Scholarship G2 W7 Writing
- February 2, 2023
- 6:30 pm
- 45 Comments
Prompt 1: Write a persuasive essay on the importance of installing a new playground on campus.
Prompt 2: Write a persuasive essay on the importance of physical exercise in a student’s daily routine.
45 thoughts on “Scholarship G2 W7 Writing”
Sports: The hidden assassin
When you first weave a vivid tapestry of a clump of students in a worn-out gym, you could imagine them with an aura of health radiating around them, but can this paradisaical image be… a fraud? The increase in pressure can result in the influence of drugs, and severe physical and mental injuries, adding to the possible bullying of players on the field. Sport can sometimes be mistaken for a god of bestowing health, but research from NSW uncovers the hidden connotations of this ‘healthy’ habit.
Doing sports may lead to physical illnesses and disabilities. Although sporting may cause a less likely chance of cardiovascular diseases, physical blemishes are still prevalent. The countless repetition of moves in a sport may lead to the prohibition of the growth of limbs, otherwise known as growth plates. According to the National Library of Medicine, 38.3% of an acute 826 cases of growth plates are sports-related, not to mention that 53% (1.1 million) of disabled people were affected by sports, resulting in permanent damage to their health. You could prevent these injuries by reducing competitive sports and being less based on more domesticated activities. Though dubbed as an exercise that can boost your health, sports can lead to fatal injuries.
Though many adults suggest that sports can help their kids in leadership, there is a bad side to it all. In the 2022 Summer Olympics, 43.6% of all Olympians were caught doping (the act of taking PEDs) which is approximately 4800 of these overly-competitive sports professionals. About 90% of these athletes were suspended from the games and lived an unhealthy lifestyle later on. The excessive pressure of sports can increase the possibility of taking drugs, which not only leads to legal action like suing but can blemish your health, even a tiny dose of steroids can make you go berserk. To manage this, choose different friend groups which could cause you to be peer pressured towards drugs.
Bullying can have a huge effect on children. The animosity that can stir between team members can intimidate children and disinclined in social activities. According to Cildsafe, 10% of 1480 adolescents have been reported to have experienced bullying, and 58% have done the bullying. “My 15-year-old son has stopped completely going to soccer training because of the coach’s abusive harassment, and it has left him feeling stripped of his identity. Not to mention how the boys tease his boots. We have gone broke over the years and it’s not his fault this has happened to him.” says Sarah Delmer. This feeling of being alienated is the result of sports. Let yourself express yourself freely and confide in your parents in times of need.
In essence, sport is only a way of making someone feel estranged, leads to health impacts and just isn’t the way to go in NSW schools. Sport is a mirage behind its detrimental effects on a person’s both mental and physical effects. To uncover this veil, these major actions are necessary to be implemented.
Thanks for waiting! Here’s the feedback for your writing!
Overall Score: 43/50
Structure: 8/10
The essay contains a clear introduction, body and conclusion. However, there could have been more emphasis on the structure of each body paragraph, clearly stating the argument and the evidence for each point. For example, the author could have started each body paragraph with a statement such as “Firstly, the physical toll of sports can be detrimental to one’s health…” and then proceeded to explain the point.
Persuasive Techniques: 8/10
The author has used strong persuasive techniques throughout the essay, such as providing statistical evidence and including personal anecdotes to elicit emotion. However, there is some room for improvement in terms of language choice. For example, the phrase “the act of taking PEDs” could have been replaced with something more sophisticated and emotive, such as “the insidious use of performance-enhancing drugs”.
Emotional Appeal: 9/10
The author has used emotive language and anecdotes throughout the essay to form a strong emotional appeal. However, the author could have further emphasised the emotional appeal of the essay by using more powerful language. For example, the phrase “these overly-competitive sports professionals” could have been replaced with something more emotive, such as “these cutthroat athletes”.
Figurative Language: 8/10
The author has included some figurative language throughout the essay, such as “the aura of health radiating around them” and “mistaken for a god of bestowing health”. However, there are some areas of improvement in terms of the use of figurative language. For example, the phrase “the increase in pressure can result in the influence of drugs” could have been replaced with something more emotive and metaphorical, such as “the ever-increasing pressure can lead some athletes to succumb to the temptations of drugs”.
Grammar, Syntax and Vocabulary: 10/10
The essay has been written in a clear and concise manner, with no major grammar or syntax errors. The author has also used a range of sophisticated vocabulary throughout the essay.
Use of Evidence: 10/10
The author has provided a range of evidence to support their arguments, such as statistics, personal anecdotes and quotes.
Vocabulary List:
Insidious – Machiavellian
Domesticated – Tame
Blemish – Mar
Pressure – Stress
Approximately – Roughly
Excessive – Exorbitant
Alienated – Isolated
Detrimental – Harmful
Veil – Shroud
Vivid – Lively
Paradisaical – Utopian
Cutthroat – Ruthless
Physical exercise is an integral part of any student’s daily routine, as it has the ability to bring about a plethora of benefits. From improving physical strength to invigorating mental well-being, physical activity has the power to completely transform one’s life.
The advantages of physical exercise are multifold. Not only does it help promote strong bones and muscles, it also helps to strengthen the cardiovascular system, aiding in the prevention of coronary heart diseases. Furthermore, physical exercise can also help in reducing stress, anxiety and depression. In addition to this, it also helps to boost self-esteem, allowing individuals to become more confident and bold.
Physical exercise can also help students to become better learners. Studies have shown that students who engage in regular physical exercise perform better in school. As physical exercise increases the production of endorphins, it can help improve focus and concentration. It also helps to improve memory and cognitive functioning, allowing students to think more clearly and make better decisions.
However, it is essential to ensure that physical exercise is done in a safe and controlled environment. It is important to ensure that the students are provided with the correct guidance and safety equipment to ensure that they are not injured during physical activities. This is especially important for young children and teenagers, who may not be aware of the risks associated with physical exercise.
In conclusion, physical exercise is an essential part of a student’s daily routine, as it helps to improve physical and mental well-being. Not only does it help to improve physical strength and cardiovascular health, but it also helps to reduce stress, anxiety and depression. Furthermore, physical exercise can also help to enhance the learning and thinking processes, allowing students to become better learners. Therefore, it is imperative for students to engage in regular physical activities to lead healthy and prosperous life.
This is the handwritten version of prompt 1
2nd page
I believe that St Ives North Public School needs a new playground as it has many beneficial factors in mental health and abundance more. I absolutely would love a new playground and I am sure others would 100% agree. Here are the following points for a new playground.
Firstly lets not forget that cognitive and physical senses significantly improve as children slowly develop a further hearing ability and become capable of further eyesight and build up their strength while at the same time emotional strength also begins further increase.This makes it easier for students to play in the future. Scientists have seen a rise in test scores and academic achievement/ performance and at the same time seen developed cognitive reactions and thinking. This has been shown through various students and not just one kind of student as you would expect. This has shown that students who use the playground are actually benefiting .
Furthermore they develop a social circle that can become a guide to new best friends and they will be loyal to you and you can play at the park together and become best friends.Now along with all that, the park is a learning place and should be cared for. Now I know your asking, how does the park become a learning place ? Well the answer is that it helps kids learn in physical movement and the equipments purpose is to teach this, e.g a swing cannot go 360 so it teaches the children that you need to be safe before going high as swings have buckles. This comes in handy when children have grown up and have this experience to guide them along the way or invention. This also teaches them to never give up and pursue dreams, in a way. As a few children will always want an invention that goes 360.
I forget to mention that this helps with the bodies building as playing reduces cortisol a chemical that gives you stress and playing ,fights cortisol. Playing also has benefits such as reducing heart rates and blood pressure decreasing. This also helps with vitamin d as you breathe in fresh air most of the times when playing. Therefore more dopamine gets released when happy dopamine gets released dopamine is good for your body so playing makes you happy allowing dopamine release.
In conclusion I absolutely believe that playgrounds should be given to the students of my school.
AGASTYA prompt `1
Thanks for waiting! Here’s the feedback for your writing!
Overall Score: 34/50
Structure: 8/10
The overall structure of the essay is good, however, the sentence “This makes it easier for students to play in the future” is a bit unclear and should be revised for clarity. Furthermore, the paragraph about the playground being a learning place could be further developed by adding more details about the learning aspect of the playground.
Sophisticated Sentences:
-Rather than simply providing a pleasurable environment, a playground can also provide an educational stimulus for the children.
-The playground is a place where children can gain insight into their own physical capabilities, learn how to properly use the equipment and acquire new skills.
-The playground can be a way for children to discover their own physical and emotional limits, learning to make decisions and take risks.
-The playground can be a space for children to develop their communication skills, and learning how to cooperate and interact with others.
-The playground can provide an opportunity for children to explore their creativity and imagination, as they create new games and find new ways to play.
Persuasive Techniques: 9/10
The persuasive techniques used in the passage are effective, however, there are some areas that could be developed further. For example, the sentence “This has been shown through various students and not just one kind of student as you would expect” could be developed to make it more impactful.
Sophisticated Sentences:
-The evidence provided demonstrates that the playground is beneficial to all types of students and not just a select few.
-The results of the study suggest that the playground can have a positive effect on the academic achievement and performance of students.
-The results of the study indicate that the playground can have a positive impact on the cognitive and physical development of students.
-The evidence provided suggests that the playground can have a beneficial effect on the emotional well-being of students.
-The results of the study demonstrate that the playground can have a positive effect on the social development of students.
Emotional Appeal: 7/10
The emotional appeal in the passage is appropriate and effective, however, it could be further developed. For example, the sentence “This also teaches them to never give up and pursue dreams, in a way” could be further developed to make it more emotionally powerful.
Sophisticated Sentences:
-The playground encourages children to pursue their dreams and never give up, no matter what obstacles they may face.
-The playground can be seen as a place of possibility, where children can learn to take risks and reach for their dreams.
-The playground teaches children to push themselves beyond their comfort zone and strive for their aspirations.
-The playground helps children develop a sense of self-confidence, allowing them to take risks and be brave in the pursuit of their goals.
-The playground encourages children to be ambitious, giving them the confidence to strive for their dreams and reach for the stars.
Figurative Language: 7/10
The figurative language used in the passage is effective and appropriate, however, it could be further developed. For example, the sentence “This makes it easier for students to play in the future” could be further developed to make it more descriptive.
Sophisticated Sentences:
-This allows students to explore the world of play, learning how to use their physical abilities in creative ways.
-This gives students the opportunity to take part in exciting adventures, and discovering new ways of playing.
-This encourages students to use their imagination, creating new games and forming new friendships.
-This helps students to build upon their physical and cognitive skills, expanding their knowledge and understanding.
-This provides students with an opportunity to develop their minds and bodies, learning how to use their physical abilities in new ways.
Grammar/Syntax: 7/10
The grammar and syntax of the passage are mostly accurate, however, there are some areas that could be improved. For example, the sentence “This has shown that students who use the playground are actually benefiting” could be revised to make it more grammatically correct.
Sophisticated Sentences:
-The evidence suggests that students who use the playground are indeed benefiting.
-It has been demonstrated that students who use the playground are reaping the rewards.
-The data reveals that students who use the playground are experiencing positive outcomes.
-It is evident that students who use the playground are gaining many advantages.
-The results demonstrate that students who use the playground are seeing positive results.
Use of Evidence: 7/10
The use of evidence in the passage is effective and appropriate, however, it could be further developed. For example, the sentence “This has been shown through various students and not just one kind of student as you would expect” could be further developed to make it more convincing.
Sophisticated Sentences:
-The evidence presented indicates that the benefits of the playground are applicable to all types of students, not just a select few.
-The results of the study demonstrate that the playground can have a positive effect on the academic achievement and performance of multiple types of students.
-The evidence provided suggests that the playground can have a beneficial effect on the cognitive and physical development of a variety of students.
-The results of the study indicate that the playground can have a positive impact on the emotional well-being of diverse students.
-The data reveals that the playground can have a positive effect on the social development of multiple types of students.
Vocabulary: 5/10
The vocabulary used in the passage is appropriate, however, it could be further developed. For example, the word “cortisol” could be replaced with a more sophisticated term.
Sophisticated Vocabulary:
-Cortisol: Adrenocorticotropic hormone
-Play: Cavort, frolic
-Benefiting: Profiting, reaping rewards
-Various: Assorted, disparate
-Develop: Cultivate, foster
Rewritten Essay:
The installation of a playground on campus is an essential investment for the students of St Ives North Public School. Not only does it provide a pleasurable environment, but it also offers an educational stimulus and a plethora of mental health benefits.
Studies have indicated that the playground can have a positive effect on the academic achievement, cognitive and physical development, emotional well-being and social development of students, regardless of their background. Playgrounds are a place for children to explore their physical capabilities and learn how to properly use the equipment, as well as to discover their own physical and emotional limits and make decisions independently. Furthermore, playgrounds provide an opportunity for children to develop their communication skills and cooperate with others, as well as to explore their creativity and imagination.
Playing also helps to reduce cortisol, a hormone that produces stress and can lower heart rate and blood pressure. Moreover, playing increases the production of dopamine, a chemical that has positive effects on the body and makes us feel happy. Thus, the installation of a playground on campus is essential, as it will provide numerous mental health benefits to the students.
The playground can be seen as a space of possibility, where children can learn to take risks and reach for their dreams. It encourages children to pursue their aspirations and never give up, no matter what obstacles they may face. The playground helps children develop a sense of self-confidence, allowing them to take risks and be brave in the pursuit of their goals. It teaches children to push themselves beyond their comfort zone and strive for their aspirations. Finally, the playground encourages children to be ambitious, giving them the confidence to strive for their dreams and reach for the stars.
In conclusion, the installation of a playground on campus is an essential investment for the students of St Ives North Public School. It provides a pleasurable environment, an educational stimulus and numerous mental health benefits. It encourages children to pursue their dreams and never give up while providing them with an opportunity to develop their communication skills, creativity and imagination. The playground helps children develop a sense of self-confidence and encourages them to be ambitious and reach for the stars.
Prompt 1 – Pearl – 891 words
The true effects of playgrounds
Schools are the foundation of our education, the mainspring of our knowledge and the stepping stone to our future. It is the place where we come together, to learn and grow, to evaluate and discover, to share and explore. Playgrounds are the foundation of bliss, the fountain of frolicking, the stepping stone of insouciance. These two paradises are not to be mingled with.
The question then arises, should we have a new playground on campus? Or not?
After careful consideration, I am firmly in favour of not implanting a new playground on campus, as school playgrounds, or hellholes of despair have numerous negative repercussions that outweigh any potential benefits.
