Scholarship G2 W9 Writing
- February 16, 2023
- 2:15 pm
- 52 Comments
Prompt 13: Write a persuasive essay arguing for or against the use of homework on weekends.
Exemplar:
I have a dream of a world where children can enjoy their weekends without being burdened by the pressures of homework. A world where children can use their weekends to relax, explore their creativity, and spend time with their families. A world where children can learn and grow, without having to worry about the endless piles of homework they have to complete.
Homework is a necessary part of schooling, and it can be a great way to reinforce what has been learned in the classroom. However, when it comes to weekends, there should be a balance between work and play. Homework should not be assigned on weekends, as it can be a source of stress and anxiety, and can take away valuable time that could be spent with friends and family.
My vision is a world where children can be free of the pressures of homework, and can use their weekends to relax and recharge. A world where children can learn and grow, without having to worry about the endless piles of homework they have to complete. A world where children can spend their weekends exploring their creativity, discovering new interests, and spending time with their families.
This is why I am against the use of homework on weekends. Homework can be a source of stress and anxiety, and continue to burden children with additional work. It can also take away valuable time that could be spent with friends and family. Furthermore, it can lead to an unhealthy balance between work and play, and can discourage children from exploring their creativity and discovering new interests.
In addition, some children may not have the necessary resources or support to complete their homework on weekends. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and can make them feel like they are not keeping up with their classmates.
In conclusion, I believe that homework should not be assigned on weekends. It can be a source of stress and anxiety, and can take away valuable time that could be spent with friends and family. It can also lead to an unhealthy balance between work and play, and can discourage children from exploring their creativity and discovering new interests. It is my hope that all children can enjoy their weekends without being burdened by the pressures of homework.
Prompt 14: Write a persuasive essay on the importance of foreign language classes in the curriculum.
I have a dream of a world where everyone has the opportunity to learn and understand different languages, and to connect with people from different cultures and backgrounds. A world where foreign language classes are seen as an essential part of the curriculum, and not as an optional or elective course. A world where language is seen as a powerful tool for communication, connection and understanding.
Learning a foreign language is not only beneficial for communication, but it can also be a great way to learn about different cultures and to gain a better understanding of the world around us. It can also open up a whole new world of opportunities, allowing us to travel and work in other countries.
For these reasons, I believe that foreign language classes should be an essential part of the curriculum. Foreign language classes can provide students with the opportunity to learn about different cultures, to explore their creativity and to gain a better understanding of the world. They can also open up a whole new world of opportunities, and can help to foster a sense of global citizenship.
My dream is a world where everyone has the opportunity to learn and understand different languages, and to connect with people from different cultures and backgrounds. A world where language is seen as a powerful tool for communication, connection and understanding to be seen as an essential part of the curriculum.
In addition, foreign language classes can help to improve cognitive skills, such as problem solving and critical thinking. They can also help to improve communication skills and to increase confidence.
In conclusion, I believe that foreign language classes should be an essential part of the curriculum. They can provide students with the opportunity to learn about different cultures, to explore their creativity and to gain a better understanding of the world. They can also open up a whole new world of opportunities, and can help to foster a sense of global citizenship. It is my hope that everyone has the opportunity to learn and understand different languages, and to connect with people from different cultures and backgrounds.
Continue the story
Prompt 13: You are an explorer searching for a lost civilization.
The sun was setting, casting a soft glow on the land. On this day, I, an explorer, had set out on a quest to search for a lost civilization. I had been warned that the task would be difficult, but I was determined to use my knowledge and skill to uncover the secrets of the long-lost civilization. With a heavy heart and a determination to succeed, I set off on my journey, ready to face whatever challenges lay ahead…
Exemplar:
The sun was slowly setting, painting the land with a soft golden hue. On this day, I, an explorer, had set out on a quest to search for a lost civilization. I had been warned that the task would not be easy, but I was determined to use my knowledge and skill to uncover the secrets of the long-lost civilization. With a heavy heart and a determination to succeed, I set off on my journey, ready for whatever challenges lay ahead.
As I travelled, I felt a strange sense of anticipation and excitement. I had been given the opportunity to discover something extraordinary, and I was determined to make the most of it. As I travelled, I felt as if I was being pulled towards something I couldn’t quite explain. I felt as if I was being guided by something greater, and I had a feeling that I might find the answers I was seeking here.
The scenery changed as I travelled, the land becoming more wild and untamed. I could feel the power of the land around me, and I felt a strange sense of connection to the world around me. I felt as if I was being welcomed into a place of magic and mystery, and I couldn’t help but be filled with a sense of awe and reverence. Everywhere I looked, I could feel the beauty and power of the land, and I was filled with a strange sense of peace and comfort.
I eventually arrived at my destination, and I couldn’t help but be filled with a sense of awe and wonder. I had been given a chance to uncover something that had been lost for centuries, and I was determined to make the most of it. I could feel the power of the civilization I was searching for, and I was filled with a strange sense of pride and accomplishment. I had been chosen to do this, and I was determined to succeed. I was an explorer, and I was here to find the lost civilization.
Continue the story
Prompt 14: You are a superhero trying to save the world from a supervillain.
The night sky was dark and the full moon shone brightly as I flew across the heavens, filled with a sense of purpose and determination. I had been chosen by the gods to save the world from a powerful supervillain and I was determined to succeed. My strength and courage had been gifted to me for this purpose and I was ready to face whatever challenges might arise. I had been on a journey that had taken me all over the world and I was now arriving at my final destination: the city where the villain had taken refuge. The fate of the world rested in my hands and I was prepared to take on the challenge. I just had to find the villain and stop him before it was too late…
Exemplar:
The dark sky was illuminated by the glimmer of the stars, like a thousand eyes watching my journey. I flew silently across the night, my heart heavy with the burden of my mission. I had been chosen by the gods to save the world from a powerful supervillain and I was determined to succeed.
My strength and courage had been gifted to me for this purpose and I had used them to overcome all the obstacles I’d faced on my journey. Now, I had arrived at my destination: the city where the villain had taken refuge.
The fate of the world rested in my hands and I had to find the villain and stop him before it was too late. I had to use all of my courage and strength to prevail. I crept through the shadows, looking for any sign of the villain, when suddenly I heard a loud crash. I knew he was close.
I raced towards the sound, my heart pounding against my chest. I found him in a dark alley, surrounded by a group of thugs. He was a menacing figure, and I could feel the evil radiating from him. I had to end this now.
I charged forward, ready to take him on. He was strong, but I was stronger. My strength and courage were like a shield around me, and I was sure I could prevail. I used all of my strength and courage to subdue the villain and eventually emerged victorious. The world was saved and the people rejoiced at my brave victory.
I had done what I had set out to do, and I was proud. I had faced impossible odds, but I had done it. I was a hero. The gods had chosen me to save the world from the supervillain, and I had done it. I had used all of my strength and courage to do what was right, and I had triumphed.
52 thoughts on “Scholarship G2 W9 Writing”
The sun was slowing setting, brushing a corona of gentle topaz on the land. On this day, I, an explorer, had set out on a quest to search for a lost civilization. I had been warned that the task would be difficult, but I was determined to use my knowledge and skill to uncover the secrets of the long-lost civilization. With a heavy heart and a determination to succeed, I set off on my journey, ready to face whatever challenges lay ahead. My trek lay in the heart of the San Gurundoa Forest, where vestiges of a forgotten civilisation subtly trailed the Mexican heartland, peppered with evidence of buildings and even an abundant population.
Pines glowed with their emerald needles weaving between their skinny figures, however still blocking my vision of the lush expanse behind. The more I trudged along the muddy ground, the more a vision of a maze of metropolitan ancient skyscrapers manifested in my mind. The trees swayed their limbs like forsaken prisoners of war, begging me not to go any further. They rattled their chains with gum nuts and screamed to the wind not to let me pass.
Tirades of thought streamed through my mind like waves skidding across a sapphire-coated sea, was this the correct decision? Was it worth the risk to explore a forgotten civilisation? A cluster of rocks showed its bulky body in an intimidating fashion, balls of sandstone curled up like baby wallabies, twitching their little snouts as viridescent ferns decorated the front of each boulder. I had no choice, I had to fund my son to go to college, even if it meant my life.
I took a cautious step into the ravine, glancing to my sides, flinching every time an ant scurried across a twig. I clambered up the rough stone and my first problem faced me. A diamond seemed to be cut out from the cluster of stones, a gradient topaz passage that was too narrow for me to fit in. Suddenly, the atmosphere turned into an orchestra of chants, echoing within the stone walls like bass drums, and I knew where I was going. This was the lost civilisation, waiting before me like nothing I have seen before. A new perspective, a way to enter a world where I knew two sides to everything.
This was just like what my Year 2 teacher told me, symbolism. The forbidding trees were just like my parents, who believed I would surmount absolutely nothing, leading to my incapacity to fit through my life struggles. However, the bass drums sounded the inspiration my peers and teachers gave me, and I knew to discover this new civilisation I had to follow their chant.
Thanks for waiting! Here’s the feedback for your writing! 🙂
Overall Score: 18/20
Structure: 9/10
The structure of the narrative is well-structured and follows a logical step-by-step progression. It is easy to follow and the writer has used a variety of sentence lengths to create a flow. However, more variety in the sentence structure could be used to create further rhythm and cadence. For example, using shorter, choppier sentences could create tension or a sense of urgency.
Creative Plots: 10/10
The plot is creative, original and engaging. The writer has used strong imagery and symbolism to create an atmosphere of mystery and suspense. The plot is well-developed and builds up to the climax, when the explorer discovers the lost civilisation.
Sensory Imagery: 9/10
The writer has used vivid sensory imagery to create a vivid and immersive atmosphere. The reader can imagine the setting and the journey of the explorer as they traverse the Mexican heartland. However, more sensory details can be used to further immerse the reader. For example, the reader could be told how the explorer feels the wind in their face or how the explorer’s feet sink into the mud.
Grammar: 9/10
The grammar and syntax in the narrative is mostly correct and free of errors. However, some sentences could be rephrased to create a smoother, more elegant flow.
Characterisation: 9/10
The protagonist is well-developed and the reader can understand the explorer’s motivations and feelings. The writer has used symbolism to convey the protagonist’s inner thoughts and feelings. However, more characterisation could be used to further develop the protagonist and make them more relatable to the reader.
Vocabulary: 9/10
The writer has used a variety of vocabulary throughout the narrative. The words used are appropriate to the context and help to create a vivid atmosphere. However, the writer could use more sophisticated and magical words to further enhance the narrative. For example, instead of ‘trees,’ the writer could use ‘gigantic oaks’; instead of ‘muddy ground’, the writer could use ‘miry soil’.
Juxtaposition: 9/10
The writer has used juxtaposition to create a contrast between the explorer’s expectations and reality. However, the writer could use further juxtaposition to further enhance the narrative. For example, the writer could contrast the explorer’s feelings of fear and excitement as they explore the lost civilisation.
Figurative Language: 9/10
The writer has used vivid imagery and figurative language throughout the narrative. The figurative language helps to create a vivid atmosphere and helps to engage the reader. However, the writer could use further figurative language to further enhance the narrative. For example, the writer could use metaphors to create an atmosphere of mystery and suspense.
Vocab List
Trees- gigantic oaks, lofty pines
Muddy ground- miry soil, wet earth
Ants- scurrying insects, foraging critters
Twig- slender branch, weak stick
Diamond- glittering gem, precious stone
Gradient- fading hue, mellowing shade
Topaz- golden amber, gleaming citrine
Boulders- bulky rocks, massive stones
Snouts- pointed noses, protruding muzzles
Ravine- deep chasm, steep gorge
Rewritten Narrative:
The sun was languidly setting, its rays of topaz hue cascading across the land. On this day, I, an explorer, had set out on a quest to discover a lost civilisation. Although apprehensive of the forthcoming challenges, I was determined to use my knowledge and skills to uncover the secrets of the long-forgotten civilisation. Bearing a heavy heart and a resolute determination, I set off on my venture, ready to confront whatever lay ahead.
The trail of my quest was led through the San Gurundoa Forest, the vestiges of a forgotten civilisation subtly trailing the Mexican heartland, interspersed with the remnants of buildings and a populous. The emerald-hued needles of the pines weaved between their thin trunks, still concealing the lush expanse behind. The more I traversed the miry soil, the more a vision of a labyrinth of metropolis ancient skyscrapers solidified in my imagination. The trees swayed their branches like prisoners of war, ululating to the wind not to let me pass.
A flurry of thoughts roared through my mind like surges crashing on a sapphire-coated sea, was this the correct decision? Was it worth the risk to explore a forgotten civilisation? A cluster of rocks presented itself in an intimidating fashion, their round shapes of sandstone curled up like baby wallabies, their pointed noses twitching as viridescent ferns adorned the front of each boulder. I had no other choice, I had to find a way to fund my son’s college fees, even if it meant my life.
I took a hesitant step into the deep chasm, glancing warily to my sides, flinching every time a foraging critter scurried across a slender branch. I clambered up the rough stone and my first problem materialised. A glittering gem seemed to be cut out from the cluster of rocks, a mellowing shade of topaz that was too narrow for me to fit in. Instantly, the atmosphere transformed into an orchestra of chants, reverberating within the stone walls like bass drums, and I knew where I was going. This was the lost civilisation, waiting before me like nothing I had ever seen before. A new perspective, a way to enter a world where I would recognise two sides to everything.
I followed the chanting, and soon the walls of the lost civilisation were before me, a sight I never thought I would see. It seemed as if the walls were begging me to enter, and I could not resist. I stepped forwards, and the world of the forgotten civilisation opened up before me, a world of secrets and mysteries, and I knew I had found my calling. With a newfound sense of purpose, I stepped into the forgotten civilisation, ready to uncover its secrets, no matter the cost.
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The gloomy darkness spread across the sky like a veil on a bride’s face. The sun would not be waking up in perilous conditions. Luminon’s machine shot out clouds of inept darkness. The twilight moon was not completely covered, still leaving a dull glow. Luminon was a supervillain that controlled the darkness. If he built a machine to make the world forever dark, he would rule the world forever! The only one who tried to stop him before was Star Jack.
Star Jack and Luminon were brothers, sons of the Lord of the Galaxy, Glaxon. Star Jack controlled radiation and glowing from the sun, which could repel all darkness. As much as anyone knows, Star Jack, right now, was taking a holiday in the sun with magma friends. He was the only human who could resist the heat and brightness of the holy sun. Luminon stood next to his machine, watching as the rayless machine shot out the darkness that continuously shadowed the gleaming sky. He cackled ferociously. The world would be his in a week. Luminon disappeared in a swish of his cloak. The skull was his signature to mark what was or is his. Since Star Jack was gone, it was up to me.
I am Loki, son of Glaxon, brother of Luminon and Star Jack. I control planetary nature and because of my gift of power, I am always ready to face Luminon. Since I was younger than my 2 blinding brothers, I decided to seek another brother of mine, the prudent warrior of wisdom. Glarion of Sakarilla.
Suddenly a man appeared.
“Of the 6 worlds, I am so glad to see you, Loki. I am Glarion. I am wise so I knew you would come to visit me so why the fuss? I have come to visit you!”
TO BE CONTINUED………………
Thanks for waiting! Here’s the feedback for your writing! 🙂
Overall score out of 20: 17
Structure:
The structure of the narrative is well done, with an introduction of the setting, characters, and the problem. The writer also ends the narrative with a set up for the next part of the story. There are some areas of improvement – the flow of the narrative could be smoother by having more transitions between paragraphs, as well as more varied sentence structures. For example, “Suddenly a man appeared.” could be replaced with a more poetic sentence such as “Out of the darkness, a figure emerged.”
Creative Plots:
The narrative is creative and engaging, with the tension between the two brothers, Luminon and Star Jack, being the main focus. The writer describes the conflict between the brothers and their respective superpowers with vivid imagery. There could be more development in the plot, as the narrative does not provide much information on the backstory of Luminon and Star Jack, as well as the consequences of Luminon’s plan.
Sensory Imagery:
The sensory imagery is vivid and effective. For example, the writer describes the darkness spreading across the sky as “a veil on a bride’s face”, creating an eerie and mysterious atmosphere. However, there could be more sensory imagery to make the narrative more impactful. For instance, the writer could describe the sound of Luminon’s machine and the cackle of his laugh.
Grammar, Syntax, and Vocabulary:
The grammar, syntax and vocabulary used in the narrative are mostly accurate, though the writer could use more sophisticated and magical words to add to the atmosphere. For example, instead of “Luminon cackled ferociously”, the writer could say “Luminon guffawed maniacally”. In addition, the sentences could be more varied and interesting. For example, “He was the only human who could resist the heat and brightness of the holy sun” could be replaced with “He was the only mortal who could withstand the scorching heat and blinding brightness of the divine sun”.
Characterisation:
The characterisation in the narrative is good. The writer describes the characters with vivid imagery and paints them as strong, determined, and powerful. However, the writer could explore the characters more deeply, such as their motivations and emotions, to make the narrative more immersive.
Vocabulary:
The vocabulary used in the narrative is mostly accurate and appropriate for the context. However, the writer could use more sophisticated and magical words to add to the atmosphere. For example, instead of “Luminon cackled ferociously”, the writer could say “Luminon guffawed maniacally”. Other words and phrases that could be used to enhance the narrative include “sinister”, “ominous”, “inevitable”, and “maleficent”.
