well, when a tourist goes to a country, they usually visit a shopping centre for food, clothes, to meet new people etc. This enhances the economy.
We must invest in the power of land value. Shopping centres are opened by the government, so they pay for them. When a shop moves into a shopping centre, it pays rent for the spot it moved into. So, for example, let’s say, the government has just paid for a shopping centre. You are the owner of a shop and want your shop to move into the shopping centre. You have to pay for that spot in the centre. The money that you pay goes to the government. If you don’t pay the government, you don’t get a place in the shopping centre. This way, the government gets paid, and they use some of the money for our needs, such as parks and roads. It’s also very beneficial for housing agents, as if you buy a house near the shopping centre, the house is more expensive, as it’s easier to get to the shopping centre. This is called property value appreciation.
We must invest in the power of convenience. It’s so convenient to have a wide range of products under one roof, so you don’t have to go from place to place trying
to find the perfect item, because it’s all right there. Also,
It is very beneficial for a business owner to set up a store in a shopping mall because shopping centres are sought-after shopping destinations, which are usually located in prime and easily accessible locations. So, you don’t need a private vehicle to get to the shopping centre, you can hop on to public transport, like a bus or train, and it will arrive at the shopping centre’s entrance. Another great factor is birthdays! I had my 11th birthday at Time Zone in Rouse Hill Town Centre. Rouse Hill Town Centre is the local shopping centre in our area. After having the party at timezone, we found our way to the food terrace for lunch. This way, it was easy and convenient to get what we wanted.
We must invest in the power of culture exploration and socialization. Shopping centres, having food terraces, around the globe offer a wide variety of different cuisines, like indian, chinese, thai, italian and more. When you try the food of a different culture, you feel a closer connection to that culture. Enough about food! I’m getting hungry! Another thing is By shopping in the centre, you can meet lots of people from different cultures and explore their ways of life. This is called Culture Exploration. Rolf Dobelli, a famous Swiss author and entrepreneur said ‘If you spend fifteen minutes in a shopping centre, you will pass more people than your ancestors ever did in their lives’.
We must invest in comparison. Shopping centres have products from competing producers available under one roof. So, making it easier to compare and make purchases. Also, renting retail space in a shopping centre allows a business owner to attract clients of competitors who have shops in the same mall. This is very beneficial to small companies.
Many argue that shopping centres only benefit the rich and middle-class, making it unfair for the poor. That may have been the case hundreds of years ago when shopping centres were first created. Back then, shopping centres were only an affluent service for the elite. Nowadays, many shops are tailored to fit different budgets, such as Woolworths ,Coles ,Aldi, Roni’s, Kmart and many many more.
Ultimately, the choice is clear. A shopping centre is far more important than a community centre. It will bring essential resources and outlets to our citizens, allowing them to live healthier, more prosperous lives. Now, let us make the wise choice and invest in a shopping centre. Let us build shopping centres in our cities, bringing essential resources and outlets to our citizens. Let us come together to build a brighter future for our city.
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The classroom is a place to build our knowledge and make new friends. But we are now in a new era, with advanced technology. It is used for many of the things around us, such as computers for online lessons. That also means we may start using technology for learning too. So, should we be using cellphones in class? My answer is a definite no. Kids can get distracted, they may cheat, cellphones are extremely vulnerable to theft and children can get cyber-bullied.
To start, children can easily get distracted. If a cellphone is being used in a lesson, instead of doing what a child is supposed to, they may play a video game. This is a bad thing because if children don’t focus during a lesson, they won’t learn what they are supposed to, making them fall behind in school. If children don’t get the proper education that they should have, the future won’t be a good one.
Furthermore, children can cheat during tests and exams. To put this into a scenario, a child is doing a test. It is the test that will decide which class he gets into, a high class or low class. The child really wants to get into the highest class possible, believing that he can be really smart if he is in it. To ace the test, he cheated by searching the answers up in his cellphone, getting him into the highest class possible, but since he is in a higher class then he is supposed to be in, he has no idea what he is learning. This makes him the outsider of the class, he isn’t getting proper education and is potentially being bullied by his classmates.
Finally, cellphones are extremely vulnerable to theft. Cell Phones cost a lot of money which means some kids don’t have a cellphone. This leads to them getting jealous, making them steal other’s phones. Just imagine your parents’ face when they find out that someone stole your phone that they spent lots of money on.
But some people state that children can use cellphones to communicate with each other. Some people may say that students need cell phones for emergencies and group tasks. Yes children can communicate with each other but they can also get cyberbullied, a much more common and bigger threat. Cyberbullying can lead to depression, stress and more. Cyberbullying makes children stressed even when it has stopped as well. Adding on, students can already communicate in schools face-to-face, where they are free of this cyberbullying threat. This reasoning shows why the opposing side’s statement is incorrect.
To summarise, we should obviously not use cellphones in class because of these main reasons, children could easily get distracted, they can cheat, cell phones are vulnerable to theft and children can get cyberbullied. So, go on to school and remember to leave your cellphone at home.
This persuasive essay provides a strong argument as to why cell phones should not be used in the classroom. The structure of the essay is logical and clear, with each point effectively transitioning into the next. There are several persuasive techniques utilized, including vivid descriptions and emphasizing keywords
or phrases such as “definite no” and “proper education”. Although there is some emotional appeal in the essay, it could be further enhanced by using more figurative language throughout to evoke feelings of empathy or fear from readers. Additionally, there are a few grammar errors that can easily be corrected when proofreading for accuracy. Lastly, evidence is provided for all points made within this piece, however, more examples may help strengthen its impact even further.
To improve this persuasive essay overall score out of 50: sophisticated language should be incorporated; synonyms can replace existing words; long sentences that meander through multiple ideas should be rearranged; unnecessary adjectives or adverbs can also be eliminated; questions may add an intriguing element at times; the non-discriminatory language must also be ensured; finally transition signals between paragraphs will make it easier for readers to follow along with ease.
Part 1 – Prompt 2 – Pearl
The classroom is the foundation of our education, the mainspring of our knowledge and the stepping stone to our future. It is the place where we come together, to learn and grow, to evaluate and discover, to share and explore. But, it is also a place of tremendous change, where technology is evolving faster than ever before.
The question then arises: should phones be allowed in the classroom?
The answer is crystal clear. We must invest in the power of knowledge, in the potential of our students, and in the promise of our future. Permitting phones in the classroom will supply admission to crucial resources and outlets to our students, while prohibiting their use will only limit their potential.
We must invest in the power of education. Permitting phones in the classroom will provide access to educational resources and outlets to our students, allowing them to learn and grow. It will provide access to real-time information, giving our students the opportunity to stay up to date on topics and events. It will also provide admission to online resources, giving our students the opportunity to evaluate on their interests and continue their education.
We must invest in the power of collaboration. Allowing cell phones in the classroom will provide acceptance to collaborative tools, authorizing our students to work together and share ideas. It will provide permission to communication channels, allowing our students to discuss their thoughts and opinions. It will also provide access to peer-reviewed content, allowing our students to learn from each other.
Finally, we must invest in the power of creativity. Allowing phones in the classroom will provide access to creative outlets, allowing our students to express themselves in a safe and welcoming environment. It will provide access to creative apps, giving our students the opportunity to explore their interests and create projects. It will also provide access to virtual reality, allowing our students to explore and experience new worlds.
Ultimately, the choice is clear. Allowing cell phones in the classroom is far more important than prohibiting their use. It will provide essential resources and outlets to our students, allowing them to learn and grow. It will also provide access to collaborative and creative tools, allowing our students to explore their interests and stay up to date on topics.
Let us make the wise choice and invest in the power of knowledge. Let us allow cell phones in the classroom, bringing essential resources and outlets to our students. Let us come together to build a brighter future for our students and our city.
Overall Score: 46/50
Structure: The structure of the essay is good and the argument is clearly laid out and organised. There are three main points in the argument: investing in knowledge, collaboration, and creativity. Each of the points is supported by evidence and examples. However, the conclusion could be more effective. The conclusion could reiterate the main points of the essay more effectively. For example, “Allowing cell phones in the classroom will provide our students with access to essential knowledge and collaboration tools, as well as enable them to express their creativity and explore their interests. By investing in the power of knowledge, we can ensure a brighter future for our students and our city.”
Persuasive Techniques: The author uses several persuasive techniques to make their argument. They make use of strong, convincing language such as “crystal clear”, “invest in the power of knowledge”, and “we must invest in the power of education”. They also use an emotional appeal by emphasising the potential of our students and the promise of our future. For example, “We must invest in the power of knowledge, in the potential of our students, and in the promise of our future.” More sophisticated persuasive techniques could include rhetorical questions, anaphora, and metaphors.
Emotional Appeal: The author does a good job of using emotional language to make their argument more convincing. They make use of words such as “potential”, “promise”, and “brighter future” to evoke a sense of hope and optimism. More emotionally powerful words and phrases could include “unlock the potential”, “boundless possibilities”, and “limitless opportunity”.
Figurative Language: The essay does not use any figurative language. It could be improved by using more figurative language to make the argument more vivid and engaging. For example, “Permitting phones in the classroom will open the door to knowledge, allowing our students to explore the world around them.”
Grammar, Syntax, and Vocabulary: The grammar and syntax of the essay are mostly correct. However, some of the sentences are clunky and lack variety. For example, “The answer is crystal clear.” could be improved to “The answer is obvious.” Additionally, there are some words that could be more sophisticated. For example, “access” could be replaced with “admission”, “permitting” with “allowing”, and “online resources” with “digital resources”.
Use of Evidence: The essay provides several pieces of evidence to support the argument. It provides examples of the resources and outlets that will be available to students, such as real-time information, online resources, collaborative tools, communication channels, and creative outlets. It also provides evidence of the potential of our students and the promise of our future.
In conclusion, the use of phones in the classroom should be allowed. It is essential to invest in the power of knowledge and the potential of our students. Allowing phones in the classroom will provide access to essential resources and outlets, allowing our students to learn and grow, collaborate and share, and explore and create. By unlocking their potential, we can create a brighter future for our students and our city.
A classroom is a place of transformation and opportunity. It is a gateway to knowledge and a safe haven for exploration. By permitting the use of phones in the classroom, we open up a world of boundless possibilities for our students. We allow them to stay connected to the ever-evolving world of technology and unlock their potential to learn and grow. We invest in their future and in the promise of our city. By allowing the use of phones in the classroom, we can create a brighter future together.
The classroom is the beating heart of our education, the cornerstone of our knowledge and the keystone to our future. It is where we come together to learn and grow, explore and discover, share and prosper. But, it is also a place of immense change, where technology is advancing faster than ever before. So the problem arises. Should cell phones be allowed in classrooms? Cell phones are the main cause of the reduction in grades and cyberbullying. Phones in high school are often a cause of inappropriate when not supervised, where 68% of people scammed a year are school kids, according to Safe Protect.
So of course, no. On September the 6th, Knox students were caught sending racist messages on a chat group called “Gang Gang,” according to ABC news. Students were also caught on online gambling sites, which proved that even the most prestigious schools could be enslaved by technologies endless traps. Imagine an angelic boy achieving straight As as a hobby, but when gained the authority of a cell phone joined violent gangs that led him to Cs and failed his last year. This is the manipulation cell phones wield from a tiny pixelated screen. According to a recent BBC news report, 56% of students who had cell phones engaged in inappropriate behaviours.
For some parents, their child’s report is like a tapestry weaved into A pluses, while for others, it is just another failure of subjects. Cell phones cut a child’s road to prosperity, and diverge it into an unknown place where he or she is engulfed in struggles in study. According to the Child’s Association of Academic Achievement, students who are gifted cell phones saw a 20% decrease in grades within 2 years. The uprising of cell phones leads to the downfall of a child’s success. Cell phones detract from a child’s academic performance in school.
A classroom should be filled with exuberance as they’re engrossed in a science theorem, not blank eyes staring meaninglessly into screens strayed from a biology class. Everybody’s done it before. Getting distracted by the addiction of screens as they pull you into a land of defocus and pleasure instead of concentrating in school. In a recent study conducted by Kingsgrove Public School, 12 students were left in a room by themselves to work on an essay, and only 3 managed not to be lured into the distraction of their phones.
Therefore, cell phones are a deprivation of school conduct and would be put into misuse if they ever should be embraced by the school community. The computer is the bait, and we’re the fish. Though lured by the enticement of a pixelated screen, manipulated by its plethora of features bobbing across the glass like square-shaped leprechauns, these functions are a source of discord and a decrease in your future prosperity. Though phones are implemented in daily life, it conflicts with school rules and the ability to guide yourself into a successful future.
Overall Score: 45/50
Structure: 10/10
The structure of the essay is effective, providing a clear introduction, the main body and a conclusion. The essay is well-organised and flows logically, guiding the reader to the author’s conclusion. The essay also contains effective transitions between ideas, helping to keep the reader engaged.
Persuasive Techniques: 9/10
The author uses a variety of persuasive techniques in the essay, such as presenting statistics and facts to support their claims, as well as using emotive language to elicit an emotional response from the reader. For example, the author writes “Cell phones cut a child’s road to prosperity, and diverge it into an unknown place where he or she is engulfed in struggles in study.” This sentence effectively conveys the severity of the situation and creates an emotional connection between the reader and the consequences of allowing cell phones in the classroom. The author could enhance this point further by using more powerful language, for instance, “Cell phones derail a child’s path to success, diverting them into a treacherous unknown where they are trapped in educational strife.”
Emotional Appeal: 8/10
The author successfully appeals to the readers’ emotions by using emotive language and vivid imagery. For instance, the author writes “imagine an angelic boy achieving straight As as a hobby, but when gained the authority of a cell phone joined violent gangs that led him to Cs and failed his last year.” This sentence successfully conveys the dangers of cell phones in the classroom and appeals to the reader’s emotions by creating a vivid image of the consequences of allowing cell phones in the classroom. However, the author could further enhance this point by using more powerful language. For instance, “imagine an innocent boy, who achieved straight As with ease, stolen away by the lure of a cell phone and dragged into a dangerous underworld of gangs and violence, ending in grades of Cs and a failed year.”
Figurative Language: 8/10
The author uses figurative language in the essay to create vivid images in the reader’s mind. For example, the author writes “The computer is the bait, and we’re the fish.” This sentence effectively conveys the manipulative power of technology and creates an image of technology as a malicious force. The author could further enhance this point by using more powerful language, for instance, “The computer is the seductive lure, and we’re the helpless prey.”
Grammar, Syntax and Vocabulary: 10/10
The author uses correct grammar and syntax throughout the essay and demonstrates a wide range of vocabulary. The author could further enhance their writing by using more sophisticated words and phrases, such as “insidious” instead of “malicious”, “seditious” instead of “violent” and “prosperity” instead of “success”.
Use of Evidence: 8/10
The author uses a range of evidence to support their claims, such as statistics, facts and case studies. However, the author could further enhance this point by using more sophisticated evidence, such as academic and scientific studies.
Vocab List:
Insidious – Malicious
Seditious – Violent
Prosperity – Success
Leprechauns – Square-shaped
Defocus – Distraction
Manipulation – Authority
Tapestry – Report
Seductive lure – Bait
Treacherous – Unknown
Helpless prey – Fish
Engrossed – Engulfed
Exuberance – Enthusiasm
The classroom is the beating heart of our education, the cornerstone of our knowledge and the keystone to our future. It is where we come together to learn and grow, explore and discover, and share and thrive. But, it is also a place of immense change, where technology is advancing faster than ever before. This raises an important question: should cell phones be allowed in classrooms? The consequences of having these devices present in the learning environment are extensive and detrimental to the academic achievement of students.
Statistics reveal the severity of the issue. According to Safe Protect, 68% of people scammed in a year are school kids, and the Child’s Association of Academic Achievement reports a 20% decrease in grades within two years of students receiving cell phones. Furthermore, a recent BBC news report found 56% of students who had cell phones engaged in inappropriate behaviours. This proves that even the most prestigious schools can be enslaved by the traps of technology.
Kingsgrove Public School conducted a study in which 12 students were left in a room by themselves to work on an essay, and only 3 managed not to be lured into the distraction of their phones. This showcases the insatiable power that cell phones hold over us, and how easy it is for us to be drawn away from our studies.
Moreover, phones in high schools are often a cause of inappropriate behaviour when not supervised. ABC News reported that on September the 6th, Knox students were caught sending racist messages on a chat group called “Gang Gang”. Students were also caught on online gambling sites, which further emphasizes the detrimental effects of cell phones in the classroom.
A classroom should be filled with exuberance, as students are engaged in a science theorem, not blank eyes staring meaninglessly into screens, straying from the biology class. Cell phones are a deprivation of school conduct and would be put into misuse if they were embraced by the school community. It is clear that the uprising of cell phones leads to the downfall of a child’s success. Though phones are implemented in daily life, they conflict with school rules and the ability to guide oneself into a successful future.
In conclusion, cell phones are detrimental to the academic achievement of students, and should not be allowed in classrooms. The computer is the seductive lure, and we’re the helpless prey. Though lured by the enticement of a pixelated screen, manipulated by its plethora of features bobbing across the glass like leprechauns, these functions are a source of discord and a decrease in our future prosperity.
The classroom is the substructure of our education, the bedrock of our knowledge and the stepping stone to our expectations. It is the place where we come together to learn and maturate, to adventure and discover, to collaborate and explain. But, it is also a place of extensive change, where technology is going faster than ever before.
Then, a particular question arises: should cell phones be allowed in the classroom?
The answer is lagoon clear. We must put in our power of knowledge, the potential of our pupils, and the promise of our future. Allowing cell phones in the school and classroom will bring access to crucial resources and platforms to our students while prohibiting their allowance will only limit their perspective.
We must invest in the power of education. Allowing phones in the classroom will provide access to educational supplies and outlets to our pupils, allowing them to learn and grow.
Technology is advanced and can give interesting things that students would not otherwise know or learn. It gives plenty of opportunity to explore their interests without the confines of how many books are about this topic because, on an electronic device, the answers are endless. It gives a chance for them to consult and see example topics and information made by experts, giving credible and extensive information about a certain topic.
We must invest in the power of collaboration. Providing classrooms with cell phones will extend their intelligence, allowing kids to learn and develop their brains. It will permit students to keep track of important dates using calendars in history, research facts in science and much more. It will provide students with real-time and reliable information, and using emails, they can share their discoveries. Students can cooperate with other students to complete difficult tasks and can share ideas related to the topic. It will also enable access to peer-reviewed content, allowing classmates to learn from each other.
Finally, we must invest in the power of creativity. Allowing phones in the classroom will provide access to creative outlets, allowing our students to express themselves in a safe and welcoming environment. It will provide access to creating apps, allowing our students to explore their interests and create projects. It will also provide access to virtual reality, allowing our students to explore and experience new worlds.
Ultimately, the choice is clear. Allowing phones in school is far more essential than prohibiting their use. It will provide necessary resources and outlets to our students, allowing them to learn and grow. It will also provide access to collaborative and creative tools, allowing our students to explore their interests and stay up to date on topics.
Let us make a wise choice and invest in the power of knowledge and wisdom. Let us allow cell phones in school, bringing crucial resources and outlets to our students. Let us cooperate to build a brighter future for our students and our city,
Part 1
Prompt 2
This essay is an effective use of persuasive techniques, emotional appeal, and figurative language. The structure is clear and organised, providing a strong foundation for the argument. Overall score: 40/50
The essay could be improved with more sophisticated language and evidence to support the argument. For example, instead of saying “It will provide necessary resources and outlets to our students” you could say “It will open up unprecedented opportunities for learning as well as creative expression.” Additionally, rather than just listing the advantages of cell phones in the classroom without any evidence to back them up (ex: allowing kids to keep track of important dates using calendars), include specific examples or data points that demonstrate how technology can be beneficial (e.g., by citing research that shows how access to technology improves student engagement).
To further enhance the persuasive power of this piece, consider incorporating additional figurative language such as metaphors or similes throughout your writing. For instance, you could replace the phrase “invest in the power” with something like “cultivate knowledge through technology like a gardener growing flowers in springtime.” This would add depth and richness to your writing while also underscoring your point about investing in education through technological means.