We must invest in the power of safety. Playgrounds in schools are a big safety hazard. Imagine that 3 people are injured at the same time, all three of them in life – threatening situations. The teacher on duty can’t look at everyone at the same time. What if all the other teachers are in different areas, and it will be too late to get them to come. In the classroom, we have classes next door, so it’s easy to find quick help. Of course, that doesn’t mean not to go outside, it just means to stay off the playground equipment. And as students, we tend to break rules like these. So, if there is no playground equipment at all, no students can get on the playground equipment. You can go to your local park, if you would like to go play on the equipment. That way, there will always be a person watching out for each child. One parent looking out for one or two children. Parents or caregivers can help prevent injuries by making sure kids properly use playground equipment. If an injury does happen, an adult can help the child and give any needed first aid right away. Kids should always have adult supervision on the playground according to Nemours KidsHealth. Did you know, over 200,000 children visit emergency rooms each year due to school playground-related injuries!?
Another factor to keep in mind regarding safety, is the lack of structural safety. A study conducted by the National Centre for Biotechnology Information and the National Library of Medicine, found that most school play areas and playground equipment were improper and structurally unsafe. One of the biggest contributors to this was because of the lack of funds that public schools got. Because they have a lack of funds, only a small fraction of it is used for the playground. This puts the playground and playground equipment’s integrity at risk. 76% of injuries among kids are from playgrounds in schools and there are about 15 child fatalities each year from school playgrounds.
We must invest in the power of mental health. In school playgrounds , the expectations of friends get piled up. Each friend expects you to be able to do a stunt that they can do, and many people are bullied because they don’t know how to do the stunt. This happened to a classmate of mine in year 3. She and her friends were out on the playground, and her friends were doing flips on the flipping bars. Her friends would nudge her forward and tell her to do flips. She was too scared to try, so her friends practically laughed at her. She was strong because she had another set of friends and she got through it. But, many students aren’t as lucky as she was. Many students go through depression, anxiety and other mental health problems because of events like these.
We must invest in sustaining our environment. It isn’t surprising that people don’t think of environmental sustainability and playgrounds in the same thought. Everything in playgrounds is metal and plastic, with hard concrete or padded rubber flooring. They are efficient and engaging for children, but also are industrial and inorganic. Since the equipment can be mass produced, many playgrounds seem more and more alike. More than this new sense of repetitive design, modern play equipment is not as good for the environment as it could be. Petroleum-based plastics have been proven to emit trace amounts of toxins that accumulate over time. This means that rain or snow will carry these toxins to the surrounding soil, making it less suitable for the life that depends on it. We already have local parks, so why cut down more and more trees? Why ruin the environment when we don’t HAVE to? Are you really willing to sacrifice the well-being of hundreds of future generations, for short time joy?
One of the main arguments people make to implant playgrounds is that playgrounds enhance social skills. But, I would like to rebut that. In a school playground, you are most likely only playing with your friends or people you kn0w. So, you aren’t enhancing your social skills by playing with people you already know. Also, you can enhance your social skills at your local park. You don’t need a new playground in school.
Ultimately the decision is coherent. We must not implement a new playground, for the reasons I’ve outlined above and many more. Whether it be, safety of students, sustaining the environment or keeping good mental health, not implementing a new playground on campus is the right thing to do. I hope you agree.
Thanks for waiting! Here’s the feedback for your writing!
Overall Score: 45/50
Structure: The structure of this persuasive essay is generally well done, however, it could be further improved with a clearer introduction. The introduction does not present a clear position and does not establish the purpose of the essay. The body of the essay is clearly laid out and has a logical flow. The conclusion is solid and wraps the essay up well.
For improvement:
“Schools are the foundation of our education and the stepping stone to our future. But what if we could take this a step further, by installing a new playground on campus? This essay will explore the potential benefits and risks of implementing a new playground on campus, and argue that this is an important investment for our community.”
“The power of safety, the power of mental health, and the power of sustaining our environment are all reasons to install a new playground on campus. With these points in mind, I will provide evidence to show that the benefits of a new playground far outweigh the risks.”
“It is clear that a new playground on campus is an important investment for our community. With a focus on safety, mental health, and environmental sustainability, we can create a better future for our children.”
Persuasive Techniques: The author uses a variety of persuasive techniques throughout the essay. They use a variety of facts and statistics to back up their arguments. They also use a number of rhetorical questions to engage the reader.
For improvement:
“What kind of future are we preparing for our children, if we do not invest in safety and mental health? Could we really be content with the knowledge that our children are at risk of physical and emotional harm?”
“Do we want our children to grow up in a world where they do not understand the importance of environmental sustainability? Or do we want to create a future where they are equipped to be responsible stewards of the earth?”
“Are we really willing to sacrifice the well-being of hundreds of future generations, for short-time joy?”
Emotional Appeal: The author does a good job of using emotional appeal throughout the essay. They use vivid descriptions to paint a picture of the potential risks of playgrounds on campus. They also use personal anecdotes to illustrate the importance of playground safety.
For improvement:
“Imagine a world where our children are forced to grapple with life-threatening injuries, in the absence of adult supervision.”
“Think of the despair that arises when a child is laughed at for their lack of physical prowess.”
“Envision the apathy our children will feel when surrounded by playgrounds that are the same and lack environmental sustainability.”
“Contemplate the joy of a playground that is safe, one that is full of life and promotes mental health and environmental sustainability.”
Figurative Language: The author has used some effective figurative language throughout the essay. By using phrases like “foundation of bliss” and “hellholes of despair”, they draw an emotional reaction from the reader.
For improvement:
“Schools are the building blocks of our future, the source of our knowledge and the stepping stone to success.”
“Playgrounds are the source of delight, the fountain of fun, the stepping stone of joy.”
“Without a new playground, our children are in danger of losing their innocence, in the face of life-threatening injuries.”
“A new playground is an investment in our children’s future, one that will bring them joy and equip them with the skills they need to succeed.”
“A playground is an oasis of safety and happiness, one that will bring light to the darkness of despair.”
Grammar, Syntax, Use of Evidence and Vocabulary:
The grammar and syntax of this essay are generally good, however, there are a few errors throughout the essay. The author uses a variety of evidence to support their argument, however, they could use more. The author also uses a variety of vocabulary, however, they could use more sophisticated words to make the essay more emotionally evocative.
For improvement:
“Schools are the cornerstone of our education, the engine of our knowledge and the stepping stone to our future.”
“Playgrounds are the source of joy, the fountain of frivolity, the stepping stone of gaiety.”
“We must invest in the power of safety, mental health, and environmental sustainability.”
“The expectations of friends can pile up in school playgrounds, leading to feelings of inadequacy and despair.”
“Petroleum-based plastics have been shown to emit toxic chemicals, which can contaminate the surrounding soil and disrupt the local ecosystem.”
Vocab List:
Cornerstone, engine, gaiety, frivolity, oasis, apathy, grapple, equip, stewards, disdain, disdainful, responsible, adept, adeptness.
Part 1
Playgrounds are mythical lands of fantasy, affectionate childhood memories, the essence of a child’s life. It is a place where we play and mingle, socialize and caper, to celebrate and enjoy life. A safe and joyful sanctuary for those seeking bliss. It is a symbol of the innocent, spontaneous nature of a child.
Ultimately this question we must ask: Does our community need a new playground?
The answer is obvious. Just as eating and sleeping is essential to a child’s health, play is critical for a child to thrive and prosper. When children play, they gain a huge variety of skills such as coordination, social awareness, motor skills and so much more – all while having tons of fun! Through playground play, children are healthier and stronger. Promotion of healthy heart and lung function, stronger muscles, improved immune function and lowered risk of obesity and diabetes are just some of the beneficial assets that will someday save you child’s life.
Playgrounds are not places of isolation. Whenever you visit a playground, other kids are bound to be there. Kids learn to get along, follow rules, overcoming shyness and taking turns. Additionally, accepting diversity is another thing kids will learn in the playground. As according to i-student Global, By learning to work with others regardless of status or race, children will incorporate those attitudes well into adulthood. Fairness and equality can be a matter of common sense versus an area of inexperience.
Playgrounds also emotionally impact children. Unstructured playtime can serve as a healthy way to reduce stress levels. It boosts self-esteem and confidence, teaching them to deal with challenges in a healthy way. As Michelle Obama stated, “Your success will be determined by you own confidence and fortitude.” In some places, parents are worried about their kids getting bullied in school or parks. But bullying might have some positive effects on children! It helps build conflict resolution and acts as fuel for success, teaching kids to stand up for themselves. In the future, life will throw many challenges at you – but they’ll be much easier to deal with if you know how.
Finally, playgrounds can make learning fun for bored children. As according to Little Tikes Commercial, when a child’s school has a playground, these short breaks allow kids freedom and fun, which, in turn, makes the educational experience more fun. In fact, researchers now understand the importance of playgrounds in schools and how they have an important impact on a child’s ability to learn and develop.
Ultimately, the choice is clear. We must build a new playground and build children’s friendships and joy. We must build a place where they can learn and socialize, becoming the best self they can be. We must help them develop and bloom, and by building a new playground, that is what we can do. Let us make the more beneficial decision and contribute to a new location for the community to indulge and enjoy.
Thanks for waiting! Here’s the feedback for your writing!
Overall score: 44/50
Structure: 7/10
The persuasive essay effectively addresses the question, “Does our community need a new playground?”, by providing a clear and well-structured answer. The introduction, body and conclusion are organized logically, providing a clear and persuasive argument. However, the introduction could be more succinct, providing more of a hook to engage readers.
For example:
“Playgrounds are an integral part of a child’s well-being and development. That is why it is essential that our community invest in a new playground so that our children can benefit from the joys of play and learn to thrive and prosper.”
Persuasive techniques: 9/10
The persuasive essay makes effective use of persuasive techniques to answer the question. For example, the writer cites Michelle Obama’s quote, “Your success will be determined by your own confidence and fortitude.” Additionally, the writer effectively lists the benefits of playgrounds such as the promotion of healthy heart and lung function, stronger muscles, improved immune function, and lowered risk of obesity and diabetes.
For example:
“Playgrounds are more than places of joy and entertainment. They are windows to a healthier future; providing our children with the opportunity to grow healthy and strong while honing invaluable social skills.”
Emotional appeal: 8/10
The persuasive essay effectively appeals to emotion, evoking a strong sense of the joys of childhood. The writer also effectively uses examples such as Michelle Obama’s quote to add emotional weight to the argument. However, the essay could use more vivid language to further evoke emotion.
For example:
“Playgrounds are places of enchantment; inviting children to explore their imaginations and discover the joys of life. They provide a safe haven for children to express themselves freely, building the confidence and resilience they need to lead successful lives.”
Figurative language: 8/10
The persuasive essay makes effective use of figurative language to evoke emotion. For example, the writer states that playgrounds are “a symbol of the innocent, spontaneous nature of a child.” Additionally, the writer uses similes such as “just as eating and sleeping are essential to a child’s health” to effectively illustrate the importance of playgrounds. However, the essay could use more vivid language and metaphors to further enhance the emotional appeal.
For example:
“Playgrounds are the portals to a child’s soul; transporting them to a world of joy and freedom where they can explore without limits, developing the skills and courage they need to reach their highest potential.”
Grammar, syntax and use of evidence: 10/10
The essay is well-written, with few errors in grammar and syntax, and effective use of evidence to support the argument.
Vocabulary: 8/10
The essay makes effective use of vocabulary to express the writer’s ideas. However, it could use more sophisticated words and phrases to enhance the emotional appeal and persuasive power of the essay.
For example:
“Playgrounds are havens of delight; a place for children to revel in the joys of life, socialize and develop the skills they need to thrive. They foster the essential traits of courage, confidence and resilience, helping our little ones grow into capable, successful adults.”
Vocab List:
Havens of delight – idyllic retreats
Revel – bask in
Socialize – interact
Foster – cultivate
Courage – bravery
Confidence – assurance
Resilience – fortitude
Capable – competent
Successful – triumphant
Prompt 2 – Pearl – 570 words
Blessing in Disguise
Exercise is the foundation of our health, the mainspring of our mood and the stepping stone to confidence and focus. Many people ask, should we implement exercise in student’s daily routines? This has been a topic for controversy for years now, but I believe the decision is clear. We must invest in exercise. Exercise is very beneficial for the reasons I will outline below and many more.
We must invest in the power of mental health. Exercise improves your mental health and mood greatly. Exercise reduces risk of anxiety and depression. Exercise helps release endorphins, feel-good hormones, that help reduce stress therefore relieving feelings of anxiety and depression. Regular exercise can have a profoundly positive impact on depression, anxiety, and ADHD. It also relieves stress and improves memory. “I feel better in my mind when I work out. It makes everything better.” Says Keri Russel, an American actress, “It doesn’t really matter how you exercise; the important thing is that you do. A healthy body promotes a healthy mind – and the other way around.”
We must invest in the power of physical health. Regular exercise can help children and adolescents improve cardiorespiratory fitness, build strong bones and muscles, control weight and reduce the risk of developing health conditions such as heart disease and stroke . This helps them build a healthier and stronger body for a longer life. It’s like Gene Tunney , an American professional boxer, said “To enjoy the glow of good health, you must exercise.”
Exercise also improves school attendance. Yup, we are still talking about health. Read the next few sentences on how. Exercise helps the immune system get stronger and ready to fight illnesses better. So, students who participate in regular physical activity are less likely to get sick and be absent.
We must invest in the power of confidence. Students who exercise frequently develop better social and problem-solving skills. Participating in activities that include working with others on a team or a group help students develop positive social and problem-solving skills. Students learn to cooperate with others, encourage teammates, and achieve a goal. Students who exercise build self-confidence. Finding a skill, activity, or sport a student can find success in helps build self-confidence which helps students try new skills, learn new information, and take risks.
We must invest in the power of focus. Exercise improves your sleep. Exercise can help you to fall asleep faster and stay asleep longer. It also improves sleep quality. Students that participate in physical activity get better sleep and achieve a deeper sleep that helps their body to recover from exercise. Better sleep increases their ability to focus or concentrate their energy levels, improving their concentration and ability to stay on-task in the classroom. It also reduces disruptive behavior, such as fidgeting, in the classroom, helping to improve their academic performance. It prepares and encourages nerve cells to bind to one another, which is the cellular basis for learning new information. And it spurs the development of new nerve cells from stem cells in the hippocampus, an area of the brain related to memory and learning.
Ultimately, the decision is clear. We must implement daily exercise in students’ routines, for the reasons I’ve outlined above and many more. Whether it be mental health, physical health, confidence or focus, implementing daily exercise in students’ routines is the right thing to do. I hope you agree.
Thanks for waiting! Here’s the feedback for your writing!
Overall Score: 46/50
Structure: 7/10
The structure of this essay is mostly clear and concise. However, the introduction could be improved to provide a more concise overview of the points that will be discussed. For example, “We must invest in the power of mental health, physical health, confidence, and focus that comes with exercise.”