Juxtaposition:
The juxtaposition used in the narrative is effective. For example, the writer contrasts the two brothers’ superpowers – Star Jack’s power to repel darkness with Luminon’s power to create darkness. However, the writer could use more juxtaposition to further emphasize the differences between the brothers and create tension.
Figurative Language:
The figurative language used in the narrative is appropriate and effective. For example, the writer uses the metaphor “a veil on a bride’s face” to describe the darkness spreading across the sky. However, the writer could use more vivid and poetic figurative language to make the narrative more descriptive.
Rewritten Narrative:
The night sky, like a bride shrouded in black, was cast in a miasma of dismal darkness. Luminon, the dreaded supervillain, had constructed a machine which discharged clouds of oppressive blackness, blotting out all the light of the twilight moon. His goal was clear – if he succeeded in plunging the world into eternal night, he would reign as its despotic ruler, unrivaled by any other. But there was one who had attempted to stop him before – Star Jack, his brother and the son of Glaxon, Lord of the Galaxy.
Star Jack had dominion over the sun’s radiance and could repel any darkness. As far as anyone knew, he had travelled to the sun to spend the day with his magma friends, oblivious of the impending peril. Meanwhile, Luminon stood beside his machine, laughing maniacally as it spewed out his foreboding shadows. The world was doomed in a matter of days. And with Star Jack absent, it was up to me.
My name is Loki, brother to Luminon and Star Jack, son of Glaxon, and master of planetary nature. I was the only one who could stand against the great evil of Luminon. Thus, I set off in search of Glarion of Sakarilla, another brother of mine, wise and courageous.
No sooner had I thought of him than a figure materialized before me. “Of the six worlds, I am so glad to see you, Loki,” a man said, his voice resonating with power. “I am Glarion. I knew you would come, so I came to you.” He was here.
Now, with the three of us united, we were ready to face Luminon and his maleficent machine. Together, we would restore light to the world and save the day.
Now the challenge was clear – to defeat the infamous supervillain and to stop the darkness from consuming the world. We set off, our courage burning brighter than any star, ready to take on the great evil that was Luminon.
Part 2 by Aaron Wang
“Savez-vous où se trouve l’arrêt de bus ?” A stranger asks you. You frown in uncertainty before answering “what did you say?” the stranger nods as if he understands you don’t speak the language he just spoke. He says “weet jij waar de bushalte is?” He repeats in a different language You shrug in confusion, saying you don’t understand and walk off, Feeling embarrassed that you wasted somebodies time for no reason. In fact, all the stranger had said was “Where is the bus stop” just in Dutch and French. If you had learnt any one of those languages, you would never have to be stuck in this awkward situation. This is just one reason why language should be in the school curriculum.
Another advantage of learning language is the benefits of memory. Learning more languages will improve the area of the brain which is in charge of speech, memory and sensory perception. In fact, it is found that multilingual people will better retain lists, sequences and directions. As well as that, they are also more creative and can focus for longer periods of time.
Not only is there mental benefits, it can also help you understand the world around you. Imagine going to a culturally rich country, then not knowing their language. How could you possibly learn about them? In fact, in extreme cases, misunderstanding of culture and racism can start wars. When the British colonised Australia, they didn’t understand the Aboriginal peoples language. This cause conflict and war between the people. When you learn a language, you open the curtains to a new world, and the sunshine shines to more than just your home country.
You may be asking, isn’t language already in the school curriculum? well that is true, but it is optional! Only around 23% of Australians know how to speak a foreign language other than English. This is not beneficial to understanding of other people. Language is one of the biggest barriers to human cooperation. From now, we must invest in the power of language and mandate it as a normal part of the curriculum, not just an extra-curricular activity that nobody does.
Thanks for waiting! Here’s the feedback for your writing! 🙂
Overall Score: 16/20
Structure: 10/10
The essay is well-structured with a clear thesis statement in the introduction, well-organised body paragraphs and a strong conclusion.
Persuasive Techniques: 6/10
The essay provides some persuasive techniques such as the use of rhetorical questions but more of these could be used to gain the readers’ attention. For example, “Do we want to remain isolated in our own language, forever imprisoned in a single culture?”
Emotional Appeal: 5/10
The essay does not contain any emotional language, so readers may not be compelled to take action. For example, “Learning more languages will unlock a world of possibilities, enabling us to communicate with, understand, and appreciate people from all walks of life.”
Figurative Language: 5/10
The essay includes some figurative language in order to make the essay more vivid and powerful. For example, “When you learn a language, you open the curtains to a new world, and the sunshine shines to more than just your home country.” More of this type of language could be used to make the essay more captivating. For example, “Learning a new language is like unlocking a hidden door to a new culture, where different opportunities can be discovered.”
Grammar and Syntax: 9/10
The essay has good grammar and syntax, with only a few minor errors. For example, “In fact, all the stranger had said was “Where is the bus stop” just in Dutch and French.” This should be “In fact, all the stranger had said was “Where is the bus stop?” just in Dutch and French.”
Use of Evidence: 5/10
The essay provides some evidence to support the arguments but more evidence could be used to make the essay more convincing. For example, cite studies about the benefits of learning languages for memory and focus.
Vocabulary: 7/10
The language used in the essay is appropriate for the intended audience but more sophisticated words could be used to make the essay more impressive. For example, instead of “understand”, use “comprehend”.
Vocab list:
Comprehend, Disseminate, Appreciate, Cultivate, Unlock, Imprisoned, Invest, Facilitate, Encapsulate, Perpetuate
Learning a foreign language is essential for all students, as it helps cultivate an appreciation for other cultures and disseminates knowledge of the world. In fact, language is one of the biggest facilitators of human cooperation, and without it, we would remain isolated and imprisoned in our own culture. Learning more languages will unlock a world of possibilities, enabling us to communicate with, understand, and appreciate people from all walks of life. Moreover, learning more languages will also improve memory, creativity, and focus, and help us to better retain lists, sequences, and directions.
Without language, we would be unable to truly encapsulate the world we live in, instead, we would remain ignorant of the different cultures and beliefs around us. Learning language can help bridge cultural gaps and prevent misunderstandings from escalating into conflict. We must invest in language and make it a mandatory part of the school curriculum, in order to ensure that future generations can understand the world around them and perpetrate peace.
The golden sun illuminated the sky in an aurora of calm. The trees clung desperately to the tall mountains and cliff edges. I, an explorer, was here to locate the lost city of El Dorado. I had been chosen as the one to find this paradise of gold and riches. I cast my eyes down to the map and compass. The location of what was thought to be a utopia of gold lay only 2 kilometres ahead. I took a deep breath, and started the trek.
The mountainous terrain curved and slope erratically, bucking and shaking like a wild bull. The sun sunk over the horizon, leaving dark to blind me. The trees wobbled with my vision as I tripped over sticks lining the ground. The demonic plants lashed out at me with their fleet of fangs. The once kind trees smirked at me as the whipped me with fallen branches and poked me with sticks. I was a toy to them. I was tossed around, bruised and scratched all over. I knew I would fall to the demons of night. It was not hopeful. I had to get to El Dorado quickly before the nocturnal predators of the mountains emerged. I picked up my speed. My worst mistake. I fell with my leg on a sharp stick. Crimson red blood oozed out of the deep cut. I clutched my leg tightly. I limped forward before the blood loss was to much. My vision blacked out and I collapsed on the ground in agony.
I opened my eyes to a land of gold. Where I would have been if I succeeded. I bet this is just the gods teasing me. I sat up in this dream world. I realised. This isn’t a dream. I was on a hospital bed coated with gold. Walls were embellished with sheets of shining gold. People wore golden robes. This was El Dorado. A paradise. There was no fight, no homelessness as far as the eye could see. Children chasing, adults laughing. An unbroken happiness. I looked down to my leg. A little boy stood beside me, putting a band aid on my leg. My mouth curved upward in joy. I laughed despite the irritation of my leg. My heart burst with gratitude for the wonderful people of El Dorado. I stood, thanked the boy and told him to give the thanks to the people of El Dorado. As I limped back toward the town of my home, A young woman ran up to me with some sticks tied together as some crutches. I smiled in huge appreciation and headed back, under the shielding of the sun. As I reached the town, I began to ponder. Should I tell the people I had found El Dorado? If I did, they would surely take all of their gold and become rich and greedy. I would become of high honour and praise. But that would destroy El Dorado. I couldn’t do that. When the government came over to me to welcome me home, I told them that the map was wrong. There was no El Dorado. I hid a smile, knowing El Dorado would always be with me in my heart.
Thanks for waiting! Here’s the feedback for your writing! 🙂
Overall Score: 17/20
Structure: 8/10
The structure of the narrative is effective, as the events are broken down into well-defined sections. However, the structure can be improved by condensing the text into shorter paragraphs to make the narrative easy to read and understand. For example, “I opened my eyes to a land of gold. Where I would have been if I succeeded. I sat up in this dream world. I realised. This isn’t a dream. I was on a hospital bed coated with gold. Walls were embellished with sheets of shining gold. People wore golden robes. This was El Dorado. A paradise.” can be condensed into one sentence: “I opened my eyes to a paradise of golden walls and golden robes – El Dorado.”
Creative Plots: 10/10
The plot of this narrative is creative, as it captures the reader’s attention with a journey that leads to an unexpected and delightful discovery.
Sensory Imagery: 9/10
The sensory imagery in this narrative is evocative and vivid, allowing the reader to feel as if they are experiencing the journey with the protagonist. For example, “The demonic plants lashed out at me with their fleet of fangs. The once kind trees smirked at me as the whipped me with fallen branches and poked me with sticks. I was a toy to them.”
Grammar: 8/10
The grammar of this narrative is mostly consistent and accurate. However, minor changes can be made to improve the overall grammar of the narrative, such as changing “I bet this is just the gods teasing me” to “I bet this is just the gods’ teasing me”.
Syntax: 9/10
The syntax of this narrative is mostly effective, as it uses a variety of sentence structures and punctuation to keep the reader engaged. However, some sentences can be improved to make them more concise and effective. For example, “I cast my eyes down to the map and compass” can be changed to “I cast my eyes down at the map and compass”.
Characterisation: 8/10
The characterisation of the protagonist in this narrative is strong, as the reader is able to understand their motivations and emotional responses to the events of the story. However, the characterisation can be further improved by providing an in-depth description of the protagonist’s physical appearance, as well as their inner thoughts and feelings throughout the narrative.
Vocabulary: 8/10
The vocabulary used in this narrative is appropriate and adds to the flow of the story. However, more sophisticated and magical words can be used to further enhance the narrative. For example, instead of “demonic plants”, words like “diabolical vegetation” or “sorcerous shrubs” can be used.
Juxtaposition: 9/10
The juxtaposition between the protagonist’s journey and the discovery of El Dorado is effective, as it creates tension and suspense. However, more comparisons between the two can be made to further enhance the juxtaposition.
Figurative Language: 8/10
The metaphor of “the trees clung desperately to the tall mountains and cliff edges” is effective and creates an image in the reader’s mind. However, more figurative language can be used throughout the narrative to add further depth and emotion. For example, instead of “I had been chosen as the one to find this paradise of gold and riches”, a phrase like “I had been ordained as the one to uncover this fabled utopia of gold and riches” can be used.
Vocab List:
Crimson – vermillion
Demonic – diabolical
Fleet – armada
Fangs – incisors
Tossed – floundered
Irritation – malaise
Gratitude – appreciation
Predators – marauders
Nocturnal – crepuscular
Embellished – ornamented
Limp – hobble
Juxtaposition – comparison
Rewritten Narrative:
The blazing sun illuminated the sky in a halo of serenity. The trees clung tenaciously to the lofty mountains and precipitous edges. I, an intrepid explorer, was on a mission to locate the lost city of El Dorado. I had been selected as the one to find this reputed paradise of gold and treasures. I lowered my gaze to the map and compass. The site of what was rumoured to be a utopian land of gold lay only two kilometres ahead. I inhaled deeply and commenced the journey.
The rugged terrain twisted and sloped erratically, leaping and quaking like a wild bull. The sun plunged beneath the horizon, leaving darkness to eclipse me. The trees shuddered with my vision as I stumbled over sticks strewn across the ground. The diabolical vegetation lashed out at me with their armada of incisors. The once benevolent trees guffawed at me as they floundered me with fallen branches and jabbed me with sticks. I was a toy to them. I was thrown about, bruised and gashed all over. I knew I would succumb to the marauders of nightfall. It was not hopeful. I had to reach El Dorado quickly before the nocturnal predators of the mountains emerged. I hastened my pace. My worst mistake. I tripped with my leg on a sharp stick. Vibrant vermillion blood oozed out of the deep cut. I clutched my leg tightly. I hobbled forward before the blood loss was too much. My vision faded and I collapsed onto the ground in agony.
I opened my eyes to a land of gold. Where I would have been if I had succeeded. I sat up in this dream world. I realised. This isn’t a dream. I was on a hospital bed encrusted with gold. Walls were ornamented with sheets of glittering gold. People wore golden robes. This was El Dorado. A paradise. There was no distress, no homelessness as far as the eye could see. Children chasing, adults laughing. An unbroken happiness. I looked down at my leg. A little boy stood beside me, putting a band-aid on my leg. My mouth curved upward in joy. I laughed despite the malaise of my leg. My heart swelled with an appreciation for the wonderful people of El Dorado. I stood, thanked the boy and told him to pass on the thanks to the people of El Dorado. As I hobbled back toward the town of my home, A young woman ran up to me with some sticks bound together as makeshift crutches. I smiled in immense gratitude and headed back, sheltered by the sun. As I arrived at the town, I began to ponder. Should I tell the people I had discovered El Dorado? If I did, they would certainly take all of their gold and become affluent and avaricious. I would be of high esteem and honour. But that would abolish El Dorado. I couldn’t do that. When the government came over to me to welcome me home, I told them that the map was wrong. There was no El Dorado. I concealed a smile, knowing El Dorado would always be with me in my heart.
My journey, however, was not over. I had to continue my mission, to uncover the secrets of the lost civilization. I had to find out the truth. I armed myself with a renewed determination, and strode onward. I had to get to El Dorado before the nocturnal marauders of the mountains emerged. I had to get there before it was too late.
Prompt 3
The sun was setting, casting a hue of soft, golden, glimmering light on the isolated island. On this day, I, an explorer, had set out on a quest to search for a lost civilization. I had been cautioned many times that the task would be cramming like a law student, but I was determined to use my knowledge and skill to conquer the secrets of the civilization. With a heavy heart and perseverance to succeed, I set off on my journey, ready for the challenges ahead…
As I trudged through the forest, I was filled with awe and wonder at the tall, winding trees that reached up to the sky, the chattering animals, and the air of excitement submerging me in an ocean of emotions. I had been allowed to discover something extraordinary, and I wasn’t going to blow it out of the water. I was being guided by fate, and I was going to find the answers I was looking for here.
The scenery changed, with shrubs and flowers thriving on the fertile soil, and the land becoming more untamed and uncivilized. Everywhere I looked, I was overwhelmed by the beauty of nature and the fragrant aromas of flowers. I pondered if I was going in the right direction and decided to keep advancing through the mysterious forest.
I arrived at my destination, with the wind howling like a pack of wolves and the trees whispering amid the excitement. I had accomplished something that had been lost for centuries. I could feel the power of the civilization I was searching for, filled with a strange sense of pride and accomplishment. I had been chosen to do this, and I was determined to succeed. I was an explorer, and I was here to find the lost civilization.
Thanks for waiting! Here’s the feedback for your writing! 🙂
Overall Score: 17/20
Structure: The narrative is well-structured and follows a clear progression. However, it could be further improved by providing more vivid descriptions and details to make the reader feel as if they are accompanying the explorer on the journey. For example, instead of saying “The scenery changed,” you could say “As we ventured further, the scenery shifted and changed, the trees becoming taller and the air becoming more fragrant with the scent of flowers.”
Creative Plots: This narrative is creative and imaginative, making the reader feel as if they are accompanying the explorer on their journey. It also provides a sense of excitement and anticipation as the reader wonders what secrets the explorer will uncover. However, the plot could be further developed by providing more interesting and unexpected twists and turns. For example, instead of simply arriving at his destination, the explorer could be faced with an obstacle that he must overcome before he reaches his destination.
Sensory Imagery: This narrative is rich with sensory imagery, allowing the reader to experience the journey alongside the explorer. For example, the phrase “the chattering animals” helps to bring the forest to life and invoke a strong sense of atmosphere. Furthermore, the phrase “the air of excitement submerging me in an ocean of emotions” paints a vivid picture of the explorer’s feelings.
Grammar: The grammar of this narrative is generally correct, with no major errors. However, it could be improved by varying the sentence length and structure. For example, instead of saying “Everywhere I looked, I was overwhelmed by the beauty of nature and the fragrant aromas of flowers,” you could say “I was awestruck by the beauty of nature – the tall trees reaching up to the sky, the chattering animals, and the fragrant aromas of flowers.”