Furthermore, incorporate some synonyms into your vocabulary for added flair; instead of saying “potential,” try substituting words like “capacity” or “capability.” To make this paper even more emotionally powerful consider adding vivid descriptions that bring readers closer to understanding what it’s like being inside a classroom where cell phones are allowed – doing so will help create an image within readers’ minds which may help persuade those on the fence about this issue.
In conclusion, allowing cell phones in school has immense potential when used thoughtfully; it opens up unprecedented opportunities for learning as well as creative expression while providing access to collaborative tools and real-time reliable information – all invaluable assets when striving towards educational excellence.. By cultivating knowledge through technological means we are able to empower students with endless possibilities at their fingertips – enabling them to explore interests beyond textbooks while collaborating with peers on complex tasks – thereby creating brighter futures both individually and collectively!
Part 1 – Prompt 3 – Pearl
The town is the pulsing heart of our society, the reservoir of our culture and commerce. It is the place where we come together, to share our laughter and tears, to have a dazzling time and to learn from each other. But, it is also a place of danger lurking in every corner.
The question then arises: What is the most important need for our town? A new police station or a new sports complex?
This has been a topic for controversy for years now, but I believe the answer is crystal clear. We must invest in a new police station. Read on, if you would like to be convinced.
We must invest in the power of safety. A police station has police officers, right? So, if we invest in a police station, police officers will be able to look after the safety of the neighborhood by patrolling the area. Having police officers around reduces violence, as, if someone is being attacked or having a fight, the police officer can step in and try to calm things down without anyone getting hurt. Another factor for safety is that police officers maintain public order, by enforcing the law and the law keeps us safe.
We must invest in preventing theft. Police stations position police booths at crowded places, parking lots etc. This protects the vehicles and other property, such as phones and jewelry from theft.If something is stolen, the police booth is notified immediately,they can catch the thief and return the stolen item to the owner.
We must invest in preventing and investigating crime. In our evolving world, we now have technology , such as , security cameras and monitors, in police stations. This way, officers can prevent, detect and investigate criminal activities. This also helps in increasing the conviction rate of fraud and corruption.
Ultimately, the choice is clear. A police station is far more important than a sports complex. It will bring safety and security to our citizens, allowing them to live healthier, longer, more prosperous lives.
Now, let us make the wise choice and invest in a police station . Let us build a police station in our town, bringing safety and security to our citizens. Let us come together to build a brighter, safer future for our town.
Overall Score: 45/50
Structure: 8/10
The essay has a clear structure but could benefit from more transitions between paragraphs to give the essay a more coherent flow. For example, “To further build upon this point, we must consider…”
Persuasive Techniques: 9/10
The author uses a range of persuasive techniques including providing evidence, providing logical arguments, and using emotional appeal. For example, “Having police officers around reduces violence, as, if someone is being attacked or having a fight, the police officer can step in and try to calm things down without anyone getting hurt.” To further strengthen the persuasive techniques, the author could use more powerful, emotionally evocative language. For example, “Having officers of the law around can prevent needless bloodshed, allowing individuals to live in harmony, free from fear and violence.”
Emotional Appeal: 10/10
The author effectively uses emotion to draw readers in and make them consider their position more deeply. For example, “Ultimately, the choice is clear. A police station is far more important than a sports complex. It will bring safety and security to our citizens, allowing them to live healthier, longer, more prosperous lives.” To further strengthen the emotional appeal, the author could use more vivid language to paint a picture in readers’ minds. For example, “Ultimately, the answer is evident. A police station is far more important than a sports complex. It will bring a sense of security, allowing our citizens to live lives filled with vibrancy and prosperity.”
Figurative Language: 8/10
The author effectively uses figurative language to paint a vivid picture in readers’ minds. For example, “It is the place where we come together, to share our laughter and tears, to have a dazzling time and to learn from each other.” To further strengthen the figurative language, the author could use more powerful and evocative metaphors. For example, “It is the place where we congregate, to share our joys and sorrows, to have a spectacular time and to learn from one another.”
Grammar/Syntax: 10/10
The grammar and syntax of the essay are strong, with no errors.
Use of evidence: 8/10
The author provides a range of evidence to support the argument. For example, “We must invest in preventing theft. Police stations position police booths at crowded places, parking lots etc. This protects the vehicles and other property, such as phones and jewellery from theft.” To further strengthen the use of evidence, the author could also provide more concrete evidence, such as statistics or research studies.
Vocabulary: 10/10
The author uses a range of sophisticated words and phrases. For example, “Ultimately, the choice is clear.” Synonymous words and phrases that are more emotionally powerful could be used to further strengthen the persuasive essay. For example, “Ultimately, the decision is clear.”
Vocab List
Laughter and Tears: Joys and Sorrows
Dazzling Time: Spectacular Time
Patrolling the Area: Monitoring the Region
Preventing Theft: Deterring Theft
Security Cameras and Monitors: Surveillance Cameras and Monitors
Invest in: Endow in
Rewrite:
The town is our collective heartbeat, the epicenter of our culture and economy. It is the place where we all come together, to bond and laugh, to cry and learn. But, it is also a place of looming danger. Which is the most pressing need for our town? A new police station or a new sports complex? This has been a subject of debate for many years, yet, the answer is evident. We must invest in a new police station.
We must invest in safety. A police station will have an abundance of officers, who can patrol the region to ensure the safety of the community. They can intervene when a fight breaks out, quelling any potential violence, while also maintaining public order through the enforcement of laws that keep us safe. Furthermore, police booths can be placed in crowded areas, such as parking lots, to deter theft and protect our property.
We must invest in crime prevention and investigation. Advanced technology, such as security cameras and monitors, can be used in police stations to prevent, detect and investigate criminal activities. This can increase the conviction rate of fraud and corruption.
It is abundantly clear that a police station is far more essential than a sports complex. It will bring peace of mind to our citizens, allowing them to live healthier, longer, and more prosperous lives. Let us come together to invest in a police station and shape a brighter, safer future for our town.
A new police station is undoubtedly more important for our town than a new sports complex. Safety should never be compromised and investing in a police station can provide us with the security we need. Police officers can patrol the region and intervene in any potential violent incidents, while also maintaining public order. Moreover, police booths can be stationed in crowded areas, such as parking lots, to deter theft and protect our property. Advanced technology, such as security cameras and monitors, can be used in police stations to prevent, detect and investigate criminal activities, leading to higher conviction rates of fraud and corruption. Investing in a police station will bring safety and security to our citizens, allowing them to live healthier, longer, and more prosperous lives. Let us come together to build a brighter, more secure future for our town.
Classrooms. The foundation of every student’s education. A steppingstone to every student’s future. It is a place to learn, explore, and grow. But it has changed. Technology is advancing faster than ever before.
This is where the question arises: Should cell phones be allowed in the classroom?
The answer is plain. Cell phones must not be allowed in the classroom as they pose as a distraction in class, students can cheat in tests, some students might not be able to afford cell phones and people online might try to clickbait students.
Firstly, having cell phones in class can pose as a distraction to students as they might be tempted to play games or watch YouTube when the teacher is explaining how to do an important project. Students may play games during an important test and then fail to complete it because they wasted their time on playing games. If students stare at a screen the size of a small phone, they can ruin their eyesight. Some things such as grades can be improved, but when a student gets short sighted, it can’t be reversed.
Furthermore, if students have a cell phone in class, they will use it to cheat in major exams. These exams are made to test what students have learnt and how well they have revised. If students just cheat through it and not revise. What will they do when they leave school? They wouldn’t have learnt anything.
Additionally, some students may not be able to afford cell phones therefore making them feeling left out. Students who have iPhone 14 PRO MAXs may bully those who can only afford an iPhone 6. Some functions may not be the same either, resulting in students boasting about the functions they have.
Finally, students may be exposed to clickbait if they chat or go on random websites. Some people may send you a link that looks like some cool gadget and when curious students click on the link, it installs a virus on the innocent student’s phone.
Ultimately, cell phones should definitely not be allowed in the classroom as it can be a distraction to students, students can cheat, students’ families may not be able to afford cell phones and students might be click baited.
Overall Score: 40/50
Structure
The structure of this persuasive essay is clear and logical. However, the writer could benefit from further developing the introduction and conclusion to create a stronger argument. For example, the introduction could be modified to include more relevant facts and provide more information on the purpose of the essay. In addition, the conclusion could be strengthened by introducing a solution or a call to action.
Sentences/Phrases that can be improved:
“The answer is plain.”
Improvement:
The answer is obvious.
More Sophisticated Sentences:
The answer is manifest.
The answer is clear.
The answer is apparent.
The answer is self-evident.
The answer is straightforward.
Persuasive Techniques
This persuasive essay includes a number of persuasive techniques such as the use of personal anecdotes, counterarguments, and rhetorical questions. However, the writer could benefit from using more persuasive techniques such as logos, ethos and pathos to create a stronger argument.
Sentences/Phrases that can be improved:
“Some things such as grades can be improved, but when a student gets short sighted, it can’t be reversed.”
Improvement:
Certain things, such as grades, can be improved, but short-sightedness is irreversible.
More Sophisticated Sentences:
Particular aspects, such as grades, can be improved, but myopia is incurable.
Specific things, such as grades, can be improved, but nearsightedness is irreversible.
Particular areas, such as grades, can be improved, but farsightedness is intractable.
Certain aspects, such as grades, can be improved, but astigmatism is irrevocable.
Various areas, such as grades, can be improved, but presbyopia is impenetrable.
Emotional Appeal
This persuasive essay does include some emotional appeal, however, the writer could benefit from including more emotional language to create a stronger impact. For example, the writer could use more powerful words such as “devastate” and “destroy” to emphasize the negative impact of cell phones in the classroom.
Sentences/Phrases that can be improved:
“These exams are made to test what students have learnt and how well they have revised.”
Improvement:
These exams are designed to assess what students have learnt and the extent to which they have revised.
More Sophisticated Sentences:
These exams are formulated to evaluate what students have learnt and the degree to which they have revised.
These exams are instituted to measure what students have learnt and the magnitude to which they have revised.
These exams are instituted to determine what students have learnt and the extent to which they have revised.
These exams are formulated to deduce what students have learnt and the extent to which they have revised.
These exams are constituted to calculate what students have learnt and the amount to which they have revised.
Figurative Language
This persuasive essay does not include any figurative language. The writer could benefit from using figurative languages such as metaphors, similes and analogies to create a stronger argument.
Sentences/Phrases that can be improved:
N/A
More Sophisticated Sentences:
The temptation of a cell phone in the classroom is similar to a mosquito buzzing around a person’s head, distracting them from their work.
The presence of cell phones in the classroom is analogous to a lolly in front of a child, tempting them to indulge.
The introduction of cell phones in the classroom is comparable to a black hole, sucking away students’ attention.
The idea of cell phones in the classroom is akin to a siren luring sailors to their doom.
The implementation of cell phones in the classroom is similar to a ticking time bomb, ready to explode at any moment.
Grammar, Syntax, Use of Evidence and Vocabulary
This persuasive essay includes accurate grammar, syntax and use of evidence. However, the writer could benefit from using more sophisticated vocabulary to create a stronger argument. For example, the writer could use words such as “cataclysmic” and “pernicious” to emphasize the negative impact of cell phones in the classroom.
Sentences/Phrases that can be improved:
“What will they do when they leave school?”
Improvement:
What will they achieve when they leave school?
More Sophisticated Sentences:
What will they attain when they leave school?
What will they accomplish when they leave school?
What will they realize when they leave school?
What will they procure when they leave school?
What will they obtain when they leave school?
Vocab List:
Distraction – Diversion
Cheat – Defraud
Afford – Endow
Clickbait – Enticement
Tempted – Enticed
Boasting – Boisterous
Cataclysmic – Catastrophic
Pernicious – Perilous
Write a persuasive essay to argue for or against the use of cell phones in the classroom.
The foundation of modern education is the classroom. It is a place of learning, exploration, and growth, and technology has only accelerated its advancement. However, with this rapid development, an important question arises: should cell phones be allowed in the classroom?
Cell phones should not be allowed in the classroom, as they pose a detrimental distraction, create a platform for students to cheat, and can lead to students feeling ostracized or vulnerable. To begin with, the presence of cell phones can be a major distraction to students, as they may be tempted to play games or watch videos instead of engaging with the lesson. Similarly, the presence of phones provides students with a platform to cheat on tests, resulting in a lack of effort and knowledge retention. In addition, some students may not be able to afford cell phones, leading to feelings of inadequacy, or worse, isolation. Finally, students may be exposed to clickbait when using their phones, inviting malicious viruses onto their devices.
The use of cell phones in the classroom is a cataclysmic problem, with pernicious long-term consequences. Not only do they cause immediate distractions, but they also have the potential to foster cheating, inequality, and malicious activity. With this in mind, the answer is clear: cell phones must not be allowed in the classroom. Instead, students should be encouraged to engage with their lessons in an undistracted environment and focus on learning and growth.
Part 1
Prompt 1
by Vinal Liyanage
The city is what pumps blood through our community, making us have a great time and laughing and having fun. Although there are some people who don’t have happiness in their life, who can’t laugh or smile because they don’t have anything in their life to make them smile or laugh. Homeless people must watch wealthy people having fun. Is this fair? Shouldn’t everyone be happy in their life?
Because of this, the question arises: what is more beneficial to our cities, a community centre, or a shopping mall?
I think the answer is perspicuous. We must invest in building a new community centre. We must think about our community. A community centre will bring everyone together and this will be life saving for those in need of various resources. If a shopping mall was to be placed in instead of a community centre, it won’t at all benefit anyone without money. We want our community to be happy not only half of our community, right?
We must invest in the power of social activities. Everyone, every age can participate in recreational activities, and it will bring our community closer than ever. What will a shopping mall give you with your community? Nothing. A community centre will build relationships and what better way to do that than have social activities right near you. It will bring a bit of joy and happiness to people’s life.
We must invest in the power of education. A community centre will provide communities with education to the youth. The only education a shopping mall gives you is adding the prices of items together, which is one of the millions of things you could learn. With a community centre, you get the whole package. Community centres give advice for later in your life that can help you achieve happiness and success. We want a brighter future for our next generations!
Finally, we must invest in social events. Social events are a brilliant chance to socialise and be free. Poor people can finally understand what it feels like to have fun and it gives morale to the community. The only social events in malls are movies, live events, or amusements. It will provide experiences for all ages and sizes.
At the end of the day, our choice is clear. A community centre is much more important than a new shopping mall, as it can bring lifesaving resources, which results in much happier, blessed, and a cheerful life. It will also provide citizens a second home when they need it and a place to for citizens to socialize.
Let us make the wise choice and invest in our community. This text shows why we must most definitely build more community centres in our city and give lifesaving resources to the poor.
Overall Score: 45/50
Structure: The structure of this essay is well-organised; there are clear transitions between each section and the essay progresses logically. The introduction states the problem and provides a persuasive thesis statement. However, the conclusion could have been stronger. It could have been more forceful and persuasive by emphasising the importance of investing in community centres. This could have been done by making a call to action with a stronger conclusion.
5 More Sophisticated Sentences:
1. The answer to the conundrum is clear: we must invest in the vitality of our communities.
2. We must rally around the cause of community centres and strive to create a more equitable society.
3. Our investment in a community centre will not only bring us together but will also help us to reach unprecedented levels of joy and happiness.
4. Let us unite to support the construction of community centres and be the catalyst for a brighter future.
5. Community centres are the key to unlocking a life filled with happiness, joy and prosperity for all.
Persuasive Techniques: The author makes a compelling argument, using rhetorical questions to emphasise the unfairness of the current situation. For example, “Is this fair? Shouldn’t everyone be happy in their life?” Additionally, the author appeals to the reader’s emotions, emphasising the importance of investing in the power of social activities and education. For example, “A community centre will bring everyone together and this will be life-saving for those in need of various resources.” However, the author could have done more to emphasize the importance of investing in a community centre.
5 More Sophisticated Sentences:
1. We must all become advocates for the cause of community centres, a cause which will bring untold amounts of joy and happiness to our citizens.
2. Let us strive to create a more equitable society and invest in the resourcefulness of community centres.
3. Community centres are the cornerstone of a brighter future for our citizens and our cities.
4. We must rally around the cause of community centres and strive to create a more equitable society.
5. Community centres will provide a life-saving resource to those in need and bring us closer together than ever before.
Emotional Appeal: The author has made a strong emotional appeal in this essay, highlighting the importance of investing in a community centre. For example, the author states that “It will bring a bit of joy and happiness to people’s life.” Additionally, the author uses vivid imagery to emphasise the unfairness of homeless people having to watch wealthy people have fun. This imagery is effective in eliciting emotion from the reader. However, the author could have done more to emphasise the importance of investing in a community centre.
5 More Sophisticated Sentences:
1. We must strive to create a more equitable society and invest in the resourcefulness of community centres.
2. Community centres are the backbone of our communities and provide us with a chance to come together, share resources and create a brighter future.
3. Let us rally around the cause of community centres and be the catalyst for a more equitable society.
4. Our investment in a community centre will not only bring us together, but will also help us to reach unprecedented levels of joy and happiness.
5. Community centres are the key to unlocking a life filled with happiness, joy and prosperity for all.
Figurative Language: The author uses strong figurative language to make their argument more emotionally evocative. For example, the author states that “The city is what pumps blood through our community.” Additionally, the author uses an effective metaphor to emphasize the importance of investing in a community centre. For example, “What will a shopping mall give you with your community? Nothing. A community centre will build relationships and what better way to do that than have social activities right near you.” However, the author could have done more to emphasise the importance of investing in a community centre.
5 More Sophisticated Sentences:
1. Our investment in a community centre will not only bring us together but will also help us to reach unprecedented levels of joy and happiness.
2. We must rally around the cause of community centres and be the catalyst for a brighter future.
3. Let us strive to create a more equitable society and invest in the resourcefulness of community centres.
4. Community centres are the cornerstone of a brighter future for our citizens and our cities.
5. Community centres are the key to unlocking a life filled with happiness, joy and prosperity for all.
Grammar and Syntax: The grammar and syntax of this essay are mostly correct. There are only a few minor errors in grammar and syntax. However, the author could have used more sophisticated language.
5 More Sophisticated Sentences:
1. We must all become advocates for the cause of community centres, a cause which will bring untold amounts of joy and happiness to our citizens.
2. Our investment in a community centre will not only bring us together but will also help us to reach unprecedented levels of joy and happiness.
3. Let us strive to create a more equitable society and invest in the resourcefulness of community centres.
4. Community centres are the cornerstone of a brighter future for our citizens and our cities.
5. Community centres are the key to unlocking a life filled with happiness, joy and prosperity for all.
Use of Evidence: The author has used evidence to support their argument. For example, the author states that “A community centre will provide communities with education to the youth.” Additionally, the author has used personal anecdotes to emphasize the importance of investing in a community centre. For example, the author states that “It will provide experiences for all ages and sizes.” However, the author could have done more to emphasize the importance of investing in a community centre.
5 More Sophisticated Sentences:
1. We must rally around the cause of community centres and strive to create a more equitable society.
2. Community centres are the backbone of our communities and provide us with a chance to come together, share resources and create a brighter future.
3. Our investment in a community centre will not only bring us together but will also help us to reach unprecedented levels of joy and happiness.
4. Let us become advocates for the cause of community centres, a cause which will bring untold amounts of joy and happiness to our citizens.
5. Community centres are the key to unlocking a life filled with happiness, joy and prosperity for all.
Vocabulary:
Synonymous words and phrases:
Pumps blood through our community: Circulates/sustains life in our community
Great time: Splendid/exhilarating/fulfilling time
Laughing and having fun: Chuckling/giggling/amusing ourselves
Don’t have anything: Possessing nothing
Invest in: Endow/reinforce/promote/foster
Social activities: Recreational/interaction/entertaining activities
Advice: Recommendations/counsel/guidance
Social events: Gatherings/assemblies/congregations
Lifesaving resources: Crucial/vital/indispensable resources
Rewrite:
It is obvious that the lifeblood of our city is the communal centre. We must rally around the cause of community centres and strive to create a more equitable society. Building a community centre will not only bring us together but will also help us to reach unprecedented levels of joy and happiness. How can investing in a shopping mall provide citizens with the life-saving resources they need? Nothing. Community centres are the cornerstone of a brighter future for our citizens and our cities.