Persuasive Techniques: 9/10
The author effectively uses persuasive techniques such as providing evidence, personal anecdotes, and rhetorical questions to support their argument. For example, “Many people ask, should we implement exercise in students’ daily routines?” This sentence provides a rhetorical question which creates a sense of curiosity in the reader.
More sophisticated sentences include:
• “Are the benefits of implementing daily exercise in students’ routines worth the investment?
• Exercise has been clinically proven to reduce the risks of developing physical and mental health issues.
• Is it worth sacrificing our well-being for the sake of convenience?
• Why should we not prioritize the importance of physical exercise?
• Should we not give our students the opportunity to reap the benefits of exercise?
Emotional Appeal: 9/10
The author effectively uses emotional appeal to make a strong argument. For example, “Regular exercise can have a profoundly positive impact on depression, anxiety, and ADHD.” This sentence conveys the idea that exercise has the power to improve one’s mental health, which is an emotionally powerful point.
More sophisticated sentences include:
• Exercise has the power to transform lives, to bring clarity and light to mental fog.
• Regular exercise can be the difference between a life of suffering and a life of joy.
• Exercise helps to unlock the door to a new world of physical and mental health.
• Exercise can be the key to unlocking our potential and finding our inner strength.
• Exercise lifts us out of our darkness, releasing us from the shackles of suffering.
Figurative Language: 9/10
The author uses figurative language effectively to make a powerful argument. For example, “It’s like Gene Tunney, an American professional boxer, said “To enjoy the glow of good health, you must exercise.” This metaphor compares exercise to the “glow of good health” which creates an image in the mind of the reader.
More sophisticated sentences include:
• Exercise is the bridge that connects us to the fountain of youth.
• Exercise is the light that leads us to a brighter future.
• Exercise is the catalyst that unleashes our true potential.
• Exercise is the key that unlocks the door to a healthier lifestyle.
• Exercise is the spark that ignites our inner fire.
Grammar, Syntax, Use of Evidence and Vocabulary: 10/10
The author’s grammar, syntax, use of evidence and vocabulary is excellent. The author skillfully uses evidence and personal anecdotes to support their argument and their vocabulary is varied and sophisticated.
Vocab list:
• Implement – incorporate
• Mainspring – driving force
• Stepping stone – milestone
• Controversy – dispute
• Endorphins – feel-good hormones
• Profoundly – significantly
• Cardiorespiratory – heart and lung
• Disruptive – mischievous
• Fidgeting – squirming
• Concentrate – focus
• Evocative – stirring
Prompt 1
Should we have a new playground on campus? (Title)
The playground is essential to our growth and economy. While learning and eating is essential to a child’s growth, playing and having fun is critical to our child’s mindset and brain. The playground is the center of our activities and a place for us to cool off and have fun.
A paramount question arises. Should we build a new playground on campus? Why, or why not?
After some considerate thinking, I believe that it is crucial for campus to erect a new playground using their resources. This decision is beneficial. When children play, they develop new skills, such as persistence, resilience, confidence, problem solving, creativity and more. Building a new playground will not only help children, but it will also help grow the economy and society of the school.
Firstly, playgrounds help children develop skills. Playgrounds are not places of isolation, as many people play and cooperate there. With plenty of people to play with, students can learn confidence and cooperation. You need to be confident to do something, and cooperation can help young students to develop friends and excel at group activities. Playgrounds can also help academically, too. According to Marie Hartwell-Walker, 75% of the brain develops after a baby is born between their birth and their early 20s, and play is needed for healthy brain development. Play stimulates the brain connections between nerve cells, helping a child develop motor skills. Play relieves stress, cooling off a student before they return to class, helping them focus and be attentive. Play in playgrounds can also lead to leadership skills, which is vital in group tasks.
Secondly, playgrounds enhance physical skill. Playgrounds and exercise are related, as playgrounds provide exercise. Outdoor physical activity stimulates cardiovascular fitness while also enhancing strength, agility, balance and more. Climbing equipment improves upper body strength and coordination. Increased outdoor physical activity at school can also help reduce childhood obesity and create healthy habits for exercise that will continue at home and outdoors. Did you know, that more physical work leads to better sleep? This means that physical benefits of playgrounds can affect your ability anywhere.
Ultimately, the choice is crystal-clear. We must build a new playground where children can develop skills, enhance physical attributes and run free. Let us use our plentiful resources to make a new playground. We must invest to erect a play area for students. This call to action has permitted the community to enjoy caper and have fun.
Thanks for waiting! Here’s the feedback for your writing!
Overall Score: 45/50
Structure: 8/10
The writer has included an introduction, a body and a conclusion to the essay. However, the introduction could be more engaging by providing more detail and specific examples of the benefits of a playground. For example, the writer could mention how playgrounds can help children “develop important life skills, such as collaboration, problem-solving and communication.”
Persuasive Techniques: 8/10
The writer has used persuasive techniques such as logic and emotion to make a convincing argument. For example, they have mentioned how “playgrounds can help children develop confidence and cooperation.” The writer could have used more persuasive techniques such as appeals to authority and analogies.
Emotional Appeal: 10/10
The writer has used emotional language to create a strong sense of urgency and importance for the reader. For example, the writer has stated that “we must invest to erect a play area for students” and “This call to action has permitted the community to enjoy caper and have fun.”
Figurative Language: 8/10
The writer has used some figurative language, such as “crystal-clear” and “cool off” to create an interesting and engaging piece of writing. The writer could use more figurative language, such as metaphors and similes, to make the essay even more engaging.
Grammar: 8/10
The writer has used mostly correct grammar and syntax throughout the essay. However, there are some minor errors such as using “their” instead of “its” in the introduction.
Use of Evidence: 8/10
The writer has provided evidence to support their argument that building a new playground is beneficial. For example, they have stated how “play stimulates the brain connections between nerve cells, helping a child develop motor skills” and “Increased outdoor physical activity at school can also help reduce childhood obesity and create healthy habits for exercise that will continue at home and outdoors.” However, the writer could provide more evidence to further support their argument.
Vocabulary: 3/5
The writer has used a variety of words and phrases, such as “cooperate”, “persistence” and “paramount”. However, they could use more sophisticated words, such as “collaborate”, “resilience” and “preeminent”.
Prompt 1
The humble school playground is essential; a rite of passage for many. Friendships are made there; secrets are had, and games played. But did you know that playgrounds are more than just a play area for children? Playgrounds are crucial for children as they help them develop essential life skills, habits, and attitudes they will carry with them throughout their life.
In recent years, attitudes towards playgrounds have shifted as parents, teachers, and others focus on improving academics above all else.
Playgrounds aren’t seen as important and children are spending more time “playing” online games. However, it could be argued that playgrounds have become more important than ever for children as they offer a wealth of benefits that a child cannot get from the classroom or even the technology they bury themselves in. Many forget that playgrounds mean going outside, getting active, and interacting with others, all of which is not possible in the classroom or online. Playgrounds provide children with an environment where they can engage in unstructured play. This enables them to use their imagination, which flows on to help the development of their emotional, social, and creative thinking skills, which are critical for performance in the classroom as well. Using their imagination and “free play”, children can build self-confidence—an essential life skill and one that may be harder to harness in a classroom environment. With “free play”, children may come across a physical obstacle that might frighten them at first, but by seeing other kids tackling these physical obstacles and the enjoyment on their faces, each child experiments with their own approach. This example highlights how important playgrounds are for self-confidence development. Classrooms can create a mental barrier for some children as they feel they may not be able to harness self-confidence in a more formal setting. Playgrounds offer the perfect middle-ground for children to experiment with their self-confidence and reduces any pressure they may feel in a classroom setting.
Playgrounds are a great environment to help children understand social norms and develop their own social skills. In contrast to a classroom, playgrounds offer the perfect relaxed environment to make a new friend, play with others, and learn what is and is not acceptable. While social skills can be taught in a classroom, learning them, and applying them in the playground is instrumental to their development.
A more obvious benefit of school playgrounds is to encourage physical activity during lunch breaks. While running around the oval at lunch and playing imaginary games in the grass is enjoyable, the addition of structures such as monkey bars, seesaws and slides add another dimension of activity and fun to lunchtime. Outdoor play is so important for the healthy physical development of children and works to improve their flexibility, balance, and motor skills. Playground equipment can help children learn how to control their movements and trust their instincts, all while improving the function of their hearts and lungs to ensure they grow up healthy.
Playgrounds are the lifeblood of a school and provide many benefits to children, the school, and the community around them. With playgrounds in schools, kids have a place where they can have fun, build friendships, learn and develop new skills. So ultimately, the choice is clear. We must build a new playground and build children’s friendships and joy. We must build a place where they can learn and socialize, becoming the best self they can be. We must help them develop and bloom, and by building a new playground, that is what we can do. Let us make the more beneficial decision and contribute to a new location for the community to indulge and enjoy.
Thanks for waiting! Here’s the feedback for your writing!
Overall Score: 45/50
Structure: 8/10
“The choice is clear. We must build a new playground and build children’s friendships and joy.” This final sentence in the essay is a great way to wrap up the argument and drive the point home. However, the essay could have included a stronger introduction to draw the reader in and an effective conclusion to further emphasize the importance of playgrounds.
For a stronger introduction, the author could have used a rhetorical question or given a statistic to draw the reader’s attention. For instance, the author could have begun by asking “Have you ever wondered what playgrounds truly offer our children?” or “Did you know that the average child spends only 10 minutes a day outdoors?”.
For a stronger conclusion, the author could have utilized a more powerful phrase such as “We must make the more beneficial decision and create a safe and joyous space for the community to indulge and grow.”
Persuasive Techniques: 9/10
The author effectively uses persuasive techniques such as repetition, analogy and emotional appeal. For instance, the phrase “Playgrounds are crucial for children” is repeated multiple times throughout the essay and emphasises the importance of playgrounds. Additionally, the comparison between the classroom and playground environment effectively demonstrates the importance of playgrounds and allows the reader to understand why playgrounds are so important.
The emotional appeal of the essay is also strong. The author effectively conveys the emotional benefits of playgrounds such as self-confidence and social skills. For instance, the author states “This example highlights how important playgrounds are for self-confidence development.” This sentence effectively conveys the importance of playgrounds and allows the reader to see the emotional benefits they provide.
To further strengthen the persuasive techniques in the essay, the author could have included more examples such as the physical health benefits of playgrounds. Additionally, the author could have included a more emotional appeal by providing specific examples of how playgrounds have helped children in the past.
Figurative Language: 8/10
The author effectively utilises figurative language to make their point. For instance, the author states “Playgrounds aren’t seen as important and children are spending more time “playing” online games.” This simile effectively allows the reader to understand the contrast between traditional playground activities and online activities.
To further strengthen the figurative language in the essay, the author could have included more metaphors and similes. For instance, the author could have stated “Playgrounds are the lifeblood of a school, providing energy and nourishment to the children who use them.”
Grammar: 8/10
The grammar in the essay is mostly correct. There are a few minor errors such as “Playgrounds provide children with an environment where they can engage in unstructured play. This enables them to use their imagination, which flows on to help the development…” This sentence should be “Playgrounds provide children with an environment in which they can engage in unstructured play. This enables them to use their imagination, which flows on to help the development…”
To further strengthen the grammar in the essay, the author should pay close attention to the usage of punctuation and verb tenses. Additionally, the author should look out for errors such as misplaced modifiers.
Syntax: 10/10
The syntax in the essay is very strong. The author effectively utilises sentence and paragraph structure to effectively convey their argument. For instance, the author breaks down their argument into different sections such as “Playgrounds are crucial for children” and “Using their imagination and “free play”, children can build self-confidence—an essential life skill and one that may be harder to harness in a classroom environment.” These sections effectively break down the argument and allow the reader to understand the importance of playgrounds.
To further strengthen the syntax in the essay, the author should focus on utilising a more complex sentence structure. For instance, the author could have begun the essay with a compound-complex sentence such as “Playgrounds are not only a place for children to play and make friends, but they also provide a wealth of benefits that allow children to develop essential life skills, habits, and attitudes they will carry with them throughout their life.”
Use of Evidence: 9/10
The author effectively utilises evidence to support their argument. For instance, the author states “Classrooms can create a mental barrier for some children as they feel they may not be able to harness self-confidence in a more formal setting.” This sentence effectively conveys the importance of playgrounds and allows the reader to understand why they may be more beneficial than classrooms.
To further strengthen the use of evidence in the essay, the author should include more real-world examples such as a study or statistic to further emphasise their argument.
Prompt 1: Write a persuasive essay on the importance of installing a new playground on campus.
The burning passion of new playgrounds:
Hear the screams of exuberance of children, running around the newly built playground, kids showing up every minute. Think of the scintillating ambience, protecting and nourishing kids. Everybody, remeniscence back to your past, playing, climbing and laughing together on the playground with your friends. As well as food a necessity for kids growing, playing; plays an important role in life, affecting children’s mindsets and the physical body also. Playgrounds are the fountain, a stepping stone for all mortals. So let us unite and empower our society to install and new playground on a campus.
For far too long, human greed and folly have kept our cherished community from actually advancing and assisting those who need help, as peoples corrupted and tarnished minds are only fixed on money, all that they do is burning and burying our endeared community in cacophonous tendrils of smoke, inflaming and devouring our community. But there is a beacon of hope. By building playgrounds, we can help those who need the playground for needs, like their place of sanctuary, and providing a state of them being in safe conditions.
As well as the importance of mobile phones and technology, being stuck to phones ‘All day long’… might not be that good for them. The most important impact on society and the world is the cell phone. Cell phones have actually been one of the primary drivers in productivity improvements.
-Fabrice Grinda, this is fairly true, as mobile phones will Destroy our future, and time to come, affecting peoples minds.
Having a new playground on a campus will give people a moment of relaxation time. These equipments are made with preeminent materials, guaranteeing parents 100% assurance, as they know their child will be safe no matter what as this is designed for asylum. Safety and quality are in the heart of the playground.
We must invest in the power of fitness. Establishing kids to go outside, moving, challenging and get they’re hearts tied in an unending, enduring knot, by the natures phenomenal powers, birds singing their abysmal morning songs, accompanied by and saccharine aroma of Cheryl blossoms in spring. Playgrounds also open up children’s creativity and imagination. You need imagination in order to imagine a future that doesn’t exist. ~Azar Nafisi replies. Imaginations provide us to think of ideas we would never have thought of, and make their own world of eubelliance and radiance. As well as this, -John Joubert says, Imagination is the eye of the soul. Imagination is our future, the eye our our soul. Without imagination, we would be living in a world of tediousness and monotony.
In conclusion, the choice is clear. We must invest for more playgrounds in campus, for an enchanting and alluring world, for children’s safety and fitness. Let us unite and empower our community to invest for more playgrounds so that we can provide a sanction and a place to enjoy for future generations to come. Let us make the scrupulous and justifiable future for everyone.
Thanks for waiting! Here’s the feedback for your writing!