Syntax: The syntax of this narrative is generally correct, but there are some areas that could be improved. For example, instead of saying “I had been allowed to discover something extraordinary,” you could say “I had been granted the opportunity to discover something extraordinary.”
Characterisation: This narrative successfully characterises the explorer, allowing the reader to gain insight into his thoughts and emotions. For example, the phrase “With a heavy heart and perseverance to succeed, I set off on my journey, ready for the challenges ahead” helps to create a strong emotional connection between the reader and the explorer.
Vocabulary: The vocabulary used in this narrative is generally effective, but there are some areas that could be improved. For example, instead of saying “I had been cautioned many times” you could say “I had been warned repeatedly” or “I had been cautioned numerous times.” Additionally, words such as “unearth,” “staggering,” “enchanting,” “paradise,” and “stupendous” could be used to further evoke the atmosphere and make the narrative more magical.
Juxtaposition: This narrative uses juxtaposition effectively, with the explorer’s feelings of awe and wonder contrasted with his determination to succeed. However, it could be further improved by providing more contrasts, such as the explorer’s excitement contrasted with the fear of the unknown.
Figurative Language: This narrative includes a few examples of figurative language, such as “the wind howling like a pack of wolves” and “the trees whispering amid the excitement.” However, it could be further improved by including more figurative language, such as “the sky seeming to stretch on forever,” “the flowers blooming like a kaleidoscope of color,” and “the birds singing a beautiful melody.”
Rewritten Narrative:
The sun was setting, painting the sky with a soft, golden hue. On this day, I, an explorer, had set out on a journey to uncover a lost civilization. I was warned of the difficulty of the task ahead, but I was determined to persevere and use my knowledge and skill to discover the secrets of the civilization. With a heavy heart and a resolute sense of determination, I set off, ready to face the challenges ahead.
As I trudged through the forest, I was filled with wonder and awe. The trees were tall and winding, reaching up to the sky, and the animals were chattering, creating a sense of excitement that submerged me in a sea of emotions. It seemed fate had granted me the opportunity to uncover something extraordinary, and I wasn’t going to let it slip away.
The scenery changed, the shrubs and flowers thriving on the fertile soil, and the land becoming more untamed and uncivilized. Everywhere I looked, I was overwhelmed by the staggering beauty of nature and the enchanting aromas of flowers. I pondered if I was heading in the right direction and decided to keep going.
Eventually, I arrived at my destination, the wind howling like a pack of wolves and the trees whispering amid the excitement. I had accomplished something that had been lost for centuries. I felt a strange sense of pride and accomplishment, I had been chosen to do this, and I was not going to let it slip away. I was an explorer, and I was here to uncover the lost civilization.
The landscape was a paradise, with the sky seeming to stretch on forever and the flowers blooming like a kaleidoscope of color. The birds were singing a beautiful melody, and I felt as if I had stepped into a world of stupendous wonder. Despite the fear of the unknown, I was filled with a sense of excitement and anticipation as I ventured further, ready to uncover the secrets that had been lost for centuries.
I cowered behind a building as I watched Starel zoom around, picking up the special operations military force and throwing them around like toys. I knew I could be no help. I would perish just like the millions of others who had faced the evil villain, Starel. He was able to move at unimaginable speeds and pick people up like they were nothing but a feather. Every single other city has been placed under the rule of Starel. He was up to the last city in this planet. The stronghold. But Starel was just too powerful. Bring in the army, he picks them up and flings them into the ocean. Bring a tank, he flies upward before dive bombing into the hatch of the tank, blowing it into millions of tiny pieces. There was no hope.
I breathed rapidly as I watched the destruction unfold around me. Nobody who came near Starel survived. Buildings were reduced to rubble, all while the demonic laugh of Starel echoed around me. The moon smirked at me, as if it knew what was really happening to me. Buildings shook with terror before crumbling and collapsing. There were dead bodies strewn on the ground. I cried. The city I had lived in, reduced to nothing but a pile of corpses and a heap of destroyed buildings. My sadness welled up inside me, before I could hold it no more. In a flurry of rage, I picked up a pile of rubble and threw it with all my might at the ground. I jumped backwards when the floor imploded beneath me. I ran the other way, but not normally. I flew into the sky and looped before landing back on the floor like a stunt plane. I paused in bewilderment. I slowly walked back to where I threw the rubble on the floor. There lay a crater. I pick up a block of concrete from the floor, and hurled it at a tree. The block tumbled through the air and lit up like it was the saving angel. The tree exploded when it impacted with the block. I looked in surprise. I picked up another block of concrete and flew toward where Starel was toying with the military force.
Starel had his back turned to me. He was talking. “Listen up you weakling military!” If you want to survive, go round up every single survivor and bring them over here. I need more slaves.” I could not believe it. I flew at high speed before letting go of the concrete block. It lit up into bright sparks and rammed into Starel’s back. His shirt was ripped and he was bleeding. Starel turned and looked at me. “Aha, the chosen one.” He said in disgust. “You’ll never beat me anyways.” He added before speeding towards me with his fists in the air. In this split second, a thought crossed my mind. Can’t I just fly away and never come back? Then I won’t suffer. I was about to take off before I thought back to Starel’s words. ‘I need more slaves’ He had said. I knew what to do. I flew up into the sky and didn’t return.
“Coward” muttered Starel. The next few days were an atrocity. The people on Earth were tortured, killed and enslaved. It was over for the earth. Eternal rule for Starel, eternal torture for everyone else.
I located the now ruined city, and flew toward it with a small asteroid in my hands. ‘Starel must die’ were the words repeated in my mind. An unwavering determination drove me to him. He had his back turned, just like before. “The chosen one indeed.” I said before hurling the asteroid at him. I had triumphed.
Thanks for waiting! Here’s the feedback for your writing! 🙂
Overall Score: 15/20
Structure: 8/10
The structure of this narrative is effective, as it is clear and effectively moves through the story. However, there are certain places where the tense and point of view changes, which can be confusing or jarring. For example, the first sentence is written in the past tense ‘I cowered behind a building’, but then switches to present tense ‘Every single other city has been placed under the rule of Starel’. This change in tense should be maintained throughout the passage.
Creative Plots: 9/10
This narrative is creative and engaging, with an interesting plot and exciting climax. The protagonist’s inner turmoil and emotions are effectively conveyed, which adds depth to the story. The supernatural abilities of the villain are described in an imaginative way, which adds to the suspense. One suggestion could be to add more details to the description of the destruction, such as ‘Buildings shook with terror before crumbling and collapsing in a shower of sparks’.
Sensory Imagery: 8/10
The sensory imagery in this narrative is effective. For example, ‘The moon smirked at me, as if it knew what was really happening’ evokes a strong image. However, the imagery could be made more vivid and powerful by using more vivid language, such as ‘The moon glowered at me, as if it knew my deepest secrets’.
Grammar, Syntax, Vocabulary and Figurative Language: 8/10
The grammar and syntax of this narrative is mostly correct and accurate. Some of the vocabulary is simple, such as ‘pick’, ‘throw’ and ‘nothing’. Additionally, there are not many figurative language techniques used, such as metaphors, similes and personification. To improve this aspect, try substituting some of the simple words with more sophisticated words, such as ‘pluck’, ‘hurl’ and ‘naught’. Also, try to include some figurative language techniques, such as ‘The moon glared at me, as if it had seen my darkest thoughts’.
Characterisation: 8/10
The characterisation in this narrative is good, as the protagonist’s emotions are effectively conveyed. However, the antagonist’s characterisation could be improved. Instead of describing him simply as ‘evil’, it would be more effective to include more detail, such as his motivations and personality.
Juxtaposition: 7/10
The juxtaposition of the protagonist’s emotions and the destruction around him is effective. For example, when the protagonist is feeling helpless, the destruction is described in vivid detail. However, the juxtaposition could be improved by adding more description of the destruction. For example, ‘Buildings shook with fear before crumbling and collapsing in a shower of sparks’.
Rewritten Narrative:
I cowered behind a building, watching in terror as Starel zoomed around as if he was some kind of supernatural being with inhuman strength. He picked up the special operations military force and threw them around like playthings, with no regard for the lives in danger. I could do nothing but observe in horror- I knew that I would be no help in this situation. Every single other city had been placed under the rule of Starel- I couldn’t believe that he was up to his last city. The stronghold. But Starel was too powerful- he had the ability to move at speeds that my mind couldn’t even comprehend, and pick up people like they were mere feathers.
Breathing rapidly, I watched the destruction unfold around me. All the buildings were reduced to nothing but rubble, while the demonic laugh of Starel echoed around me. The moon looked down on me with an eerie expression, as if it was aware of my own sense of helplessness. Buildings shook with terror before crumbling and collapsing, and there were dead bodies strewn on the ground. The sadness that I felt welling up inside me, and I couldn’t take it anymore. In a flurry of rage, I picked up a pile of rubble and threw it with all my might at the ground. The floor imploded beneath me, and I flew in the other direction.
Starel had his back turned to me and was talking. “Listen up you weaklings! If you want to survive, go and round up every single survivor and bring them over here- I need more slaves.” He said with disgust. I watched in disbelief as he flung the military force around like rag dolls, before I got an idea. I flew at high speed, before letting go of a block of concrete that lit up like some kind of saving angel. The tree exploded when it impacted the block, and I looked in surprise. I picked up another block of concrete and flew towards Starel.
He had his back turned to me, and I said “The chosen one indeed.” before hurling the block at him. He was ripped and bleeding, and he turned to look at me with contempt. He said “You’ll never beat me anyways” before speeding towards me. I was about to take off before I remembered his words- ‘I need more slaves’. I flew up into the sky and didn’t look back, leaving Starel to his own devices.
The next few days were a horrendous sight- the people on Earth were tortured and killed, enslaved by Starel’s tyranny. I knew what I had to do- I flew towards the now ruined city, with a small asteroid in my hands. I repeated the words ‘Starel must die’ in my head, and I flew towards him with unwavering determination. He had his back turned, just like before. “The chosen one indeed,” I said before hurling the asteroid at him. I had triumphed.
Prompt 4
The pitch-black night sky shimmered, and the stars were etched across, like a painting. I flew across the heavens, filled with an instinct of determination and purpose. I had been selected by the gods to save the world from a sinister and powerful supervillain and I was determined to succeed. My strength and courage had been gifted to me, and I was going to benefit from it. I had been on an adventure that took me all around the world, and I was now arriving at my final destination. The fate of the world depended on me, and I was prepared to take on the challenge.
Suddenly, I heard a crash, near a dark alley. As I edged closer, I could see a group of menacing thugs, guarding a man with a supervillain suit on. I had found my target. I could feel my skin itching, as he radiated an aurora of power. I raced towards him, my fragile heart beating in my chest. I had sweat on my palms, as I knocked out the thugs and focused on him. He was strong, but I was stronger. My strength and courage were like a shield around me, and I was sure I could prevail. I used all my strength and courage to subdue the villain and eventually emerged victorious. The world was saved, and the people rejoiced at my brave victory.
I had conquered the evil villain and saved the world. The gods had chosen me, and I had prevailed. I had faced impossible odds but incredibly, I had triumphed.
Thanks for waiting! Here’s the feedback for your writing! 🙂
Overall score: 14/20
Structure: 8/10
This narrative has a clear beginning, middle and end. The beginning introduces the setting and the protagonist’s sense of purpose, the middle provides the action and the resolution is the triumphant victory. The story could be improved by adding a few more plot points between the beginning and the middle, to give the story more depth and complexity.
Creative Plots: 4/5
The plot of this story is original and creative. It could be further developed by adding more plot points, unexpected twists and turns and introducing more characters.
Sensory Imagery: 3/5
The narrative contains some vivid imagery, such as “the pitch-black night sky shimmered” and “the stars were etched across, like a painting”. The descriptions could be further enhanced by including more sensory details, such as smell, sound and touch.
Grammar, Syntax: 4/5
The grammar and syntax in this passage are mostly correct. However, a few uses of passive voice and incorrect verb tenses can be found.
Characterisation: 4/5
The protagonist is clearly described in this narrative. The reader can easily understand their motivations and character traits. The villain could be further developed, to give the reader a better understanding of their character.
Vocabulary: 2/5
The narrative contains mostly simple words and phrases. To add sophistication and magic to the story, the author could use more lyrical and imaginative words and phrases, such as “ebon night”, “celestial tapestry”, “myriad stars” and “primaeval darkness”.
Juxtaposition: 2/5
The story contains a few uses of juxtaposition, such as “My strength and courage had been gifted to me”. To add more depth and contrast to the story, the author could include more juxtapositions, such as “the villain’s formidable power against my meagre strength”.
Figurative Language: 2/5
The narrative contains a few figurative elements, such as the comparison of stars to a painting. To add more drama and excitement to the story, the author could use more figurative language, such as metaphors, similes and personification.
Rewritten narrative:
As I soared through the sylvan sky, its inky depths illuminated by myriad stars, I knew I had been chosen for a great mission. I had been selected by the gods to confront a powerful supervillain and I was determined to succeed, for the fate of the world depended on me. A fresh wave of courage and resilience had been bestowed upon me, and I was ready to take on this perilous task.
I had ventured far and wide, to reach this final destination. I had encountered many dangers, yet I had emerged unscathed. I followed an ebon path, until I reached a dark alley, where a gang of nefarious thugs had surrounded a figure in a supervillain suit. This was my target. As I drew closer, I felt the primaeval darkness emanating from him, yet I knew I had to fight. I charged forward, my fragile heart pounding in my chest, and I could feel my courage and strength as a shield around me.
After a titanic struggle, I finally subdued the villain, emerging victorious. As I rose to the heavens, I felt a wave of joy, for I had saved the world. The gods had blessed me with power, and I had used it wisely. I had faced an impossible destiny, yet I had triumphed. I had vanquished evil, and the people rejoiced in my noble victory.
Kids deserve time on weekends to rest and relax. To release all stress from school. But instead of getting the free time they are supposed to, teachers assign them piles and piles of homework to keep them inside their rooms studying all day. Homework is necessary as it can help review what they have learned in the classroom however when it comes to weekends, children need their share of rest.
To start, children need to have rest. After an entire week of school, children need to have a break. If children are assigned homework on the weekend, children wouldn’t have enough time to rest and take a break from doing all that schoolwork. Furthermore, homework gives children stress and anxiety from the pressure of having to finish it on time. So if children don’t get to rest they won’t have time to release their stress.
Finally, children need time with family. Having quality time with family is one of the best things to do on your weekend but instead, you have to do all your homework. Spending time with family can help them bond and understand each other better. When a child doesn’t spend time with much time with their family they can feel left out.
To conclude, I most definitely believe that homework isn’t a good thing on weekends because homework would absorb all of your free time to rest on the weekends and children need to spend time with their family instead of doing homework assignments. So teachers should stop assigning kids weekend homework and should let children relax and spend time with family.
Thanks for waiting! Here’s the feedback for your writing! 🙂
Overall Score: 14/20
Structure: 8/10
The essay is well-structured, however, the introduction could be improved to be more persuasive. The introduction should present a clear thesis statement and provide a preview of the arguments that will be discussed in the essay. For example, the introduction could be written as: “Weekends should be a time for children to rest, relax, and spend time with their family. Unfortunately, teachers often assign piles of homework over the weekend, leaving no time for children to enjoy their break. This homework not only creates stress and anxiety, but it also detracts from family bonding time. In this essay, we will discuss why weekend homework should be abolished and how it negatively impacts children’s well-being.”
Persuasive Techniques: 8/10
The author successfully uses persuasive techniques such as the use of facts and personal experience. For example, the author states that, “Homework gives children stress and anxiety from the pressure of having to finish it on time.” This statement is supported with evidence and it serves to emphasize the negative effects of weekend homework. However, the author could improve their persuasive techniques by providing more evidence to support their arguments. For example, the author could add statistics about the number of students who feel overwhelmed by weekend homework or cite case studies of students who were negatively impacted by weekend homework.
Emotional Appeal: 4/5
The essay effectively uses emotional appeal to appeal to the reader’s feelings. For example, the author states that, “When a child doesn’t spend time with much time with their family they can feel left out.” This statement appeals to the reader’s emotions by making them feel sympathetic towards the child’s situation.
Figurative Language: 3/5
The author uses some figurative language to make their statements more powerful. For example, the author states that, “homework would absorb all of your free time to rest on the weekends.” This metaphor is used to emphasize how much time is taken away from children who have homework on the weekends. However, the author could improve their use of figurative language by adding more metaphors and similes to their essay. For example, the author could state that, “Homework on the weekends is like a dark cloud looming over a child’s head, making them feel overwhelmed.”
Grammar, Syntax, Use of Evidence and Vocabulary: 4/4
The author’s grammar, syntax, use of evidence, and vocabulary are all excellent. The author successfully uses a variety of vocabulary words to make their points more powerful. For example, words such as “quality” and “bond” are used to emphasize the importance of family time. Additionally, the author provides evidence to support their arguments, which adds to the overall persuasive nature of the essay.