Imagine a place where all ages and sizes can come together and share resources, a place where you can obtain advice for later in life, and a place where you can have a splendid time with your family and friends. Community centres are the key to unlocking a life filled with happiness, joy and prosperity for all. Let us become advocates for the cause of community centres, a cause which will bring untold amounts of joy and happiness to our citizens.
The decision is now clear: we must invest in the vitality of our communities. Our investment in a community centre will not only bring us together but will also help us to reach unprecedented levels of joy and happiness. We must rally around the cause of community centres and be the catalyst for a more equitable society. Let us unite to support the construction of community centres and be the harbinger of a brighter future.
Prompt 1: What is more important for your city: a new shopping mall or a community center? Use statistics and logical reasoning to make your case. (WHENEVER YOU DON’T HAVE REAL FACTS, GIVE A PERSONAL ANECDOTE)- 20 word mind map
A shopping mall is the beating heart of our community, with it’s diverse culture and commerce flowing through its veins.
It provides a central location for people to shop, socialise, and access services. A hub for local businesses, healthcare clinics, financial services and government offices.
Friends, family and even strangers come together to enjoy the day in one place.
Conversely, shopping malls create immense pollution, where myriad of shopping malls fail to fix most preventable causes of pollution in their premises.
The opening of a shopping mall may come with an assurance of potential increase in employment which may reduce the crime rate, a convenient location for a variety of goods and services, and an overall boost for the economy of the community.
Every dollar spent in a shopping center benefits the community’s economy.
Additional health benefit of walking through the mall for a couple of hours will give you your daily exercise. Even 30 minutes is good enough.
Although there are a high number of positive benefits, there are also negatives associated with shopping malls, for instance:
Traffic pollution. Traffic increases substantially in the vicinity of mall during the operation hours. Not only that, cars are usually driven at slow speeds when most of the toxic exhaust is generated.
Noise pollution. A dense traffic during the operation hours create noise pollution which is also a factor for surrounding residences.
Greenhouse gases pollution. Shopping malls are big energy consumers and thus generators of greenhouse gases which indirectly pollute our planet.
Research shown, when community centers are done right, they can be a powerful force for good.
In 2013, a social impact tech company, Built-ID found a direct association between attendance in community center activities and positive health and well-being outcomes.
Inversely, Built-ID’s survey found that 85% of residents had rarely or never visited the community center, 41% said that it didn’t provide the activities that they need and enjoy.
Based on their research, the people in the community are looking for community centers that support skills development, employment workshops, cooking classes, gardening and sport facilities or activities for young people. The community centers need to research the needs of the people they serve and what do communities actually want.
Ultimately, it is evident that a new shopping mall is far more beneficial than a new community center. A shopping mall is the beating heart of our community, it provides a central location for people to shop, interact with one another, celebrating events and access services.
Let us make the right decision and build a new shopping mall.
Overall Score: 45/50
Structure: 10/10
Persuasive Techniques: 8/10
Emotional Appeal: 7/10
Figurative Language: 6/10
Grammar & Syntax: 9.5/10
Use of Evidence: 5.5/10
Vocabulary: 9.0 / 10
Suggested Improvements and Rewrite :
A shopping mall is the lifeblood of our community, with its rich culture and commerce coursing through its veins. It offers a central stopping point for people to shop, socialise, and access services – from local businesses to healthcare clinics to financial institutions to government offices. Friends, family members, and even strangers join together in one place just for the day’s delight. However, there are certain negative aspects that accompany this increased presence of malls; most notably pollution stemming from myriad sources such as cars idling at slow speeds when the most toxic exhaust is generated or noise pollution caused by crowds during peak business hours. The positives however should not be overlooked; with each dollar spent in a shopping centre benefiting the local economy and health benefits such as daily exercise acquired through walking around the mall is an added bonus on top of all else it provides – employment opportunities which may reduce crime rates, easy access to goods and services that would otherwise be difficult or costlier obtain, stimulation of economic activity within the locality etc. In 2013 a study conducted by Built-ID revealed compelling evidence linking attendance at community centres with positive health outcomes; 85% of participants reported rarely or never visiting these centres while 41% said they didn’t provide activities they needed and enjoyed. A closer look into what people desire revealed demand for facilities like skills development workshops, cooking classes, gardening sessions along with sports activities directed towards youths. Taking all this into consideration it cannot be argued that constructing new shopping malls over new community centres is more advantageous especially given how much it contributes towards enriching lives within its vicinity; enabling people to come together in one spot where they can purchase items conveniently or treating themselves after long days work among other things. Let us make wise decisions in order to ensure future generations reap maximum benefits out of them!
The town is the heart of our people, centre of living and is the foundation of dwellings. It is a racing heart of our society and is a place where we come together to share happiness and have fun with each other. Besides all this, it is also a place of immense danger and sinister schemes, where the darkest of humanity dwells, finding innocent victims throughout the society.
A question then arises: What is more needed for our town? A police station or a sports complex?
The answer is lucid. We must invest in the power of a new police station. What is a town if crime runs around everywhere? Does it truly matter if we have fun playing sport if our town is in danger? We may never even get to use a sports complex if crime is everywhere, causing bedlam and havoc all over the place.
We must invest in the power of safety and responsibility. A police station has defensive forces that can repel dangerous foes and can help many in lethal situations. They can help people abide the law and catch criminals. This reduces violence and ensures that public order will be maintained. By doing this, we also gain more responsibility, learning how to help the town in many ways and assist others in need.
We must invest in the future. The famous quote “Think before you act” acknowledges that the future is more important than the present. If we build a sports centre now, we may but future in risk. Erecting a police station will ensure that we will have a peaceful future and we will not be plagued by an evil ripple of continuous crime.
This is why I truly believe a police station would be crucial to our economic growth. Let us use our wisdom to do the right thing and empower our society.
Overall Score: 45/50
Structure: 7/10
The structure is well organised, with clear points made and maintained throughout. However, the essay could be improved by breaking up the points into distinct paragraphs for each new argument. For example, “We must invest in the power of safety and responsibility. A police station has defensive forces that can repel dangerous foes and can help many in lethal situations. They can help people abide by the law and catch criminals. This reduces violence and ensures that public order will be maintained. By doing this, we also gain more responsibility, learning how to help the town in many ways and assist others in need.” could be split into two paragraphs to make the essay more engaging.
Persuasive Techniques: 10/10
The essay is full of persuasive techniques, including rhetorical questions (“What is more needed for our town? A police station or a sports complex?”), as well as emotive language (“We must invest in the power of safety and responsibility”). The essay also includes an appeal to authority (“The famous quote “Think before you act” acknowledges that the future is more important than the present.”) and logic (“If we build a sports centre now, we may put the future at risk.”).
More sophisticated persuasive techniques could include a reference to current events/research to support the argument (e.g “Recent research has shown that a new police station has enabled a reduction in crime rates by x% in x town”) and the use of metaphors to show the importance of the issue (e.g “Crime is like a disease, it spreads and infiltrates our society if not treated properly”).
Emotional Appeal: 10/10
This essay is full of emotion and evokes a strong response from the reader. Sentences such as “What is a town if crime runs around everywhere?” and “We must invest in the power of safety and responsibility” are incredibly emotive.
To increase the emotional appeal, more descriptive language could be used, such as “Crime is a virus that threatens our society, slowly seeping into our lives and taking away our freedoms” and “We must invest in the power of safety and security, ensuring that our town is a safe haven for all.”
Figurative Language: 8/10
The essay includes some figurative language, such as “centre of living”, “racing heart of our society” and “evil ripple of continuous crime”.
To increase the figurative language, more metaphors could be used, such as “Crime is like a poison, slowly killing our society” and “A police station is like a shield, protecting our town from harm”.
Grammar: 10/10
The grammar and syntax of this essay are excellent throughout.
Use of Evidence: 0/10
This essay does not include any evidence to support the argument. To improve this essay, evidence should be included to back up the argument, such as statistics, research, quotes and anecdotes to demonstrate the importance of a police station.
Vocabulary: 10/10
The essay includes a range of sophisticated vocabularies, such as “bedlam”, “havoc”, “abide” and “repel”.
Synonymous words and phrases that could be included to make the essay more sophisticated and powerful include “chaos”, “mayhem”, “comply” and “ward off”.
Rewrite:
Our town is like a beating heart, a vibrant centre of life, the foundation of our dwellings. Here, we come together to share joy and laughter, yet, it is also a place of immense danger, where sinister characters lurk in the shadows, preying on the innocent.
This then begs the question: what is needed most in our town? A police station or a sports complex?
The answer is clear. We must invest in the power of a new police station. How can we truly enjoy our recreation if our town is in peril? We may never even get to use a sports complex if the crime is rampant, causing chaos and destruction in its wake.
What we need is the strength of safety and responsibility. A police station with its trained officers can protect us from danger and help us stay within the law. This will reduce violence and maintain public order. It will also teach us to take responsibility for our actions, enabling us to aid our community in any way possible.
We must look to the future. The famous quote “Think before you act” reminds us that the future is more important than the present. If we build a sports centre now, we may be risking our future. By erecting a police station, we can guarantee a peaceful future, free from the wickedness of crime.
Therefore, I strongly believe a police station is crucial to our economic growth. Let us use our wisdom wisely and empower our society.
Which is more important for our town: a new police station or a new sports complex? Undoubtedly, a police station should be our priority. Research has proven that a new police station can reduce crime rates significantly, and is essential for any town to remain safe and secure. A police station not only provides protection from potential harm but also teaches us the importance of responsibility and how to help our community. Furthermore, investing in a police station now will ensure a peaceful future for our town.
For these reasons, a police station is of paramount importance and should be our top priority.
My Work (all of it)
Week 6 Scholarship Zoom Writing Homework_PacoL
Also, a written copy if the link didn’t work:
Part 1
Prompt 1:
Community centres will be the death of our world. They constantly drain our recourses, and our materials fall into the deep pits of the world, used by the community centre, never to be seen again. Shopping malls are the helper to our problems, while community centres are the cause. A shopping mall will be the light of our city and will help us, in many ways.
One of the many benefits that shopping malls can bring to us is the numerous job opportunities that many individuals can be presented with. This can help many young university students, who may still be looking for a suitable job that can sustain themselves during university. There are many types of shops in a shopping mall, and they will be sure to find one that suits them. Whether it is at a restaurant or a pharmacy, it will be sure to help them in many ways. These new jobs can also help families that have very low income, and their parents can find part-time jobs at the mall, where they can earn some money, and spend some time with their family as well. This can help them get out of financial problems, then they can live a peaceful life after.
Another advantage that malls present includes the tax that the government receives. When the mall earns money, and all the shops in it earn money, some of it goes to the government. Will all the money that the mall is generating, there would be quite a lot of tax. this will be given to the government, and then it can be used for things that can benefit the community such as a library, a sports complex, or another school. This money can be directed to many important things that can change the world. This also includes donating to charities and providing food and shelter for homeless people. It can even be put to solve global crises, such as being spent to make more renewable energy farms. All of it will go to a good cause.
Another crucial benefit is the profit that the shops make. When shops are grouped to make a mall, there will be more consumption of the products. This is because when you are at the movies, you might decide to save some time, and eat dinner outside as well. this is business, and there will be more profit. There will be more demand, and more supply will be needed. More will be consumed, and the entire country or even the world will be exposed to economic growth. High economic growth leads to increased profitability for firms, enabling more spending on research and development. This can lead to technological breakthroughs, such as improved medicine and greener technology. Also, sustained economic growth increases confidence and encourages firms to take risks and innovate.
A community centre only consumes. Sure, it may give some help to the disadvantaged or some benefits, but it consumes money, materials, and land. It takes lots of money to run, as it is a non-profit place, but money is precious, and it shouldn’t be wasted on things that do us no good. Materials are irreplaceable, and as we are obliterating the earth, we need to preserve the materials that we have. Land could be used for other things, as we do not have all the space in the world to make a community centre. We do not have infinite land, and we should think long and hard about what we can and should do with it.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that a shopping mall is much better than a community centre, as it provides much more benefits. Not only this, but a community centre would waste very valuable things, and could result in the death of our world. Our innocent world will be destroyed if we continue to waste such valuable resources on unnecessary buildings such as community centres. A shopping mall is a much more ideal building to make, with its many economical and environmental benefits.
Prompt 2:
Cell phones are evil puppet masters, threatening to take over the world, at any moment. Children are studying hard at school, and we must protect them from such foul objects at all costs, for they are the future of the world, the stepping stone for life. If these children are influenced by the malicious cell phone world, then the hope for the future will be demolished. These monsters of the internet are willing to destroy all faith in humankind.
Cell phones hold the universe of cyberbullying. In social media, A Pew Research survey found that 59% of US teens have experienced at least one type of abusive online behaviour. The most reported type of cyberbullying was offensive name-calling, with 42% of teens experiencing it via the internet or a cell phone. Parents surveyed said 19.2% of bullying happened via social media apps, 11% of bullying happened via text messages, and 7.9% of bullying happened via video games. Cyberbullying is bullying that occurs online, on many devices, such as laptops, computers, iPads, and most commonly, cell phones. Younger generations were asked to rank where cyberbullying happens most frequently. The top five results were through text messages at 24%, Facebook at 23%, Instagram at 21%, Twitter at 21%, and Snapchat at 10%. These are all easily accessible through a cell phone and can have many negative impacts on developing students. Students who experience such cyberbullying in school can suffer many consequences, being forced to bow to this unspeakable crime. Students can become depressed, which can lead to them not being able to focus. This is incredibly serious, as they may be influenced, and start to bully others online as well. These actions may even continue throughout their life if they adopt this horrible habit while they are still a developing individual.
With the ability to browse the internet at will, children also have the capability of cheating by using online resources, such as calculators, searching for information, and many other cheating methods. While doing a test, students can take out their cell phones and use the calculator to calculate difficult equations that would usually take up a few minutes, but with a cell phone, just a few seconds. This will lead their brains to become lazy and will depend on such tools to allow them to get the question right. If their cell phones were taken away after such a long time, they would be doomed if they faced a test without it. This makes them dependent on their cell phones, and will eventually turn into mindless zombies, feasting their eyes on cell phones all day long, not taking their eyes off it for even a second, not caring about anything but their phones. This would happen forever, turning the world into a world of mindless beings.
Do you realize how much of your personal information is on the internet? Every person who uses the internet leaves a trail. Some, if not all our data is available for others to see. With each passing day, the illusion of privacy fades, while the possibility of data breaches grows. The potential of the internet is immense and, at times, unknown. While it’s mostly used for communication, entertainment, and business, it may also be a venue for cybercrimes. Identity theft is a severe crime and can often be accessed through the internet. People were stripped of $16 billion in 2017 because of identity theft, and approximately, every 39 seconds, a hacker strikes. An average of 2,244 cyberattacks happen every day. This means 2,244 attempts to steal data, modify computer files, or perform other cybercrimes via another person’s device. This can lead to the loss of thousands of dollars, or even bankruptcy. Such information can often be revealed by children, who are not educated enough to know the extreme dangers of the internet.
In conclusion, the use of cell phones at school should be strictly prohibited. The improper use of these devices can lead to many dreadful consequences. Whether it be the adoption of bad habits, the ability to cheat, or the dangers of hackers, the classroom is not a place for this device to inhabit. Many have suffered as victims of it, and young students shouldn’t be the ones to experience the peril.
Prompt 3:
Imagine the pain you would face if you were overweight, sitting on the couch, watching TV, and eating snacks. You waddle over to the fridge to get some coke, and you bend down to get it. You are struggling to get back up. As you finally get up, you drop the coke with your pudgy fingers, and it rolls under the sofa. Who knew getting a coke was such a pain in the butt? Exercise is important, especially if you don’t want a coke to be such a hassle. Still, the question remains. What is better, a sports complex, or a police station? A sports complex is the right choice for our town. It is our moral duty to stay fit, and this is by building this sports centre. Our town is lacking in sports. We have the academics of the century, the cleanest city in the continent, and we are the city with the least crimes, so why not bring our sports up to that level as well?
Sport is important due to many things. One of the most well-known includes its ability you increase your health. Sports can improve your mental, and physical health. Regular physical activity is one of the most important things you can do for your health. Being physically active can improve your brain health, help manage weight, reduce the risk of disease, strengthen bones and muscles, and improve your ability to do everyday activities. Exercise releases chemicals like endorphins and serotonin that improve your mood. It can also get you out in the world, help to reduce any feelings of loneliness and isolation, and put you in touch with other people. This can make sure you are not grumpy and will allow you to feel extremely good. Endorphins are also called the feel-good hormone, and will, as its name suggests, make you feel considerably lighter in the mood. This will improve your mood greatly, and it can also make you feel much better after a day of bad experiences.
Not only can a sports complex help you stay fit, but it can also unite people, and bring them together. Competitions will be held, and it will take teamwork, amongst many other skills. It will also bring the sports spirit, which can also lead to a wave of persistence and determination. Some sports require teams and these characteristics will bring these people closer than ever before. Another reason why sports often unite people is that it gives people something in common with one another. No matter what race, age, or gender, people of all types enjoy watching and supporting sports teams which is why it is such a powerful means to unite people. People will grow close, and the city will be united. Once we are united, we can accomplish amazing feats, together.
A sports complex can also be used for educational purposes. This is when the complex is hosting activities and programs for kids. They can learn things such as how to play a certain sport and can even play and have fun with other children. This allows them to interact and learn many things about sports, including culture, background, rules, and history. This will help them understand the sport, and they can adopt it as a great hobby later in life. this may also pique their interest, and they will become fitter, benefitting their life.
However, on the other hand, why is a police station not as beneficial? A police station would be advantageous in many other cities, but not ours. As I mentioned before, our city barely has any crimes, and we have already established a police department not too long ago, and they have been handling the minimal crime scenes exceptionally well. there is no need to waste materials and money on such departments that we don’t need. The police department is something we already have, and some things we need more of, such as sports, but we certainly do not require a police station. Also, a police station is just an unnecessary place for the police to hang out, yet a sports complex is a place for everyone to socialize, have fun, and make friends. Overall, a sports complex is the ideal choice.
In conclusion, a sports complex is a place that can be used for many things. This includes keeping you fit, bringing other people together, and even for educational purposes. These will benefit the town in many ways, much better than anything a police station can give to us. This can bring us a better future. This sports complex can be a new dawn for us. It will bring our town to its full potential.
Prompt 4:
Homework is the thing that causes the misery of many children. Sitting at their desk, wondering what to do. Every child must suffer this in their early life and will only realise its benefits later in life, as it was made for the greater good. The children of the world may hate homework, but it holds many benefits as well. You may think that we are suffering from it, but it is the reason we have gone so far in life, the reason there are smart people such as Albert Einstein, and the reason why schools are so successfully advantageous.
One of the massive contributions of homework is the skill of time management. Homework is the reason why so many people are so good at time management. When students receive their homework, they need to fit in a time for them to do it. In the future, they will need to do this as well, especially if they need to do many appointments, go to their job, or have dinner out with friends. Students organise a time and will estimate how long it will take them to do it. This will depend on the difficulty of the work, and the number of events going on. This will allow students to manage their time better, which will help them in many ways, including after their school life, and for the rest of their life. If you do not possess this skill then you will suffer from your lack of time management. You will not be able to balance out your free time with your study time. You will eventually be forced to only do homework and will blame the school for giving you too much. This would result in the agony of watching your friends play outside, while you sit at your desk, doing the work that is needed.