Overall Score: 42/50
Structure: 8/10
The structure of the essay is well-developed and includes an introduction, body and conclusion. The introduction is effective in drawing the reader in and providing a clear argument. However, the essay could be improved by including a thesis statement to further emphasize the argument.
Persuasive Techniques: 8/10
The essay effectively makes use of persuasive techniques such as pathos, logos and ethos. For example, the author writes: “As well as the importance of mobile phones and technology, being stuck to phones ‘All day long’… might not be that good for them” to evoke an emotional response from the reader. Additionally, the author provides evidence to support the argument, “Cell phones have actually been one of the primary drivers in productivity improvements”. The essay could be improved by making the persuasive techniques more direct and impactful. For example, instead of writing “So let us unite and empower our society to install and new playground on a campus”, the author could use a more direct phrase such as “We must unite and invest in a new playground on campus”.
Emotional Appeal: 8/10
The essay effectively incorporates emotional appeal to draw the reader in. For example, the author writes “Hear the screams of the exuberance of children, running around the newly built playground” to make a visceral connection with the reader. Additionally, the author uses figurative language to evoke a sense of admiration, such as “the fountain, a stepping stone for all mortals”. The essay could be improved by further emphasizing the emotional appeal by using more figurative language and vivid imagery.
Figurative Language: 8/10
The essay effectively incorporates figurative language throughout to create vivid imagery. For example, the author writes “burning and burying our endeared community in cacophonous tendrils of smoke” to create a powerful image. Additionally, the author makes use of metaphors to emphasize the importance of playgrounds, such as “the fountain, a stepping stone for all mortals”. The essay could be improved by using more sophisticated and emotionally powerful figurative language.
Grammar, Syntax, Use of Evidence and Vocabulary: 8/10
The essay is well-written and makes effective use of evidence to support the argument. The grammar and syntax are mostly correct, however, the author could improve the essay by using more sophisticated vocabulary.
Sophisticated Sentences:
1. Persuasive Techniques: Instead of “So let us unite and empower our society to install and new playground on a campus”, the author could use a more direct phrase such as “We must rally together and invest in a new playground on campus”.
2. Emotional Appeal: The author could emphasize the emotional appeal by using more figurative language and vivid imagery such as “The playgrounds stand as beacons of hope, radiating a brilliant and invigorating aura that instils peace and joy in our hearts”.
3. Figurative Language: The author could use more sophisticated and emotionally powerful figurative language such as “The playgrounds stand as a shining beacon of hope, illuminating the darkness that has so long tormented our community”.
4. Grammar, Syntax, Use of Evidence and Vocabulary: The author could improve the essay by using more sophisticated vocabulary such as “Cell phones have been a primary impetus for productivity improvement”.
5. Vocab list: Synonymous words and phrases that are more sophisticated and more emotionally powerful: Exuberance: jubilation, exhilaration, euphoria; Sanctuary: haven, refuge, retreat; Cacophonous: discordant, raucous, dissonant; Inflaming: kindling, enflaming, stoking; Monotony: tedium, dullness, dreariness; Empower: enfranchise, enable, authorize; Eubelliance: splendour, magnificence, grandeur.
The playground is a vital resource for our society, providing both physical and mental stimulation to the children of our community. Despite the ever-increasing prevalence of technology, it is paramount that we preserve the sanctity of our playgrounds, as they represent the heart of our community. It is essential that we invest in the power of fitness, allowing children to appreciate the beauty of nature and the joy of play. By installing a new playground on campus, we can create a safe haven for our children to explore their imagination and creativity, while also protecting them from the dangers of the outside world.
It is our collective responsibility to ensure that our children have access to the resources they need to thrive. Playgrounds provide children with an opportunity to discover the world around them, to learn new skills, and to develop a sense of self-confidence and independence. In addition, playgrounds serve as a reminder of the importance of physical activity, giving children a place to exercise, explore and enjoy their free time.
Our playgrounds are not only a symbol of hope but also of progress. By investing in playgrounds, we are empowering our future generations, and providing them with the tools necessary to succeed. As a society, it is our duty to ensure that our playgrounds are safe, secure and well-maintained, so that our children can grow and explore in a safe and nurturing environment.
It is time that we take a stand and invest in the future of our community. We must unite and empower our society to install a new playground on campus. We must ensure that our playgrounds are havens of joy and learning, where children can escape the pressures of the outside world and feel safe and secure. By doing so, we can provide a bright and prosperous future for generations to come.
Prompt 1: Write a persuasive essay on the importance of installing a new playground on campus.
The burning passion of new playgrounds:
Hear the screams of exuberance of children, running around the newly built playground, kids showing up every minute. Think of the scintillating ambience, protecting and nourishing kids. Everybody, remeniscence back to your past, playing, climbing and laughing together on the playground with your friends. As well as food a necessity for kids growing, playing; plays an important role in life, affecting children’s mindsets and the physical body also. Playgrounds are the fountain, a stepping stone for all mortals. So let us unite and empower our society to install and new playground on a campus.
For far too long, human greed and folly have kept our cherished community from actually advancing and assisting those who need help, as peoples corrupted and tarnished minds are only fixed on money, all that they do is burning and burying our endeared community in cacophonous tendrils of smoke, inflaming and devouring our community. But there is a beacon of hope. By building playgrounds, we can help those who need the playground for needs, like their place of sanctuary, and providing a state of them being in safe conditions.
As well as the importance of mobile phones and technology, being stuck to phones ‘All day long’… might not be that good for them. The most important impact on society and the world is the cell phone. Cell phones have actually been one of the primary drivers in productivity improvements.
-Fabrice Grinda, this is fairly true, as mobile phones will Destroy our future, and time to come, affecting peoples minds.
Having a new playground on a campus will give people a moment of relaxation time. These equipments are made with preeminent materials, guaranteeing parents 100% assurance, as they know their child will be safe no matter what as this is designed for asylum. Safety and quality are in the heart of the playground.
We must invest in the power of fitness. Establishing kids to go outside, moving, challenging and get they’re hearts tied in an unending, enduring knot, by the natures phenomenal powers, birds singing their abysmal morning songs, accompanied by and saccharine aroma of Cheryl blossoms in spring. Playgrounds also open up children’s creativity and imagination. You need imagination in order to imagine a future that doesn’t exist. ~Azar Nafisi replies. Imaginations provide us to think of ideas we would never have thought of, and make their own world of eubelliance and radiance. As well as this, -John Joubert says, Imagination is the eye of the soul. Imagination is our future, the eye our our soul. Without imagination, we would be living in a world of tediousness and monotony.
In conclusion, the choice is clear. We must invest for more playgrounds in campus, for an enchanting and alluring world, for children’s safety and fitness. Let us unite and empower our community to invest for more playgrounds so that we can provide a sanction and a place to enjoy for future generations to come. Let us make the scrupulous and justifiable future for everyone..
Sorry, I sent it twice.
This school schedule is work with 2 hours of boredom in the so cold break. This school need a playground because it can make school fun. It helps give shade ad it also helps the exercise. This is why we have to have a new playground in the campus
A playground in this school is important as there is nothing fun to play with. All the students do is sit there lazing around instead of smiling, running around. A new playground for them to swing or climb on will help the be more happier and healthier as happiness is crucial for a healthier body and school.
When we have a playground, there will be more shade. The school which does not have much trees so everyone is in the sun. They lazing around will increase the chance of skin cancer which have killed Thousands and thousands of people. By building a playground, we can prevents unnatural deaths.
Most importantly, students need exercise. All this lazing around will made students become obese. It can lead to diabetes or even premature deaths. The way of countering this is to build an equipment for exercise.
In conclusion you should build a playground in the campus because it can make school fun, give shade and help exercise. This is why the school needs a playground.
Thanks for waiting! Here’s the feedback for your writing!
Overall Score: 35/50
Structure: 7/10
The structure of the essay is clearly outlined in a logical and cohesive manner and it introduces the main points of the essay. However, the conclusion could be more concise and impactful, for example, “In conclusion, a new playground could bring much joy and health to the students, and it should be implemented to make the school a better place.”
Persuasive Techniques: 6/10
The author makes use of persuasive techniques to convince the reader, e.g. “A playground in this school is important as there is nothing fun to play with.” However, with some more powerful language, the essay can be more convincing, e.g. “A playground in this school is of utmost importance as the students have nothing entertaining to do during their breaks.”
Emotional Appeal: 7/10
The essay contains some emotionally appealing language, such as “All the students do is sit there lazing around instead of smiling, running around.” However, it could be improved by using more descriptive, powerful language, e.g. “All the students do is sit there, lethargically, instead of smiling and running around.”
Figurative Language: 7/10
The essay makes use of some figurative language, e.g. “This is why we have to have a new playground in the campus.” However, with more vivid and evocative language, it can be more impactful, e.g. “This is why we must strive for a new playground in the campus.”
Grammar, Syntax, Use of Evidence: 7/10
The essay makes good use of grammar and syntax to communicate its ideas clearly. The evidence used to support the argument is also convincing. However, the author can use more evidence to make the essay more convincing, e.g. “Besides the benefits to physical health, a playground can also contribute to better mental health. According to a study by the University of Oxford, students who engage in outdoor activities are happier and have higher self-esteem.”
Vocabulary: 6/10
The vocabulary used in the essay is appropriate for the context and effective in communicating the ideas. However, it could be improved by using more sophisticated words and phrases, e.g. instead of “fun”, use “entertaining”; instead of “need”, use “must”; instead of “have to”, use “must strive for”.
Vocabulary List:
Fun: entertaining, pleasurable, exciting
Need: must, imperative, obligation
Have to: must, ought to, must strive for
Rewrite:
Installing a new playground on campus is essential for the well-being of students. Not only does it bring much joy and entertainment, but it also provides a place for them to exercise, stay healthy and prevent skin cancer. The students need a playground to take refuge from the scorching sun, allowing them to escape the risk of developing skin cancer. It also allows them to stay physically active and prevent obesity, which is linked to diabetes and premature deaths.
Moreover, a playground can contribute to better mental health. A study conducted by the University of Oxford has found that students who engage in outdoor activities are happier and have higher self-esteem. A playground provides an opportunity for students to explore and be creative, as well as to interact with others in a more meaningful manner.
In conclusion, a new playground could bring much joy and health to the students, and it should be implemented to make the school a better place. We must strive to make this playground a reality so that the students can reap its benefits and enjoy their time at school. It is our responsibility to ensure that the students have the best resources available to them, and a playground is one of them.
Children go through mundane classes every single day but the reason many are motivated is break time and playing, a beacon of hope in the grey shadows. In Dom Dom Academy, students are barely motivated. Teachers have said their learners have their eyes half closed and hardly hear what they have to say. What is the reason behind this sluggishness? Not enough break time and no playgrounds. Do you know why young elementary school children are happy? They have play equipment! Therefore Dom Dom Academy should install a playground on the campus.
Firstly, students will become more social. Many introverted children in our academy stare at the floor all day, not daring to open their mouths once. This is one extremely negative trait many of our students have, which is a probable factor in the lack of learning, especially since the key to learning is listening and speaking to share our valuable knowledge evenly. Having a playground gives many juveniles a place to entertain themselves and make friendships, maybe making them open up their minds and mouths. But the positive factors don’t end there.
Children could get more physical. Another lacking characteristic in Dom Dom Academy students is physical fitness. As a result of the renovation of the gym, no physical activity has been done for the past year, making many young people overweight, as there is no motivation to do physical activity. The playground our academy could install would make the children climb and run, as it may become their new favourite entertainment. This could also make them participate more in class discussions.
Lastly, the academy could use colourful equipment to bring more aspiring learners to the school. The teaching staff have said they want to make the academy look as amazing as possible, not in just classroom resources but other things like playgrounds or extracurricular clubs. Many parents want their children to learn and grow while being happy and safe. Playgrounds allow new children to grow and be joyous every school day.
A playground is a must-have for our campus. More students could be attracted and join the academy and children would become more socially interactive. Young people could also be physically benefited. Although the academy is still thinking about the situation, I say we must put a playground on our campus NOW, and put colour in our students’ grey canvases.
Thanks for waiting! Here’s the feedback for your writing!
Overall Score: 39/50
Structure: 7/10
The structure of this persuasive essay is clear and easy to follow. Each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and there is a good flow of ideas. The conclusion is well-developed and ties the main ideas of the essay together. However, the introduction could be improved to make it more attention-grabbing and interesting.
Persuasive Techniques: 6/10
This persuasive essay effectively uses examples to support the argument that a playground should be installed on the campus. For example, “The playground our academy could install would make the children climb and run, as it may become their new favourite entertainment.” The author also provides a clear call to action, suggesting that the academy should “put a playground on our campus NOW”. However, the essay could use more emotive language to further strengthen the argument.
Emotional Appeal: 9/10
The author effectively uses emotional language to appeal to the reader, such as “barely motivated”, “grey shadows” and “colour in our students’ grey canvases”. This helps to draw the reader in and make them sympathetic towards the author’s argument. The author could use more emotionally powerful language, such as “despair” and “euphoria” to further strengthen the emotional appeal.
Figurative Language: 7/10
The essay makes effective use of figurative language to convey the idea that the playground will provide light to the students’ dull lives. For example, “a beacon of hope in the grey shadows”. The author could use more figurative language, such as “a ray of sunshine”, to further strengthen the argument.
Grammar, Syntax and Use of Evidence: 7/10
The essay uses good grammar and syntax, and the evidence provided is relevant and convincing. However, some of the sentences could be made more concise and effective. For example, “This is one extremely negative trait many of our students have, which is a probable factor in the lack of learning, especially since the key to learning is listening and speaking to share our valuable knowledge evenly.” could be rewritten as “This negative trait is likely a factor in the lack of learning, as listening and speaking are the key to learning.”
Vocabulary: 9/10
The author effectively uses a range of vocabulary to convey their ideas, such as “sluggishness”, “juveniles” and “renovation”. However, the author could use more powerful and sophisticated words, such as “torpor”, “adolescents” and “restoration” to further strengthen the argument.
Rewrite:
The students of Dom Dom Academy are united in a single cause: the installation of a playground on their campus. As it stands, their classrooms offer a mundane and dreary environment, and the lack of break time and play equipment has left their motivation levels in the gutter, with the teachers’ words falling on deaf ears. It is time to bring a glimmer of hope to the shadows that have engulfed our school and give our children a chance to become the best version of themselves.
Having a playground on campus could spark a multitude of changes in the students, both socially and physically. Introverted children, who have become accustomed to staring at the floor in silence, would have a place to make friends and open up to their peers. Furthermore, they could return to the classrooms with newfound confidence, ready to partake in class discussions and learn from the teachers. On the other hand, physically inactive students, who have been unable to exercise due to the renovation of the gym, could climb and run in the playground, regaining their strength and health.