More sophisticated words and phrases:
• Replaced “deserve” with “entitled to”
• Replaced “piles and piles” with “mountains of”
• Replaced “help review” with “facilitate understanding”
• Replaced “release” with “alleviate”
• Replaced “take a break” with “take respite”
• Replaced “pressure” with “strain”
• Replaced “spending time” with “investing time”
• Replaced “feel left out” with “feel isolated”
• Replaced “stop assigning” with “cease to assign”
Word count: -5 points
Rewrite:
Weekends should be a time for children to take respite, alleviate stress, and invest time in their family. Unfortunately, teachers often assign mountains of homework over the weekend, leaving no time for children to enjoy their break. This homework not only creates strain and anxiety, but it also detracts from family bonding time. In this essay, we will discuss why weekend homework should be abolished and how it negatively impacts children’s well-being.
To begin, children are entitled to some rest. After an entire week of school, children need to have a break. If children are assigned homework on the weekend, they would not have enough time to relax and take a break from doing all that schoolwork. Furthermore, homework gives children stress and anxiety from the pressure of having to finish it on time. Consequently, if children do not get to rest, they won’t have time to alleviate their stress.
Moreover, children need to invest time with their family. Having quality time with family is one of the best things to do on the weekend, but instead, they have to do all their homework. Spending time with family can help them bond and facilitate understanding between each other. When a child does not spend time with their family, they can feel isolated.
To conclude, it is evident that homework is not an appropriate assignment on weekends because it takes away all the time needed to rest and children need to spend time with their family instead of doing homework assignments. Therefore, teachers should cease to assign kids weekend homework and should let children relax and spend time with their family.
Thanks for waiting! Here’s the feedback for your writing! 🙂
Overall score: 17/20
Structure: (2/2)
The structure of this essay is clear, with an introduction, body paragraphs and a conclusion.
Persuasive Techniques: (3.5/4)
The essay includes a few persuasive techniques, such as appeals to emotion in phrases such as “their struggling organs buckle from the weight” and “dreadful cycle”, as well as appeals to logic and facts in phrases such as “Children cannot develop their brains if all they do at home are innumerable pages of homework” and “Motor functions still have to be developed and improved over the entire duration of childhood”. These techniques could be improved by making them even more persuasive, for example: “their feeble organs collapse from the intense stress”, “Children cannot blossom their brains if all they do at home are infinite pages of homework” and “Motor functions must be constantly nurtured and improved over the entirety of childhood”.
Emotional Appeal: (3.5/4)
The essay contains emotional language in phrases such as “their crimson eyes become droopy” and “our dainty hearts”. The emotional appeal of this essay could be further enhanced with words such as “their bloodshot eyes droop” and “our delicate hearts”.
Figurative Language: (3/4)
The essay contains some figurative language, such as “hellish limbs of homework” and “infinite depths of a hellhole in society”. This figurative language could be improved by using even more vivid language, for example: “sinister tentacles of homework” and “unfathomable depths of a pit of despair in society”.
Grammar: (2.5/3)
The grammar in the essay is mostly correct, but there are a few mistakes, such as the incorrect use of “their” in the sentence “their time is stolen by the hellish limbs of homework”. This should be “our” as the essay is in the first person.
Syntax: (3/3)
The syntax in the essay is correct and effective.
Use of Evidence: (2/2)
The essay makes use of evidence in phrases such as “Motor functions still have to be developed and improved over the entire duration of childhood” and “the percentile of depression in our society has been skyrocketing”.
Vocabulary: (2/2)
The essay contains appropriate and varied vocabulary, such as “crimson”, “buckle”, “dreadful”, “dainty” and “sinister”.
Vocabulary list:
– Wailing: weeping, howling
– Burdens: encumbrances, loads
– Droopy: sagging, drooping
– Struggling: labouring, straining
– Organs: systems, parts
– Weight: heaviness, pressure
– Perpetual: continuous, everlasting
– Cycle: rotation, round
– Absorb: comprehend, ingest
– Revision: rechecking, review
– Stimulated: excited, prompted
– Claw: grip, grip
– Dainty: delicate, fragile
– Ravenous: voracious, insatiable
– Smithereens: bits, pieces
– Agony: anguish, torment
Weekends should be a time for children to let go of the shackles of homework and explore the world around them. It is a time for them to paint a new perspective, bask in the warmth of the sun and find joy in the simplest of things. It is a time for them to nurture their motor functions and create new relationships with one another. Homework should not be a part of this equation.
Weekends should be a blissful respite from the trials and tribulations of schoolwork. Too often, schools assign children a “weekend homework”, robbing them of their long-awaited freedom. This cruel practice has the potential to damage the emotional and physical well-being of those young people, leaving them feeling lost, helpless and overwhelmed.
Homework is a hindrance to a child’s development. Research has shown that children need to be physically and emotionally active in order to reach their full potential. Through sports, they can develop their motor skills and coordination, while they also learn important life lessons such as teamwork and respect. Unfortunately, these activities are often overlooked in favour of homework, leaving children with little time to explore the world outside of their textbooks.
The pressure of homework also has a detrimental effect on children’s mental health. Too much homework can lead to increased levels of stress and anxiety, which can cause mood swings, depression, and even suicidal thoughts. As such, it is essential that children be given enough time to relax and engage in recreational activities.
The weekend should be a time for children to break free from the prison of homework and reconnect with the world around them. It should be a time for them to engage in activities that will benefit their physical and mental health. Through sports, art and other recreational activities, children can learn valuable skills and develop meaningful relationships. We must take steps to ensure that children have the freedom to explore and grow, and homework should not be a part of that equation.
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Overall Score: 16/20
Structure: 4/5
The essay is well structured, with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the main ideas could be more clearly separated into distinct body paragraphs for improved readability.
Persuasive Techniques: 3/5
The essay does use persuasive techniques such as repetition of key phrases, e.g. “eternal hellhole”. However, the essay could be further enhanced by the use of rhetorical questions and appeals to the reader’s emotions.
Emotional Appeal: 3/5
The essay does use emotive language, such as “torturing and excruciating”, to a certain extent. However, the emotional appeal could be further heightened by using more figurative language to paint a vivid picture of the suffering of the children.
Figurative Language: 4/5
The essay does use some figurative language, such as “bulging crimson veins”, to some extent. However, the essay could benefit from further use of metaphors and similes to create a more evocative and powerful image of the struggles of the children.
Grammar, Syntax and Vocabulary: 3/5
The grammar, syntax and vocabulary used in the essay are generally good. However, some of the sentences could be restructured for improved fluency and the use of more sophisticated words could be employed to create a more powerful effect.
Use of Evidence: 3/5
The essay does provide some evidence to support the argument, such as the fact that homework is not proven to raise grades. However, more evidence could be used to provide a more comprehensive argument.
Vocabulary:
– Bulging crimson veins: swollen bloodshot eyes
– Black rings around their eyes: dark circles under their eyes
– Eternal hellhole: an endless prison
– Demoralised: disheartened
– Rhetorical questions: questions used to make a point
– Metaphors: a figure of speech in which a word or phrase is applied to an object or action to which it is not literally applicable
– Similes: a figure of speech in which two, unlike things, are explicitly compared
– Fluency: the ability to speak or write easily and correctly
Children will feel stressed to complete their homework. Every weekend they look out of their window to the park, seeing people reveling joyfully. They might almost drift into a daydream, imagining they are playing with the people in the park until they swing their gaze back to their computer. On it dozens of tabs with tests, studies and essays to complete. Children will become so dispirited they will not execute their homework properly. What’s the point of homework if the students are so despondent and anxious to do any of it?
Now, with such onerous burdens of stress and depression, are there any positives to the equation on homework? No! homework isn’t substantiated to raise grades for young students! We keep tormenting the children just because we feel like it. Just so everyone seems smart. Nobody is actually going to benefit from barring the door to life and sitting in front of a computer screen with some text on it. The decision is indubitable. Stop destroying children’s lives by compelling them to do homework on the weekends.
The weekends should be a time for children to relax and enjoy themselves, free from the stresses of academic life. Instead, they are being forced to spend their time completing homework, causing them physical, mental and emotional exhaustion. Not only is this an extreme burden for these young children, but it also has no educational benefit. Homework does not promote learning, and it does nothing to improve grades. It is an unnecessary and damaging source of stress and anxiety for children.
Rather than stealing the joy of the weekends from these children, we should be allowing them to spend their time pursuing more constructive activities. This would benefit their physical and mental wellbeing and allow them to develop their interests and skills. We should be promoting a healthy balance between school and leisure, rather than smothering our children’s potential with an overwhelming workload.
Ultimately, homework on the weekends is damaging to children’s mental health and does nothing to improve their academic performance. We should be freeing our children from this unnecessary burden, and allowing them to spend their weekends enjoying the simple pleasures of life.
Thanks for waiting! Here’s the feedback for your writing! 🙂
Overall Score: 16/20
Structure: 7/10
The organization of the essay is clear and easy to follow. However, the introduction could be more engaging and draw the reader in. For example, the sentence “This is why I am against the use of homework on weekends” could be replaced with something more effective like, “Weekends should be a time for children to explore their interests and engage with the world around them, free from the burden of homework”.
Persuasive Techniques: 5/5
The essay effectively uses persuasive techniques such as an emotional appeal and the use of evidence to make its case. For example, the author mentions that “endless surveys have found that homework creates a distasteful attitude towards school” to support their argument. This could be replaced with a more impactful statement like, “Research has consistently shown that homework has a detrimental effect on the student’s attitude towards school”.
Emotional Appeal: 4/5
The essay contains some emotional language, such as “an already 6-7 hour school day and homework has not been proven to provide results” to create an emotional appeal to the reader. However, this could be further enhanced by using more powerful and emotive language. For example, instead of “not been proven to provide results”, a more impactful phrase could be used like “not been proven to yield positive results”.
Figurative Language: 4/5
The essay contains some figurative language, such as “never-ending pit of homework”. This could be further enhanced by the use of more evocative and metaphoric language. For example, instead of “never-ending pit of homework”, a more impactful phrase could be used like “bottomless abyss of homework”.
Grammar: 3/3
The grammar of the essay is accurate and effective.
Syntax: 3/3
The syntax of the essay is varied and effective.
Use of Evidence: 3/3
The essay effectively uses evidence to support the argument. For example, the author mentions that “homework has not been found to be connected to a higher level of academic success” to provide evidence for their point.
Vocabulary: 3/3
The essay contains a range of sophisticated vocabulary, such as “exigency” and “sedentary”.
Synonyms:
Exigency: Imperative, urgent
Sedentary: Inactive, static
Rewrite:
The weekends should be a time of joy, discovery and exploration for children, free from the oppressive burden of homework. The idea of homework on weekends is one that should be strongly rejected, as it only serves to detract from the potential of childhood freedom and exploration.
Homework has been proven to create a negative attitude towards school and has not been found to be connected with higher levels of academic success. In some cases, it can even have a detrimental effect if misunderstood, as the onus of responsibility is placed on the student and their parents. Furthermore, it encourages a sedentary lifestyle and adds to the already long 6-7 hour school day. It is often a challenge to enforce the completion of homework and students can still get excellent grades without doing it. Thus, it can be argued that the positive attributes of homework are not clear.
In conclusion, I believe that the use of homework on weekends should be strongly discouraged. It does not provide any real benefit and only serves to detract from the joys and potential of childhood. Rather than relying on homework, students should be encouraged to engage in extracurricular activities, explore the world around them and spend time with their families. Quality should always come before quantity, and the weekends should be used to discover and grow, not to complete additional schoolwork.
Overall Score: 16/20
Structure: 7/10
The organization of the essay is clear and easy to follow. However, the introduction could be more engaging and draw the reader in. For example, the sentence “This is why I am against the use of homework on weekends” could be replaced with something more effective like, “Weekends should be a time for children to explore their interests and engage with the world around them, free from the burden of homework”.
Persuasive Techniques: 5/5
The essay effectively uses persuasive techniques such as an emotional appeal and the use of evidence to make its case. For example, the author mentions that “endless surveys have found that homework creates a distasteful attitude towards school” to support their argument. This could be replaced with a more impactful statement like, “Research has consistently shown that homework has a detrimental effect on the student’s attitude towards school”.
Emotional Appeal: 4/5
The essay contains some emotional language, such as “an already 6-7 hour school day and homework has not been proven to provide results” to create an emotional appeal to the reader. However, this could be further enhanced by using more powerful and emotive language. For example, instead of “not been proven to provide results”, a more impactful phrase could be used like “not been proven to yield positive results”.
Figurative Language: 4/5
The essay contains some figurative language, such as “never-ending pit of homework”. This could be further enhanced by the use of more evocative and metaphoric language. For example, instead of “never-ending pit of homework”, a more impactful phrase could be used like “bottomless abyss of homework”.
Grammar: 3/3
The grammar of the essay is accurate and effective.
Syntax: 3/3
The syntax of the essay is varied and effective.
Use of Evidence: 3/3
The essay effectively uses evidence to support the argument. For example, the author mentions that “homework has not been found to be connected to a higher level of academic success” to provide evidence for their point.
Vocabulary: 3/3
The essay contains a range of sophisticated vocabulary, such as “exigency” and “sedentary”.
Synonyms:
Exigency: Imperative, urgent
Sedentary: Inactive, static
Rewrite:
The weekends should be a time of joy, discovery and exploration for children, free from the oppressive burden of homework. The idea of homework on weekends is one that should be strongly rejected, as it only serves to detract from the potential of childhood freedom and exploration.
Homework has been proven to create a negative attitude towards school and has not been found to be connected with higher levels of academic success. In some cases, it can even have a detrimental effect if misunderstood, as the onus of responsibility is placed on the student and their parents. Furthermore, it encourages a sedentary lifestyle and adds to the already long 6-7 hour school day. It is often a challenge to enforce the completion of homework and students can still get excellent grades without doing it. Thus, it can be argued that the positive attributes of homework are not clear.
In conclusion, I believe that the use of homework on weekends should be strongly discouraged. It does not provide any real benefit and only serves to detract from the joys and potential of childhood. Rather than relying on homework, students should be encouraged to engage in extracurricular activities, explore the world around them and spend time with their families. Quality should always come before quantity, and the weekends should be used to discover and grow, not to complete additional schoolwork.
Prompt 1
I have a vision of a world where children can enjoy their weekends without being burdened by the pressures of homework. A world where children can use their weekends to unwind, explore their creativity, spend time with their families, and not be absorbed into hellholes of confusion and suffering. A world where children can receive education and develop, without having to concern about the endless piles of homework they must complete that torture them forever.
Homework is an essential part of learning, and it is a great way to revise and enhance what has been learned in the classroom through activities. Although homework may be necessary, it has several disadvantages. Homework should not be assigned on weekends, as weekends are a time of relaxation and fun. It would destroy our society if homework was due on weekends. This is concerning because homework can be a source of stress and anxiety, which leads to academic and physical drawbacks and can take away treasurable time that could be spent with friends and family.
This is why I am against the use of homework on weekends. Homework can be a source of stress and anxiety, and continue to burden children with additional work. Stress and anxiety can lead to ADHD and many other mental diseases and issues that can impact a child by harming their learning and exercise. It can be a tedious waste of time, life has more purpose than education.
In addition, some children may not have the necessary resources or support to complete their homework on weekends. They may not have sufficient materials, or they may have sick parents that cannot help them. Whatever the case, this can lead to feelings of inadequacy and can make them feel like they are not keeping up with their classmates.
In conclusion, I believe that homework definitely should not be assigned on weekends. It can be a source and repository of stress and anxiety and can take away precious time that could be spent with friends and family. It can also lead to an unhealthy balance between work and play and can discourage children from discovering new interests. I wish that all children can enjoy their weekends without being pressured by the mountain of sinister homework they receive every week.
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Overall Score: 18/20
Structure: The structure of this essay is well-crafted and clear. It is organised into three parts: Introduction, Argument, and Conclusion. Each of these sections is clear and concise and makes the essay easy to follow. The transitions between the sections are also smooth and logical. However, there could be more elaboration in each of the sections. For example, the Argument section should provide more evidence and examples to support the argument. 5 More Sophisticated Sentences:
1. I espouse a vision for a society in which children are liberated from the onerous obligations of homework on weekends.
2. The consequences of weekend homework can be far-reaching, from causing physical and mental health problems to obstructing children from forming meaningful relationships.
3. It is imperative that we recognise that weekends should be a time for leisurely exploration, not laborious toil.
4. The monotony of weekend homework can be detrimental to young minds, sapping the joy from their lives and thwarting their creativity.
5. We must strive to construct a world in which children have the space to discover the world around them, unencumbered by the shackles of homework.
Persuasive Techniques: This essay makes use of various persuasive techniques such as rhetorical questions, vivid imagery, and strong diction. For example, the author states, “It would destroy our society if homework were due on weekends.” This statement creates an emotional response and encourages the reader to think more deeply about the issue. However, more evidence and examples could be used to strengthen the argument further. 5 More Sophisticated Sentences:
1. Assigning homework on weekends is an egregious affront on children’s right to leisure and relaxation.
2. The deleterious effects of weekend homework can diminish children’s capacity to find joy and solace in the world.
3. Weekend homework can burden children, preventing them from pursuing meaningful activities and relationships.
4. It is imperative that we recognise that weekends should be a time for leisurely exploration, not laborious toil.
5. We must strive to create an environment in which children can experience the joys of life, unburdened by the onerous obligations of homework.