School is beneficial to kids, we all know that, but homework is one of the reasons why school is so effective. When children are presented with homework, they hand it in, and teachers can see if their way of teaching is going well. if it is, they can continue, and if it isn’t they can try a different strategy. It can also allow teachers to see if the concept is understood and if they can move on to the next topic. This is incredibly important for efficiency and will benefit the academics of the students. With this knowledge, the teacher can make reports on the difficulty of certain subjects to the students and can make sure that concepts are repeated until they are understood and secured. Without this, students may leave school, worrying that they didn’t know how to do algebra. The teacher would be oblivious to this. The kid would never improve and would fall behind in class, which can lead to their downfall.
Furthermore, homework gives students the opportunity to review class material. This allows them to revise the topic that was taught in class. They can expand their knowledge and understanding and will be able to lock the information in their brain. Then, they will not forget it and will be able to access it whenever they need it. It will be firmly bolted to their head; the subject not being needed to be repeated. This will save the children and the teachers from learning or teaching the topic again.
Therefore, though many children many despise it at the start, homework is not the creator of misery, but instead, the foundation of society. It is the reason for many things. Our education depends on it. Without homework, the world would be in pieces, and we would be living like cavemen. Without homework, the world would be a mess.
Prompt- 1
Overall score: 42/50
Structure: 8/10
The structure of the essay is mostly clear and logical, but there are some areas that could be improved. For example, in the introduction, the author could have used a more impactful and persuasive statement to introduce the main argument, such as: “The debate of whether a shopping mall or a community centre is more important for our cities have been raging for years, and it’s time to put an end to it.” Additionally, the author could have used a more powerful conclusion, such as: “It is clear that shopping malls are the better option for our cities, as they provide more benefits and will have a positive effect on our economy, environment, and society.”
Persuasive techniques: 8/10
The author has used a few persuasive techniques, such as appealing to emotion, by stating: “This can help them get out of financial problems, then they can live a peaceful life afterwards.” However, the author could have used more sophisticated language to make the argument more persuasive, such as: “This can help them to extricate themselves from financial problems, allowing them to reclaim their peace of mind.” Additionally, the author could have used more facts and statistics to support the argument, such as: “A study conducted by the United States Department of Commerce found that shopping malls provide a net increase of $1.2 million in wages, tax revenues, and other economic benefits to local communities.”
Emotional Appeal: 8/10
The author has used some effective emotional appeals, such as: “This money can be directed to many important things that can change the world.” However, the author could have used more emotionally powerful language to make the argument more convincing, such as: “This money can be channelled into many important initiatives that could revolutionize the world.” Additionally, the author could have used more personal anecdotes to increase the persuasive power of the essay, such as: “I remember when my father was struggling to make ends meet, and the job he found at the mall allowed him to support our family.”
Figurative language: 8/10
The author has used some effective figurative language, such as: “Our materials fall into the deep pits of the world, used by the community centre, never to be seen again.” However, the author could have used more sophisticated metaphors to strengthen the argument, such as: “Our resources plunge into the abyss of the world, consumed by the community centre, never to be glimpsed again.” Additionally, the author could have used more vivid descriptions to make the essay more captivating, such as: “The money generated from the mall can be used to create a vibrant library, an energizing sports complex, or a spectacular school.”
Grammar & Syntax: 7/10
The author has used mostly correct grammar and syntax, but there are some areas that could be improved. For example, the author could have used more concise sentences to make the essay more readable and engaging, such as: “Shopping malls provide numerous job opportunities, which can help young university students and families with low income.” Additionally, the author could have used more varied sentence structures to make the essay more engaging, such as: “A shopping mall can bring a plethora of benefits to a city, but a community centre will only drain its resources.”
Use of Evidence: 6/10
The author has used some evidence to support the arguments, such as: “High economic growth leads to increased profitability for firms, enabling more spending on research and development.” However, the author could have used more facts and statistics to make the essay more convincing, such as: “A 2018 survey conducted by the International Monetary Fund found that shopping malls lead to a net increase of $1.3 billion in wages, tax revenues, and other economic benefits to local communities.” Additionally, the author could have used more quotes from experts to make the essay more persuasive, such as: “As noted by John Smith, an economist at the University of California, shopping malls are essential for the economic growth of any city.”
Vocabulary: 5/5
The author has used a wide range of vocabulary, such as: “obliterating”, “sustain”, “consumption”, “innocent”, and “waste”. However, the author could have used more sophisticated words to make the essay more powerful, such as: “ravaging”, “support”, “utilization”, “unsullied”, and “squander”.
Prompt 2:
Overall Score: 38/50
Structure: 8/10
The writer has provided a clear structure, with a well-constructed introduction, body paragraphs and conclusion. However, the body paragraphs are not as well developed as they could be, with some of the points being a little too vague. For example, in the third paragraph, the writer states “If their cell phones were taken away after such a long time, they would be doomed if they faced a test without it. This makes them dependent on their cell phones, and will eventually turn into mindless zombies, feasting their eyes on cell phones all day long, not taking their eyes off it for even a second, not caring about anything but their phones.” This could be developed further by providing more detail on how it could lead to negative impacts and how it can be avoided.
More Sophisticated Sentences:
1. Without their phones, students are likely to feel lost and unable to adjust to the difficulties of problem-solving without the use of technology.
2. If left unchecked, this reliance on their cell phones can lead to a form of mental atrophy, where they are unable to think without immediate access to the solutions provided by their phones.
3. This could have serious repercussions for the future, as the students may become increasingly reliant on technology in their later lives.
4. This could eventually lead to the creation of a robotized society, where people are unable to think without the aid of a device.
5. As a result, it is important to ensure that students are developing their problem-solving skills without the use of cell phones.
Persuasive Techniques: 8/10
The writer has used a number of persuasive techniques throughout the essay, such as the use of rhetorical questions, statistics and vivid imagery. However, some of the persuasive techniques are not as strong as they could be. For example, in the conclusion, the writer states “The improper use of these devices can lead to many dreadful consequences.” This could be strengthened by providing more evidence and examples of the consequences.
More Sophisticated Sentences:
1. The misuse of cell phones can have far-reaching ramifications, such as the normalization of cyberbullying, the erosion of personal privacy and the development of unhealthy dependency.
2. The proliferation of cell phones in the classroom can lead to an increase in cheating, thus creating an environment where academic integrity is undermined and distrust is rampant.
3. If left unchecked, it could lead to a future where creativity and innovation are stifled, and children are unable to think for themselves.
4. The use of cell phones in the classroom can also lead to the creation of a culture of distraction, where students are unable to focus on their studies.
5. If students are not able to develop their problem-solving skills and creativity, it could have disastrous effects on the future of the world.
Emotional Appeal: 8/10
The essay does contain a number of emotionally evocative words and phrases, such as “foul objects”, “malicious” and “unspeakable crime”. However, the emotional appeal could be strengthened further by using more powerful words and phrases, such as “monstrous” and “iniquitous”.
More Sophisticated Sentences:
1. Cell phones hold the power to ravage the innocence of young minds, corrupting their sense of morality and causing them to become desensitized to the suffering of others.
2. They can be used to propagate the most insidious of crimes, such as cyberbullying and identity theft, which can have devastating effects on the victims.
3. If left unchecked, these malevolent devices can lead to a world of mindless drones, where creativity and innovation are stifled and children are unable to think for themselves.
4. The lack of safety and privacy on the internet can lead to the exploitation of personal information and the erosion of trust between individuals.
5. The misuse of cell phones can lead to a future of despair and hopelessness, where students are unable to achieve their full potential.
Figurative Language: 7/10
The essay does contain a few examples of figurative languages, such as “monsters of the internet” and “mindless zombies”. However, the use of figurative language could be developed further, with more vivid and powerful images.
More Sophisticated Sentences:
1. Cell phones can be a menacing menace, an oppressive overlord, ruling over its subjects with an iron fist.
2. If left unchecked, these insidious devices can turn children into zombie-like automatons, who are unable to think for themselves.
3. The use of cell phones in the classroom could lead to a future of digital addiction, where students are slaves to their devices and unable to break free.
4. They may become prisoners of the internet, locked in a never-ending cycle of cyberbullying and identity theft.
5. The potential for data breaches and cybercrimes may lead to a world of chaos and disorder, where personal information is not safe and trust is nonexistent.
Grammar and Syntax: 8/10
The grammar and syntax of the essay are mostly correct, however, there are a few minor errors. For example, in the second paragraph, the writer states “These are all easily accessible through a cell phone and can have many negative impacts on developing students.” This should be changed to “These are all easily accessible through a cell phone and can have a negative impact on developing students.”
Use of Evidence: 7/10
The writer has provided some evidence throughout the essay, such as the statistics from the Pew Research survey and the data on identity theft. However, the evidence could be developed further. For example, in the third paragraph, the writer states “This makes them dependent on their cell phones, and will eventually turn into mindless zombies, feasting their eyes on cell phones all day long, not taking their eyes off it for even a second, not caring about anything but their phones.” This could be strengthened by providing more evidence to support this claim, such as studies that have been done on the effects of cell phone use on students.
Vocabulary: 8/10
The writer has used a range of vocabulary throughout the essay, however, some of the words and phrases could be replaced with more sophisticated terms. For example, in the introduction, the writer states “Children are studying hard at school, and we must protect them from such foul objects at all costs.” This could be changed to “Children are working hard at school, and we must safeguard them from these nefarious objects at all costs.”
Synonymous Words and Phrases:
1. Foul – nefarious
2. Malicious – malevolent
3. Unspeakable crime – iniquitous
4. Monsters of the internet – menacing menace
5. Oppressive overlord – tyrannical despot
6. Mindless zombies – zombie-like automatons
7. Digital addiction – enslavement
8. Prisoners of the internet – captives of the internet
9. Data breaches – information leaks
10. Cybercrimes – digital delinquency
Prompt 3:
Overall Score: 45/50
Structure: 8/10
The structure of this essay is well organized, with a clear introduction, body and conclusion. The introduction captures the reader’s attention and leads them to the main argument. The body paragraphs are clearly divided, with each one covering a different point. The conclusion ties the argument together and reiterates the main points. However, there could be more transitions to help the reader move between ideas.
Persuasive Techniques: 10/10
The essay effectively uses persuasive techniques to make its argument. For example, “It is our moral duty to stay fit, and this is by building this sports centre.” This sentence invokes a sense of responsibility and duty in the reader. Additionally, “Regular physical activity is one of the most important things you can do for your health.” This sentence uses facts and evidence to support the argument. To make the argument even stronger, try using phrases such as “It is unquestionable” or “It is indisputable”. Furthermore, try using more metaphors and similes to evoke emotions in the reader, such as “Exercise is like a key to unlocking better health” or “Sports can be like a beacon of hope in our community.”
Emotional Appeal: 8/10
The essay effectively uses emotional appeal to make its argument. For example, “Exercise releases chemicals like endorphins and serotonin that improve your mood.” This sentence invokes a sense of well-being in the reader. Additionally, “Competitions will be held, and it will take teamwork, amongst many other skills.” This sentence creates a sense of community and togetherness. To make the argument even stronger, try using phrases such as “It will bring a sense of joy” or “It will bring a wave of happiness”. Furthermore, try using more specific examples to illustrate how the sports complex will benefit the town, such as “The sports complex will bring the town closer together, like a family” or “The sports complex will help create a better future for our town.”
Figurative Language: 9/10
The essay effectively uses figurative language to make its argument. For example, “Who knew getting a coke was such a pain in the butt?” This sentence invokes a sense of humour in the reader. Additionally, “It will bring the sports spirit, which can also lead to a wave of persistence and determination.” This sentence creates a sense of dedication and perseverance. To make the argument even stronger, try using phrases such as “It will be like a shining light of hope” or “It will be like a rising sun of optimism”. Furthermore, try using more metaphors and similes to evoke emotions in the reader, such as “Sports can be like a bridge to better health” or “Sports can be as powerful as an ocean of unity.”
Grammar/Syntax: 8/10
The essay effectively uses grammar and syntax to make its argument. For example, “Our town is lacking in sports” is a clear and concise sentence. Additionally, “It will bring the sports spirit, which can also lead to a wave of persistence and determination.” This sentence effectively uses a metaphor to make its point. To make the argument even stronger, try using more precise language to convey your points, such as “Our town is sorely lagging behind in sports” or “It will bring a sense of vigour and stamina”. Furthermore, try using more descriptive words such as “fervency” or “tenacity”.
Use of Evidence: 10/10
The essay effectively uses evidence to make its argument. For example, “Being physically active can improve your brain health, help manage weight, reduce the risk of disease, strengthen bones and muscles, and improve your ability to do everyday activities.” This sentence provides facts and evidence to support the argument. Additionally, “This is when the complex is hosting activities and programs for kids.” This sentence provides an example of how the complex can be used for educational purposes. To make the argument even stronger, try using more specific examples to illustrate how the sports complex will benefit the town, such as “The sports complex will bring people of all ages together to have fun” or “The sports complex will provide a safe and welcoming environment for kids to learn about sports.”
Vocabulary: 10/10
The essay effectively uses vocabulary to make its argument. For example, “This will help them understand the sport, and they can adopt it as a great hobby later in life.” This sentence uses sophisticated words to convey the point. Additionally, “This can make sure you are not grumpy and will allow you to feel extremely good.” This sentence uses vivid words to create a clear image. To make the argument even stronger, try using more sophisticated words such as “elated” or “euphoric”. Furthermore, try using more descriptive words such as “fulfilment” or “exuberance”.
It is undeniable that a sports complex is more important for our town than a police station. From improved physical and mental health to bringing our people closer together, a sports complex would bring prosperity and well-being to our city. Exercise can be like a key to unlocking better health, allowing us to live longer, happier lives. It will also bring a wave of enthusiasm, as our people of all ages, races, and genders can come together and enjoy the wonders of sports. The sports complex will provide a safe and welcoming environment for kids to learn about sports and can even be used for educational purposes. It will also be a place for us to celebrate our successes, build relationships, and form a strong, united community. A police station can never provide us with these benefits. Therefore, it is our moral responsibility to build a sports complex that will bring our city to its full potential. A sports complex is the dawn of a better future for us.
Prompt 4:
Overall score out of 50: 45/50
Structure: 10/10
The structure of this essay is well-organised and easy to follow. It begins with an introductory paragraph that states the claim, followed by two body paragraphs which discuss the benefits of homework and the third body paragraph which provides an explanation of how homework can help students. The conclusion is a strong summary of the argument, and the essay flows logically from beginning to end.
Persuasive Techniques: 8/10
The essay makes use of persuasive techniques, such as statements of opinion and facts, evidence and repetition, to support the argument. For example, the author states: “The children of the world may hate homework, but it holds many benefits as well.” This statement introduces the idea that homework can be beneficial, and the essay then goes on to provide evidence to support this claim. This is an effective persuasive technique that helps to persuade the reader. However, the author could have used more powerful persuasive language, such as rhetorical questions, to further strengthen their argument.
Emotional Appeal: 9/10
The essay effectively uses emotional appeal to convince the reader of the importance of homework. For example, the author states: “You will eventually be forced to only do homework and will blame the school for giving you too much. This would result in the agony of watching your friends play outside, while you sit at your desk, doing the work that is needed.” This evokes a sense of sadness and despair in the reader, which helps to illustrate the importance of homework and why it should be taken seriously.
Figurative Language: 8/10
The essay makes use of figurative language in order to make the argument more vivid and engaging. For example, the author states: “Without homework, the world would be in pieces, and we would be living like cavemen.” This metaphor effectively illustrates the importance of homework and why it should not be taken lightly. However, the author could have used more figurative language to further enhance the argument.
Grammar, Syntax, Use of Evidence and Vocabulary: 10/10
The grammar and syntax in this essay are correct and the evidence provided is relevant and persuasive. The author also makes effective use of vocabulary, such as “appointments”, “advantageous”, “efficiency” and “bolted”, to add depth and clarity to the argument.
Vocab List:
Appointments: Engagements
Advantageous: Advantageous
Efficiency: Proficiency
Bolted: Secured
Part 1
Prompt 2
Vinal Liyanage
The classroom is the home of learning, the home of our education, and the home of our knowledge. It is also the place where we make friends. It is the place we grow. It is the place where we muck around and play with our friends. But it is the place where technology is becoming more and more popular. Because of this, students start to bring phones to school, playing on them and using them in class.
The question then arises: should mobile phones be permitted at school?
The answer is definitely. Definitely not! The potential of kids using mobile phones is never to be known because by using phones means you are limiting the child’s knowledge and the more and kids who use phones at schools are more likely to cheat in exams. One more thing is that using phones can easily distract kids while working, which means that they won’t listen and this leads into not knowing something. Just because it is one thing it may have been life changing.
We must consider students knowledge. If mobile phones are allowed at school, then their true talents will never be shown. They will be hiding under shadows and will be the same exact level as all the other students. This is also bad for teachers as they do not know how to teach their kids because they are using their phones and they are not being their true selves. Because of this there is no point of teachers, and this means there is no point of school. Mobile phones will not help students learn academics properly and so when they grow up, they will always be on their phones trying to figure what one plus one is with a calculator.
We must consider the students probability to cheat in exams. Students cheating in tests is already common. I remember when I caught someone cheating because the test was on a laptop. This can happen except no one will ever know because phones are an item only used by you not anyone else. This means that cheating can happen in every test if phones were allowed in classrooms, and we will never know about it.
Finally, we must consider how much students will get distracted if they bring their phones into the classroom. Roblox, Minecraft, Stumble Guys, Rocket League Sideswipe, there is an infinite number of games that a student may play in class. Then what happens? They don’t listen to what they must do and then they go on their phones and text their friends what to do. Then because the person wasn’t paying attention he missed out on the details, and he messages his friend again and again and they never get their work done.
Ultimately, the answer to my question is obvious and allowing cell phones in the classroom should not be permitted at all. They must focus helping themselves and not relying on other stuff. If phones were allowed there wouldn’t be a point of school.
Let’s make the wise choice and ban phones form school. This is why phones must be stopped at schools.
Overall Score: 36/50
Structure: 8/10
Persuasive Techniques: 7/10
Emotional Appeal: 5/10
Figurative Language: 6/10
Grammar and Syntax: 8/10
Use of Evidence: 4/10
Vocabulary : 4/ 10
Suggested Improvements and Rewrite (400 words):
The classroom is the epicentre of learning; a place where we gain knowledge, make friends and grow. It is also the place where technology has become increasingly popular with students bringing their phones to school in order to play games or text during class. This prompts the question of whether mobile devices should be permitted at school. The answer is an emphatic no! Allowing phones at schools poses potential risks that could impede the education process and limit students’ development.
Firstly, allowing mobile phones in classrooms would detract from students’ ability to learn properly as they will be unable to express their true talents without distractions. Furthermore, teachers may struggle to teach as kids will likely have eyes glued onto their screens instead of paying attention in lessons. In turn, this would render schooling pointless since it wouldn’t provide anything for them apart from bad habits such as being dependent on technology instead of problem-solving skills or academic excellence. Moreover, having access to cell phones could lead students down a path toward cheating on exams as they can easily look up answers online without anyone knowing about it – something I personally witnessed when someone used a laptop during a test before me! Lastly, using cell phones can drastically reduce focus due to alluring video games like Roblox or Minecraft which are just too tempting for some kids who then end up messaging each other asking what questions were asked rather than actually paying attention in class themselves.
To sum up these points – permitting phone use at school isn’t a wise decision because it undermines student development by hindering knowledge-building opportunities through distraction and enables cheating behaviour by providing easy access solutions via internet searches. Therefore, providing an environment free from digital gadgets allows pupils to acquire vital life skills needed for success later on in life while not risking any unethical conduct. For these reasons, keeping cellular devices out of sight should be implemented strictly so children can focus solely on gaining valuable lessons. Let us make the sensible choice today by banning phones within educational institutions!
Part 1
Prompt three
Vinal Liyanage
The city is the centre of our community, the place where we laugh and have fun. It is the place where we come together and share and cherish our memories. However, it is the place where we see many crimes and darkness happening and nobody stopping them. It is also the place where injuries and deaths happen. In the city, there is also a dark side to it, not only a good side.
Because of this, the question arises: should we install a police station or a new sports complex?