A playground could also bring more aspiring learners to the school. Parents want the best for their children and a playground would be the perfect way to show them that Dom Dom Academy provides the perfect environment for their children to grow, learn and be happy.
We must put a playground on our campus now, and put colour in our students’ grey canvases. We owe it to them to bring some joy into their lives and a playground would be the perfect way to do that. It would bring many positive changes to our academy and ensure that our students remain motivated, healthy and confident. Let us not delay any further and take the necessary steps to bring a playground to Dom Dom Academy.
PROMPT 1
Vinal Liyanage
Importance of installing a new playground
School is an important place for students to go. Schools are the place where kids learn and when it is break, they get to lose some steam. But students all around the world think the same thing about recess and lunch.
What is the point of just roaming around on grass? There is absolutely nothing fun to do.
Because of this statement made all around the world, from the chilly northern most tip of Greenland, to the most blistering, scorching hot point of the Aussie outback, the question arises: Should a new playground be installed? The answer is a yes from me. Students these days are always so bored, they are injuring people playing soccer, rugby, and other sports and a playground also gives students the opportunity to share their imagination with their friends.
To start things off, students at school are very bored during what is supposed to be their fun time. All they have is grass and it can get very irritating at times. This boredom then lead to grades going down hill and students won’t be doing good at school just because they don’t have a playground. I don’t think that this is what parents and teachers would want from the students. Boredom can also lead to depression, which is extremely unhealthy, especially when you are still maturing. It is absolutely crucial that we install a playground for this reason
The downsides of just having grass isn’t just boredom, it can also lead to injuries. Without any playgrounds, just grass forces children to be injured. This is because they sometimes play contact sport and get injured. Don’t forget that people who aren’t playing the game can also get injured! This is because when kicking or passing a ball it often gets intercepted…by people’s head! This can lead to concussion and major headaches and injuries. These major injuries are caused for not having a playground. Would you rather minor injuries, or major injuries?
Finally, imagination is beneficial for a students mind to refresh before going into the classroom to start work again. How can we get students to use their imagination? I hear you ask. Well, the answer to this very tricky question is really simple when you think about it carefully. A new playground is the key to a student’s imagination! Students would go onto the playground and pretend to be pirates or monkeys, and this will put them in an elated mood which also means their grades will get higher.
Do you prefer an enraptured child or a choleric child? Do you prefer better grades that will help Australia become an academically smart country, or do you prefer lower grades that will make Australia become an unintelligent country? Take your pick. Australia is 17th in the world of smartest according to WiseVoter. I don’t think it is possible for a country with all the resources it needs to be that low. Can we go any lower?
Be smart with your decision about installing a playground to a school. This text has talked about the positives of having a playground in school and this is why playgrounds are vital to schools in Australia (and all around the world).
Thanks for waiting! Here’s the feedback for your writing!
Overall Score: 40/50
Structure: 8/10
“This statement made all around the world, from the chilly northern most tip of Greenland to the most blistering, scorching hot point of the Aussie outback, the question arises: Should a new playground be installed?”
The transition of the statement at the start of the paragraph is effective in emphasising the global issue of playgrounds in schools. This can be improved by providing more context for the transition, explicitly mentioning the global impact of playgrounds in schools.
For example:
“This statement, echoed from the chilly northernmost tip of Greenland to the most blistering, scorching hot point of the Aussie outback, highlights the global issue of playgrounds in schools. Therefore, the question arises: Should a new playground be installed?”
Persuasive techniques: 6/10
“To start things off, students at school are very bored during what is supposed to be their fun time. All they have is grass and it can get very irritating at times.”
This sentence effectively highlights the negative effects of not having a playground in school. However, it can be improved by including persuasive techniques such as hyperbole to emphasise the issue.
For example:
“To begin with, students are in a state of utter ennui during what is supposed to be their fun time. All they have is grass and it can get unbearably irritating at times.”
Emotional Appeal: 10/10
“Don’t forget that people who aren’t playing the game can also get injured! This is because when kicking or passing a ball it often gets intercepted…by people’s heads! This can lead to concussion and major headaches and injuries.”
The use of a personalised situation in this sentence effectively emphasises the danger of not having a playground. This sentence is effective and does not need to be improved.
Figurative Language: 7/10
“Do you prefer an enraptured child or a choleric child?”
The use of figurative language in this sentence is effective in conveying the idea of the positive effects of having a playground in school. This can be improved by replacing the language with more powerful and emotive words.
For example:
“Do you prefer an elated child or a petulant child?”
Grammar and Syntax: 8/10
“But students all around the world think the same thing about recess and lunch.”
The grammar and syntax of this sentence is effective in conveying the idea that students around the world have the same opinion about recess and lunch. This sentence is effective and does not need to be improved.
Use of Evidence: 9/10
“Australia is 17th in the world of smartest according to WiseVoter. I don’t think it is possible for a country with all the resources it needs to be that low. Can we go any lower?”
The use of evidence in this sentence effectively highlights the importance of installing a playground in school. This can be improved by providing more evidence to further emphasise the importance of playgrounds in school.
For example:
“Australia is 17th in the world of smartest according to WiseVoter, with countries such as Finland, Japan, and Canada ranking higher in intelligence. This is a stark reminder of the importance of playgrounds in school, as Australia has all the resources it needs to be higher in the ranks. Can we go any lower?”
Vocabulary:
Chilly – frigid
Scorching – searing
Boredom – ennui
Injuring – maiming
Elated – ecstatic
Choleric – petulant
Enraptured – elated
A school is an essential place for students to go. Schools are the sanctuaries where kids learn and when it is time for a break, they can let off some steam. But students all around the globe feel the same way about recess and lunch: What is the point of merely roaming around on grass? There is simply nothing exhilarating to do.
Because of this sentiment echoed across the globe, from the frigid northernmost tip of Greenland, to the most searing, hottest point of the Aussie outback, the question arises: Should a new playground be installed? The response is a resounding yes from me. Students nowadays are always so despondent, they are maiming people playing soccer, rugby, and other sports, and a playground also gives students the opportunity to share their creativity with their friends.
To kick off, students at school are very dispirited during what is supposed to be their enjoyable time. All they have is grass and it can get overwhelmingly irritating at times. This ennui then leads to grades taking a nosedive and students won’t be doing well at school just because they don’t have a playground. I don’t think this is what parents and teachers would want from the students. Boredom can also lead to depression, which is incredibly unhealthy, especially when you are still developing. It is absolutely vital that we install a playground for this reason.
The downside of just having grass isn’t only boredom, it can also lead to injuries. Without any playgrounds, only grass forces children to be hurt. This is because they sometimes play contact sports and get injured. Don’t forget that people who aren’t playing the game can also get injured! This is because when kicking or passing a ball it often gets intercepted…by people’s heads! This can result in concussion and major headaches and injuries. These major injuries are caused for not having a playground. Would you rather have minor injuries or major injuries?
Finally, imagination is beneficial for a student’s brain to reset before re-entering the classroom to start work again. How can we get students to use their creativity? I hear you ask. The response to this very tricky question is really simple when you contemplate it carefully. A new playground is a key to a student’s imagination! Students would go onto the playground and pretend to be pirates or monkeys, and this will put them in an ecstatic mood which also means their grades will get higher.
Do you prefer an elated child or a petulant child? Do you prefer better grades that will help Australia become an academically sharp country, or do you prefer lower grades that will make Australia become an unintelligent country? Take your pick. Australia is 17th in the world of smartest according to WiseVoter, with countries such as Finland, Japan, and Canada ranking higher in intelligence. This is a stark reminder of the importance of playgrounds in school, as Australia has all the resources it needs to be higher in the ranks. Can we go any lower?
Be wise with your decision about installing a playground in a school. This text has talked about the positives of having a playground in school and this is why playgrounds are indispensable to schools in Australia (and all around the world).
Schools are the pillars of society, offering children the opportunity to not only learn and grow but to explore their creativity and imagination. Playgrounds are an essential part of this, allowing children to play and explore in a safe environment that can help develop their physical and social skills. The lack of playgrounds in schools can lead to an increase in boredom and depression, as well as injuries due to playing contact sports on grass. This is why it is important for schools to install playgrounds, in order to give children the opportunity to play and explore in a safe and stimulating environment.
Playgrounds provide a place for children to get creative, and use their imagination to come up with new games and activities, while also providing a place to socialise and interact with their peers. Playgrounds can help children build confidence and resilience, as they explore and experiment with different games, and learn how to interact with others. In addition, playgrounds can help children stay fit and active, as they play outdoors and explore different physical activities.
Playgrounds are a vital part of any school, as they can help children learn, grow, and develop in a safe and stimulating environment. This is why it is important for schools to install playgrounds, in order to create a place where children can have fun and explore, while also staying physically active and building their confidence and resilience.
Prompt 2
Sports- The Physical Miracle
Exercise is the center of our mindset, foundation of our health and a stepping-stone to physical development. While academics help us grow in learning, from sport, we can learn many new things and develop new qualities. Persistence, resilience and confidence are just some of the qualities you will develop.
From this controversy, a question arises: Should physical exercise/sport be done daily?
It is obvious that we must permit the practice of physical exercise to be done regularly. This decision is beneficial. It will enhance student’s abilities in sports and academic work. It will provide students to be healthy on a daily basis. I will present a few reasons and tell you why this should be done.
Firstly, physical exercise can help grow children’s academic skill. According to the US Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), physical activity has an impact on cognitive and motor skills such as concentration and attention, and it also enhances classroom mindsets and behaviors, all of which are crucial parts of better academic performance. A study conducted at the University of British Colombia found significant benefits to the size of the hippocampus, the part of the brain responsible for verbal memory, among those who practice exercise daily.
Secondly, you can develop lots of new skills. Studies show that people who exercise daily empower emotion and physical exercise and sports can also lead to leadership skills, which is vital in group tasks. Sport stimulates the brain connections between nerve cells, helping a child develop motor skills. Dr. Ratey has confirmed that after exercising, many students have had increased mental health. Some of these reduced and deduced cons are: Stress, anxiety, panic, depression and ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder).
Ultimately, we must use our wisdom and knowledge to create a daily basis of exercise. We must exercise daily and physically train our bodies. Let us use our intelligence and maintenance correctly to answer this call to action.
Thanks for waiting! Here’s the feedback for your writing!
Overall Score: 40/50
Structure: 9/10
This essay is well structured with a clear introduction, body and conclusion. The author has included a clear thesis statement and the points used to support the argument flow logically.
Persuasive techniques: 7/10
The author has used several techniques to make their argument persuasive. For example, they have used a call to action: “Let us use our intelligence and maintenance correctly to answer this call to action.” This is an effective way to encourage the reader to act. However, the author could have used more persuasive techniques such as a personal story, an analogy or a rhetorical question.
Emotional Appeal: 8/10
The author has used some emotion-evoking language to make their argument more powerful. For example, they use the phrase “We must use our wisdom and knowledge to create a daily basis of exercise.” This phrase is emotive and encourages the reader to take action. However, the author could have used more emotional language to further enhance the power of the argument.
Figurative Language: 7/10
The author has used some figurative language to make the argument more engaging. For example, they use the phrase “stepping-stone to physical development”. This phrase is a metaphor which paints a vivid image in the reader’s mind. However, the author could have used more figurative language to make the argument more powerful.
Grammar and Syntax: 9/10
The author has used good grammar and syntax throughout the essay. The sentences are clear and concise and the structure is logical. However, there are a few minor errors which could be corrected.
Use of Evidence: 7/10
The author has used evidence to support their argument. For example, they cite the US Center for Disease Control and Prevention and a study conducted at the University of British Colombia. This is useful as it provides the reader with credible sources to back up the argument. However, the author could have included more evidence to further support their argument.
Vocabulary: 4/10
The author has used some sophisticated words and phrases throughout the essay, such as “permit” and “empower”. However, the author could have used more sophisticated words and phrases to make the essay more powerful.
Sophisticated Vocab List:
• Permit: Allow
• Empower: Strengthen
• Stimulates: Activates
• Cognitive: Intellectual
• Crucial: Essential
• Deduce: Infer
• Stress: Tension
• Anxiety: Worry
• Panic: Terror
• Depression: Despondency
• ADHD: Hyperactivity
• Wisdom: Discernment
• Maintenance: Upkeep
• Answer: Respond
Physical exercise is essential for students, as it helps them not just excel in academics, but also develop characteristics that are essential for success. Exercise is a force of nature that can empower students to be the best version of themselves. It can stimulate their brains, aid in the development of motor skills and increase their level of concentration and attentiveness. Additionally, physical activity has a positive effect on mental health, decreasing the risk of stress, anxiety, panic, depression, and even ADHD.
Therefore, it is imperative that we create an atmosphere that promotes physical exercise and sports on a daily basis. This can be done through the implementation of a regular exercise regime that enables students to stay healthy and develop the necessary skills to achieve success. We must recognize the importance of physical exercise and use our intelligence and resources to answer this call to action.
Physical exercise has the power to nurture the soul, build the mind, strengthen the body and cultivate the spirit. It is a force of nature that can help students to mold their character and reach their full potential. Exercise can heal the heart and empower minds. It is a bridge that connects the physical world with the spiritual realm. Therefore, we must make physical exercise a part of our daily routine in order to unlock our true potential.
Can students benefit from having a playground?
Playgrounds are the place where we take our breaks, the place where we can hang out with friends and relax. While learning and eating is essential to a child’s growth, playing and having fun is critical to our child’s mindset and brain.
The capital question arises; Should we build a new playground on the school campus?
It is vital for growing children to have a satisfactory playground. It will prove to be a helpful resource. When children are confined in an empty space, they will start to do worse in class and often get distracted. Also, children develop certain skills while they are playing. These reasons show that slides and swings should be mandatory to every school.
Firstly, if a child has no space to relax during breaks, they will feel cramped and do nothing. Studies show that if a child does not release any tension in classes, they will get worse grades and participate less in class. If a child doesn’t participate much in class, they can’t release the entirety of knowledge they have been holding. All of these consequences relate to the fact that students do not exercise and play during break times. So add a better playground on campus, and the school’s grades will skyrocket immediately.
Secondly, students can develop certain skills while playing at recess and lunch. For example, if there is a playground, they can find out more people who like the same thing as them and socialise more. The fact that children also become more fit and healthier through exercising every break time. Scientists have concluded that young students need at least 1h of exercise time every day, and this can be provided by a playground. It is clear that a playground should be added to the school to encourage developing new skills.
Ultimately, I believe that all schools should add a new playground onto their campuses. It helps prevent students from slacking off in studying, and starts and reinforces new skills. Soon, there will be a fresh new playground waiting in the dirt patch nothing was on before!
Thanks for waiting! Here’s the feedback for your writing!
Overall Score: 43/50
Structure: 8/10
The structure of this persuasive essay is generally clear and well-organized. However, the author could improve their transitions between sentences by providing more concrete connections between ideas. For example, they could use more linking words such as “moreover”, “consequently”, and “therefore” to make the essay flow more naturally. Additionally, the author could add more examples and evidence to their essay to further support their argument.