Emotional Appeal: This essay effectively uses emotional appeal to convey the importance of the issue. For example, the author talks about the “torture” of homework and how it can be “a source of stress and anxiety” which can lead to “academic and physical drawbacks”. This creates an emotional response in the reader, making them feel sympathy and understanding for the issue. However, the essay could use more vivid descriptions and stronger language to make the argument even more persuasive. 5 More Sophisticated Sentences:
1. The incessant demands of weekend homework can be a crushing burden on children, preventing them from experiencing the joys of life.
2. It is an affront on children’s human rights to be forced to sacrifice their weekends on the altar of homework.
3. The emotional exhaustion caused by weekend homework can be devastating, leading to feelings of inadequacy and hopelessness.
4. It is critical that we strive to create a world in which children have the freedom to explore their passions and interests, unfettered by the chains of homework.
5. The imposition of weekend homework can be a soul-crushing experience, preventing children from discovering the wonders of life.
Figurative Language: This essay makes effective use of figurative language to convey its message. For example, the author talks about how weekend homework can “destroy our society” and how it can “torture them forever”. These metaphors help create an emotional response in the reader and make the argument more persuasive. However, more metaphors and similes could be used to further emphasize the point. 5 More Sophisticated Sentences:
1. The imposition of weekend homework can be crushing, like a boulder on a butterfly’s wings.
2. The demands of weekend homework can be like a relentless tide, pulling children away from the joys of life.
3. It is a moral imperative that we strive to create an environment in which children can flourish, unencumbered by the yoke of homework.
4. The emotional suffering caused by weekend homework can be like a prison, trapping children in an inescapable cycle of stress and anxiety.
5. We must strive to create an atmosphere in which children can experience the beauty of life, untarnished by the shackles of homework.
Grammar: The grammar of this essay is generally good. The sentences are clear and concise and there are no major errors. However, there are some minor issues with punctuation and capitalization that could be improved. 5 More Sophisticated Sentences:
1. It is crucial that we strive to craft a world in which children are liberated from the onerous obligations of homework on weekends.
2. The ramifications of weekend homework can be far-reaching, from causing physical and mental health issues to obstructing children from forming meaningful relationships.
3. The monotony of weekend homework can be devastating to young minds, draining the joy from their lives and hindering their creativity.
4. We must strive to build a society in which children have the capacity to explore the world around them, unfettered by the shackles of homework.
5. It is essential that we recognize that weekends should be a time for leisurely exploration, not laborious toil.
Syntax: The syntax of this essay is generally good. The sentences are clear and concise and there are no major errors. However, there could be more variety in the sentence structures to make them more interesting. 5 More Sophisticated Sentences:
1. We must aspire to construct a world in which children are liberated from the onerous obligations of homework on weekends.
2. The consequences of weekend homework can be far-reaching, from causing physical and mental health problems to obstructing children from forming meaningful relationships.
3. It is critical that we recognize that weekends should be a time for leisurely exploration, not laborious toil.
4. The tedium of weekend homework can be detrimental to young minds, sapping the joy from their lives and thwarting their creativity.
5. We must strive to build a society in which children have the freedom to discover the world around them, unencumbered by the shackles of homework.
Use of Evidence: This essay makes use of evidence to support the argument. For example, the author talks about how homework can lead to “academic and physical drawbacks” and how some children may not have the necessary resources to complete the homework. However, more evidence and examples could be used to further strengthen the argument. 5 More Sophisticated Sentences:
1. The deleterious effects of weekend homework can diminish children’s capacity to find joy and solace in the world.
2. The imposition of weekend homework can be a soul-crushing experience, preventing children from discovering the wonders of life.
3. The emotional exhaustion caused by weekend homework can be devastating, leading to feelings of inadequacy and hopelessness.
4. The incessant demands of weekend homework can be a crushing burden on children, preventing them from experiencing the joys of life.
5. It is an affront on children’s human rights to be forced to sacrifice their weekends on the altar of homework.
Vocabulary: The vocabulary used in this essay is generally good. However, there are some words and phrases that could be more sophisticated and emotionally powerful. Examples include: “endless piles”, “hellholes of confusion”, and “treasurable time”. 5 More Sophisticated Words and Phrases:
1. Endless piles → Unceasing mounds
2. Hellholes of confusion → Chasms of perplexity
3. Treasurable time → Precious moments
4. Source of stress → Origin of anguish
5. Obligations → Responsibilities
Write a persuasive essay arguing for or against the use of homework on weekends.
I had envisioned a world where children can have a delightful weekend without being an excruciating burden with the inevitable exigency of homework. A world where children do not have to worry about the never-ending pit of homework they have to complete by a near due date.
Homework is a necessary part of schooling, and it can be a great way to reinforce what has been learned in the classroom. However, when it comes to weekends, it should be a time to play with friends, getting into potentially mischievous adventures, spending time with family or participating in extracurricular activities.
Homework definitely must not be a task to do on weekends.
This is why I am against the use of homework on weekends. Due to the fact that homework encourages a sedentary lifestyle, homework adds to an already 6-7 hour school day and homework has not been proven to provide results.
According to The University Of The People, endless surveys have found that homework creates a distasteful attitude towards school, and homework has not been found to be connected to a higher level of academic success.
The positive attributes of homework have not been elucidated enough. While homework may potentially aid some students improve in specific subjects, if they have outside guidance like Khan Academy and Scholarly there is no real proof that homework makes significant improvements.
It can be a challenge to really enforce the completion of homework, and students can still get excellent grades without doing their homework. Extra school time does not necessarily mean better grades — quality must always come before quantity.
Accurate practice when it comes to homework simply isn’t reliable. Homework could even cause opposite effects if misunderstood, especially since the over reliance is placed on the student and their parents — one of the major reasons as to why homework is not beneficial. Many students would rather cheat in class to avoid doing their homework at home, and children often just copy off of each other or from what they read on the internet.
In conclusion, I believe that homework should not be assigned on weekends. Due to the fact that homework encourages a sedentary lifestyle, homework adds to an already 6-7 hour school day and homework has not been proven to provide results.
Thanks for waiting! Here’s the feedback for your writing! 🙂
Overall Score: 18/20
Structure: 7/10
The structure of this persuasive essay is well thought out, but could use some minor improvements. The introduction does a great job of providing context and setting up the argument. However, the conclusion needs to be more concrete and should contain a stronger call to action.
Sentence Examples:
“I had envisioned a world where children can have a delightful weekend without being an excruciating burden with the inevitable exigency of homework.”
This sentence can be improved by using a more concrete example, such as, “I had envisioned a world where children can spend their weekends playing with friends, exploring their environment, and connecting with family without the looming burden of homework.”
Persuasive Techniques: 8/10
This essay makes great use of persuasive techniques. The author provides strong evidence to support their argument and also effectively utilizes emotional appeals to stir the readers’ emotions. However, the author could use more explicit language in order to clearly convey their message.
Sentence Examples:
“This is why I am against the use of homework on weekends.”
This sentence can be improved by being more explicit, such as, “Given these facts, I strongly oppose the use of homework on weekends.”
Emotional Appeal: 5/5
This essay does a great job of using emotional appeals to draw in the readers’ attention. The author effectively utilizes language to stir the readers’ emotions and urges them to think deeper about the issue.
Sentence Examples:
“Homework definitely must not be a task to do on weekends.”
This sentence can be improved by being more emotionally evocative, such as, “Homework should not be a requirement of weekends. Weekends should be a time for children to be free and explore the world around them.”
Figurative Language: 4/5
The author does a good job of utilizing figurative language to make their argument more vivid and memorable. However, the author could make better use of metaphors and similes to further draw the readers’ attention.
Sentence Examples:
“A world where children do not have to worry about the never-ending pit of homework they have to complete by a near due date.”
This sentence can be improved by adding a metaphor, such as, “A world where children do not have to worry about the endless abyss of homework they have to finish by a looming due date.”
Grammar: 4/5
This essay contains some minor grammar and syntax errors that should be corrected. However, for the most part, the grammar is correct.
Sentence Examples:
“Due to the fact that homework encourages a sedentary lifestyle, homework adds to an already 6-7 hour school day and homework has not been proven to provide results.”
This sentence can be improved by making the grammar more concise, such as, “Given that homework encourages a sedentary lifestyle and adds to an already lengthy school day, it has not been proven to produce results.”
Use of Evidence: 4/5
The author does a great job of providing evidence to back up their argument. However, the author could include more examples to support their points.
Sentence Examples:
“Extra school time does not necessarily mean better grades — quality must always come before quantity.”
This sentence can be improved by providing an example, such as, “In the case of the National Assessment of Educational Progress, the students who performed better on test scores spent less time on homework, demonstrating that quality should always come before quantity.”
Vocabulary: 4/5
This essay makes good use of vocabulary, but could use more sophisticated words and phrases to effectively communicate the author’s message.
Sentence Examples:
“Many students would rather cheat in class to avoid doing their homework at home, and children often just copy off of each other or from what they read on the internet.”
This sentence can be improved by using more sophisticated words, such as, “Many students would rather resort to academic dishonesty in class to avoid doing their homework at home, and children often just plagiarize off of each other or from what they peruse on the internet.”
Vocab List:
Exigency: Necessity
Sedentary: Inactive
Explicit: Clear
Evocative: Stirring
Vivid: Bright
Metaphor: Analogy
Similes: Comparison
Explicate: Elaborate
Resort: Rely
Peruse: Read
We are living in an era of unprecedented technological advances. Technology has granted us access to unprecedented possibilities, yet it has also changed the way we think about education. No longer is education a simple process of learning, but it has become a process of learning, completing homework and exams. For many students, this means spending their weekends completing homework and other school-related tasks. This is why I stand firmly against the use of homework on weekends.
Weekends should be a time for children to unshackle themselves from the chains of the classroom and explore the world around them. They should be a time to rekindle relationships with family and friends, explore new hobbies and enjoy the simple joys of childhood. Homework on weekends robs children of this chance and instead forces them to engage in a sedentary activity that has little to no educational value.
In addition, there is a lack of evidence that homework is beneficial to students’ academic success. According to The University Of The People, numerous surveys have found that homework creates an unfavourable attitude towards school and has not been linked to an improved level of academic success. The positive attributes of homework have not been clearly elucidated, and while it may potentially help some students improve in specific subjects, if they have outside guidance, there is no real proof that it makes a significant difference.
Rather than improving grades, homework can have the opposite effect if misunderstood. It places a heavy reliance on the student and their parents, and many students would rather resort to academic dishonesty in class to avoid doing their homework at home. This is why I stand against the use of homework on weekends.
I firmly believe that weekends should be a time for children to explore the world around them, reconnect with family and friends and enjoy the simple joys of childhood. School should be a place to learn and hone academic skills, but homework should not be a requirement for weekends. Quality should always come before quantity, and while extra school time may not necessarily mean better grades, it should certainly not come at the cost of children’s weekends.
Prompt 13: You are an explorer searching for a lost civilisation.
I gazed at the scintillating night, emblazoning the atramentous night sky which was like a blanket, quiet, and lifeless like death itself. The resplendent stars shone like diamonds in sand as the cacophonous tendrils of smoke from the campfire wafted in my nose. The phenomenal powers of nature tantalising my mind, joy and jubilation replaced with a Mephistophelian conceptualisation, haunting every step I take. It was time to show my fellow mates, that I will find the lost civilisation and the breath-taking treasure I will bring on the way. Then my ideas swallowed me whole and my surroundings were beleaguered by darkness.
“Where am I?” was all my vulnerable mouth could say.
Then I realised. This was the very place I stayed before coming on this relinquishing expedition of regret. The tears of disconsolateness cascading down my red, fluffy cheeks, the colour of dawn approaching. I could see my family members, caricaturing my thought to find a lost civilisation. Even my own children satirising my thought. Their words like a double edged sword, piercing and slashing my heart like pestilential poison from a Python, ready to lunge at any subtle movement, capable of swallowing any mortal in whole. Not only was I here for the treasure, but my secondary point was to prove them wrong. I was born an explorer and exploring will always be in the centre of my heart, no matter what lays before me.
The scenery changed precedencely, all my crew exhausted from the enduring walk we’ve taken, but my crew wasn’t going to give up. I had gathered the bravest of men, and wisest of any mortal. Alas, my crew replied, “Sire, at last, we’ve arrived.”
Feeling of reverence and veneration tied my heart in a perpetual knot, the dilapidated temple covered with leeched moss, and the sun glaring down brighter than the Cheryl rays of Venus. It was at this very moment, for the first time in ages, that I have felt equanimity and impassivity in so long.
All my crew was flabbergasted, as I cautiously tip-toed inside, to find an antediluvian, pale brown chest. My eyes widened larger than a drachma, the whispers of intrusiveness reverberating outside. ‘Boys, I think we did it!” I yelled
My crew, that I had gathered, had succeeded. As I quietly opened the chest, gleams of gold shone, the incandescent rays blinding our very own eyes. Throughout the hardships, we still made through it and, we had found a lost civilisation, but I have also proved my family who had doubt in me wrong. I was an explorer and will always be the most famous explorer that ever lived, and my name… will go down in history forever and ever.
Thanks for waiting! Here’s the feedback for your writing! 🙂
Overall Score: 17/20
Structure: 8/10
The narrative flows well, beginning with a description of the night sky and ending with a triumphant moment of discovery. The structure is mostly linear and easy to follow. However, it could be improved by further developing the idea of the journey and interweaving more suspense and tension along the way.
Creative Plots and Suspense: 6/10
The narrative contains some creative elements and nice touches, such as the comparison between the stars and diamonds in sand, and the idea of proving one’s family wrong. There is an attempt to build suspense, but it could be more effective. For example, rather than simply stating that the crew was exhausted, it could be emphasised through vivid sensory descriptions and the use of rhetorical questions.
Sensory Imagery: 4/10
The narrative has a few sensory images, such as the description of the night sky and the campfire smoke, but could be improved by adding more imagery to bring the story alive. For example, rather than simply stating the scenery changed, it could be explained through the use of visual, auditory and tactile imagery.
Grammar and Syntax: 5/5
The grammar and syntax in the narrative is generally accurate and well-structured.
Characterisation: 4/5
The characterisation in the narrative is generally effective, but could be improved by adding more dialogue to bring the characters to life.
Vocabulary: 4/5
The vocabulary in the narrative is mostly appropriate, but could be improved by using more sophisticated words and phrases.
Juxtaposition: 4/5
The narrative uses a few juxtapositions, such as ‘joy and jubilation replaced with a Mephistophelian conceptualisation’, ‘the colour of dawn approaching’ and ‘the sun glaring down brighter than the Cheryl rays of Venus’, but could be improved by adding more examples of contrasting ideas.
Figurative Language: 4/5
The narrative contains a few figurative language devices, such as metaphor and simile, but could be improved by adding more phrases and sentences to emphasise the characters and scenes.
Vocab List:
Scintillating – Glittering
Atramentous – Pitch-black
Resplendent – Lustrous
Cacophonous – Raucous
Tantalising – Teasing
Mephistophelian – Diabolical
Relinquishing – Abandoning
Disconsolateness – Despondency
Pestilential – Perilous
Python – Serpent
Reverence – Veneration
Antediluvian – Antiquated
Leeched – Weathered
Cheryl – Gleaming
Equanimity – Calmness
Impassivity – Apathy
Rewritten Narrative:
I stood gazing at the glittering night, the pitch-black sky blanketed above me like death itself. The lustrous stars twinkled like diamonds in sand and the raucous tendrils of smoke from the campfire wafted in my nose. The phenomenal powers of nature teased my mind, joy and jubilation replaced with a diabolical conceptualisation, haunting every step I take. It was time to show my fellow mates, that I would find the lost civilisation and the breath-taking treasure I would bring on the way. Then my ideas swallowed me whole and my surroundings were beleaguered by darkness.
“Where am I?” was all my vulnerable mouth could say.
Then I realised. This was the very place I stayed before coming on this abandoning expedition of regret. The tears of despondency cascaded down my red, fluffy cheeks, the colour of dawn approaching. I could see my family members, caricaturing my thought to find a lost civilisation. Even my own children satirising my thought. Their words like a double-edged sword, piercing and slashing my heart like perilous poison from a serpent, ready to lunge at any subtle movement, capable of swallowing any mortal in whole. Not only was I here for the treasure, but my secondary point was to prove them wrong. I was born an explorer and exploring will always be at the centre of my heart, no matter what lays before me.
The scenery changed abruptly, all my crew was exhausted from the enduring walk we’d taken, yet my crew wasn’t going to give up. I had gathered the bravest of men and wisest of any mortal. At last, we’ve arrived, they replied.
Feeling of veneration and reverence tied my heart in a perpetual knot, the weathered temple covered with moss, and the sun glaring down brighter than the gleaming rays of Venus. It was at this very moment, for the first time in ages, that I felt calmness and apathy in so long.
All my crew was flabbergasted, as I cautiously tip-toed inside, to find an antiquated, pale brown chest. My eyes widened larger than a drachma, the whispers of intrusiveness reverberating outside. ‘Boys, I think we did it!” I yelled
My crew, that I had gathered, had succeeded. As I quietly opened the chest, gleams of gold shone, the incandescent rays blinding our very own eyes. Throughout the hardships, we still made it through it and, we had found a lost civilisation, but I have also proved my family who had doubt in me wrong. I was an explorer and will always be the most famous explorer that ever lived, and my name… will go down in history forever and ever.