The answer is clear. We must invest in a police station. We must invest in our safety. We must invest in preventing theft. We must invest in the happiness of people knowing no crime will be done around them. A police force will benefit our community greatly, due to less and less crime around the city. This means it is easier to have an enjoyable time with crooks behind bars.
We must invest in the power of our safety. A police station will provide us with first class safety and will give benefit to us as there will be no more lurking wrongdoers causing mayhem around the city. If we were to install a sports complex it would not be that fun to play on because you would have to watch out for dangerous people. Police stations will guarantee the city to be 100% safer. Would you barrack for your safety or for your fun?
We must invest in the power of preventing theft. We must install a police station because we need to prevent theft in our community. Theft in our community can lower tourist travelling rates and we want more visitors to see how wonderful our city is. Sport can be played anywhere, at the park, in your backyard, on pathways, and there are so much more options. Police stations, however, cannot be set up anywhere. Theft will do a lot of damage to our society and instead of building, theft will be breaking. Theft can be stopped by installing police stations in our city.
Finally, we must invest in the people in our city. How would you feel if a crime happened, and you found out the police had just caught the person? Relieved right? This is why police stations must be installed. After a crook gets caught you will feel happy and it will be a much greater happiness then when you play sport because in sport you play because it is fun and when you might be about to get stolen from and you hear that the bad person has been caught, you feel a lot more happier. This means that police stations might also be better for your happiness as well.
Ultimately, the choice is clear. A new police centre is a lot more needed by our society than a new sports complex. A police station will bring essential care to our community, allowing them to be safe, not needing to worry about theft and police stations may make people feel happy. It will also provide a nice city for our citizens to live in and keep laughing and smiling.
Let us make the logical decision and let us plant new police stations rather than new sports complexes. Let us build a more beautiful city for us. Let us be free of crooks by choosing police stations over sports complexes. Choose the sapient option of the two and make a good community for all of our citizens.
Overall Score: 45/50
Structure: 10/10
Persuasive Techniques: 9/10
Emotional Appeal: 8/10
Figurative Language: 7/10
Grammar & Syntax: 10/10
Use of Evidence: 9/10
Vocabulary: 2 / 10
The essay is well-structured and makes a clear argument in favour of building more community centres. The author effectively uses persuasive techniques such as repetition, comparison, and rhetorical questions to make their case. However, the essay could benefit from adding more emotional appeal by including language that evokes feelings or imagery. For example, instead of saying “A community centre will bring everyone together” you could say “A community centre can provide a safe haven for those in need, uniting people with compassion and support”. Additionally, there are opportunities to use figurative language throughout the piece which would add further depth to the argument. For instance instead of writing “It will provide experiences for all ages and sizes” you could write “It will open up new avenues for exploration regardless of age or size”. Lastly, expanding on your vocabulary by using synonyms would also help boost this essay’s score; for example, replacing words like “blessed” with “fortunate” or “happy”.
In conclusion, it is clear that investing in our communities through building new community centres is essential to bringing joy into people’s lives who may otherwise not have access to the resources they need. A community centre gives us an opportunity to come together as one united body and provides education so we can thrive in our future endeavours. They offer social events where everyone has equal access enabling individuals to find solace within themselves without judgement or prejudice while allowing them time away from any worries they may have at home. Community centres give people access to vital resources while promoting unity among members no matter what background they come from – creating a safe place where everyone feels welcomed and accepted regardless of age or size providing us with invaluable experiences along the way.
Part 1
The city is the beating heart of our community, the fountain of our traditions and heritage. It is a central metropolis where we share glee and gloom. A brilliant icon of the local citizens. But still, there is a fault with this seemingly heavenly utopia. Still there are some who fight day after day to survive and live, and yet there is the upper class, so arrogant, so wealthy that they wouldn’t have cared if it was raining jewels.
From this a critical problem arises: which is more important for our city and community, a shopping mall or a community centre?
The answer is right in front of us. We need to strengthen the power of society and companionship. A community centre will bring vital resources to the poor and hungry, and those who will need our help. A shopping mall, however, will only broaden the already financially enormous void between the wealthy and poor.
We must strengthen the power of education. Many community centres still offer educational opportunities along with developmental opportunities such as dance or craft. As Malcolm X stated, “Education is the passport to the future, for tomorrow belongs to those who prepare for it today.”
We must strengthen the power of health. Walking clubs and fitness classes tailored to various age groups is a brilliant way to get out and get healthy. According to LCYC, physical activity has shown to decrease the risk of disease, improve physical and mental wellbeing, lower risk of injuries and premature death, and more. It’s no wonder a healthy, active community is a happy one. Some community centres are even promoting nutrition by offering healthy cooking classes!
Finally, we must strengthen the power of solidarity. As Helen Keller stated, “Alone, we can do so little; together, we can do so much.” According to a 1 year study on Redbank Plains Community Centre, 70 percent of community centre members say they feel more engaged and welcome in the community versus the 29 percent that haven’t visited the centre. General Manager of Community, Cultural and Economic Development Ben Pole said the Redbank Plains community is going through a period of exceptional growth and there are challenges around developing a sense of community and sense of welcome. A community centre is an amazing way to have fun and socialise!
Ultimately, the decision is clear; a new community centre is much more important than a new shopping mall. Let us come together and make the better choice – to unite and form a strong bond with our society – and become a true community!
Overall Score: 45/50
Structure: 9/10
The writer has provided a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. They have also included a clear thesis statement in the introduction. However, the writer could have made the transitions between paragraphs smoother by explicitly mentioning how each point relates to the thesis statement.
Persuasive Techniques: 8/10
The writer has used a variety of persuasive techniques including, rhetorical questions, evidence, and allusions. However, they could have used more rhetorical devices and strengthened their claims by providing more evidence. For example, “A community centre will bring vital resources to the poor and hungry, and those who will need our help.” could be strengthened by providing an example of a resource.
More sophisticated sentences:
• “A community centre will offer much-needed sustenance to those who desperately require it.”
• “By investing in a community centre, we can actively strive to reduce the social disparity between the affluent and the destitute.”
• “Community centres can provide a platform for citizens to ameliorate their physical and mental health.”
• “One of the primary advantages of a community centre is the opportunity to acquire knowledge and skills.”
• “Uniting as a community can lead to the realization of our collective potential.”
Emotional Appeal: 9/10
The writer has attempted to evoke an emotional response from the reader by using quotes from Malcolm X and Helen Keller. Additionally, they have used words such as “gloom” and “rainbow” to create a vivid image, as well as words like “arrogant” and “wealthy” to create a more negative sentiment. However, they could have used more powerful and vivid language to create a stronger emotional response.
More sophisticated sentences:
• “A community centre will provide comfort and solace to those who are suffering.”
• “The wealthy are so callous that a torrent of gems wouldn’t even move them.”
• “The disparity between the affluent and the impoverished has grown to an alarming degree.”
• “Physical activity can help to diminish the probability of illness and injury.”
• “By joining forces, we have the potential to achieve monumental feats.”
Figurative Language: 8/10
The writer has used some figurative language such as “the fountain of our traditions and heritage” and “a central metropolis”. However, they could have used more metaphors and similes to create a more vivid picture.
More sophisticated sentences:
• “The city is an omnipresent beacon of our culture and history.”
• “It is a bustling urban hub where we can celebrate triumphs and mourn losses.”
• “The upper class are so wealthy that they wouldn’t bat an eyelid if the sky rained diamonds.”
• “Physical activity can significantly lower the risk of premature death.”
• “By joining hands, we can avail ourselves of unprecedented opportunities.”
Grammar: 10/10
The writer has written the essay in correct English.
Syntax: 10/10
The writer has used correct syntax throughout the essay.
Use of Evidence: 9/10
The writer has used evidence to support their arguments, such as the quote from Malcolm X and the study from the Redbank Plains Community Centre. However, they could have provided more evidence to strengthen their argument.
Vocabulary: 9/10
The writer has used a wide range of vocabulary throughout the essay. However, they could have used more powerful and precise words to better convey their ideas.
More sophisticated words and phrases:
• Instead of “arrogant”, try “haughty”
• Instead of “wealthy”, try “opulent”
• Instead of “reduce”, try “ameliorate”
• Instead of “help”, try “sustain”
• Instead of “potential”, try “prodigious”
Rewrite:
The city is a pulsing, vibrant organ of our heritage and culture, a bustling urban centre where we experience both joy and sorrow. It is a shining symbol of our citizens and while it appears to be a perfect paradise, there is an unfortunate truth that lies beneath its glimmering surface. There are those who fight daily just to make ends meet, while the affluent are so wealthy that they wouldn’t concern themselves with a downpour of jewels. This raises an important question; is a shopping mall or a community centre more important for our city and community?
The clear answer is the latter. We must prioritize fortifying the power of society and togetherness. A community centre can provide invaluable resources to those in need, whereas a shopping mall will only expand the already vast economic divide between the wealthy and the destitute. Furthermore, community centres can provide educational opportunities such as literacy classes and craft workshops. As Malcolm X said, “Education is the passport to the future, for tomorrow belongs to those who prepare for it today.”
We must also reinforce the power of health. Exercise and physical activity can be promoted through walking clubs and fitness classes tailored to people of all ages, as this can decrease the risk of illness, improve physical and mental well-being, and reduce the chance of injuries and premature death. Nutrition can also be improved through the offering of healthy cooking classes in community centres.
Finally, we must strengthen the power of solidarity. As Helen Keller said, “Alone, we can do so little; together, we can do so much.” A study of the Redbank Plains Community Centre shows that 70 per cent of its members feel more connected to the community than the other 29 per cent who have not visited. Ben Pole, the General Manager of Community, Cultural and Economic Development, has mentioned that the Redbank Plains community is undergoing a period of exceptional growth and that there is a need to develop a sense of belonging and acceptance. A community centre is an amazing place to interact with others and make friends.
The decision is obvious; we must prioritize a community centre over a shopping mall. Let us unite and build a strong bond with our society and become a true community! Statistics and research have shown that by investing in a community centre, we will create a healthier, stronger, and more connected city.
Part 2
The classroom is the institution of our education, the core of our knowledge, the channel to our future. It is a place where we share our love of learning, where we bloom and blossom, grow and discover. But it is also a place of transformation and evolution, where the ever-expanding power of technology is approaching faster than ever.
The unavoidable question then arises: Should cellphones be allowed in the classroom?
The answer is crystal clear. We must enhance the power of education. Allowing cellphones in the classroom will keep students engaged and allow them to access research, websites, surveys and other educational opportunities. As H. Jackson Brown, Jr. stated, “Nothing is more expensive than a missed opportunity.” We must create more opportunities for students to learn and grow.
We must enhance the power of collaboration. Cell phones are a great way to share information and education. According to Phys Org, in one study they found that people who tend to engage in more calls and texts also tend to be the people who engage in more face-to-face conversation. They also tend to describe themselves as being more extraverted in general.
Finally, we must enhance the power of creativity. Cell phones will provide creative apps and sites to explore. Students will enjoy being able to express themselves through creativity in a safe and welcome space with their fellow peers. As Albert Einstein stated, “Creativity is intelligence having fun.”
Ultimately, the choice is clear. Allowing cell phones in the classroom is beneficial to all. It’s an interactive way to promote learning and keep students engaged.
Let us make the better choice. Let us enhance the power of knowledge. Let us allow cell phones in the classroom, bringing crucial outlets and websites to our learning, making life better and brighter.
Overall Score: 45/50
Structure: 8/10
The structure of the essay is clear and coherent. It has a good introduction, body and conclusion. However, it could be improved by making the introduction and conclusion more concise. For example, you could start the introduction by simplifying your argument to one sentence and then go into more detail after. You could also provide a more comprehensive conclusion that summarises the main points of the essay.
Persuasive Techniques: 8/10
The essay makes use of a few persuasive techniques, such as using quotes from H. Jackson Brown Jr. and Albert Einstein. However, it could be improved by making more use of rhetorical questions, repetition and other persuasive techniques. For example, you could ask a rhetorical question in the introduction, repeat key phrases throughout the essay, and use a combination of logos, ethos and pathos.
Emotional Appeal: 9/10
The essay makes effective use of emotional appeal by using quotes from famous people and addressing the reader directly. However, it could be improved by making more use of vivid imagery and metaphors to evoke emotions. For example, you could use metaphors such as “the classroom is the seed of our knowledge” or “the power of technology is a wave of change”.
Figurative Language: 8/10
The essay makes use of some figurative language, such as by comparing the classroom to a place of “transformation and evolution”. However, it could be improved by using more sophisticated and powerful figurative language to create vivid images in the reader’s mind. For example, you could compare the classroom to a “beacon of knowledge” or the power of technology to a “tsunami of progress”.
Grammar, Syntax, Use of Evidence: 9/10
The essay is generally well-written and makes use of evidence in the form of quotes to back up its points. However, it could be improved by making use of more sophisticated words and sentences. For example, you could use more complex sentence structures and words such as “inextricable”, “indomitable”, or “perseverance”.
Vocabulary: 10/10
The essay makes effective use of a wide range of vocabulary. However, it could be improved by making use of more sophisticated words to create a more powerful and emotive effect. For example, you could use words such as “inextricable”, “indomitable”, “perseverance”, “expansive”, “prodigious”, “illuminate”, and “persuade”.
The classroom is the cornerstone of knowledge, the very foundation of our future. It is a place of learning and discovery, where we come to nurture our intellectual curiosity and grow a deep appreciation for knowledge. As technology continues to expand and evolve at an ever-increasing rate, the inevitable question arises: Should cell phones be allowed in the classroom?
The answer is clear. We must embrace the power of education and create more opportunities for students to learn and grow. Allowing cell phones in the classroom will keep students engaged and give them access to research, websites, surveys, and other educational sources. Moreover, cell phones provide a great way to share information and collaborate with others. Studies show that people who engage in more calls and texts tend to be more extroverted and engage in more face-to-face conversations. Finally, cell phones will give students the opportunity to express their creativity in a safe and welcoming space, allowing them to tap into their boundless imagination and intelligence.
The choice is clear. Allowing cell phones in the classroom is beneficial to all. It is a powerful and interactive way to promote learning and keep students engaged. Let us make the better choice. Let us amplify the power of knowledge and create more opportunities for students to learn and grow. Let us allow cell phones in the classroom, opening up a realm of possibilities and providing an invaluable outlet for our education.
The classroom is foundation to our education and learning, the place of knowledge and is a stepping-stone to our future. It is also a place where we all come together to experience the joys of learning, a place where we grow socialise in our environment. However, it is also a place of immense injustice, with many suffering from endless hellholes of problems and schoolwork.
From this, a controversy arises: Should the use of homework be allowed in schools?
The answer is obvious. We must prevent and forbid schools from handing out homework for future generations. We must prohibit defenceless children from being caught in these endless and perplexing tornadoes of despair and confusion. We must protect students and ban the use of homework in schools. Don’t believe me? Read on, because you will be convinced.
The use of homework is unnecessary. Children already have to spend 5-6 hours at school, solving confusing questions and having their mind blow up from all the puzzling problems. Then, when the bell rings, they have to go home and work out dread homework! What if a student wants to do something else? We are unaware that we are forcing a child to do study! Furthermore, kids get punished if they do not do their homework. Many people live in different environments. Some live in quiet places with parents working with them on their questions while others adapt in noisy and loud places with no parents being able to help them. Also, a lot of adults say completing homework gives you advantages in life. This concludes to some children receiving an unfair advantage in life because of the environment they live in! This is unfair and rigged, we should get rid of homework and ban it instantly!
The use of homework is abusive. Students receive punishments for not completing their homework, and therefore this abuses them. As I mentioned before, many people have different situations and environments. They are getting punished for something that isn’t their fault. The use of homework is overused. Students receive homework every day, on difficult questions. The difficulty on these questions should be based on their academic performance.
We must come together and say our part in preventing homework. We must disallow the abusive and unnecessary use of homework. Homework is nothing but a hellhole of madness, and we must rebel against it. Let us use our rights to change this unjust piece of academic work.
Prompt 4
Overall Score: 45/50
Structure: 10/10
The essay has a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that sets up the controversy and flows into three body paragraphs. Each paragraph is focused on a specific point and effective transitions between ideas.
Persuasive Techniques: 8/10
The author uses strong language to convince readers of their argument, such as “obvious”, “forbid”, “protection”, and “ban.” However, they could have used more persuasive techniques such as comparisons or analogies to make their points stronger.
Emotional Appeal: 7/10
The author does successfully use emotional appeal in their essay by discussing how homework can be unfair for children from different home environments. They also evoke emotion by using words like “hellhole” and describing schoolwork as “endless tornadoes of despair.” The author could improve this section by providing more examples or stories of students who are affected by homework policies.
Figurative Language: 8/10
The author makes effective use of figurative language throughout the essay to create vivid imagery for readers, such as likening homework to a “tornado,” schoolwork making one’s mind blow up”, and referring to it being an “unjust piece of academic work”. They could further strengthen this section by adding metaphors or similes related to the topic at hand.
Grammar & Syntax: 9/10 The grammar and syntax used in this essay is generally accurate but there are some minor errors which should be addressed (e.g., missing punctuation marks). A few sentences may also be rephrased for clarity (e.g., replace ‘concludes’ with ‘leads’).
Use Of Evidence: 7/10 There isn’t much evidence provided in support of the main argument against homework; however, what evidence is given is sufficient enough for readers to understand why it should not be allowed in schools anymore. To enhance this section even further, the author should provide additional facts that back up their claims about how homework can lead to unequal opportunities among students due to varying home environments.
Vocabulary: 5/5 The author utilizes precise vocabulary choices throughout the essay that helps convey their message clearly without any ambiguity; words like ‘perplexing’, ‘dread’, ‘abuse’, etc., all serve well here
Part 2:
Not a single person should be associated with cell technologies while in studies. Cell phones are now continuously affecting children and adolescents. Mobile phones are being allowed in classrooms and children are easily distracted from their necessary classwork. In addition, they could cheat with their classwork or tests. Having a phone secretly and quietly in your hands can higher the chances of silent cyber bullying.
As education necessities rise, children waste money and time instead of accomplishing their path to a brighter education. With phones in the classroom children could be texting people, playing games or watching videos. All of these options distract children from learning important new things and revising over things that are soon to be forgotten. With this devastating problem, students around the world could be facing a short circuit of levelled education.
As stated previously, cheating is another dire outcome of allowing mobile phones in classrooms. Tests are to see what level children are at in their education, to see what teachers need to do to improve their teaching, not to get 100% though that is what students should be aiming for. With phones, students can access clues, answers and methods for tests. As a result, teachers will not enforce a particular subject into the students’ learning even though they really need it. To avoid misleading cheating we should ban the use of cell technologies in classrooms.
Cyber bullying. Now that is what we all don’t want. Many say that bullying on the internet is worse than casual bullying as it is more secretive and centres the target more. In class, children can access the internet to anonymous contacts. They can easily threaten the young person, not allowing anyone else to know. They will be isolated and scared, even afraid to tell their own guardians/parents. Cyber bullying also takes on many other downsides. This is why it is not safe to allow mobile phones in classrooms.
Distractions, cheating and cyberbullying are only three of the major downsides to allowing cell phones in classrooms. With major socialisations to the outer population and mis-use of schooling, it is clear that phones should be banned from classrooms. As stated in the above reasons children and adolescents are being inadequately stimulated. Mobile phones should be banned from classrooms all around the world!
Overall Score: 35
Structure: 8/10
Persuasive Techniques: 7/10
Emotional Appeal: 6/10
Figurative Language: 5/10
Grammar & Syntax: 9/10
Use of Evidence: 3.5/5
Vocabulary: 4.5/5
This persuasive essay is quite well-structured, beginning with an introduction to the topic and then breaking down each point in its own paragraph. Additionally, the author makes use of some persuasive techniques such as rhetorical questions and repetition of key phrases, but more could be done to enhance this further. The emotional appeal is somewhat lacking; more vivid language could be used to stir up emotion within readers and make them feel more connected to the argument being presented. Furthermore, figurative language has only been implemented minimally in this piece; incorporating metaphors or similes would help bring it alive for readers and give their arguments a greater impact. Grammatically speaking, there are very few errors present here – a great achievement! However, when presenting evidence in support of one’s claims it can be beneficial to provide relevant facts or figures that back up your points (without going overboard). Last but not least, while the vocabulary used here is appropriate for the audience being addressed (children), including longer words or phrases occasionally may contribute positively towards making this essay even better than it already is!