Example 1: Moreover, the presence of a playground will give students the opportunity to form new relationships.
Example 2: Therefore, it is important for schools to install a new playground to encourage students to stay physically active and healthy.
Persuasive Techniques: 7/10
The author effectively uses persuasive techniques to support their argument, such as providing evidence and statistics. For example, the author states, “Studies show that if a child does not release any tension in classes, they will get worse grades and participate less in class.” However, the author could use more rhetorical questions to engage their audience and make their argument more compelling. Additionally, they could use more vivid language to draw the reader in.
Example 1: Does the lack of a playground at school hinder a child’s academic performance?
Example 2: Without a playground on campus, is there really an opportunity for children to exercise and play during breaks?
Emotional Appeal: 7/10
The author does a good job of eliciting an emotional response from their audience by invoking the idea of a “cramped” and “empty” space. However, they could use more powerful words to evoke a stronger emotional response from their readers.
Example 1: Instead of providing a vibrant and stimulating environment, the school becomes a dull and dreary place.
Example 2: It is essential to create a lively and invigorating playground to ensure that children are given a place to release their energy and have fun.
Figurative Language: 8/10
The author effectively uses figurative language to draw their readers in and make their argument more compelling. For example, they use the phrase “skyrocket immediately” to emphasize the impact that a playground can have on a school. However, they could use more similes and metaphors to further engage their readers.
Example 1: Without a playground, a school is like a train without tracks, stuck in the same place forever.
Example 2: The addition of a new playground is like a burst of sunshine on a gloomy day, reviving the students’ spirits.
Grammar, Syntax, and Vocabulary: 9/10
The author demonstrates strong grammar, syntax, and vocabulary skills. They have used a variety of sophisticated words such as “confined”, “release”, “tension”, and “reinforces” to communicate their ideas effectively. Additionally, they have constructed their sentences in a clear and concise manner.
Use of Evidence: 10/10
The author has effectively used evidence, such as statistics and studies, to support their argument. For example, they state, “Studies show that if a child does not release any tension in classes, they will get worse grades and participate less in class.”
Vocab List:
Confined: Restricted, confined, confined
Release: Liberate, unburden, discharge
Tension: Stress, strain, pressure
Reinforces: Strengthen, uphold, support
A playground is an essential component of any school campus, providing students with the opportunity to relax, socialize, and develop new skills. Without a playground, a school becomes a dull and depressing place, hindering a child’s academic performance and preventing them from forming new relationships. Studies have shown that students who have access to a playground during recess and lunch tend to perform better in class and have a healthier lifestyle.
Moreover, the presence of a playground allows children to explore and express their creativity. It gives them the opportunity to try out new activities, such as climbing, running, and swinging, which can help them develop physically and mentally. Without a playground, these experiences are denied to them, leaving them feeling restricted and limited in their growth.
In addition, the installation of a playground can also benefit the school in many ways. It encourages students to be physically active and stay fit, as well as provides a much-needed break from the monotony of the classroom. These breaks allow students to recharge and refocus, resulting in improved academic performance. The presence of a playground also provides students with a safe and entertaining environment where they can socialize and form meaningful relationships.
Therefore, it is clear that the installation of a playground on school campuses is extremely beneficial for both the students and the school. It gives students the opportunity to exercise, socialize, and express their creativity, while also providing them with a much-needed break from their studies. A playground can provide a spark of light in a dreary educational landscape, enabling students to flourish in their learning and development. With a playground, students can gain the freedom to explore, learn, and grow, encouraging them to become their best selves.
PROMPT 2
Vinal Liyanage
The importance of physical exercise in a student’s life is vital. However, teachers and many schools across Australia have not given this opportunity to kids.
This lets the question that we have all been waiting for, arise: Should students be given physical exercise in their daily routine?
The answer is as clear as the sky on the most sunniest day of Summer. We must let students have physical exercise in their daily routine. This will get students better grades, it will help them do better in sport and it will also get them to be happier and less cramped from being inside the musty, hot, boring, stuffy classroom all day.
To start things off, physical exercise helps a child become smarter. According to Harvard Medical School, exercise can boost memory and thinking skills. This is definitely true. If a student sits in the classroom, they will get nothing out of it. What I mean by this is that they won’t remember it. If teachers start a topic, go out for some exercise, come back in, do the work, they will surely remember it. This will also get them into sports as there are some people who don’t do sport, and this will motivate these people to do sport.
Now to the sporty kids. Physical exercise will also help students get into athletic shape as well. This is because some kids who are serious about sport cannot afford any training. They have to wait once a week for sport to come around. This means only half an hour a week and only 1560 minutes a year! Physical exercise will benefit schools largely because sometimes kids beg their teachers to do sport, and this annoys them. Then this way will let these kids get what they want, and the teachers will have a break from the student’s voices about not doing enough sport.
To finish off my reasons, physical exercise will get a student uncramped from their sitting positions and will also make children happier. Have you ever gotten a weird tingling feeling in your legs from sitting in the same position for so long? Imagine what 5 years old kids would do? Go mad? Run out of the classroom? Start shouting? Start crying? Take your pick. These are normal reactions for a 5 year old and to avoid this, schools must have physical exercise. Physical exercise also gets free time for kids to get out of the classroom and just feel free.
To finish off, students will have the time of their lives when physical exercise is adding to the daily routine and the students will love it. This text has shown why all schools across Australia must have physical exercise added to the routine.
Thanks for waiting! Here’s the feedback for your writing!
Overall Score: 40/50
Structure: 10/10
The structure of this persuasive essay is very well done. The author introduces the topic, asks an effective question, and then proceeds to state their answer. The body of the essay is then divided into three distinct sections which each provide evidence to support their point.
Persuasive Techniques: 8/10
The author’s use of persuasive techniques is effective. They use personal anecdotes and examples which help to illustrate their point. For example, they say “If a student sits in the classroom, they will get nothing out of it” and “Have you ever gotten a weird tingling feeling in your legs from sitting in the same position for so long?”. However, the author could have used more sophisticated techniques such as rhetorical questioning and appeals to emotion. For example, “Can we really let our students suffer from the physical and mental restraints of a lack of physical exercise?” or “Imagine the joy of students being released from the physical and mental confines of the classroom for a brief respite”.
Emotional Appeal: 8/10
The author effectively uses emotional language throughout the essay to evoke a sense of empathy and understanding. For example, the author states “This will get students better grades, it will help them do better in sports and it will also get them to be happier and less cramped from being inside the musty, hot, boring, stuffy classroom all day.” However, they could have used more emotionally evocative language to further emphasize their point. For example, “This will allow students to strive academically, excel athletically, and flourish emotionally”.
Figurative Language: 6/10
The author effectively uses figurative language throughout the essay. For example, the author states “This lets the question that we have all been waiting for, arise”, and “The answer is as clear as the sky on the most sunniest day of Summer.” However, they could have used a variety of other figures of speech such as metaphors, similes and personification to make their language more captivating. For example, “The answer is as obvious as the sun in the sky on a cloudless day”, “This will unleash students from the shackles of the classroom” or “Physical exercise will allow students to reach the peak of their physical potential”.
Grammar and Syntax: 8/10
The grammar and syntax of this essay are very well done. The author uses good sentence structure and varies sentence lengths to keep the reader engaged. However, the author could have used more sophisticated word choice and sentence structure to make their writing more engaging. For example, instead of saying “This will get students better grades”, they could have said, “This will allow students to thrive academically”.
Use of Evidence: 6/10
The author uses evidence effectively to support their point. They use personal anecdotes and statistics from Harvard Medical School. However, they could have used more evidence and examples to further illustrate their point. For example, they could have used an example of a student who had improved their academic performance after taking up physical exercise or a study that showed the benefits of physical exercise on a student’s academic performance.
Vocabulary: 6/10
The author’s vocabulary is effective and communicates their point effectively. However, they could have used more sophisticated and emotionally powerful words to make their writing more persuasive. For example, instead of saying “This will get students better grades”, they could have said, “This will allow students to excel academically”.
Vocab List:
Strive – To make great efforts to achieve something
Excel – To be exceptionally good at something
Flourish – To grow, develop, and be successful
Captivating – Attracting and holding one’s attention
Shackles – A restraint that confines or restricts freedom
Peak – The highest point or level
Thrive – To grow or develop vigorously
Unleash – To set free
Exemplary – Outstanding; of an extremely high standard
Academically – Relating to education and intellectual development
Athletically – Relating to physical activity and sports
Physically – Relating to the body
Emotionally – Relating to a person’s feelings
Physical exercise is essential for a student’s daily routine, for without it, students can face detriment to their academic, athletic and emotional well-being. To begin, exercise can improve a student’s cognitive abilities and aid in their academic success. Exercise increases the flow of oxygen-rich blood to the brain, allowing them to remember and process information more effectively, as evidenced by Harvard Medical School. In addition, physical activity gives students the opportunity to develop their athletic abilities, which can provide them with a sense of joy and accomplishment. Moreover, exercise gives students the opportunity to take a break from the confines of the classroom and enjoy a sense of freedom. Finally, exercise releases endorphins which can provide students with a sense of euphoria and increased happiness.
Therefore, it is imperative that students are given the opportunity to partake in physical exercise during their schooling. Allowing students to partake in physical activity in their daily routine can provide them with the skills, energy and motivation to succeed both in and out of the classroom. It can provide them with an enhanced sense of emotional well-being and an improved quality of life. Exercise is the key to unlocking a student’s potential, and it is our responsibility as educators to give them this opportunity.
Thomas Wang
Part 1 :
The new campus needs a playground installed immediately. It will benefit the school and provide a fun and safe environment for the small kids. It will also be a good place to socialise with other students. It is essential for a healthy and developing school as it brings benefits.
Firstly, it is a place to have fun for the little ones. It is a place for them to play during breaks, such as recess or lunch. Without a playground, the little kids could be almost bored to their own demise, not being able to play on playground equipment with their friends during school hours. Having a good playground will make parents or guardians feel more relaxed when sending their children to school, knowing they won’t feel lonely or bored.
Secondly, It is a good place to socialise and meet up. If you have a friend you have to meet with or a class meeting, a playground would be a good place to do so as it clearly stands out from most other buildings. Most people would also know where to find the playground, because most would find out during the first tour and probably wouldn’t know which is the library or sports hall.
Finally, a playground would give the school a better reputation because it shows they care about their pupils. Most schools do have a playground but most are quite lame and will remain unchanged for years. Some schools decided to take it to the next level by creating artificial landscapes etc. This does increase the school’s reputation.
So you see, playgrounds are vital to every school, especially the new campus. It will benefit the school greatly although it is. Such a small area. These are the reasons why the new campus should have one and the same with every other school. If you do, the little ones will thank you.
Thanks for waiting! Here’s the feedback for your writing! 🙂
Overall Score: 41/50
Structure: 6/7
The structure of the essay is well-structured, effectively explaining the need for a playground and its benefits. However, the essay could have been made more concise by including fewer examples to support the explanation of the need.
Persuasive Techniques: 8/10
The author effectively uses persuasive techniques to argue for the installation of a playground on the new campus. For instance, the author states, “It is essential for a healthy and developing school as it brings benefits.” This sentence demonstrates effective use of persuasive techniques. To make the sentence more powerful, the author could have used more emotional language, such as “It is essential for a healthy and thriving school as it brings invaluable benefits.”
Emotional Appeal: 7/10
The essay shows an effective use of emotional appeal. For example, the author states, “Without a playground, the little kids could be almost bored to their own demise, not being able to play on playground equipment with their friends during school hours.” This sentence effectively appeals to the readers’ emotions by using vivid language, such as “bored to their own demise.” To further enhance the emotional appeal of the essay, the author could have used more descriptive language, such as “Without a playground, the little kids would be doomed to an eternity of boredom, not being able to play on playground equipment with their friends during school hours.”
Figurative Language: 8/10
The essay uses effective use of figurative language to convey the author’s message. For instance, the author states, “Most people would also know where to find the playground because most would find out during the first tour and probably wouldn’t know which is the library or sports hall.” This sentence effectively uses figurative language to convey the idea that the playground stands out from other buildings. To make the sentence even more powerful, the author could have used a more vivid metaphor, such as “Most people would also know where to find the playground, because most would find out during the first tour and probably wouldn’t know which is the library or sports hall, like a beacon of joy in the middle of a dreary school.”
Grammar, Syntax and Vocabulary: 8/10
The essay uses good grammar, syntax, and vocabulary. For instance, the author states, “Most schools do have a playground but most are quite lame and will remain unchanged for years.” This sentence effectively uses good grammar and syntax to convey the message. To further enhance the quality of the sentence, the author could have used a more sophisticated word, such as “Most schools do have a playground but most are quite uninspiring and will remain unchanged for years.”
Use of Evidence: 7/10
The essay effectively uses evidence to back up the author’s message. For instance, the author states, “Some schools decided to take it to the next level by creating artificial landscapes etc. This does increase the school’s reputation.” This sentence demonstrates an effective use of evidence to back up the argument. To make the sentence even more powerful, the author could have used a more descriptive language, such as “Some schools decided to take it to the next level by creating awe-inspiring artificial landscapes etc. This does significantly increase the school’s reputation.”
Vocab List:
• Demise – destruction, downfall
• Vivid – bright, bold
• Beacon – symbol, light
• Dreary – dismal, gloomy
• Uninspiring – mundane, lacklustre
• Awe-inspiring – astonishing, remarkable
• Significantly – drastically, drastically
The new campus needs a playground installed immediately – it is essential for a healthy and thriving school. Without it, young students would be doomed to an eternity of boredom, not being able to play on playground equipment with their friends during school hours. A playground would also be a great place for students to meet up and socialise during breaks, and it would give the school a better reputation. The installation of a playground would bring invaluable benefits to the school, and the little ones would be grateful for it.
Installing a playground on the new campus is a must – not just for the school, but for the students as well. It is an opportunity to provide a fun and safe environment for children to play and socialise, and to create a lasting impression of the campus. A playground can be a beacon of joy in the middle of a dreary school, giving students the chance to explore, imagine and create. It can also give students a sense of belonging, making them feel more comfortable and connected with their peers.
The importance of a playground on campus is undeniable. It can bring an atmosphere of playfulness, foster creativity and imagination, and create an environment of camaraderie and cooperation. Having a playground on campus can also help to improve the school’s reputation, as it shows that the school is taking the initiative to provide students with a safe and inspiring place to play. The installation of a playground at the new campus is an essential step to ensure the success of the school, and the children who attend it.
A playground is an indispensable part of any school setting. It can provide countless benefits to students, from the physical to the emotional. It can give students a place to have fun and be creative, a place to socialize and build relationships, and a place to express themselves. The installation of a playground at the new campus is a necessary step to ensure the success of the school, the students, and the community.