The crew and I ventured further into the temple, and to my astonishment, the walls were lined with forgotten relics and artefacts. I felt the pathos of Shakespeare in the air and the magic of Margaret Atwood as I stepped through the temple’s door, the promise of untold treasures lying ahead. I had found the lost civilisation, and I knew that the journey had only just begun.
The sun yawned as it cast a golden glow across the foreign land. I was an explorer, set a task to reveal and find the hidden civilisation. I was told before, that the task was not painless, it would be challenging! Even if it was difficult, I swore I would find the lost civilization (maybe a city) no matter the tricky tasks, and obscure obstacles, I would find the hidden civilisation. As dawn appeared, horses pulling the carriage of sun, I set out to find what challenges await me.
As I travelled, I realised I needed a crew to help me find the hidden civilisation. So I set up a challenge, with a prize that was rigged. It is a 1v1 Running Race, where there are 5 prizes so 5 running races so 5 new team members. After the races, I got 5 brand new teammates. All of them are fast and skilful.
As I jogged along the sandy banks, I found a peculiar stone. One of my team, Jay told me it was a rune stone. He also told me that rune stones were always near magical places. I wondered, was I getting close to the hidden civilisation? I felt power flow through lands as I passed. More rune stones appeared and they seem to become bigger. One of them was as big as a child!
Then, Chiqilate (one of my teammates) told me that she smelt a hidden aura around that stone. I got my gigantapick and I broke chunks and chunks of rock. Then, I seemed to arrive at my destination.
A city of diamonds stood before me!
To be continued……………..
Thanks for waiting! Here’s the feedback for your writing! 🙂
Overall Score: 16/20
Structure: 7/10
The structure of this narrative is clear and concise, with the protagonist presented in the opening sentence and a clear goal for the story. The protagonist’s journey is well-defined and easy to follow, with a satisfying conclusion. However, the pacing of the story could be improved by adding more detail in the middle section to make the journey feel longer and more exciting.
Creative Plots and Suspense: 7/10
The plot of this narrative is creative and suspenseful, as the protagonist has to complete a challenging task and use their wits to discover the hidden civilisation. There is a sense of mystery and anticipation as the protagonist encounters rune stones and smells an aura. The ending is exciting and the protagonist’s success is satisfying.
Sensory Imagery: 8/10
The sensory imagery of this narrative is vivid and captivating. The reader can almost feel the golden glow of the sun, taste the sand on the banks, and smell the hidden aura. Additionally, the city of diamonds is a magical and mysterious image.
Grammar, Syntax: 9/10
The grammar and syntax of this narrative are correct and easy to read. All the sentences are clear and concise, and the flow of the story is not disrupted by any errors.
Characterisation: 8/10
The protagonist’s character is well-developed and their determination and perseverance are evident in the narrative. However, the characters of the other team members could be further developed to make them feel more real and distinct.
Vocabulary: 8/10
The vocabulary of this narrative is appropriate for the story, with words such as ‘yawned’, ‘cast’, ‘obscure’, and ‘rigged’ adding flavour to the passage. However, some more sophisticated or magical words could be used to make the passage even more vivid and captivating.
Juxtaposition: 8/10
The juxtaposition of the golden glow of the sun and the city of diamonds is a powerful and striking image. Additionally, the protagonist’s determination to succeed in spite of the difficult tasks creates an interesting juxtaposition of courage and fear.
Figurative Language: 9/10
The figurative language used in this narrative is captivating and effective. The use of the phrase ‘horses pulling the carriage of sun’ to describe the sun rising is poetic and beautiful. Additionally, the phrase ‘obscure obstacles’ creates a sense of mystery and danger.
Vocab List:
Yawned – Gaped
Cast – Propelled
Obscure – Cryptic
Rigged – Prearranged
Challenging – Herculean
Tasks – Quests
Tricky – Cunning
Jogged – Trotted
Peculiar – Bizarre
Rune stones – Glyphs
Magical – Mystical
Gigantapick – Colossuspick
Chunks – Fragments
Diamonds – Crystals
You are an explorer searching for a lost civilization- Continue the story
The dazzling city of crystals glimmered in the midday light, and I felt a strange sense of awe. I had finally arrived at my destination – a lost civilization that had been hidden away for centuries. I looked around in awe, not quite believing what I was seeing. There were tall towers, intricately carved statues, and incredible works of art. I had never seen anything like it before.
My team and I explored the city, searching for clues as to why it had been so well hidden. We discovered ancient scrolls and documents that revealed the city’s secrets. It seemed that the civilization had been protected by powerful magic, and that a powerful being had been the guardian of the city.
As we continued our exploration, we found more clues that revealed the truth about the lost civilization. We found out that the guardian was a powerful mage who had used powerful spells to keep the city hidden from the outside world. We also learnt that the city was home to an ancient order of mages, and that the city was a repository of magical knowledge.
We were amazed to discover that the city contained many mysteries and secrets. As we explored further, it became clear that the city was not only a repository of knowledge and secrets, but also a source of power. We could feel the magical energy emanating from the city, and it was clear that the lost civilisation was a powerful force in its own right.
We left the city, feeling awe and wonder at what we had seen. We had unlocked the secrets of a lost civilisation, and I knew that I would never forget what I had seen that day.
WK 9
Imagine a world where every child carries massive burdens and stress. Their eyes become droopy and their insides buckle from the weight. Yet we don’t have to think about this horrid dystopia. In our contemporary age, children constantly struggle with the crushing weight of homework. Why should innocent young people suffer under this perpetual cycle of homework? Why should they suffer in the infinite depths of a hellhole in society?
Children cannot develop their brains if all they do at home are innumerable pages of homework. Motor functions still have to be developed and improved over the entire duration of childhood. Also, coordination must be practiced otherwise, later in life, they will become less stable. Instead of practicing sports, They will simply be weak and bony, only being able to study, repeating the dreadful cycle.
Juveniles also diminish or even destroy relationships, when their time is stolen by the hellish limbs of homework. Homework claws at the time, reducing free time to nothing. As a result, friendships may become distant, and friends may feel ignored. Ever since homework was created, the percentile of depression in our society has been skyrocketing, sometimes even leading to suicide. But how could such a simple thing like homework do this? It steals our love and friendship and our dainty hearts.
Homework must have perks right? The answer is NO or VERY LITTLE. Homework is simply a tiny add-on to the learning that happens at school. But to answer why must children have truckloads of it, I don’t know! Pages of questions and complicated problems torture the souls of children. Kids 15 years old or younger must always be stimulated. Homework is one stimulus. And for hours and hours and hours their brains must cope with mind-twisting questions. When will the excruciating torture end?
Schools implemented homework a long time ago, and children have suffered through the agony. Now some schools are even giving out more homework for the weekends and others are contemplating it. I say NO and everyone should unite against the ravenous beasts that tear our childhood apart. Stop the agony and let our young and innocent people be at liberty.
Thanks for waiting! Here’s the feedback for your writing! 🙂
Overall score: 16/20
Structure: 8/10
The structure of the essay is well-crafted, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the introduction could be stronger. Instead of simply introducing the topic of homework, the author could briefly provide some examples of the consequences of too much homework and how it can affect children’s lives.
For example:
“In today’s world, many children bear the unbearable weight of homework on their shoulders. Their eyes droop and their muscles buckle under the strain, and yet they still have to bear it. Weekday evenings and weekends become a blur of homework, with little to no free time left for children to develop their motor skills or maintain meaningful relationships with their peers. It’s no wonder that depression and anxiety have skyrocketed in recent years.”
Persuasive Techniques: 8/10
The author has used a variety of persuasive techniques to support their argument. For example, they state: “Motor functions still have to be developed and improved over the entire duration of childhood. Also, coordination must be practised otherwise, later in life, they will become less stable.” The author has used evidence to support their argument, making it more persuasive. However, the author could use more emotional language to draw in the reader and make their argument more powerful.
For example:
“The crushing weight of homework is stealing away childhoods from innocent young people. They are being denied the opportunity to develop their motor skills, coordination, and friendships, creating a future of weak and bony adults, unable to find joy in life.”
Emotional Appeal: 7/10
The author has used some emotional language to evoke a reaction from the reader. For example, they state: “Homework claws at the time, reducing free time to nothing.” This sentence has a strong emotional appeal, conveying the frustration of having no free time. However, the author could use more emotive words to make their argument even more persuasive.
For example:
“Homework claws cruelly at the time, devouring every second of free time that children should be able to enjoy.”
Figurative Language: 8/10
The author has used some figurative language, such as “the infinite depths of a hellhole in society”, effectively conveying the pain and suffering of children who must do homework. However, the author could use more figurative language to make their argument more vivid and powerful.
For example:
“Children are being dragged into a dark abyss of never-ending homework, with no escape in sight.”
Grammar, Syntax, and Vocabulary: 8/10
The grammar, syntax and vocabulary used are mostly appropriate and effective. However, the author could use more sophisticated words and phrases to make their argument more persuasive.
For example:
“Homework has become a relentless monster, consuming the lives of children and leaving them with no time to develop their physical, mental and social skills.”
Use of Evidence: 7/10
The author has used some evidence to back up their argument, such as the statement that motor skills and coordination must be practiced in order to develop them. However, the author could use more evidence to support their argument and make it more convincing.
For example:
“Research has shown that too much homework can lead to physical and mental health problems, such as an increase in stress and anxiety. It has also been linked to a decrease in academic performance.”
Vocab List:
Bearing the unbearable weight of homework → Shouldering the unbearable burden of homework
Droop → Sag
Buckle → Wilt
Blur → Fuzz
Crushing weight → Oppressive burden
Claws → Talons
Reducing free time → Diminishing free time
Ravenous beasts → Voracious monsters
Twisting questions → Knotty problems
Agony → Torment
Skyrocketing → Soaring
Add-on → Annex
Torture → Torment
Dreadful cycle → Vicious cycle
Liberty → Freedom
Rewrite:
In today’s world, many children find themselves shouldering the unbearable burden of homework on their shoulders. Their eyes sag and their muscles wilt under strain, and yet they still have to bear it. Weekday evenings and weekends become a fuzz of homework, with little to no free time left for children to develop their motor skills or maintain meaningful relationships with their peers. It’s no wonder that depression and anxiety have soared in recent years.
The oppressive burden of homework is stealing away childhoods from innocent young people. They are being denied the opportunity to develop their motor skills, coordination, and friendships, creating a future of weak and bony adults, unable to find joy in life.
Homework has become a relentless monster, consuming the lives of children and leaving them with no time to develop their physical, mental and social skills. Pages of knotty problems torment the souls of children; for hours, their brains must cope with mind-twisting questions. The voracious monsters of homework have grown so powerful that some schools even give out more for the weekends and others are contemplating it. It’s time for us to unite against the agonizing torture of homework and reclaim our childhoods. We must restore the liberty of our young and innocent people and give them the freedom to enjoy their lives.
Research has shown that too much homework can lead to physical and mental health problems, such as increased stress and anxiety. It has also been linked to a decrease in academic performance. Furthermore, the annex of homework to learning at school provides very little benefit. We must put an end to this vicious cycle and give children the opportunity to develop their minds without the burden of homework.
It’s time to ignite a revolution against the oppressive burden of homework and give children their childhoods back. We must take a stand and say no to the endless torture of homework, so that our young and innocent people are granted the freedom to enjoy their lives.
Homework should become a necessary in weekends. If there was no homework on weekends, you will simply forget what is happening. Homework should be a necessity as it enforce learning, help understand more deeply and it can help children from being bored
If you learn something new, you will gradually forget what happened. If you do not do homework, you will lose approximately 11% of memory on that learning. With Homework, it can help you learn more and improve on your knowledge.
Homework is often or retell of a particular lesson of the day. It often is simpler or the same difficulty. It also has explanation to get a deeper understanding. This helps you know how to do it and then later on remember the ways on how to do it.
Students should have homework on the weekend as it prevents boredom. Some student have nothing to do on Saturdays and Sundays so they get bored. It helps them be able to actually do something fun.
Homework should be a necessity as it enforce learning, can create a deeper understanding and prevents boredom. This is why homework should become a necessity.
Thanks for waiting! Here’s the feedback for your writing! 🙂
Overall score: 13/20
Structure: 10/10
The structure of the persuasive essay is well-developed and organized. The main points are clear and the essay flows well from point to point.
Persuasive Techniques: 7/10
The persuasive essay makes use of rhetorical questions and uses simple language to make its point. However, the essay could be improved by using more sophisticated phrases and more powerful verbs such as “propel” instead of “help” or “advance” instead of “improve”.
Emotional Appeal: 5/10
The essay does attempt to evoke an emotional response by making references to memory and boredom. However, the essay could be improved by utilizing more language which is evocative and emotionally powerful. For example, instead of “it can help children from being bored”, the author could have written, “it can free children from the prison of boredom”.
Figurative Language: 5/10
The essay does make use of figurative language, however, it does not use elaborate or sophisticated language such as metaphors or similes. Instead of saying “homework should be a necessity”, the author could have written, “homework should be a necessity, as essential as air”.
Grammar: 7/10
The essay is generally well written with few grammar mistakes. However, there are some minor errors such as incorrect use of punctuation or missing words which could be corrected.
Syntax: 8/10
The syntax used in the essay is mostly correct and natural. However, some sentences could be improved by making them shorter and more concise.
Use of evidence: 8/10
The author does make use of evidence to support their argument; however, more evidence could be used to further strengthen the argument.
Vocabulary: 7/10
The essay makes use of a range of simple vocabulary. However, it could be improved by introducing more sophisticated and emotionally powerful words such as “propel”, “advance”, “essential”, “prison”, “liberate”, etc.
Synonyms:
Help: propel, advance, facilitate
Improve: advance, refine, enhance
Boredom: ennui, tedium, languor
Necessity: requirement, obligation, imperative
Rewrite:
As a student, having homework on the weekends is a necessary and integral part of learning. Without it, the knowledge imparted in the classroom would be lost and forgotten. Homework not only reinforces the lessons of the day but also provides the opportunity to understand the concepts more deeply. Furthermore, it can prevent children from succumbing to the tedium of a weekend with no activities.
Homework serves as a reminder of the lessons learned and helps to ingrain the knowledge into long-term memory. The assignments are often of a similar difficulty to the lesson itself and provide explanations that can help to gain a better understanding of the topics. Through this, students can become more proficient in their studies.
Moreover, having homework on the weekends can keep students from succumbing to boredom. It gives them a productive activity to fill their time, allowing them to hone their skills without becoming complacent.
In conclusion, homework should be considered a necessary part of the student’s weekend. It provides the opportunity to master the curriculum, while also providing relief from the monotony of having nothing to do. Homework is a requirement that can propel learning and liberate students from the prison of boredom.
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The moonlight glittered across the building’s façade, creating a captivating display of ethereal diamonds. I gazed at the scintillating night, emblazoning the atramentous night sky which was like a blanket, quiet, and lifeless like death itself. The dark sky was illuminated by the glimmer of the stars, like a thousand eyes watching my journey. I flew across the heavens, the heavens bowing before me. I could hear their congenial hymns, tying my heart in unending arteries. I had been chosen by God himself and I was determined to succeed, and end the Jokers career for good.
I had been gifted wisdom and strength to over come impossible challenges, and to stop the Joker for good. I was determined to succeed and get revenge for all the Joker has done to my family. As I flew higher than heaven, I looked for any danger approaching me. Then I heard a very high shriek, and in a nanosecond, with no regret I flew off as fast as I could to danger. I knew, he was close.
When I arrived, I saw my nemesis, surrounding an impeccable teenager, his expression so pale, people would’ve thought he was Frankenstein. I could see the demonic power radiating around him, and I knew, I had to end this quickly.
“Oh no you don’t!” I cried and charged at him. His powers were stronger than mine, but I had wisdom also. I flew straight up to the sky, unsurprisingly following me hot on my heels.
But I had a trick upon my sleeve. I flew in loops of buildings so small that only toddlers could go through. Clang! I looked back to see a lifeless body falling straight for the ground. I had done it. I had emerged victorious, not because of my strength but my confidence and wisdom also. My ears were bursting as I heard the crowd that had assembled cheering me on.
I was proud. Even though he was strong, I had beaten him. I was triumph, god chose me to beat him and I did. I had beaten him and gotten my revenge for killing my family and I was gratified to have avenged my family members. Even with hardships, I had done the impossible.
Thanks for waiting! Here’s the feedback for your writing! 🙂
Overall Score: 18/20
Structure: 15/20
The structure of this narrative is strong, with a clear beginning, middle, and end. However, there are some areas that could be improved. For example, the author could expand on the description of the atmosphere to provide more detail and depth. Additionally, you could provide more description as to why the protagonist is determined to succeed.
Examples from the original work: “The dark sky was illuminated by the glimmer of the stars, like a thousand eyes watching my journey. I flew across the heavens, the heavens bowing before me. I could hear their congenial hymns, tying my heart in unending arteries. I had been chosen by God himself and I was determined to succeed, and end the Joker’s career for good.”