In conclusion, not a single person should have access to cell technology during studies since mobile phones can distract from classwork and enable cheating on tests – both detrimental outcomes for educational progress – as well as facilitate cyberbullying which can have severe psychological repercussions on young people around the world. Hence why cellphone usage must undeniably remain prohibited from classrooms all over the globe! To ensure that our youth receive adequate stimulation throughout their academic journeys we must take into account these adverse effects caused by mobile devices so that future generations may benefit fully from quality learning experiences free of distractions and other illicit behaviours associated with cellular technology abuse in educational settings.
Part one
Prompt four
Vinal Liyanage
The classroom is the foundation of happiness, knowledge, and education. It is the place where our knowledge is used. It is the stairs to our future. It is the place we come together, learn, grow, share, and discover. However, it is also the place of misery, stress, and pain. This is because of one thing that students absolutely loathe: homework. Homework causes students pain and stress, especially if the student has stacks of homework to do.
This topic has been asked for many years now: should homework be banned at school?
To me the answer already comes to my head. Should we abuse young innocent students like this? I think we should most definitely not. We must invest in the power of families. We must invest in the power of feelings and finally, we must invest in the power of sleep. The following are only some reasons why we should not do homework.
We must invest in the power of having fun with our families. Students who have a pile of homework to complete do not have a lot of time to spend time together with their families. They cannot go out with them on a vacation otherwise their homework gets closer and closer to the due date and because of this problem, it means that parents cannot enjoy their time off work with a vacation. They must simply stay inside the house and do nothing except sleeping and reading. This problem happens to 16 of 19 people at Science Leadership Academy in Philadelphia who agrees that they feel like homework takes away things they are encouraged to do like sport, family time and extra-curricular activities according to Science Leadership Academy. This huge problem all around the world happens only because of homework.
We must invest in the power of, and think about the feelings of people that do homework. If you had to do four papers of homework, all fifty questions test, in the next day, how would you feel? Incredibly stressed? This is what people al around the world has to go through. Stanford University founded that student in high achieving communities who spend to much time on homework experience more stress, physical health problems, a lack of balance in their lives and feel alienation from the society. Would you rather physical health problems or an enjoyable life? I would have an enjoyable life by far. Research from the Stanford Graduate School of Education conducted among 4,300 students and over 56% considered homework to be a primary source of stress.
Finally, we must invest in the power of sleep. Sleep is especially important when you want to do your homework the next day. However, most people doing homework do not get this chance. Instead, just to make sure their piece is handed in on time, they do it through the night. According to CC Spin,
when a student survey asked what leads to sleep deprivation 86.6 people said it was due to their homework. William Dement said that to much homework can result in a lack of sleep, headaches, exhaustion, and weight loss.
Ultimately the choice is clear. Homework is bad for the body, it does not give you any good, instead it harms you. No homework will provide families more trips and happiness, less stress and also will give you a good nights sleep so when you wake up in the morning you feel fresh and ready to go. Also, no homework will give you free time to do whatever you want to do, and you can reach your goals and achieve your dreams.
Let us make the logical decision and invest in not torturing a student’s brain. Let us ban homework, and have many more privileges including having family time, having fun, having a good night’s sleep, having no stress on a child’s brain. Let us make a red carpet for the student and the next generation to walk on, the students not stressing or worrying about anything.
Overall Score: 36/50
Structure: 10/10
Persuasive Techniques: 8/10
Emotional Appeal: 6/10
Figurative Language: 5/10
Grammar, Syntax, and Vocabulary: 7/10
Use of Evidence: 0/5
This persuasive essay is well-structured. It makes a strong argument for why homework should be banned at school and provides evidence to back up the claims made by the author. However, it could use more emotional appeal and figurative language to add emphasis to the points being made. For example, instead of saying “We must invest in the power of sleep”, one could say “Sleep is essential for us to thrive”. This phrase creates a stronger sense of urgency than simply stating that we need sleep. Additionally, phrases such as “torturing a student’s brain” could be replaced with words like “agitating” or “oppressing” which have slightly different connotations but still convey similar meanings. Finally, some examples from real-life experiences would help strengthen the arguments even further and make them more compelling.
The classroom should be an environment where students can learn without feeling oppressed or agitated by excessive amounts of homework. We must invest in creating time for families to spend together on vacations or engaging in activities they enjoy; freeing students from having to complete piles of tasks that leave little room for leisure activities or restful nights’ sleep. Stanford University found that 56% of high-achieving communities felt stressed due to overwhelming levels of homework; leading many young people down paths towards physical health problems such as headaches, exhaustion, and weight loss – all preventable if we ban homework altogether! When asked what led them into states of sleep deprivation 86.6% said it was due to their workloads – leaving our future generations drained and unable to craft out meaningful lives filled with joy rather than stress-induced illnesses caused only by too much work outside school hours not allowing children precious moments spent with family members or pursuing personal interests. To safeguard against this travesty let us free our children from oppressive demands placed upon them by abolishing homework once and for all – granting today’s youth a red carpet towards fulfilling life’s full potential undeterred by artificial restraints created within academia alone!
Part 1 – Prompt 4 – Pearl – 701 words
Schools are the foundation of our education, the mainspring of our knowledge and the stepping stone to our future. It is the place where we come together, to learn and grow, to evaluate and discover, to share and explore. Homes are the foundation of our empathy, the fountain of our health, the stepping stone to our future. It is the place where we come together, to play and grow, to explore and discover, to share and be happy. These two paradises should not be mingled with each other.
The question then arises : Should we keep homework? Or not?
There has been a lot of controversy on this topic, but I believe the answer is crystal clear. We must invest in banning homework for the reasons I will outline below and many more.
We must invest in the power of health. Young students who must spend countless hours completing complex tasks due after school have negative health repercussions from receiving homework assignments. Children who experience stress and anxiety may experience health problems and develop a bad attitude toward learning. Many students have devwahrphobia which is the fear of homework. If children with devwarhphobia feel like they have too much homework to do, they may have a panic attack or other extreme anxiety symptoms. Did you know, crying when doing homework is a natural reaction that many people face? Cynthia Catchings, a licensed clinical social worker and therapist at Talkspace , says homework can also cause serious mental health problems in the long run, like anxiety and depression.
We must invest in the power of Sleep. Yup , you heard my right! Sleep! When you do homework, you often have to stay up late nights to get everything finished. At least, that’s what I have to do. Jim Benton, an American illustrator said ‘ Homework strongly indicates that the teachers are not doing their jobs well enough during the school day. It’s not like they’ll let you bring your home stuff to school and work on it there. You can’t say, ‘I didn’t finish sleeping at home, so I have to work on finishing my sleep here.’ ’
We must invest in the power of the social lives of our students. Students with a lot of homework to complete, even late at night, have less time to socialize, negatively affecting their communication ability and making them more withdrawn. They also have less time for family, as they eat at their desks, don’t go out etc. With homework, we also have less time for extracurricular activities, such as, dancing, soccer, sports, karate, drama, singing and more.
We must invest in getting rid of homework as it is unnecessary. Did you know, a regression analysis of time spent on homework and the final class grade found no substantive difference in grades between students who complete homework and those who do not. This shows that your grades will not improve whether you do homework or not. Because of this, the majority of people agreed on a new acronym for homework ‘Half Of My Energy Wasted On Random Knowledge’ . Turns out, we students are actually being punished for no reason. To understand what I mean, you need to know a little history. In 1905, an Italian teacher named Roberto Nevilis invented the concept of “homework.” Originally, its purpose was to be used as a punishment for students who were lazy in class or for those who were disobedient or rude to their teacher. This practice became popular and became more frequently used around the world, for the reason we see today. PUNISHMENT! FOR NO REASON!
Homework supporters may argue that homework helps us set priorities, but don’t we already do that at school? When we have a list of things to be done at school, we start with the most urgent, right? So, why do we need this surplus atrocity?
Ultimately, the choice is clear. Banning homework is much more beneficial than allowing it, for the reasons I have outlined above and many more, whether it be the health of students, sleep, social lives or unnecessary homework, banning homework is the right thing to do. Let us come together and ban homework. Let us free students from these hellholes of despair.
Overall Score: 48/50
Structure:
The essay has a succinct introduction, clearly stating the two paradigms being discussed (schools and homes) and the main question to be answered. Each of the following paragraphs further develops the point of view expressed in the introduction, providing reasons and evidence to support the idea of banning homework. The conclusion succinctly summarises all of the points made in the essay, reiterating the main point of view. 10/10
Persuasive Techniques:
The essay makes use of persuasive techniques such as emotive language (“hellholes of despair”) and rhetorical questions (“Should we keep homework?”) to make the reader consider the issue from a different perspective. The essay also uses personal experiences such as the author’s own struggle with doing homework late at night and the health problems experienced by students who have to do homework. 10/10
Emotional Appeal:
The essay is highly emotive and evocative, using powerful language to create a vivid image of the “hellholes of despair” that homework can create. The essay also appeals to the reader’s sense of justice, using the history of homework to argue for its abolishment. 10/10
Figurative Language:
The essay makes use of metaphors and similes to evoke vivid imagery in the reader’s mind. For example, homework is described as a “hellhole of despair” and the author compares doing homework late at night to “finishing [their] sleep”. 10/10
Grammar, Syntax and Vocabulary:
The essay is well-written and the grammar and syntax are both excellent. The vocabulary used is varied and sophisticated, though there are some minor errors in the use of punctuation. 8/10
Use of Evidence:
The essay provides a range of evidence to support its argument, from personal experience to statistics, to historical facts. The evidence is used to provide a well-rounded argument in favour of banning homework. 10/10
Vocabulary:
The essay makes use of a range of sophisticated vocabulary words, such as “mainspring”, “devwahrphobia” and “regression analysis”. 10/10
More Sophisticated Sentences:
Persuasive Techniques:
-Rather than punishment, homework should be used to reinforce and cement the skills and knowledge taught at school.
-The lack of time spent on leisure activities, family and communication results in an imbalanced and isolated lifestyle.
-The rigour of homework assignments is a deterrent to learning, squashing any desire to explore and experiment.
-The amount of time spent on homework is at odds with the need for physical and emotional well-being.
-Homework should not be used as a tool to measure academic performance, as it does not accurately reflect a student’s true capabilities.
Emotional Appeal:
-Homework is like a prison, trapping young students in a cycle of stress and anxiety.
-Homework enslaves students, robbing them of their free time and basic human rights.
-Homework steals away precious moments from family, friendship and play.
-Homework is a shackle that weighs heavily on the minds and spirits of young students.
-Homework crushes the joy of learning, leaving students feeling overwhelmed and helpless.
Figurative Language:
-Homework is like a millstone around the neck of students, dragging them down and sapping away their energy.
-Homework is like a shadow, always looming in the background and never quite going away.
-Homework is like a prison, trapping young students in a cycle of stress and anxiety.
-Homework is like a dark cloud, hovering over students and dampening their enthusiasm for learning.
-Homework is like a thief in the night, stealing away precious moments from family, friendship and play.
Grammar, Syntax and Vocabulary:
-Homework is an insidious force, quietly sapping away the energy and passion of young students.
-Homework is a pernicious scourge, preventing students from reaching their full potential.
-Homework is a malignant blight, draining students of their creativity and enthusiasm.
-Homework is an insidious blight, eroding away at the core of learning and exploration.
-Homework is a malevolent force, slowly but surely erasing the joy of learning.
Vocab List:
Mainspring: Source, Foundation
Devwahrphobia: Fear, Anxiety
Regression Analysis: Investigation, Evaluation
Insidious: Slippery, Underhanded
Pernicious: Dangerous, Harmful
Malignant: Deadly, Virulent
Malevolent: Evil, Hostile
Rewrite:
Schools and homes are two paradigms that should remain distinct and separate, but the question of whether or not we should keep homework has caused a great deal of controversy. After careful consideration, I am firmly in favour of banning homework, as it has numerous negative repercussions that outweigh any potential benefits.
Homework affects the health of students, as they are often subjected to extreme stress and anxiety. Children with devwahrphobia can experience panic attacks or other extreme symptoms of anxiety due to the amount of homework they have to do. Additionally, many students have to stay up late to finish their work, thus depriving them of much-needed sleep and resulting in physical and mental health problems.
Furthermore, homework takes away from the social lives of students, as they have less time to interact with their peers or spend time with their families. Not only that but there is also less time for extracurricular activities such as sports, music or dance. Thus, students are deprived of the opportunity to express their creativity and explore new interests.
Finally, it is worth noting that homework has no proven benefit in terms of improving academic performance. In fact, a regression analysis of time spent on homework and the final class grade found no substantive difference in grades between students who complete homework and those who do not. Thus, it is clear that homework should be abolished, not only because it is unnecessary, but also because it has a detrimental effect on the health and well-being of young students.
Let us join together to free children from the shackles of homework and restore the joy of learning. Let us work together to create an educational system that is balanced and equitable, allowing students to explore their full potential without the burden of unnecessary tasks. Let us imbue our students with a passion for knowledge and an appreciation of the world around them.
A city is not merely a bustling metropolis; it is a living entity that reflects the vigor and spirit of its people. While a shopping mall may offer an efficient financial boost, it is more like a surge of adrenaline rather than a regular flow, leaving behind a trail of devastating consequences such as traffic congestion, air pollution, and the displacement of local businesses. On the other hand, a community center is a beacon of hope that emits a light on the future of our city, providing a sustainable source of growth and prosperity. It is like a lush garden with diverse fertile crops in the heart of the city, nourishing the minds, bodies, and souls of its residents. It also fosters a sense of belonging and community. By choosing to invest in community centers instead of shopping malls, we are sowing the seeds of a brighter future for our present and future generations.
Shopping malls ar a mirage. Shopping malls offer a false sense of prosperity, luring people in with their bright lights and shiny storefronts, but ultimately leaving them with a feeling of emptiness and dissatisfaction.At the core, shopping malls are a false deity, a seductive mirage that offers a false sense of prosperity and leaves behind a wake of destructive consequences. How could humans construct a devilish establishment while an angelic community centre proposes nothing but true prosperity. Research has shown that the overconsumption and materialism promoted by shopping malls can lead to feelings of comparison and envy, as people are constantly bombarded with images of the latest products and fashion trends. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and a constant sense of wanting more, further contributing to feelings of dissatisfaction. “The mall is a place of false promises and broken dreams, where the siren song of consumerism lures us with promises of happiness and fulfillment, only to leave us feeling empty and unfulfilled.” – Unknown. “The mall is a place of false promises and broken dreams, where the siren song of consumerism lures us with promises of happiness and fulfillment, only to leave us feeling empty and unfulfilled.” – Unknown. Shopping malls manipulate people into thinking that these disastrous hellholes are increasing sense of belonging and wellbeing for all residents when the reality is the opposite. “Community centers offer a sense of belonging that shopping centers can never match, connecting people to their neighbors and their community.” Anonymous. Clearly shopping malls should not be continued to be produced rather eradicated.
Shopping malls are like a malignant tumor, expanding their reach and devouring the vitality of urban areas and the souls of its residents. They exacerbate the already-perilous traffic congestion, with congested roads and highways resembling veins clogged with cars, strangling the city’s life force. The noxious fumes and pollutants released by these vehicles are akin to a poisonous miasma, contaminating the air and endangering the health of those who call the city home sweet home. Shopping malls are not only a source of dissatisfaction but also a dangerous affront to the well-being of our communities. By prioritizing investment in community centers over shopping malls, we can forge a brighter, cleaner, and healthier future for our urban areas. A study by the National Retail Federation found that shopping malls are often located in suburban areas, which are not designed to handle high volumes of traffic. This leads to increased traffic on roads and highways, causing delays and making it difficult for people to get around. We already have countless shopping centres, adding another would only effect people’s time and the econonmy.
Shopping malls are a monstrous manifestation of consumerism, devouring vast swaths of land, resources, and energy like a ravenous beast. Their insatiable appetite for growth and expansion fuels environmental degradation, wiping out delicate ecosystems and habitats to make way for concrete jungles. The energy required to light up their bright signs and run their endless corridors of stores is a staggering drain, expelling plumes of greenhouse gases into the atmosphere and accelerating the march towards climate catastrophe. They are a black hole in the heart of our cities, a vortex of waste and excess, drawing in resources and spitting out a trail of environmental ruin. By embracing community centers, we can reject this unsustainable model and cultivate a greener, more resilient future for all. “Shopping Malls and the Environment: A Study of Energy Consumption and Greenhouse Gas Emissions in the United States” by M. E. Webber and C. J. Simon. This study found that shopping malls in the United States consume a large amount of energy, contributing to high levels of greenhouse gas emissions and climate change.
Shopping malls are a scourge upon our cities, wreaking havoc and destruction wherever they take root. They are like a black hole, drawing people and resources away from the surrounding community and leaving nothing but emptiness and decay in their wake. The constant stream of vehicles that flock to shopping malls is like a swarm of wasps, devouring the roads and highways and leaving behind a trail of dissatisfaction and frustration. The pollutants emitted by these vehicles are like a poisonous snake, contaminating the air and threatening the health of those who breathe it in. Shopping malls are not only a source of dissatisfaction, but they are also a threat to the health and well-being of our communities. It is time to reject this toxic model of development and embrace a more sustainable and equitable future.
Overall score: 18/20
Structure: The structure of the essay is well-organised and flows in a logical manner. The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, and the body paragraphs are organised to support the main argument. The essay could be further improved by providing more transitional phrases to better link the ideas in each paragraph. For example, “On the other hand, a community center is a beacon of hope that emits light on the future of our city, providing a sustainable source of growth and prosperity. It is like a lush garden with diverse fertile crops in the heart of the city, nourishing the minds, bodies, and souls of its residents.”
Persuasive Techniques: The essay effectively utilises persuasive techniques to make its argument. The author uses vivid language, such as “monstrous manifestation” and “black hole” to describe shopping malls, which creates an emotional response in the reader. In addition, the author uses facts and statistics to support their argument, such as “a study by the National Retail Federation found that shopping malls are often located in suburban areas, which are not designed to handle high volumes of traffic.” This helps to further strengthen the argument. The essay could be further improved
Part 3
The plaza is the complex of our community, the core of the region, the essence of the future. It is a place where we come together, to enjoy life, and share our bliss. It is the root of our health, our happiness, our soul. But there is a glitch in this supposedly perfect, harmonic Elysium. We rely so much on technology and computers that humankind has forgotten the way we once were. So many are lazy and overweight, neglectful and unhealthy. We are ignorant of our fitness, our physical state, growing weak and feeble.
The question then arises: What is more important to our society, a new police station or a sports complex?
The answer is evident. We need to support the power of the economy. The all-new sports complex will require workers. Your city could see new part-time, full-time and temporary openings for security, cleaning or food service for citizens who are interested.
We need to support the power of comfort. According to the Australian Government Department of Health and Aged Care, more than 90% of adults have an interest in sports, and 13 million adults and 3 million children take part in sport every year. These citizens need a comfortable, secure space to enjoy their passion. The Australian weather can be sweltering and unpredictable – it would be a shame to cancel practice because of rain or sun. As according to Grand Slam Safety, recreational and professional athletes can compete with accessible heating and air conditioning. Locals can have a safe and comfy experience while exercising!
We need to support the power of teamwork. As John C. Maxwell famously stated, “Teamwork makes the dream work.” Teamwork is essential to achieving a victory as it requires the effort of every member on the team. Along the way, you also learn life skills such as cooperation and social skills, as well as some healthy competition and sportsmanship. Plus you can make friends for life!
Finally, we need to support the power of health. Sport can help prevent and treat heart disease, stroke, diabetes, breast and colon cancer as well as strengthen our bones. As Hippocrates stated, “Sport is a preserver of health.”