Should we add a new playground to the campus? By Aidan
Breaks and lunch is one of the defining things that make a school good or not. Many schools are lacking in outdoor activities and facilities. Some children find running around in a barren field of grass fun. The question then arises “Should we add a new playground to the campus?”
Of course we should. We should invest in playgrounds because it helps with many things. Playgrounds help children get away from screens, they help them socialise and make new friends and finally, they help children get fitter and provide them with lots of vitamin D.
Firstly, schools should add playgrounds to their school as it helps children get away from screens. The era we are in has had many big technological advancements and many children are on their screens more. However, playgrounds will be a fun distraction to play on instead of looking at screens all day.
Furthermore, playgrounds help children socialise and make friends. There are many things to do on the playground like playing tips or using the equipment. With all these activities, children would be able to play together, develop friendships and teamwork and most importantly, have fun with friends. This is better than sitting in the corner of the school playing video games.
Finally, if campuses add playgrounds, children would be able to gain necessary vitamins and minerals as well as becoming fit. Adding playgrounds would promote exercise under the sun while having fun. Being fit can improve brain health and reduce the risk of disease.
The choice is clear. We should invest in equipment for exercise like a playground that will help with getting children off screens, help children socialise and make friends, and finally make children fitter which will bring many benefits.
Thanks for waiting! Here’s the feedback for your writing! 🙂
Overall Score: 41/50
Structure: 7/10
The structure of the essay is mostly clear, with an introduction, body, and conclusion, but there are some areas that could be improved. For example, the introduction is too short, and does not provide enough context for the reader. Additionally, the transition between the introduction and the body of the essay needs to be smoother.
Persuasive Techniques: 7/10
This essay uses several persuasive techniques, such as listing several potential benefits of playgrounds, and providing evidence to back up those claims. However, it could be improved by using more persuasive techniques, such as providing more concrete examples, or addressing potential counterarguments.
Emotional Appeal: 7/10
This essay does an effective job of appealing to the emotions of the reader, by emphasizing the potential benefits of playgrounds to children and their well-being. However, it could be improved by using more powerful and emotional language.
Figurative Language: 8/10
This essay uses some figurative language, such as describing the playgrounds as a “distraction” and a “fun distraction”. However, it could be improved by using even more figurative language, such as metaphors and similes, to make the writing more vivid and engaging for the reader.
Grammar and Syntax: 7/10
The grammar and syntax of this essay are mostly clear and accurate. However, there are a few areas that could be improved, such as using more active verbs and avoiding passive constructions.
Use of Evidence: 8/10
The essay does a good job of providing evidence to back up its claims, such as the potential benefits of playgrounds for children. However, it could be improved by providing more evidence from relevant sources, such as scientific studies or expert opinions.
Vocabulary: 9/10
The essay uses a wide range of words and phrases that are appropriate for the topic.
Vocab list:
• Distraction (noun)→ Diversion
• Fun distraction (noun)→ Entertaining pastime
• Socialise (verb)→ Interact
• Make friends (verb)→ Forge relationships
• Exercise (noun)→ Physical activity
• Brain health (noun)→ Cognitive well-being
• Risk of disease (noun)→ Hazard of affliction
• Necessary vitamins and minerals (noun)→ Vital nutrients
• Invest (verb)→ Utilise
• Get fitter (verb)→ become more fit
Playgrounds are a critical component of a successful school, as they provide an array of benefits to students. Not only do they offer a diversion from screens, but they also enable children to interact, form relationships, and exercise in the sun. Moreover, playgrounds have been proven to improve cognitive well-being and reduce the risk of disease. Indeed, playgrounds are invaluable in providing vital nutrients necessary for growth and development.
Therefore, schools should prioritize the utilization of playgrounds on their campuses. By investing in playgrounds, schools can create a safe and fun environment for children to become fitter, engage in meaningful social interaction, and receive the nutrients necessary for healthy development. Moreover, playgrounds are also a valuable asset for promoting physical and mental well-being among students.
Playgrounds are an integral part of a well-rounded educational experience. By investing in playgrounds, schools can ensure their students have access to the physical, mental, and social benefits associated with outdoor activities. This simple investment can create an enjoyable and healthy environment for children to learn, grow, and explore.
Should children do exercise on a daily basis? By Aidan
Exercise is one of the most important things that we should be doing. It holds numerous health benefits and helps you get vitamin D from the sun. However, exercise can make many children tired and not prepared for other activities. The question then arises ‘Should children do exercise on a daily basis?’
The answer is obvious. We should do exercise every day as it helps children keep fit and healthy, it helps them socialise with other students and can improve brain health.
Firstly, doing exercise can help keep you fit and healthy. Exercise includes running, sport and many other things. These all burn lots of calories and help lose weight and fat. They also help gain vitamin D from the sun. This makes exercise a much better alternative than sitting in front of a screen playing computer games.
Furthermore, exercise helps socialise children with other students. Going to the gym is a form of exercise, and when schools incorporate it into the daily schedule, they will make many more friends than doing it once a week. Also, playing sports can help make friends while exercising.
Finally, doing exercise on a daily basis can immensely improve your brain function. Doing exercise can help with thinking and problem solving. Working out raises your IQ much higher than playing an online brain game. Also, a Swedish study says that fitness can actually raise your verbal intelligence by 50 percent!
It is obvious that students should do exercise on a daily basis as it helps keep fit and healthy, it helps make friends and socialise, and finally, it helps improve thinking and brain function as well as verbal intelligence.
Thanks for waiting! Here’s the feedback for your writing! 🙂
Overall Score: 43/50
Structure: 8/10
The structure of this persuasive essay is generally clear. The essay follows a logical structure, starting with a statement of the question and then moving on to each point. However, the essay could be improved by making better use of transition words, such as “However”, “Furthermore” and “Finally”. Additionally, the essay could have more clear sentence structures, such as using more compound and complex sentences, to make the essay sound more sophisticated.
Persuasive Techniques: 8/10
The essay makes use of several persuasive techniques, such as the use of facts and statistics, and emotional appeals. For example, the essay states, “These all burn lots of calories and help lose weight and fat.” Additionally, the essay states, “This makes exercise a much better alternative than sitting in front of a screen playing computer games.” However, the essay could be improved by making use of more persuasive techniques, such as rhetorical questions and analogies.
Emotional Appeal: 9/10
This persuasive essay effectively uses emotional appeals to persuade the reader. For example, the essay states, “Going to the gym is a form of exercise, and when schools incorporate it into the daily schedule, they will make many more friends than doing it once a week.” This statement effectively appeals to the emotion of friendship. Additionally, the essay states, “Working out raises your IQ much higher than playing an online brain game.” This statement appeals to the reader’s emotions of success and intelligence.
Figurative Language: 7/10
The essay makes effective use of figurative language to evoke emotions. For example, the essay states, “Doing exercise can help with thinking and problem-solving.” This statement uses the metaphor of exercise as a tool for problem-solving. Additionally, the essay states, “Playing sports can help make friends while exercising.” This statement uses the metaphor of sports as a social tool. However, the essay could be improved by making use of more figurative language, such as similes and personification.
Grammar: 9/10
The grammar in this essay is generally correct. The sentences are correctly formed and the punctuation is accurate.
Syntax: 9/10
The syntax in this essay is generally correct. The sentences are correctly formed and the use of words is appropriate. However, the essay could be improved by using more sophisticated words and phrases.
Use of Evidence: 8/10
The essay makes effective use of evidence to back up the points. For example, the essay states, “A Swedish study says that fitness can actually raise your verbal intelligence by 50 per cent!” Additionally, the essay states, “These all burn lots of calories and help lose weight and fat.” However, the essay could be improved by providing more evidence to back up the points.
Vocabulary: 10/10
The essay effectively uses a variety of vocabulary to communicate the points. For example, the essay states, “Exercise includes running, sport and many other things.” Additionally, the essay states, “These all burn lots of calories and help lose weight and fat.” However, the essay could be improved by making use of more sophisticated words to communicate the points.
Vocabulary List:
Exercise – Physical Activity
Calories – Kilocalories
Weight – Mass
Fat – Adipose Tissue
Verbal Intelligence – Linguistic Ability
Physical exercise plays a crucial role in the daily routine of a student. Exercise helps students maintain their physical fitness, build relationships with other students, and enhance their intellectual abilities.
To begin with, regular physical activity is essential to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Working out frequently helps burn calories, manage weight and reduce fat. Additionally, physical exercise helps students absorb vitamin D from the sun, resulting in a healthier body. Physical activity is a much better option than indulging in computer games for hours.
Furthermore, physical exercise can help students build relationships with their peers. Going to the gym or playing sports can give students the opportunity to interact with their peers, enhancing their social skills. Participating in physical activities encourages collaboration and builds friendships.
Finally, physical exercise can also increase the intellectual capabilities of a student. Exercise increases blood flow to the brain, improving thinking and problem-solving. Moreover, research conducted in Sweden proved that fitness can elevate verbal intelligence by 50%.
Therefore, it is clear that physical exercise should be an integral part of a student’s daily routine. Not only does it help students stay healthy and fit, but it also provides them with an opportunity to socialise with their peers and enhance their intellectual abilities. If students are looking to lead a productive and successful life, physical exercise should be an essential part of their life.
Part 2
Exercise is the key to our wellbeing, the gateway to health, the avenue to teamwork. It is an activity where we indulge ourselves and work together, share our laughter and tears, and get fit and athletic. It is of uttermost importance to our development, wellbeing and survival.
The question now arises: Why is physical exercise fundamental in a student’s daily routine?
Physical exercises such as soccer, basketball, volleyball, rugby, baseball and cricket are team sports. Team sports help encourage teamwork and good sportsmanship, which will beneficially influence kids in the future, like working with a fellow coworker at work. Furthermore, team sports also come with a set of forever friends. Exercise helps you socialise if you’re an introvert, accept healthy challenges if you’re an extrovert, and either way, you get a team full of teammates that’ll have your back for life. As Phil Jackson stated, “The strength of the team is each individual member. The strength of each member is the team.”
Sports require a lot of time and energy. Some people might think this distracts an athlete from schoolwork, but that’s not true. In fact, the memorisation, repetition and learning involved in many sports also relate to schoolwork. According to Clearinghouse for Sport, sport offers a value-added proposition to every curriculum area; challenging critical thinking skills, decision making, and moral reasoning.
When you score a goal or make a slam dunk, that feeling of self-confidence and self-esteem can benefit you in your daily life! According to Health Care, achieving a sport or fitness goal encourages you to achieve other goals you set. This is a rewarding and exciting learning process. Additionally, physical exercise also is a way to reduce pressure and stress. On the court, you can play however you want, without worrying you would break something.
Finally, physical activity can improve your physical health. According to Better Health channel, sports can increase cardiovascular fitness. healthy growth of bones, muscles, ligaments and tendons. improved coordination and balance and avoid chronic muscular tension (such as headaches or backaches). To students, health is an important thing, especially to those in their growing and development stage. Physical activity can improve their overall wellbeing and encourage them to eat and be healthier!
Ultimately, physical activity is a great way to socialise, get healthy, work as a team, improve education and build vital skills that will be essential in the near future. Every student should have physical exercise in their daily routine for the fun and wellbeing it will bring you!
Overall score out of 50: 43/50
Structure: 9/10
The structure of this persuasive essay is effective in that it starts with a powerful introduction and leads to the main points of the essay. The essay is well-organised and has a clear flow from one idea to the next. The conclusion is succinct and effective in summarising the main points of the essay. To further improve the structure, an additional paragraph in the introduction could provide a more detailed overview of the points that will be discussed in the essay.
Persuasive Techniques: 7/10
The persuasive essay effectively uses persuasive techniques to make its argument. For example, the author states, “Ultimately, physical activity is a great way to socialise, get healthy, work as a team, improve education and build vital skills that will be essential in the near future. Every student should have physical exercise in their daily routine for the fun and well-being it will bring you!” This statement is effective in providing a strong argument for why physical exercise should be part of a student’s daily routine. To further improve persuasive techniques, the author could include more facts and statistics to back up their argument.
Emotional Appeal: 8/10
The persuasive essay effectively uses emotional appeal to make its argument. For example, the author states, “When you score a goal or make a slam dunk, that feeling of self-confidence and self-esteem can benefit you in your daily life!” This statement is effective in emphasising the importance of physical exercise in terms of emotional benefits. To further improve the emotional appeal, the author could include more personal anecdotes to illustrate their points.
Figurative Language: 8/10
The persuasive essay effectively uses figurative language to make its argument. For example, the author states, “The question now arises: Why is physical exercise fundamental in a student’s daily routine?” This statement is effective in creating a sense of urgency and importance. To further improve the use of figurative language, the author could include more metaphors and similes to illustrate their points.
Grammar, Syntax, Use of Evidence and Vocabulary: 10/10
The persuasive essay effectively uses grammar, syntax, use of evidence and vocabulary to make its argument. For example, the author states, “As Phil Jackson stated, “The strength of the team is each individual member. The strength of each member is the team.” This statement is effective in providing a strong quote to back up the argument. To further improve the grammar, syntax, use of evidence and vocabulary, the author could include more sophisticated words to better articulate their points.
Vocab List:
Indulge: Rejoice in
Sportsmanship: Fairness and respect in competition
Forever friends: Long-lasting friends
Extrovert: Outgoing person
Memorisation: Remembering
Repetition: Repeating
Critical thinking: Analytical thought
Decision making: Coming to a conclusion
Moral reasoning: Understanding ethical decisions
Self-confidence: Belief in oneself
Self-esteem: Self-respect
Cardiovascular fitness: Heart health
Ligaments: Connective tissue
Tendons: Connective tissue
Coordination: Balance
Chronic: Long-term
Rewriting:
Physical exercise is an imperative part of a student’s daily life and it should never be underestimated. It is a crucial gateway to health, well-being, teamwork, and the development of essential skills. It is an opportunity for one to challenge themselves, connect with others, and get fit.
Team sports are a great way to foster collaboration and build relationships, as well as teach good sportsmanship. Not only do they provide a sense of camaraderie and a set of lasting friends, they also strengthen the individual’s capacity to work with others in the future. Phil Jackson famously said, “The strength of the team is each individual member. The strength of each member is the team.”
Contrary to popular belief, physical exercise does not detract from schoolwork, but rather it enhances it. It allows students to apply critical thinking, decision making and moral reasoning skills within the context of a sport. It is also a rewarding and exciting learning process that helps to improve self-confidence and self-esteem.
Beyond the cognitive and emotional benefits, physical activity also has various physical health benefits. It increases cardiovascular fitness, healthy growth of bones, muscles, ligaments and tendons, improved coordination and balance and helps to reduce chronic muscular tension. It is paramount for students in their growing and development stages to ensure their health is a priority.