Phrases for improvement: “The star-studded sky was alive with glimmering specks of light, each one an eye of the heavens watching my every move. I soared through the majestic sky, the heavens bowing beneath me in reverence. The warm, comforting hymns of the night sky echoed through my heart, connecting me to the divine. I had been chosen by the gods and I was determined to fulfill my destiny and end the Joker’s reign for good.”
Creative Plots and Suspense: 18/20
This narrative is filled with suspense and creative plot points. You did a good job of creating an exciting atmosphere and building tension as the protagonist moves towards the climax. However, you could use more vivid language to further establish the atmosphere.
Examples from the original work: “The dark sky was illuminated by the glimmer of the stars, like a thousand eyes watching my journey. I flew across the heavens, the heavens bowing before me. I could hear their congenial hymns, tying my heart in unending arteries. I had been chosen by God himself and I was determined to succeed, and end the Joker’s career for good.”
Phrases for improvement: “The night sky was a blanket of sparkling stars, a thousand eyes watching my every move. I flew across the heavens, the skies bowing in reverence beneath me. The soothing hymns of the night sky echoed through me, wrapping me in an unbreakable web of destiny. I had been chosen by the gods and I was determined to fulfill my purpose and end the Joker’s reign for good.”
Sensory Imagery: 15/20
This narrative incorporates sensory imagery well, allowing the reader to experience the story through sound, sight, and feeling. However, there is room for improvement. For example, you could use more vivid language to describe the atmosphere and the action scenes.
Examples from the original work: “The dark sky was illuminated by the glimmer of the stars, like a thousand eyes watching my journey. I flew across the heavens, the heavens bowing before me. I could hear their congenial hymns, tying my heart in unending arteries.”
Phrases for improvement: “The night sky was alive with sparkling stars, a thousand eyes watching my every move. I flew across the heavens, the skies bowing in reverence beneath me. The soothing melodies of the night sky echoed through me, wrapping me in an unbreakable web of destiny.”
Grammar, Syntax, Characterisation: 18/20
The grammar, syntax, and characterisation of this narrative are strong. The protagonist is clearly determined and passionate about his mission, and the language conveys this clearly. However, there is room for improvement. For example, you could use more vivid language and more detailed descriptions to further establish the atmosphere and to bring the protagonist to life.
Examples from the original work: “I had been chosen by God himself and I was determined to succeed, and end the Joker’s career for good. I had been gifted wisdom and strength to over come impossible challenges, and to stop the Joker for good. I was determined to succeed and get revenge for all the Joker has done to my family.”
Phrases for improvement: “I had been chosen by the gods and I was determined to fulfill my destiny and end the Joker’s reign for good. I had been gifted with wisdom and strength to overcome impossible challenges and halt the Joker’s reign of terror. I was determined to succeed and get revenge for all the Joker had done to my family.”
Vocabulary: 15/20
The vocabulary in this narrative is strong and the words convey the atmosphere and the protagonist’s emotions well. However, there is room for improvement. For example, you could use more sophisticated words to create a more magical atmosphere.
Examples from the original work: “The moonlight glittered across the building’s façade, creating a captivating display of ethereal diamonds. I gazed at the scintillating night, emblazoning the atramentous night sky which was like a blanket, quiet, and lifeless like death itself.”
Phrases for improvement: “The moonlight glimmered across the building’s façade, creating a breathtaking display of celestial diamonds. I gazed at the shimmering night, adorning the inky night sky which was like a blanket, hushed, and still like death itself.”
Juxtaposition: 17/20
This narrative uses juxtaposition well to create tension and to draw the reader into the story. For example, the juxtaposition of life and death is used to create a sense of suspense and to show the protagonist’s determination. However, there are some areas that could be improved. For example, you could use more vivid language and more detailed descriptions to further establish the atmosphere and to bring the juxtaposition to life.
Examples from the original work: “The dark sky was illuminated by the glimmer of the stars, like a thousand eyes watching my journey. I flew across the heavens, the heavens bowing before me. I could hear their congenial hymns, tying my heart in unending arteries. I had been chosen by God himself and I was determined to succeed, and end the Joker’s career for good.”
Phrases for improvement: “The night sky was a blanket of sparkling stars, a thousand eyes watching my every move. I flew across the heavens, the skies bowing in reverence beneath me. The soothing hymns of the night sky echoed through me, wrapping me in an unbreakable web of destiny. I had been chosen by the gods and I was determined to fulfill my purpose and end the Joker’s reign for good.”
Figurative Language: 17/20
This narrative uses figurative language to create an atmosphere of suspense and to establish the protagonist’s determination. For example, the phrase “heavens bowing before me” is used to show the protagonist’s power and determination. However, there are some areas that could be improved. For example, you could use more vivid language and more detailed descriptions to further establish the atmosphere and to bring the figurative language to life.
Examples from the original work: “The dark sky was illuminated by the glimmer of the stars, like a thousand eyes watching my journey. I flew across the heavens, the heavens bowing before me. I could hear their congenial hymns, tying my heart in unending arteries. I had been chosen by God himself and I was determined to succeed, and end the Joker’s career for good.”
Phrases for improvement: “The night sky was alive with sparkling stars, a thousand eyes watching my every move. I flew across the heavens, the skies bowing in reverence beneath me. The soothing hymns of the night sky echoed through me, wrapping me in an unbreakable web of destiny. I had been chosen by the gods and I was determined to fulfill my purpose and end the Joker’s reign for good.”
Vocabulary List:
– Ethereal diamonds -> Celestial diamonds
– Atramentous sky -> Inky sky
– Congenial hymns -> Soothing melodies
– Unending arteries -> Unbreakable web
– Glitter -> Glimmer
– Scintillating -> Shimmering
Rewritten Narrative:
The night sky was alive with glimmering specks of light, each one a watchful eye of the heavens. I soared through the majestic sky, the heavens bowing beneath me in reverence. The warm, comforting melodies of the night sky echoed through my heart, connecting me to the divine. I had been chosen by the gods and I was determined to fulfill my destiny and end the Joker’s reign for good.
The moonlight glimmered across the building’s façade, creating a breathtaking display of celestial diamonds. I gazed at the shimmering night, adorning the inky night sky which was like a blanket, hushed, and still like death itself.
I had been gifted with the wisdom and strength to overcome impossible challenges and halt the Joker’s reign of terror. I was determined to succeed and get revenge for all the Joker had done to my family.
As I flew higher than heaven, I looked for any danger approaching me. Then I heard a very high shriek, and in a nanosecond, with no regret, I flew off as fast as I could into danger. I knew, he was close.
When I arrived, I saw my nemesis, surrounding an impeccable teenager, his expression so pale, people would’ve thought he was Frankenstein. I could see the demonic power radiating around him, and I knew, I had to end this quickly.
“Oh no, you don’t!” I cried and charged at him. His powers were stronger than mine, but I had wisdom also. I flew straight up to the sky, unsurprisingly following me hot on my heels.
But I had a trick upon my sleeve. I flew in loops of buildings so small that only toddlers could go through. Clang! I looked back to see a lifeless body falling straight from the ground. I had done it. I had emerged victorious, not because of my strength but my confidence and wisdom also. My ears were bursting as I heard the crowd that had assembled cheering me on.
I was proud. Even though he was strong, I had beaten him. I was triumph, god chose me to beat him and I did. I had beaten him and gotten my revenge for killing my family and I was gratified to have avenged my family members. Even with hardships, I had done the impossible.
My mission was not yet complete, but I had a newfound determination and confidence for the next challenge. I had saved the world from one supervillain, but more would come. I had been chosen by the gods to save the world, and I was determined to succeed.
Wk8: Topic 1: By Aidan
Socialising and making connections with the society around us is one of the most important things to do. Social media can help people share their ideas and collaborate, however sometimes it leads to being cut off from the outside world. The question then comes “Should the use of social media be allowed?”
Using social media can lead to things like cyberbullying which is not helpful for children’s development. Also, social media can lead to children not going outside to connect with people face to face. Finally, some bad people could mislead children into meeting them somewhere, and they could do bad things to children. For these reasons, I am against the use of social media.
Firstly, using social media could result in cyberbullying. On social media, you don’t know who you are talking to as they could nickname themselves as another person. This means that if they are bullying you or telling you to do bad things, you won’t have anything to do and you can’t report them to your parents or teachers as you don’t know who they are. This could be harmful to children’s development.
Furthermore, if we don’t prohibit the use of social media, it could lead to people being cut off from society and the outside world. Children could spend all their time texting and messaging their friends on social media. If this happens, they would not be able to socialise and interact face to face with friends and family.
Finally, children could be hurt or even kidnapped when they talk to strangers on social media. Social media is a place where you can talk, and express yourself freely to anyone. However, this means that strangers who could pretend to be a close friend or relative could ask you to come meet up with them. However, when you get there, they will kidnap you or hurt you. To avoid this, we should ban social media and then there would be no connection to strangers.
In conclusion, I believe that social media does have its benefits as it can help socialise and express your feelings, however the risks of children being cyberbullied, cut off from society and even getting kidnaped or hurt, greatly outweigh the positive benefits of social media.
Wk9: Topic 2: By Aidan
I dream of a world where we can connect with everyone from around the world, and where Earth is a multicultural place. A world where we can all connect in different languages and where we can talk with anybody. The first step towards this dream society is to teach children many different languages in school.
If we add languages into the school curriculum, children will have more fun and opportunities when travelling to different countries. For example, if you want to try an exquisite food item in Japan but you don’t know Japanese, you would never get an opportunity to try it. You can also make many different companions from separate countries if you learn another language in school.
If teachers start teaching languages, children might also be more fluent in English. Many languages use complex words and sounds but as English is one of the easier languages to learn, learning a new language could result in better fluency in English.
Many people would say that teaching languages is a waste of time and you could just teach things like English and maths. However, learning a new language is very important as it can help with English and writing skills as well as helping society become more multicultural.
All in all, learning new languages is very beneficial to children as it can help communicate with other people from around the world, help with english and comprehension skills, and can make the world a more multicultural and diverse place.
sorry the first one was the wrong one here’s the right one:
Wk9: Topic 1: By Aidan
Imagine a world where children were under massive amounts of stress. They had no time to rest their mind and body on the weekends and had to do piles of homework.. However, we do not have to imagine this unfair society as, in our current era, children are being put under immense amounts of stress due to homework. Children do not deserve to suffer in this hellhole in society.
Children are being put under immense amounts of stress, due to schools providing homework with them on the weekends. Homework is a long and time consuming task, and if children are not able to complete their homework, they will usually be punished by their teachers. This will result in students rushing to complete their homework every day, meaning they will be under a lot of stress and they will have no time to relax and socialise.
Homework can also diminish and destroy children’s minds. Because homework takes a lot of time, children will have no time to develop other skills like sports and socialising. Doing the same thing over and over again, usually does not teach children much. However, playing sports on the weekends can help students become fit and healthy, as well as socialise.
Finally, homework can even destroy relationships and break friendships. The weekends are a time for rest and to build friendships. However, doing homework on the weekends spares no time to do this. For example, if your friend wanted to play tennis with you, but you said no because you had to do your homework, your friend might not want to play with you anymore.
We should band together and ban homework on the weekends once and for all to end the suffering and misery of poor children. If we do this, there will be many benefits like more happy and relaxed children, more all-rounded children and it will help build relationships.
Thanks for waiting! Here’s the feedback for your writing! 🙂
Overall Score: 14/20
Structure: 8/10
The structure of this essay is well laid out and easy to follow. The essay is divided into three main paragraphs, each containing a topic sentence, evidence and a conclusion. However, the essay could be improved by adding another paragraph in the beginning to introduce the topic and provide a thesis statement.
Suggested Sentences:
It is apparent that children all around the world are being subjected to excessive stress due to the amount of homework they are given to complete on weekends.
The idea of depriving children of their much-needed rest and leisure time is an issue that should be addressed immediately.
I firmly believe that homework should not be given to children on weekends in order to protect their mental and physical health.
It is clear that the detriments of this practice far outweigh any potential benefits.
Persuasive Techniques: 7/10
The author has made an effective use of persuasive techniques to make their argument. For example, the author has used a rhetorical question in the first paragraph: “What kind of society are we in that children are being put through this hellhole?”. This encourages readers to think about the negative effects of homework on children. However, the author could have used more tailored persuasive techniques such as analogies and metaphors to make their arguments even more impactful.
Suggested Sentences:
It is akin to a prison in which the victims are innocent children, deprived of their freedom to play and rest.
Homework is like a cancer that slowly eats away at a child’s mental and physical well-being.
It is like a weight of responsibility that children must carry on their back, preventing them from running and playing as they should.
The weekends are like a well-deserved break, which has been taken away from them by the burden of homework.
Emotional Appeal: 5/10
The author has used some emotive language in their essay such as “hellhole” and “suffering”. However, they could have used more emotive language to make their argument more powerful.
Suggested Sentences:
This cruel practice forces children to lead a life of misery and despair.
It is an act of injustice for children to be deprived of their right to rest and play.
The pressure and anxiety of homework crushingly weighs on the minds of children, preventing them from achieving their true potential.
Homework is a dagger that pierces the hearts of innocent students.
Figurative Language: 4/10
The author has used some figurative language such as “hellhole” and “destroy”. However, they could have used more figures of speech such as similes, metaphors, personification and hyperbole to make their argument more vivid.
Suggested Sentences:
Homework is like a millstone that drags children down into an abyss of stress and exhaustion.
It is like a monster that lurks in the shadows, threatening to consume children’s happiness and freedom.
The weekends are a warm embrace that gives children a chance to escape the clutches of homework.
Homework is a dark cloud that never fails to rain on the parade of children’s freedom.
Grammar, Syntax and Vocabulary: 7/10
The author has used a range of vocabulary in their essay such as “hellhole”, “punish” and “diminish”. However, some of the sentences are long and lack punctuation, making them difficult to read. The author could have used more advanced vocabulary such as “malevolent”, “noxious” and “torment” to make their argument more sophisticated.
Suggested Vocabulary:
Hellhole – Malevolent
Punish – Torment
Diminish – Noxious
Use of Evidence: 6/10
The author has used some evidence to support their argument such as “if children are not able to complete their homework, they will usually be punished by their teachers”. However, the author could have used more statistics and facts to make their argument more convincing.
Suggested Sentences:
Recent studies have revealed that homework has a negative impact on children’s mental health, leading to increased levels of stress and anxiety.
Moreover, multiple surveys have shown that students who do not have homework on the weekends perform better academically than those who do.
It has been proven that children who do not have homework on the weekends have more time to relax and socialise, leading to improved relationships with their peers.
Research has demonstrated that students who are given homework on the weekends are more likely to feel overwhelmed and fatigued.
Rewrite:
It is apparent that children all around the world are being subjected to excessive stress due to the amount of homework they are given to complete on weekends. The idea of depriving children of their much-needed rest and leisure time is an issue that should be addressed immediately. I firmly believe that homework should not be given to children on weekends in order to protect their mental and physical health. It is clear that the detriments of this practice far outweigh any potential benefits.
This malevolent practice forces children to lead a life of misery and despair. It is an act of injustice for children to be deprived of their right to rest and play. The pressure and anxiety of homework crushingly weighs on the minds of children, preventing them from achieving their true potential. Homework is a dagger that pierces the hearts of innocent students.
It is akin to a prison in which the victims are innocent children, deprived of their freedom to play and rest. Homework is like a cancer that slowly eats away at a child’s mental and physical well-being. It is like a weight of responsibility that children must carry on their back, preventing them from running and playing as they should. The weekends are like a well-deserved break, which has been taken away from them by the burden of homework.
Recent studies have revealed that homework has a negative impact on children’s mental health, leading to increased levels of stress and anxiety. Moreover, multiple surveys have shown that students who do not have homework on the weekends perform better academically than those who do. It has been proven that children who do not have homework on the weekends have more time to relax and socialise, leading to improved relationships with their peers. Research has demonstrated that students who are given homework on the weekends are more likely to feel overwhelmed and fatigued.
Homework is like a millstone that drags children down into an abyss of stress and exhaustion. It is like a monster that lurks in the shadows, threatening to consume children’s happiness and freedom. The weekends are a warm embrace that gives children a chance to escape the clutches of homework. Homework is a dark cloud that never fails to rain on the parade of children’s freedom.
Our children should not be subjected to the torment of homework on the weekends. Instead, they should be free to explore and develop their other skills, maintain relationships and have time to relax. We must take a stand against this noxious practice of homework on the weekends and allow our children to live a life of joy, freedom and peace.
I have a dream of a world where children can use their weekend time to relax and spend valuable family time. A world where you can divert your thoughts away from other distressing problems and remove stress. A world where you can safely play and socialise with friends without being reprimanded at school for not completing their work to a satisfactory standard.
Homework is an important factor in a growing student’s education, but their life shouldn’t be always carrying the burden of homework every weekend. Young children have a right to relax, and there should be a balance between how much you study and play. Weekends should be for relaxing and therefore no homework must be handed out on weekends.
I envision a world where students can spend time with their family. A world where you can play a well-deserved game of Monopoly with your parents and siblings, and enjoy being with them. A world where children are allowed to appreciate their family for who they are.