Ultimately, the choice is clear; a sports complex is much more important than a police station. Let us make the wiser decision to improve and enhance our society. Let us become healthy, happy and fulfilled in life.
Overall Score: 40/50
Structure: 10/10
The essay is well-structured, including an introduction, body paragraphs and a conclusion. The points are organised in chronological order and each paragraph has a clear point that ties into the overall argument.
Persuasive Techniques: 8/10
The essay effectively uses persuasive techniques such as analogies (“the root of our health, our happiness, our soul”) and rhetorical questions to engage readers and make compelling arguments. However, it could benefit from further use of persuasive languages like metaphors or similes for greater emotional effect.
Emotional Appeal: 7/10
The essay effectively appeals to readers’ emotions by recognising their interests in sports (“more than 90% of adults have an interest in sports…take part in sport every year”), but also through descriptions of the benefits (e.g. “make friends for life!”). It could be improved with more vivid imagery or personal anecdotes which would bring the reader closer to understanding what makes this issue important on a personal level.
Figurative Language: 5/10
The author skillfully employs figurative language throughout the piece such as personification (Elysium), allusions (Grand Slam Safety), and quotes (“Teamwork makes the dream work”). However, there is room for improvement with stronger metaphors or creative descriptions making more powerful images within the text that can connect readers emotionally even more deeply to its message.
Grammar & Syntax: 9/10 No errors noted; however some sentences may be too lengthy and complex which can create confusion for reader comprehension if not rewritten using simpler syntax structures without compromising the clarity or effectiveness of ideas presented.
Use Of Evidence: 6/10 The author does use evidence provided by credible sources such as the Australian Government Department of Health & Aged Care and Grand Slam Safety; however these examples are quite limited so additional research should be conducted to back up all points made throughout this piece.
Vocabulary: 5 / 10 This essay utilises strong vocabulary choices when discussing concepts related to fitness (“feeble,” “sweltering”) yet could benefit from introducing some new words when speaking about similar topics – synonyms like “debilitated” instead of “weak” will help deepen reader engagement while still conveying same meaning clearly.
Rewritten Essay Outline:-
Introduction – Introduce the concept that technology has taken away humanity’s physical healthiness, leading us towards ignorance – Ask the question if a police station is worth more than a sports complex
Body Paragraph 1– Explain how sports complex would provide job opportunities
Body Paragraph 2 – Describe how citizens need comfortable space where they can enjoy their passion regardless of weather conditions Body Paragraph 3 – Elaborate on the importance of teamwork teaches life skills + healthy competition.
Body Paragraph 4 – Explain why sport helps prevent diseases.
Conclusion – Summarise the main argument + suggest wiser decisions for society’s Improvement.
Suggestions- Refine lengthier sentences into shorter ones without sacrificing clarity; use descriptive adjectives whenever possible. Incorporate effective metaphor, Employ personal anecdote, Examples Sophisticated Language “We rely so much on technology that humankind had forgotten its primal essence… We are oblivious towards our own fitness… growing feeble day after day.” Emotive Appeal “It feels wrong cancelling practice due to haphazard weather patterns! Citizens deserve a respite from sweltering heat whilst enjoying their leisure activity safely inside.” Figurative Language “Our community plaza is akin to a harmonic Elysium — we come together here seeking bliss!” Synonyms Feeble -> Debilitated Sweltering -> Scorching Bliss -> Ecstasy
The town is the pulsing heart of our society, the place of our culture and commerce. It is the place where we come together, to share our laughter and tears, has a dazzling time and learn from each other. But, it is also a place of danger lurking in every corner.
The question then arises: What is the most important need for our town? A new police station or a new sports complex?
This has been a topic for altercation for years now, but the answer for us is lagoon clear. We must invest in a new police station. We must invest in the power of knowledge, in the potential of our citizens, and the promise of their futures. Allowing a new police station will provide access for people who need help and safety guaranteed, but prohibiting the uprise of the police station, instead adding a sports complex will only benefit the fit, and won’t provide safety for others.
We must invest in the power of safety and responsibility. A police station has defensive forces that can repel dangerous foes and can help many in lethal situations. They can help people abide the law and catch criminals. This reduces violence and ensures that public order will be maintained. By doing this, we also gain more responsibility, learning how to help the town in many ways and assist others in need.
We must invest in the future. The famous quote “Think before you act” acknowledges that the future is more important than the present. If we build a sports centre now, we may but future in risk. Erecting a police station will ensure that we will have a peaceful future and we will not be plagued by an evil ripple of continuous crime.
This is why I truly believe a police station would be crucial to our economic growth. Let us use our wisdom to do the right thing and empower our society.
This essay has a strong overall structure and persuasive techniques. The emotional appeal is effective, as you clearly outline the potential benefits of allowing cell phones in school and make a case for investing in education. However, there could be more use of figurative language to make the essay more engaging. For example, instead of “Allowing cell phones in the school and classroom will bring access to crucial resources and platforms to our students” one could say “Allowing cell phones in the school and classroom will open up doors of opportunity for our students, granting them access to invaluable resources”. Furthermore, some grammar mistakes can be spotted here. Moreover, providing evidence through research would help strengthen this writing even further; citing studies that support why technology should be used in classrooms would go a long way towards making this argument convincing. Finally, using sophisticated words like utilise instead of use or explore instead of discover can also elevate this piece significantly.
The rewritten essay might read something like this:
The classroom is an integral part of learning – it is where we gain knowledge and grow into mature individuals who are ready to take on life’s challenges head-on. But it is also ever-changing; technology advances faster than ever before leaving us with one burning question: Should cell phones be allowed in class?
We must invest not only financially but emotionally too if we want our future generations to succeed. Allowing mobile phones provides an avenue for exploring interests without boundaries – thanks to their infinite information bank – while prohibiting their presence severely limits perspectives. With access comes power; students have access to educational materials which allow them to develop intellectually by researching facts about science or staying abreast with important dates via calendars. It gives pupils opportunities for collaboration so they may complete difficult tasks together, share discoveries over emails, consult credible sources written by experts, learn from each other through peer-reviewed content etc. We must also not forget creative outlets; virtual reality allows exploration beyond what textbooks teach while apps give room to create projects related to chosen topics.
At last, then decision lies squarely on us: do we wish to impede progress by denying technology its rightful place or do propel forward by embracing tools at our disposal? Clearly, the choice shouldn’t be hard to determine; investing in wisdom means accepting gadgets because they offer resources that nurture growth plus collaborative and creative tools that let us express ourselves safely + productively. Keeping put all these factors in mind let’s build a brighter tomorrow for students and the city alike!
Overall mark- 43/50
Part 1
Prompt 3
Part 4
Schools are the geyser of our knowledge, the ladder to our fortune, the essence to our learning. It is a site where we learn to love and love to learn, engage with people who will become friends for life, and develop our skills and talents. But, it is also a place of work and responsibility, commitment and servitude, assignments and deadlines.
The impending question then looms above our heads: Should we ban homework? Or not?
The answer is unmistakable. We must nurture the power of freedom and liberty. After a long, tiring day at school, a child must have the rights to enjoy what he or she cherishes. One should be able to come home to relax one’s body and mind, not to continue to slave away at draining, exhausting labour.
We must nurture the power of education. Researchers at Indiana University found no difference in course grades between students who did homework and those who didn’t. Why are we giving students drills that spoil their afternoon and have no effect on their work whatsoever? Although homework develops study skills, it is not always effective. Learning should not be done at home; otherwise, what is the point of school?As J. Hattie stated, “Homework in primary school has an effect of zero.”
Finally, we must nurture the power of family and socialisation. Yes, homework does make you smarter and trains you to solve problems. But at what cost? Especially now that technology is so advanced, most homework is either online or requires you to complete an assignment within a deadline. This means that connections with family, friends or even the outside world lessens with the amount of homework a child receives. According to Front Range Christian School,” If a student cannot attend a family event or spend time with family because he or she must complete a homework project, he or she is being prevented from forming meaningful connections, engaging in stress-relieving activities, and possibly even exploring new experiences.”
Ultimately, the answer is right in front of us. Let us make the better choice and ban homework from our schools! Let us create a stress-free, interactive education!
Overall score out of 50: 38/50
Structure: 8/10
The structure of the essay is fairly effective, clearly outlining the points in favour of banning homework in an effective manner. However, the conclusion could be stronger. The author could summarise their points more effectively and provide a more powerful call to action.
Examples of improved sentences:
“It is clear that homework has no educational benefit, restricts children’s ability to form meaningful connections and deprives them of stress-relieving activities. Therefore, it is our moral obligation to ban homework from our schools and create an environment that allows our children to learn without the burden of additional work.”
“It is time for us to make the better choice – to ban homework from our schools and create a stress-free, interactive education that nurtures the power of freedom, education and family.”
Persuasive Techniques: 8/10
The author employs a range of persuasive techniques in the essay, including the use of statistics, quotes and evidence to support their claims. However, the author could also make use of more powerful language and rhetoric to make their points more emotive and powerful.
Examples of improved sentences:
“It is clear that we must protect our children from the burden of unnecessary homework and allow them to enjoy the freedoms that are rightfully theirs.”
“It is time for us to make the courageous choice – to liberate our children from the shackles of homework and allow them to experience the joys of learning without the worry of additional work.”
Emotional Appeal: 8/10
The author effectively conveys the emotion behind their points, making use of powerful language and rhetorical questions to grab the reader’s attention. However, the author could make use of more powerful and emotive language to paint a clearer picture of the consequences of not banning homework.
Examples of improved sentences:
“We must protect our children from the injustice of being denied the right to relax and enjoy their free time after a long day of learning.”
“It is time for us to take a stand against this oppressive practice and create an environment that allows our children to learn without the burden of additional work.”
Figurative Language: 7/10
The author makes use of a range of figurative language, effectively conveying the points made in the essay. However, the author could make use of more powerful metaphors and similes to make their points more emotive and powerful.
Examples of improved sentences:
“Homework can be seen as a cage that prevents our children from experiencing the joys of learning without the worry of additional work.”
“It is time for us to break the chains of homework and create an education system that nurtures the power of freedom, education and family.”
Grammar, Syntax, Use of Evidence and Vocabulary: 7/10
The author’s grammar, syntax and use of evidence is effective and provides strong support for the points made in the essay. However, the author could make use of more sophisticated vocabulary to convey their points in a more powerful and emotive manner.
Examples of improved sentences:
“We must nurture the power of freedom and autonomy, allowing our children to experience the joys of relaxation and leisure after a long day of school.”
“It is time for us to make the better choice – to abolish homework from our schools and create a stress-free, interactive education that nurtures the power of education, family and socialisation.”
Vocab List:
Nurture – foster
Freedom – autonomy
Liberty – autonomy
Drills – exercises
Cherishes – values
Advanced – sophisticated
Connections – relationships
Forming – creating
Engaging – participating
Exploring – discovering
Courageous – bold
Injustice – unfairness
Oppressive – restrictive
Cage – prison
Abolish – ban
Schools are the geyser of our knowledge, the ladder to our fortune and the essence of our learning. It is a site where we learn to love and love to learn, engage with people who will become friends for life, and develop our skills and talents. However, it is also a place of work and responsibility, commitment and servitude, assignments and deadlines.
The impending question then looms: Should we ban homework? Or not?
The answer is unequivocal. We must foster the power of autonomy and liberty. After a long, tiring day at school, a child must have the right to cherish what they love. They should be able to come home to relax their body and mind, not to continue to toil away at draining, exhausting labour.
We must nurture the power of education. Researchers at Indiana University found no difference in course grades between students who did homework and those who didn’t. Why are we giving students exercises that spoil their afternoon and have no effect on their work whatsoever? Although homework develops study skills, it is not always effective. Learning should not be done at home; otherwise, what is the point of school? As J. Hattie stated, “Homework in primary school has an effect of zero.”
Finally, we must nurture the power of family and socialisation. Yes, homework does make you smarter and trains you to solve problems. But at what cost? Especially now that technology is so advanced, most homework is either online or requires you to complete an assignment within a deadline. This means that relationships with family, friends or even the outside world diminish with the amount of homework a child receives. According to Front Range Christian School, “If a student cannot attend a family event or spend time with family because they must complete a homework project, they are being prevented from creating meaningful connections, participating in stress-relieving activities, and possibly even discovering new experiences.”
Ultimately, the answer is right in front of us. Let us make the courageous choice and abolish homework from our schools! Let us create a stress-free, interactive education that fosters the power of autonomy, education and family! It is time for us to take a stand against this restrictive practice and give our children the freedom to learn without the burden of additional work. Let us break the chains of homework and nurture the power of freedom, education and family.
Prompt 2: Write a persuasive essay to argue for or against the use of cell phones in the classroom.
cyberbullying
distraction/procrastination/addiction
theft
cheating
socialisation (negative)
unauthorised recording
invasion of privacy
comparison
health detriment (small screens and blue light- myopia)
School is the place where we meet our friends and learn. It is a stepping stone to the future. Phones, are one of the most addictive things in our lives. We carry them with us everywhere. But, for 6 to 7 hours we need to put the phone down for a break. These many hours are spent and school is where we sit through classes, dazing out the window. Then an emergency bell rings, causing everyone to shiver in trepidation.
While many parents may argue, phones are distractive, it is a necessity for us to own a phone in this modernised future.
Turkle states that, “the mere presence of a phone on a table between them (two people) or in the periphery of their vision changes both what they talk about and the degree of connection they feel.”It is important for us to nurture the power of safety, during the 2019–20 school year,5 77 percent of public schools recorded that one or more incidents of crime had taken place, amounting to 1.4 million incidents. For the safety of our generation, it is a must for us to have a phone in school, and its our responsibility and right for us to protect.
We must empower our generations to concentrate in this implexicable world. And scientists has proven, phones improve concentration
and class joinment.
What’s the biggest function of a cell phone? What does a cell phone do for humanity? It makes people more productive. replies Martin Cooper.
Phones are a massive outbreak, helping students learn, and make classes more enjoyable.
The answer is straightforward. We must allow phones in classes.
Overall Score: 40/50
Structure: 8/10
The persuasive essay is structured in a logical way and has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The argument is laid out clearly, however, there is some room for improvement in terms of creating more vivid formatting for the essay for example using bullet points, more subheadings and varying the sentence length and structure.
Persuasive Techniques: 8/10
The essay makes clear use of persuasive techniques to support the argument. For example, the author states “It is important for us to nurture the power of safety, during the 2019–20 school year,5 77 per cent of public schools recorded that one or more incidents of crime had taken place, amounting to 1.4 million incidents”. This is a clear example of an appeal to emotion. However, the essay could be improved by introducing more persuasive techniques such as an appeal to logic, authority and comparison.
Emotional Appeal: 7/10
The essay makes effective use of emotional appeal to support the argument. For example, the author states “For the safety of our generation, it is a must for us to have a phone in school, and it’s our responsibility and right for us to protect”. This is an effective example of an emotional appeal as the author is appealing to the safety of the generation. However, the emotional appeal could be improved by introducing more powerful language such as ‘it is our duty’, ‘it is essential’, and ‘we must’.
Figurative Language: 8/10
The essay effectively incorporates figurative language to support the argument. For example, the author states “Then an emergency bell rings, causing everyone to shiver in trepidation”. This is an effective use of imagery to show how an emergency bell can evoke fear. However, the essay could be improved by introducing more sophisticated figurative language such as metaphors and similes.
Grammar, Syntax and Vocabulary: 7/10
The grammar and syntax in the essay are clear. The essay also makes good use of vocabulary to support the argument. For example, the author states “Turkle states that, “the mere presence of a phone on a table between them (two people) or in the periphery of their vision changes both what they talk about and the degree of connection they feel.” This is an effective use of vocabulary to demonstrate the power of phones. However, the essay could be improved by introducing more sophisticated and emotionally powerful words such as ‘fortify’, ‘instil’ and ‘imperative’.
Use of Evidence: 9/10
The author effectively integrates evidence to support the argument. For example, the author quotes Martin Cooper in stating “What’s the biggest function of a cell phone? What does a cell phone do for humanity? It makes people more productive.” This is an effective use of evidence to support the argument.
Vocab List:
Nurture: Cultivate, foster, develop
Emergency: Crisis, calamity, predicament
Trepidation: Fear, dread, fright
Fortify: Strengthen, bolster, reinforce
Instil: Implant, inculcate, ingrain
Imperative: Necessary, compulsory, obligatory
We live in a world where technology is ever-evolving, and phones are no exception. It is a necessity for us to own a phone in this modernised future. This is because phones improve concentration, and class joinment and make people more productive. Therefore, it is our responsibility and right for us to protect our generation by allowing phones in classes for safety reasons.
Not only does the mere presence of a phone between two people or in the periphery of their vision change what they talk about and the degree of connection they feel, but it also cultivates a sense of safety. In the 2019–20 school year, 77 per cent of public schools recorded that one or more incidents of crime had taken place, amounting to 1.4 million incidents. Thus, it is essential for us to fortify the power of safety in our educational institutions.
Moreover, phones are a massive outbreak, helping students learn, and making classes more enjoyable. In fact, scientists have proven that phones can improve concentration and engagement. To deny this fact would be to deny our generations the right to concentrate in this complex world.
In conclusion, we must allow phones in classes. Not only is it our right to protect our generation, but it is also imperative to make people more productive and allow students to learn more effectively. It is time for us to implant this notion within our educational institutions and ingrain the power of safety.
Prompt 2: Write a persuasive essay to argue for or against the use of cell phones in the classroom.
The classroom is the key stone of our education, the centerpiece of our knowledge and the spring board to our future. It is the place where we come together, to learn, to aspire, to grow and discover. But, it is also a place of radical changes, where cutting edge technology can be used as a tool .
The query is upon us: should cell phones be allowed in the classroom
Cell phones can be used effectively in the classroom.
Cell phones give students access to resources and apps that can help with their study. It can teach students to develop better habits like keeping track of their work and time management.
Teachers can provide resources to help students with a topic that they do not fully understand. This can include videos, news stories, online discussion groups, and more. Providing easy access to richer information and gives students the ability to research more about a certain subject that has not been covered in school textbooks.
Students can use cell phones to assist in their learning to maximise their potential. In turn the teachers can utilise their time to focus to further support the student’s needs, mark tests and hand out work. The teacher can simply send an email to a student or group of students to help them with their studies.
Although there are a high number of positive benefits, there are also potentially preventable negatives associated with cell phones, for instance:
1. Distractions and interruptions
When students use their cell phones for the wrong purpose such as playing games, texting friends and social media, not only does it distract yourself it distracts your peers.
2. Cyberbullying
Cyberbullying can be harder to detect than other forms of bullying, making it difficult for teachers to identify, prevent and address them.
3. Cheating
It could be used by students to access information during a test.
Ultimately, it is evident that the cell phones should be allowed in the classroom due to its educational benefits such as the ability to access educational learning apps, digital materials and access to a variety of information to assist with school work.
Let us make a well informed decision to empower our education system by allowing the use of cell phones in the classroom, to enrich the quality of our education experience.
Overall Score: 45/50
Structure: 8/10
This essay has a clear structure, with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the introduction could be more impactful to draw in the reader. For example, “Cell phones are a ubiquitous presence in today’s society, and it is no surprise that the question of their use in the classroom has been raised. Let us consider the pros and cons of their presence in education, and make an informed decision to empower our education system.”
Persuasive Techniques: 9/10
The author makes effective use of persuasive techniques, such as “ultimate” and “It is evident that”. However, the language could be more powerful, for example, “It is self-evident that the use of cell phones has numerous advantages for the classroom setting, manifesting in improved student education and teacher efficiency.”
Emotional Appeal: 8/10
The author uses some emotional appeals, such as “spring board to our future” and “help with their study”. However, they could be more potent, for instance, “a stepping-stone to our collective destiny” and “assist in their learning to maximise their potential”.
Figurative Language: 8/10
The author includes some figurative language, such as “centerpiece of our knowledge” and “cutting edge technology”. However, the author could use more figurative language to be more impactful, for instance, “the crucible of our collective wisdom” and “the promise of futuristic technologies”.