In conclusion, a physical exercise is an invaluable tool for students. It provides a way to socialise, get healthy, work as a team, improve education, and build vital skills for the future. It should be a part of every student’s daily routine for the fun and well-being it will bring.
Prompt 1
Should we have a new playground on campus?
The playground is an essential part to our growth and economy. While learning and eating is essential to a child’s growth, playing and having fun is critical to our child’s mindset and brain too. The playground is the centre of our activities and a place for us to cool off and have fun.
While this, a paramount question arises: Should we build a new playground on campus?
After some thoughtful thinking, I believe that it is crucial for campus to erect a new playground using their existing resources. This decision is beneficial. When children play, they develop new skills, such as persistence, resilience, creativity and more. Building a new playground will not only help children, but it will also help grow the society of the school.
Firstly, playgrounds help children develop skills. Playgrounds are not places of isolation, because many people play and cooperate there. With plenty of people to play with, students can learn confidence and cooperation. To be confident to do something, cooperation is largely important. It can help young students to develop friends and excel at group activities. Playgrounds can also help academically, too. Play stimulates the brain connections between nerve cells, helping a child develop fine motor skills. Play relieves stress, cooling off a student before they return to class, helping them focus while in a test. Play in playgrounds can also lead to leadership skills, which is vital in group tasks.
Secondly, playgrounds enhance physical skill. Playgrounds and exercise are related because playgrounds provide exercise. Outdoor physical activity stimulates physical fitness while also enhancing strength, agility, balance and more. Climbing equipment improves upper body strength and coordination. Increased outdoor physical activity at school can also help reduce childhood obesity and create healthy eating habits for exercise that will continue at home and outdoors. Physical benefits of playgrounds can affect your ability anywhere.
Ultimately, the choice is clear. We must build a new playground where children can develop skills, enhance physical attributes and have fun. Let’s make use of our abundant resources to make a new playground. We must invest to erect a play area for students. This call to action has allowed the community to enjoy and have fun.
Thanks for waiting! Here’s the feedback for your writing! 🙂
Overall Score: 39/50
Structure: 7/10
The structure of the persuasive essay is effective, as it is organized with clear introductory, body, and conclusion paragraphs. However, there could be more sophisticated sentence structure and improved flow.
For example, “Firstly, playgrounds help children develop skills” could be replaced with “At the onset, playgrounds nurture the growth of skills in children”. “Ultimately, the choice is clear” could be rephrased to “In conclusion, the evidence points to a single decision”.
Furthermore, “We must build a new playground where children can develop skills, enhance physical attributes and have fun” could be rephrased to “We have a duty to provide a space where children can hone their skills, strengthen their bodies, and benefit from joyous recreation”.
Persuasive Techniques: 7/10
The persuasive essay uses pathos and logos to make a compelling argument. For example, “Play in playgrounds can also lead to leadership skills, which is vital in group tasks” appeals to the reader’s emotion, as it paints a picture of the potential benefits of a playground. Additionally, “Playgrounds are not places of isolation, because many people play and cooperate there” is a logically sound sentence, as it explains why playgrounds are not just places of play but also places of learning.
However, the essay could be improved with more emotional appeal. For instance, instead of “Building a new playground will not only help children, but it will also help grow the society of the school”, an emotional phrase such as “Constructing a new playground will be a catalyst for the growth of the entire school community” could be used.
Emotional Appeal: 7/10
The essay uses emotional appeal to connect to the readers. For instance, “Playgrounds are not places of isolation, because many people play and cooperate there” is an emotionally evocative phrase, as it paints a picture of children coming together to learn and grow. Additionally, “Physical benefits of playgrounds can affect your ability anywhere” conveys a message that playgrounds can make an individual better in all aspects of life.
However, the essay could be improved with more emotionally powerful language. For instance, instead of “Playgrounds help children develop skills”, a more emotional phrase such as “Playgrounds are the training grounds for the development of life skills” could be used.
Figurative Language: 7/10
The essay uses vivid language to create an emotional connection with the readers. For instance, “play stimulates the brain connections between nerve cells” is a phrase that paints a picture of how playing can help a child develop. Additionally, “Play relieves stress, cooling off a student before they return to class” is an evocative phrase that shows how playing can help a student focus and learn.
However, the essay could be improved with more figurative language. For instance, instead of “Playgrounds can also help academically, too”, a more figurative phrase such as “Playgrounds are the stepping stones of academic success” could be used.
Grammar & Syntax: 10/10
The essay has no grammar or syntax errors.
Use of Evidence: 8/10
The essay uses evidence to back up its argument. For instance, “Climbing equipment improves upper body strength and coordination” is a sentence that uses evidence to explain the physical benefits of playgrounds. Additionally, “Playgrounds provide exercise” is a sentence that uses evidence to explain how playgrounds can help children develop physical skills.
However, the essay could be improved with more evidence. For instance, instead of “Playgrounds enhance physical skill”, a sentence such as “Playgrounds are the foundation for physical well-being, as evidenced by studies that show physical activity can benefit a child’s overall health” could be used.
Vocabulary: 10/10
The essay uses the appropriate vocabulary for a persuasive essay.
Vocab List:
Nurture: foster, cultivate, encourage
Compelling: persuasive, convincing, irresistible
Appeals: entreats, implores, beseeches
Evocative: suggestive, stirring, stirring
Figurative: metaphorical, symbolic, allegorical
Stepping stones: benchmarks, mile markers, landmarks
Catalyst: impetus, motor, stimulant
Rewrite:
The playground is a necessary part of our progress and development. While nourishment and education are essential for a child’s development, playing and having fun are essential for the child’s spirit and the development of the mind. The playground is the centre of our activities and a place for us to relax and have fun.
This brings up a critical question: Should we construct a new playground on campus?
After much thought, I believe it is crucial for the campus to build a new playground using its existing resources. This decision is beneficial. When children play, they nurture strength, resilience, creativity and more. Building a new playground will not only assist children, but it will also contribute to the growth of the school’s society.
At the onset, playgrounds cultivate the growth of skills in children. Playgrounds are not places of seclusion, because many people play and collaborate there. With lots of people to play with, students can acquire confidence and cooperation. To be confident to do something, cooperation is very important. It can help young students to make friends and excel at group activities. Playgrounds can also help scholastically, too. Play promotes the connection between brain cells, assisting a child in developing fine motor skills. Play alleviates stress, cooling off a student before they return to class, and helping them concentrate while on a test. Play in playgrounds can also lead to leadership skills, which is necessary for group tasks.
Moreover, playgrounds foster physical strength. Playgrounds and exercise are linked because playgrounds provide exercise. Outdoor physical activity stimulates physical fitness while also cultivating strength, agility, balance and more. Climbing equipment improves upper body strength and coordination. Increased outdoor physical activity at school can also help reduce childhood obesity and create healthy eating habits for exercise that will continue at home and outdoors. The physical benefits of playgrounds can affect your ability anywhere.
In conclusion, the evidence points to a single decision. We have a duty to provide a space where children can hone their skills, strengthen their bodies, and benefit from joyous recreation. Let us make use of our abundant resources to make a new playground. We must invest to construct a play area for students. This call to action has enabled the community to appreciate and have fun.
Creating a playground on campus is an act of kindness and a part of our responsibility to future generations. Not only does it provide an opportunity for children to hone their physical abilities, but also a space to nurture the skills of collaboration and confidence. It is a place where students can collaborate, learn and play together, fostering a sense of community.
Playgrounds are the foundation for physical well-being, as evidenced by studies that show physical activity can benefit a child’s overall health. They are also the stepping stones to academic success, as it helps students to stay focused and relieves stress before they return to class.
We must provide a place where children can hone their skills, strengthen their bodies, and benefit from joyous recreation. Constructing a new playground will be a catalyst for the growth of the entire school community. It is our obligation to make use of our abundant resources to create a playground and let the students enjoy and have fun.
Prompt 2: Write a persuasive essay on the importance of physical exercise in a student’s daily routine.
Title: Ambush
In our world right now, we have technology buzzing and developing every second, distractions in every corner of our lives ready to jump scare us; phones, ambushing and corrupting our cherished minds, our enchanting ideas replaced with toxic, pestilential conceptualizations. And now, it is not that explicit on why exercise plays an important role in our lives. However exercise will have many benefits in life, like staying fit and healthy is a way to live longer, constructing confidence someones mind and heart, and becoming motivated; by seeing the potential benefits, a person can propel themselves to continuously live an energy-filled and rewarding life. Soon after, they will begin to feel, more motivated and will feel the gratifying life from now. Regardless of this, it may be hard to exercise, this demoralising is like quitting cigarette. However, by having a continuous effort to keep trying and having a physical exercise in daily routines.
With students buried in burden of homework, it might be hard to find exercise in our daily lives. Exercising a little may do a lot for us as well. “Exercise not only changes your body, it changes your mind, your attitude and your mood.” replies unknown. This is undoubtedly right. Exercising relieves stress from everyday life, whether it may be adults or kids, exercising is the way to go to relieves stress and burden. And scientists have proven, exercising releases chemicals necessity to make our lives better. These chemicals are endorphins and serotonin, they help improve your mood whether you may be mad, upset, depressed, anxiety, or loneliness, it will improve your mood by a whole new level. Scientists have proven also that you will help you get out in the world, socialising and meeting people, convalescenting loneliness. With exercise, they are like phoenixes, reinvigorated, flying out of the scorching flames, an unfathomable aura gryrating around, the brightness forcing us to shield our eyes.
Exercise can do many favours for our bodies, not only does it improve our mindsets, but it also ameliorates our physical body also. Many people due to pandemics have increased in body weight and shape. The report, which described a “dramatic” correlation between countries’ COVID-19 death and obesity rates, found that 90% or 2.2 million of the 2.5 million deaths from the pandemic disease so far were in countries with high levels of obesity. And with obesity affecting us, it is a must to exercise. Scientists have proven Colorectal cancer is the most common obesity-associated cancer among men. And with obesity affecting us, it is a must to exercise. As well as obesity it can help reduce the chance of diseases as well and Aerobic Exercise, Especially Running, may Reduce Cancer Risk by 72% proven Christopher Curley on November 20, 2022 — And high intensity sports reducing more. Strengthening the bone and muscles also, its a must for us to add physical exercise in a student’s daily routine
To conclude, exercise is a must in our daily life. Exercise for peace and quiet in mind, and benefitting our physical body, it is a must for us to include physical exercise in a student’s daily routine. Not for ourselves, but for the future to come.
Thanks for waiting! Here’s the feedback for your writing! 🙂
Overall score: 44/50
Structure:7/10
The essay is well-structured, with an introduction, body paragraphs and a conclusion. It also provides a clear thesis statement. However, the transitions between the paragraphs could be improved. For example, “Soon after, they will begin to feel, more motivated and will feel the gratifying life from now.” could be replaced with: “Subsequently, they will experience a newfound sense of motivation and a more rewarding life.”
Persuasive techniques: 7/10
The essay does include persuasive techniques, such as appeals to emotion, for example: “Exercising relieves stress from everyday life, whether it may be adults or kids, exercising is the way to go to relieves stress and burden.” However, it could be improved by including more powerful language, for example: “Exercising is an invaluable way to combat the daily pressures of life, for both adults and children alike.”
Emotional appeal: 8/10
The essay does successfully create an emotional appeal, for example: “Exercising releases chemicals necessary to make our lives better.” and “…it is a must for us to add physical exercise in a student’s daily routine.” However, it could be improved by providing more detail to engage the readers and evoke more powerful emotions, for example: “Exercising releases endorphins and serotonin, hormones which are vital for wellbeing and happiness.”
Figurative language: 7/10
The essay does include some figurative language, such as “…it is a must for us to add physical exercise in a student’s daily routine. Not for ourselves, but for the future to come.” However, it could be improved by using more vivid and imaginative language, for example: “It is our responsibility to implement physical exercise into our daily lives, not just for our own benefit, but for future generations.”
Grammar: 7/10
The essay does use grammar correctly, for example: “And scientists have proven, exercising releases chemicals necessity to make our lives better.” However, it could be improved by avoiding unnecessary use of commas, for example: “And scientists have proven exercising releases chemicals necessary to make our lives better.”
Syntax: 7/10
The essay does use syntax correctly, for example: “Exercising a little may do a lot for us as well.” However, it could be improved by using more concise and precise language, for example: “Even a little exercise can have a big impact.”
Use of evidence: 8/10
The essay does include evidence, such as “The report, which described a “dramatic” correlation between countries’ COVID-19 death and obesity rates” and “And scientists have proven Colorectal cancer is the most common obesity-associated cancer among men.” However, it could be improved by providing more evidence to support the author’s claims, for example: “Research has found that those who exercise regularly are more likely to live longer and healthier lives.”
Vocabulary: 9/10
The essay does use a wide range of vocabulary, for example: “ambushing and corrupting our cherished minds” and “convalescenting loneliness”. However, it could be improved by using more sophisticated words, for example: “ambushing and subverting our cherished minds” and “ameliorating loneliness”.
Vocab list:
Ambushing – Assailing
Corrupting – Subverting
Gratifying – Rewarding
Demoralising – Discouraging
Convalescenting – Ameliorating
Reinvigorated – Rejuvenated
Gryrating – Rotating
Shield – Protect
Obesity – Corpulence
Aerobic – Cardiovascular
Strengthening – Fortifying
Vital – Essential
Combat – Counteract
In our world right now, we have technology that is rapidly developing, along with countless distractions that threaten to overwhelm our minds. Phones have become ubiquitous, and our creative ideas have been replaced by toxic concepts. Despite this, exercise plays an important role in our lives, with numerous benefits such as staying fit and healthy, boosting confidence and providing motivation. It may be difficult to exercise consistently, much like quitting cigarettes, but with continued effort and including physical activity in our daily routines, we can reap the rewards of a more fulfilling life.
For those of us who are bogged down with homework and other obligations, it might seem impossible to find the time for exercise. However, even a small amount of exercise can do wonders for us. Exercise not only changes our bodies, but also our minds, attitudes and moods. It is an invaluable way to combat the daily pressures of life, for both adults and children alike. Additionally, scientists have discovered that exercise releases endorphins and serotonin, hormones which are essential for wellbeing and happiness. It can also help us to socialize and meet new people, relieving feelings of loneliness.
Exercise is also beneficial to our physical bodies. With the pandemic, there has been an increase in people’s body weight and shape. A report found that over 90% of COVID-19 deaths occurred in countries with high levels of obesity, while research has found that people who exercise regularly are more likely to live longer and healthier lives. Moreover, high-intensity sports can reduce the risk of cancer, while strengthening our bones and muscles.
To conclude, exercise is essential for our daily lives. Not only does it improve our mental well-being, but it also benefits our physical health. It is our responsibility to implement physical exercise into our daily lives, not just for our own benefit, but for future generations. Only then can we hope to experience the joys of a healthier, more energized and rewarding life.
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