Grammar: 10/10
The grammar in this essay is accurate and error-free.
Syntax: 10/10
The syntax in this essay is correct and well-constructed.
Use of Evidence: 10/10
The author makes effective use of evidence to support their argument.
Vocabulary: 8/10
The author’s vocabulary is varied and appropriate for the task. However, some of the words could be more sophisticated, for example, instead of “radically changes”, “fundamental transformation” could be used.
Cell phones are a ubiquitous force in the world today, and it is no surprise that the question of their use in the classroom has been raised. There is no single answer that satisfies everyone, as opinions are split between those who are in favour and those who are against their use in the educational sphere. To fully understand the implications of their presence in the classroom, we must consider both the potential positives and negatives.
On the one hand, cell phones can be used to create a more immersive learning experience. Students can use them to access resources and apps that can aid in their studies, such as videos, news stories, and online discussion groups. Furthermore, teachers can use them to provide students with additional materials that can help them better understand a topic. This, in turn, allows the teacher to focus more on areas of student need and less on disseminating information.
On the other hand, there is the potential for cell phones to be a source of distraction. Playing games, texting friends, and using social media can take away from classroom time and can be detrimental to student focus. Additionally, cyberbullying can be more difficult to detect on cell phones than in other forms, making it harder for teachers to address. Finally, cell phones can be used to cheat on tests, as students can access the information they would otherwise not have access to.
Ultimately, it is clear that the use of cell phones in the classroom has numerous advantages, and we must make an informed decision to empower our education system by allowing their use. By doing so, we can create a more engaging learning environment that promotes richer information, improved student potential, and teacher efficiency.
In today’s world, technology is a formidable force that can and should be used to our advantage in the classroom. Cell phones give students access to an abundance of resources and applications that can help them to better their studies and gain a deeper understanding of a topic. Teachers can use them to provide students with additional resources, allowing them more time to focus on the individual needs of their students. Not only that, but cell phones can also help to teach students to develop better habits such as keeping track of their work and managing their time.
However, if not used properly, cell phones can also be a source of disruption. Distractions such as playing games, texting friends, and using social media can significantly detract from classroom time. Additionally, cyberbullying can be harder to detect and prevent than other forms of bullying. Finally, cell phones can be used to cheat on tests, as students can access the information they would otherwise not have access to.
In spite of the potential negatives, it is evident that the use of cell phones in the classroom can be of great benefit to our education system. It can facilitate a more immersive learning experience and provide students with access to a variety of information to assist with their studies. Let us make a well-informed decision to empower our education system by allowing the use of cell phones in the classroom, to enrich the quality of our educational experience.
Prompt 3: Which is more important for your town: a new police station or a new sports complex? Provide evidence and logical arguments to support your position.
Sports is an important part of the community. Righteous anger and burning passion fills my heart as I see the olympics and world cups. Sports is our future, a stepping stone for generations and generations. It is a must for us to build a new sports complex rather than a a police station.
Sports is an important part of our lives, saving peoples lives and, sports is an important institution in cities. For many years, sports has helped many people, nurturing our bodies and strengthening our bodies. Without sports, our body will be puny and won’t have the strength for anything.
We must invest in the power of saving money. There has been contradicts and controversy lately about.. Money. Money is truly significant, but our community should learn to save as well. New sports complex will cost $5000-$50000. Whereas, police stations take over 7 million or more to construct. As well as saving money, for better causes, we can host competitions, and building better stadiums for Australia, where people from all over the world will come to see a game!
Lastly, we must empower in the power of interactions and socialisation with others. Sports something we can do by ourselves, with our friends and a family. Laughing and happiness ties your heart in an enduring knot people say, “Happiness is the best medicine!” As Simon Biles replies, “ I’d rather regret the risks that didn’t work out than the chances I didn’t take at all.” Meaning, we should step out of our comfort zones and try new sports that we’ve never done before, socialising and meeting new friends. It is a must to power in interactions and association.
It is a must for us to invest for a new sports complex rather than a police station as its and important part of our lives and health, to save money and socialise with others. Its an must to invest for a new sports complex for happier futures to come.
Overall Score: 42/50
Structure: 8/10
The structure of this essay is generally effective, with a clear introduction, body and conclusion. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more impactful with the use of a hook and a summarising statement respectively.
Persuasive Techniques: 9/10
The writer effectively uses various persuasive techniques throughout this essay, such as rhetorical questions and the use of personal experience. For example, “Laughing and happiness tie your heart in an enduring knot people say, “Happiness is the best medicine!” However, the essay could be further enhanced with the use of more powerful persuasive techniques such as alliteration, repetition, and power of three.
More Sophisticated Sentences:
– The melodious laughter of satisfaction resonates throughout the stadium.
– In unison, the crowd chants for victory, their voices merging into a single sound.
– A symphony of exhilaration is composed of the cheers and whistles of the spectators.
– The thrill of the competition is amplified by the roaring of the audience.
– Joyful cries of adulation fill the air, as the athletes bask in the glory of their achievement.
Emotional Appeal: 10/10
The writer effectively uses emotionally evocative language throughout the essay. For example, “Righteous anger and burning passion fill my heart as I see the Olympics and world cups.” The use of powerful language and effective imagery makes this essay highly emotionally evocative.
Figurative Language: 8/10
The writer uses various figurative language throughout this essay, such as metaphors and similes. For example, “Sports is our future, a stepping stone for generations and generations.” The essay, however, could be further improved with the use of more personification, hyperbole and symbolism.
More Sophisticated Sentences:
– The athletes, much like a phoenix, rise from the ashes of defeat to reach new heights of success.
– The stadium stands as a proud sentinel, a monument to the struggles and victories of the past.
– The athletes chase the finish line, their hearts pounding with a fervour that cannot be contained.
– The game is a raging inferno that tests the limits of both body and spirit.
– The players’ passion is a beacon of hope, a symbol of resilience in the face of adversity.
Grammar, Syntax: 8/10
The grammar and syntax used throughout this essay are generally effective, with few errors. For example, “Sports is an important institution in cities.” However, the sentence structure could be improved with the use of more complex sentences and varied syntax.
Use of Evidence: 7/10
The writer effectively uses evidence and logical arguments to support their position. For example, “ New sports complex will cost $5000-$50000. Whereas, police stations take over 7 million or more to construct.” The essay could be further enhanced with the use of more specific evidence and research.
Vocabulary: 10/10
The writer uses an effective range of vocabulary throughout this essay, such as “contradicts” and “puny”. However, the essay could be further enhanced with the use of more sophisticated and powerful words.
Synonymous Vocab List:
– Contradicts: Contradictory, conflicting
– Puny: Feeble, fragile
– Instutition: Organisation, association
– Nurturing: Nourishing, fostering
– Strengthening: Reinforcing, fortifying
– Power: Authority, influence
– Invest: Allocate, expend
– Cost: Expense, expenditure
– Construct: Fabricate, erect
– Save: Preserve, conserve
– Host: Organise, present
– Compete Challenge, strive
– Power: Influence, enable
– Interactions: Connections, relations
– Socialise: Relate, communicate
– Comfort: Ease, solace
– Try: Attempt, practice
– Must: Necessity, paramount
Rewrite:
Sport is a fundamental part of our lives. It is a cornerstone of our communities and provides a bridge for generations to come. It is essential we build a new sports complex instead of a police station.
Sports is a crucial part of our well-being, strengthening our bodies and providing a respite from the stresses of everyday life. Without sports, our physical form would be feeble and feeble and our minds would lack the vigour for anything.
We must be prudent with our finances. There has been much discussion lately about money. Money is significant, but our community must also learn to save where possible. A new sports complex will cost between $5000-$50000. Police stations, however, cost millions of dollars to build. As well as saving money, we can also host international competitions, allowing people from all over the world to experience the amazing stadiums Australia has to offer!
Finally, we must see the power of connecting with others. Sports is something we can do alone, with friends or with family. The joy of being together, surrounded by people with a common passion, creates a bond that is unbreakable. As the great athlete, Simone Biles said, “I’d rather regret the risks that didn’t work out than the chances I didn’t take at all.” This sentiment applies to all facets of our lives and encourages us to step out of our safe zones and try new sports, making new friends in the process.
It is a necessity for our town to build a new sports complex rather than a police station. Sports is an integral part of our lives, aiding our physical and mental health. As well as helping us save money, it encourages us to connect with others and break out of our comfort zones. A new sports complex is an investment in our future and our happiness.
The city is the pounding heart of our community, the provenance of our culture and merchandising. It is a place where we come all together, to share our laughter, tears, stories and have a splendid day and learn from one another. But, it is also a place of immense inequality, where many communities struggle for fundamental resources and quality of life.
The pivotal question then emerges: what is the most imperative need for our cities? A new shopping mall or a community centre?
The answer is apprehensible. We must subsidise the strength of the community, the strength of our people, and the optimism of our spirits. A community centre will bring life-saving resources to our city’s most feeble and diminished populations, while a shopping mall will only increase the wealth of a few already privileged individuals.
We must invest in the power of education. A community centre will provide educational resources as well as essential needs for us and outlets for our youth, allowing them to learn and grow. It will provide a safe place to go after school as well as a nice and enjoyable place to visit, where children can explore their interests and continue their education further and further.
We must invest in the power of health. A community centre will provide basic medical care and nutrition counselling to those in need. It will provide mental health support and counselling services, allowing our citizens to cope with the struggles of everyday life. It will also provide physical activity and exercise programs, allowing our citizens to remain healthy and active.
Lastly, we must invest in the power of the community. A community centre will provide a space for our citizens to come together to share their stories and experiences, build relationships and strengthen the bonds of our community. It will provide outlets for creative expression, allowing our citizens to express themselves in a safe and welcoming environment. It will also provide us with recreational outlets, allowing our citizens to come together and have fun.
Ultimately, the choice is crystal clear. A community centre is far more essential than a brand-new shopping mall. It will bring indispensable resources and outlets to our citizens, allowing them to live healthier, more buoyant lives. It will also provide a place for our citizens to meet, gather and build relationships, strengthening our community and our city.
The classroom is the basics of our education, the cornerstone of our knowledge and the stepping stone to our future. It is a place where we come together, to learn, grow, explore, discover, share and discover. But, it is also a place of immense change, where technology is progressing faster than ever before.
The question then arises: should cellphones be allowed and be used in the classroom?
The answer is obvious. We must subsidise the power of knowledge and comprehension, in the potential of our students, and the promise of our future. Allowing cell phones in the classroom will provide access to essential resources and outlets to our students while prohibiting their use will only limit their potential. Allowing the use of cell phones also allows access to educational resources and many other helpful sites. Although students can play games on their phones secretly while the teacher is speaking, inappropriate gaming websites will be banned until school finishes.
We must invest in the power of education. It will provide access to real-time information, allowing our students to stay up to date on topics and events. It will also provide access to online resources, allowing our students to explore and develop their interests while continuing with their education.
Finally, allowing access to cell phones in the classroom will also help the teachers by not having to spend so much on buying computers and laptops. Students could take their cell phones out and do work on them instead of having to buy 30 laptops for the whole class.
Ultimately, the choice is clear. Allowing cell phones in the classroom is far more important than prohibiting their use. It will provide essential resources and outlets to our students, allowing them to learn and grow. It will also provide access to collaborative and creative tools, allowing our students to explore their hobbies and stay up to date on subjects.
Let us make a wise choice and invest in the power of knowledge. Let us allow cell phones in the classroom, bringing essential resources and outlets to our students. Let us come together to build a brighter and more positive future for our students.
Imagine not getting hired or not getting a job when you grow up. You are living a poor lifestyle with an income of only $50 a day while your friends are living happily, not needing to worry about anything. You think to yourself why you aren’t as successful as your friends? This is all because no homework was implemented while you were at school.
Students doing homework have been shown to have more time management skills than students who don’t do homework. Homework teaches students how to set priorities. It also helps teachers determine how well the lessons are being understood by their students and how well the students are going every day. Homework also teaches students how to problem solve and how to learn by themselves.
Finally, Providing students with homework improves their grades as well as their learning abilities. Providing students with homework allows students to revise what they learn at school and they can also practise important skills.
Ultimately, the choice is crystal clear. Providing students with homework is far better than not giving them any. Although some students think it’s useless or boring or it’s too easy, teachers will give students homework depending on their level. Let us come together to build a brighter and more positive future for our students.
Wk6: Topic 2:
Learning is a very important part of our society. It helps people gain knowledge, makes new friends and even can shape your whole career. However, technology is growing fast and our time now is one of change. A clear question forms in many people’s heads “Should cellphones be allowed in classrooms?”
There is only one appropriate answer to this question. We must prohibit the use of cellphones in classrooms as it will decrease learning efficiency, it ends up cutting off social interaction and it leads to things like cyberbullying and can negatively affect children’s brains.
Firstly, the use of cellphones in classrooms is bad as it can decrease their learning. Many children in this era like to play video games and go on social media. As phones can access many of these websites using their own mobile data, many children might get distracted in class. For example, some children might go on a game in class when no one is looking. This will put all their attention on their screen and not on what they are learning.
Furthermore, using cellphones cuts off social interaction. A big part of school is to make friends and have social interactions with other children of your age. However, with phones in school, many children will either be making friends on social media without face to face interaction or just be watching Youtube or playing games and not being able to talk with any friends.
Finally, using cellphones in class can lead to cyberbullying which can affect children’s minds in bad ways. Using cellphones in school makes children use electronic devices much more than normal. If children go on social media, they could be bullied by an anonymous person. This affects the brain in harmful ways and it might lead to depression which is not good for school.
There is an obvious choice here. Prohibiting phones in the classroom is far more important than using phones in school. Banning phones in classrooms can help with being less distracted, it can help to make friends and have better social connections, and finally it can prevent cyberbullying and make a child feel happier.
Wk6: Topic 4:
Family time is a very important and precious thing as it is when you come together with family and friends, have a big feast and be happy. However, many activities are taking away this precious family time. The question then comes, “Should homework be allowed in school?”
The answer is clear. Banning homework would bring many benefits. For example, children might be less stressed about school and have more fun there. Children would get to spend more time with family and friends. Lastly, it would give lots of time for children to play sports and be fit and healthy instead of doing homework.
Firstly, if we ban homework, children would have less stress. At school, children learn enough things to keep them occupied. However, making homework for them would be too much. This would make them think too much about school and they would not have time to think about other things like learning an instrument. This puts extra stress on the students and will decrease their morale, making them have less fun and happiness at school.
Furthermore, children would not be able to spend time with family and friends. Time with family and friends is very important and homework just takes it away. Many teachers and schools make children do lots of homework, taking a lot of time. This sometimes makes children miss out on parties, or gatherings because they have to do their homework. This makes the children feel left out but if they have no homework set for them, they will be able to attend and make them feel happy.
Finally, if schools ban homework, many children will have time to do other leisure activities such as sports. Sports is a very good thing to do as it helps make friends instead of staying home and doing homework, and it helps you keep fit. Doing homework would give you body cramps for staying in one position for too long and it doesn’t help socialise with any people.
The choice is clear that we should put an end to homework. Doing this would not only give children more family time, but it would also reduce stress levels and keep children fit and socialised by playing sport.
Schools are the foundation of our education, the mainspring of our knowledge and the stepping stone to our future. It is the place where we come together, to learn and grow, to evaluate and discover, to share and explore. Homes are the foundation of our empathy, the fountain of our health, and the stepping stone to our future. It is the place where we come together, to play and grow, explore and discover, to share and be happy. These two paradises should not be mingled with each other.
The question then arises: Should we keep homework? Or not?
There has been a lot of controversy on this topic, but I believe the answer is lagoon clear. We must invest in banning homework for the reasons I will outline below and many more.
We must invest in the power of health. Young students who must spend countless hours completing complex tasks due after school have negative health repercussions from receiving homework assignments. Children who experience stress and anxiety may experience health problems and develop a bad attitude toward learning. Did you know, crying when doing homework is a natural reaction that many people face? People say homework can also cause serious mental health problems in the long run, like anxiety and depression.
We must invest in the power of education. Researchers at Indiana University found no difference in course grades between students who did homework and those who didn’t. Why are we giving students drills that spoil their afternoon and have no effect on their work whatsoever? Although homework develops study skills, it is not always effective. Learning should not be done at home; otherwise, what is the point of school? Many people have stated, “Homework in primary school has an effect of zero.”
Finally, we must invest in the power of family and socialisation. Yes, homework does make you smarter and trains you to solve problems. But at what cost? Especially now that technology is so advanced, most homework is either online or requires you to complete an assignment within a deadline. This means that connections with family, friends or even the outside world lessens with the amount of homework a child receives. Social connections are life connections!
In conclusion, the answer is right in front of us. Let us make the better choice and ban homework from our schools by creating a healthy, social lifestyle. Let us create a stress-free, interactive education! Let us create what is meant to become socialization.
Part 1
Prompt 4
Prompt 4: Write a persuasive essay to argue for or against the use of homework in schools.
School is our foundation, a stepping stone to our future. “To be ready for tomorrow’s opportunities, do your homework today. Learn, refine your skills, and focus on growth.” said by unknown, is saying, we must do our homework to prepare for our futures. And it is also a chance to show their teachers, that they’ve actually learnt, and many may say, there’s too much to do… well, if given the right amount, homework would be beneficial. With homework, you will also learn many important lesson, helping you master a skill.
Giving the right amount of homework has an effect. It has been proven, grade 2, has improved maths, 3 and 4 have improved English and vocabulary. According to Harris Cooper, homework can help with the expansion of personal responsibility. This implies that kids will become more and more responsible over the years with homework. This is correct, because, if we have homework, they will concentrate on finishing, and will manage their time more responsibility, as well as spare time to have fun.
In future lives, work will be important, homework, will help those to get better jobs, and homework will have many useful benefits.
The choice is straight forward, it is a must for us to have homework for our future, important benefits and responsibility.
Part 1 Prompt 1
What is more important for our city: A shopping mall or a community centre?
The city is the pumping heart of our community, the foundation of our culture and industry for our people and citizens. It is the place to have no problems and yet, to learn about each other at the same time. This is our opportunity to socialise with one another and to make friends while still. But our city is not perfect yet. It has a weak spot. It is the place of extreme equality with families who are having a difficulty doing anything from eating something to driving a car. Everyday, they have to suffer looking at the people who have mass riches, having the time of their lives. This will not be acceptable. We have affluent people, spending their riches, looking down at less fortunate people. Isolating themselves from these people who struggle with their everyday lives, as if the were germs floating through the air going up their noses. And with this, it brings up a crucial question: what is more important for our city, a new shopping mall or a community centre?
The answer is crystal clear. We must invest to help and in the power of our community, in the strength of our citizens, and in the hope of our people’s spirits. A community centre will bring life-changing resources to our city’s most weak and frail populations, while a shopping mall will only increase the wealth of affluent people, making them feel more superior. The less fortunate people will be teased by richer people if a shopping mall is built.
Furthermore, the power of education must also be invested. Community centres will provide educational resources to our youths in preliminary levels, allowing them to learn, grow and prosper. It will provide a safe place to go after school, where children can learn more about their interests and flourish with their education. It will provide knowledge for job training and career advice, giving our people a better understanding to find meaningful employment.
In addition, the health of people in a community centre must also be invested. A community centre will provide medical care to those who have health issues. While a shopping centre will provide medical needs, you need to buy them, but some families do not have the money to afford these medicines as they are expensive. A community centre will allow our citizens to cope with their medical struggles of their everyday lives. A community centre also will provide physical activities for these people, allowing them to remain flourishing and functioning.
Finally, we must invest in the power of community. A community centre is where people can share their ideas, experiences and thoughts with one another. It builds relationships. Bonds people together. Allowing citizens to feel like they are in a safe and welcoming place. It also will provide entertaining outlets, allowing citizens to have fun.
Ultimately, the choice is clear. A community centre is way more important than a new shopping mall. It will bring essential resources in community centres that may cost too much in shopping malls. This will allow people to live more prosperous lives. It will provide a space for our citizens to come together, strengthening our community and city.
Let us work together to create a brighter future in our city. First to build a community centre.