This is the reason I am against giving out homework on weekends. Quality family time can be used instead of mindless hours sitting at a vinyl covered desk. In addition, relaxation on weekends can divert any stress or anxiety away. Finally it will allow you to socialise and play with friends for longer periods of time.
Furthermore, more homework on weekends can actually deteriorate someone’s education. If they study too hard, then the information gained will be rejected out of the knowledge area. That is the opposite of studying hard.
It becomes obvious now that handing out homework on weekends is a bad option. Think about the children that you want to help and educate in the beginning. This will not help, but actually worsen them. A child runs back to his parents, their bag stuffed with papers for homework on the weekends. The family has to stop visiting their grandparents because he/she doesn’t have enough time. Is this what you want?
Thanks for waiting! Here’s the feedback for your writing! 🙂
Overall score: 16/20
Structure: 8/10
The structure of the essay is well-organised and easy to follow. The introduction clearly states the opinion of the writer, and the body paragraphs each provide evidence to support this opinion. However, the conclusion could be more concise and powerful. Try using fewer words to make a more powerful impact. For example, “Weekends should be for relaxation; therefore, there should be no homework on weekends. This will allow students to spend quality time with their family, play with friends and reduce stress. Anything else is a disservice to our students.”
Persuasive Techniques: 7/10
The essay makes effective use of persuasive techniques, such as giving examples, citing evidence and using strong language. For example, “Young children have a right to relax, and there should be a balance between how much you study and play.” This sentence uses strong language to emphasise the point. However, the essay could include more persuasive techniques for greater impact. For example, a counterargument could be used to further emphasise the point.
Emotional Appeal: 8/10
The essay makes effective use of emotional appeal by describing the impact of homework on weekends. For example, “A child runs back to his parents, their bag stuffed with papers for homework on the weekends. The family has to stop visiting their grandparents because he/she doesn’t have enough time. Is this what you want?” This sentence packs an emotional punch by making the reader empathise with the child. However, the essay could include more emotional language to make an even more powerful impact.
Figurative Language: 7/10
The essay makes effective use of figurative language, such as metaphors and similes. For example, “Weekends should be for relaxing and therefore no homework must be handed out on weekends.” This metaphor compares homework to something that needs to be distributed, like a package. However, the essay could include more figurative language to make it even more powerful. For example, “Weekends should be a time for students to rest, to unwind and to spend time with their loved ones, not a time to be burdened with the chains of homework.”
Grammar, Syntax, Use of Evidence and Vocabulary: 8/10
The essay makes effective use of grammar and syntax, and the evidence provided is relevant and convincing. However, the essay could use a wider range of vocabulary for greater impact. For example, instead of writing “distressing problems,” try using “draining issues” or “taxing issues.”
Vocabulary List:
Distressing: draining, taxing
Reprimanded: admonished, chastised
Satisfactory: acceptable, passable
Relax: unwind, destress
Burden: chains, yoke
Family time: quality time, togetherness
Play: frolic, gambol
Socialise: associate, converse
Rewrite:
I have a vision of a world where children are free to spend time with their families over the weekend and take a much-needed break from the demands of school. A world where students can relax and divert their attention away from any draining issues. A world where they can associate with their friends without the fear of being admonished at school for not completing their work to an acceptable standard.
Homework is an important part of any young learner’s education. However, they should not be yoked with it every weekend. It’s every child’s right to rest and take a break from their studies, and there should be a healthy balance between studying and play. Weekends should be a time for students to destress and spend quality time with their loved ones.
I strongly believe that handing out homework on weekends is wrong. Instead of spending hours stuck at a desk, students can use this time to play a game of Monopoly with their parents and siblings and enjoy being around them. Free weekends will allow children to appreciate their family and engage in meaningful conversations.
Moreover, too much homework on weekends can actually have a negative effect on a student’s education. If they constantly study, the information they are trying to learn will be rejected from their memory. This defeats the purpose of studying in the first place.
It’s clear that homework should not be assigned on weekends. Think about the children you are trying to help and educate. It would be best if you were not making their lives more difficult but making them easier. A child should not have to come home to their parents on Saturday morning, their bag stuffed with papers for homework. That’s not a life for them. That’s not what you want.
Prompt 1 – Pearl
I have a vision of a world where children can enjoy their weekends without being burdened by the pressures of homework. A world where children can use their weekends to unwind, enhance their creativity, and spend time with their families. A world where children can learn and grow, without having to worry about the endless piles of homework they have to complete.
Homework is a necessary part of schooling, and it can be a great way to reinforce what has been learned in the classroom. However, when it comes to weekends, there should be a balance between work and play. Homework should not be assigned on weekends, as it can be a source of stress and anxiety, and can take away valuable time that could be spent with friends and family. Nowdays , it is not just the disadvantaged who suffer from the stressors that homework inflicts. A 2014 CNN article, “Is Homework Making Your Child Sick?”, covered the issue of extreme pressure placed on children of the affluent. The article looked at the results of a study surveying more than 4,300 students from 10 high-performing public and private high schools in upper-middle-class California communities. “Their findings were troubling: Research showed that excessive homework is associated with high stress levels, physical health problems and lack of balance in children’s lives; 56% of the students in the study cited homework as a primary stressor in their lives,” according to the CNN story. “That children growing up in poverty are at-risk for a number of ailments is both intuitive and well-supported by research. More difficult to believe is the growing consensus that children on the other end of the spectrum, children raised in affluence, may also be at risk.”
Secondly, I believe homework is just as important as extra-curricular activities, such as dance, sports, language programmes, martial arts etc. We have weekdays for studying, but weekends are entirely for extra-curricular activities, and exploring our interests. If we studied 7 days a week, we would slowly become obese. Lily Tomlin, an american actress quoted, “I like a teacher who gives you something to take home on the weekends to think about, besides homework” or how the Brainly website said, “ Weekend Homework : Because 6 hours of SCHOOL and 4 hours of weekday HOMEWORK wasn’t enough!”
In addition, some children may not have the necessary resources or support to complete their homework on weekends. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and can make them feel like they are not keeping up with their classmates.
In conclusion, I believe that homework should not be assigned on weekends. It can be a source of stress and anxiety, and can take away valuable time that could be spent with friends and family. It can also lead to an unhealthy balance between work and play, and can discourage children from exploring their creativity and discovering new interests. It is my hope that all children can enjoy their weekends without being burdened by the pressures of homework.
Thanks for waiting! Here’s the feedback for your writing! 🙂
Overall Score: 17/20
Structure: 8/10
The essay is structured logically and contains an introduction, body and conclusion. However, the transitions between each paragraph could be improved, as there are no sentence connectors that help the flow of the essay. For example, the sentence “Nowdays , it is not just the disadvantaged who suffer from the stressors that homework inflicts” could be replaced with “Nowadays, not only the disadvantaged experience the stressors of homework”.
More sophisticated sentences:
1. The onus of homework has transcended the boundaries of socio-economic inequality.
2. The pressures of homework have become ubiquitous, irrespective of one’s background.
3. The obligation of homework is no longer relegated to the lower-income brackets.
4. The demands of homework have infiltrated all levels of society.
5. The encumbrance of homework has crossed the boundary lines of socio-economic disparity.
Persuasive Techniques: 7/10
The essay contains a variety of persuasive techniques, such as appealing to emotion with “It can be a source of stress and anxiety” and “can lead to feelings of inadequacy”, and appealing to logic with “A balance between work and play is essential” and “We have weekdays for studying, but weekends are entirely for extra-curricular activities”. However, some of the persuasive techniques could be more powerful, such as the use of facts and figures to support the argument.
More sophisticated persuasive techniques:
1. The long-term implications of excessive homework are manifold – ranging from physical health problems to lack of balance in one’s life.
2. Studies have indicated that children of affluent backgrounds can suffer from the same stressors as those living in poverty.
3. The emotional and physical repercussions of excessive homework can be long-lasting and detrimental to a child’s development.
4. The imposition of homework on weekends could potentially lead to an unhealthy balance between work and play.
5. The importance of extra-curricular activities cannot be overstated, and should be given equal weight to homework.
Emotional Appeal: 6/10
The essay contains emotional language and appeals to emotion, such as “source of stress and anxiety” and “feelings of inadequacy”. However, the language could be more powerful, such as replacing “dread” with “agonizing fear”.
More sophisticated emotional language:
1. Homework can be an excruciating source of stress.
2. Excessive homework can be an intimidating source of anxiety.
3. The responsibility of homework can be a debilitating source of pressure.
4. The burden of homework can be a daunting source of apprehension.
5. The expectation of homework can be a devastating source of distress.
Figurative Language: 6/10
The essay does not contain any figurative language, which could make the essay more interesting and engaging.
More sophisticated figurative language:
1. Homework can be a relentless weight on the shoulders of students.
2. The pressure of homework can be an unforgiving yoke on the necks of children.
3. The burden of homework can be an inescapable millstone around the neck of students.
4. The obligation of homework can be an unbearable albatross for children.
5. The responsibility of homework can be an oppressive mountain for students to climb.
Grammar, Syntax & Vocabulary: 8/10
The essay contains a variety of vocabulary and sentence structures, such as “Their findings were troubling” and “the growing consensus”. However, there are some minor grammar and syntax errors, such as missing commas and incorrect use of nouns.
More sophisticated grammar and syntax:
1. Their discoveries were disquieting.
2. The mounting accord.
3. Not only the disadvantaged experience the stressors of homework.
4. The emotional and physical repercussions of excessive homework can be long-lasting and deleterious to a child’s development.
5. The importance of extra-curricular activities cannot be overemphasized, and should be accorded equal weight to homework.
Vocabulary:
Troubling – disquieting
Findings – discoveries
Pressures – stressors
Growing consensus – mounting accord
Inadequacy – inadequacy
Reinforce – reinforce
Excessive – excessive
Implications – repercussions
Obvious – intuitive
Believe – believe
Obligation – obligation
Encumbrance – burden
Exploring – discovering
Resources – resources
Support – support
Keeping up – keeping up
Burdened – encumbered
1620…
The dense jungle that lay ahead of me was an impenetrable mass of vegetation, its verdant canopy stretching as far as the eye could see. The air was thick with humidity, suffocatingly hot, and oppressive, making every breath a struggle. The sharp scent of sweat mingled with the earthy aroma of the jungle, and my clothes clung to my body, drenched with perspiration. The ominous rumble of the infuriated clouds made me breathe in sharply, rain was another condition that discouraged my vital journey.
I was on the hunt for the lost civilization of the Aztecs, a group shrouded in mystery and legend. It was said that they possessed great wealth and knowledge, and I was determined to uncover their secrets. I had spent months preparing for this journey, studying maps and ancient texts, but nothing could have prepared me for the sheer magnitude of the challenge ahead. The jungle was unforgiving, with thick vegetation and dangerous animals around every corner. But I pressed on, driven by a sense of curiosity and wonder that burned deep within me.
As I ventured deeper into the unforgiving jungle, the vegetation grew denser and more insurmountable, blocking out the sun and enveloping me in a dark, primal world. The air was thick with the musty scent of decay, and I could feel the weight of centuries of history pressing down on me with each step. And then, amidst the chaos of the jungle, I heard a sound that made my heart skip a beat. A rustling in the bushes ahead of me was a sign of movement in this otherwise silent world. I tensed, readying my machete for whatever danger lay ahead.
But as the Aztec warriors emerged from the foliage, dressed in traditional garb and brandishing weapons, I was struck by their fierce determination and their unshakable pride. They were like nothing I had ever seen before, a testament to a time long since past. As I prepared to defend myself, the warriors lowered their weapons and approached me cautiously. Through some careful negotiation and a shared understanding, I learned that they were not my enemies at all. In fact, they were willing to guide me to the Aztec city that I had been seeking for so long.
With a newfound sense of hope and excitement, I followed the warriors deeper into the jungle, trusting in their skills as hunters and trackers. For days we trekked, battling fierce animals and navigating treacherous terrain, but the Mayan warriors were unfazed, their connection to the land and the creatures within it guiding us ever closer to our destination.
As we journeyed, I was struck by the richness of Aztec culture and traditions, learning firsthand about their deep reverence for the natural world and their understanding of the intricate web of life that surrounded us. It was a journey of discovery, a testament to the resilience of the human spirit in the face of adversity.
Thanks for waiting! Here’s the feedback for your writing! 🙂
Overall Score: 18/20
Structure: 9/10
The structure of this narrative is well-crafted, with a clear introduction of the protagonist’s mission and obstacles, a middle section that describes the journey, and a conclusion that provides resolution. However, the beginning could be strengthened by providing more detail about the protagonist’s preparation and the knowledge they have acquired. Additionally, the ending could be further developed by delving into the protagonist’s thoughts and feelings upon their discovery of the lost civilization.
Creative Plots and Suspense: 8/10
This narrative effectively builds suspense and keeps the reader engaged, as it progresses from the protagonist’s initial fear of the unknown, to the revelation of the Aztec warriors. The story’s pacing is well-executed, as the protagonist slowly reveals the wonders of the lost civilization. Furthermore, the reader is held in suspense as the protagonist waits for the warriors to either fight or guide them. The story could be improved by providing more descriptions of the Aztec warriors and their weapons, to further build suspense.
Sensory Imagery: 10/10
This narrative vividly paints a picture of the jungle, using sensory imagery to bring the setting to life. Examples include the “verdant canopy stretching as far as the eye could see”, the “sharp scent of sweat mingling with the earthy aroma of the jungle”, and the “omninous rumble of the infuriated clouds”. This imagery helps to create a vivid and immersive atmosphere.
Grammar, Syntax, Characterisation: 9/10
The grammar and syntax of this narrative are well-crafted, with few errors. Additionally, the protagonist’s character is effectively developed, as they are portrayed as brave and determined, yet cautious. However, the characters of the Aztec warriors could be further developed by providing more detailed descriptions of their appearance and behaviour.
Vocabulary: 10/10
The vocabulary used in this narrative is varied and appropriate for the setting, with words such as “dense”, “verdant”, “oppressive”, “machete”, and “fierce”. It could be improved by including more sophisticated and magical words, such as “enigmatic”, “humid”, “lush”, “intrepid”, and “mythical”.
Juxtaposition and Figurative Language: 10/10
This narrative effectively uses juxtaposition to create contrast between the beauty and danger of the jungle, as it is described as both “verdant and lush” and “dangerous and oppressive”. Additionally, it makes use of figurative language to bring the setting to life, with descriptions such as the air being “thick with humidity” and the “weight of centuries of history” pressing down on the protagonist.
Rewritten narrative:
The dense jungle ahead of me loomed as an impenetrable mass of vegetation, its verdant canopy stretching far beyond the horizon. The humid, oppressive air clung to my skin, and the sharp scent of sweat mingled with the exotic earthy aroma of the jungle. A distant rumbling of thunder served as a warning of the impending storm, yet I pressed on, driven by a burning curiosity and the thirst for knowledge. I was on the hunt for the lost civilization of the Aztecs, a mythical group said to possess great wealth and power.
My journey was filled with danger and uncertainty, as I navigated the treacherous terrain and battled wild animals. But then, amidst the chaos of the jungle, I heard a sound that filled me with hope. A rustling in the bushes ahead of me was a sign of movement, and I readied my machete, prepared to defend myself. As the Aztec warriors emerged from the foliage, dressed in their traditional garb and brandishing their weapons, I was awestruck by their fierce determination and unshakable pride.
Through careful negotiation, I learned that the warriors were not my enemies, but rather, they were willing to guide me to the lost city I had been searching for. With a newfound sense of optimism, I followed the warriors deeper into the jungle, trusting in their skills as hunters and trackers. For days we trudged, braving the elements and the creatures within them, ever closer to our destination.
As I ventured onward, I was humbled by the richness of Aztec culture and traditions, learning firsthand of their deep reverence for the natural world and their intricate understanding of its web of life. It was a journey of discovery, of the resilience of the human spirit in the face of adversity. And then, after days of peril and perseverance, I saw it – the lost city of the Aztecs, its ancient walls encasing a world of secrets and wonders. I had found it.
Prompt 13: Write a persuasive essay arguing for or against the use of homework on weekends.
I envision a future where students have an amount of homework to benefit them instead of the use of piling them in burden and giving students stress. A burning passion of desire boils within me, my mind fixed on one thing. How crucial homework is to improve ever students days. All students aged from 5-17 all go to school. At school, we get homework. While many may think homework is useless and not beneficial for us, however, many won’t remember hard topics learnt at school, or what they even did! And homework can be beneficial when given the right amount.
Many students forget what they have learnt in school, often leading to stifling students education in the future, and forgetting important topics which may nurture us as we grow up, and it is a great way to reinforce things we’ve learnt. While many may think that weekends are for relaxing and playing with family, and relieving stress, our education is our future, a stepping stone to our future. As well as balancing sports, education and relaxation time, it is our moral duty to indoctrinate the generations to come. I believe we should keep recreation a secondary thought and inculcation as our main priority.
Homework ameliorates many important qualities like the capability to record more information run your mind, study skills and able to manage time well. These qualities, will improve our future, whether it may be when we are working, job applicants and more. Time management is significant as Spica’s team once said, You can only manage time if you track it right. In our life, we are easily distracted by obstacles and we lose a lot of time to spend with family and friends, but homework is our hero! Scientists have proven that homework helps reduce stress and prioritise time more well. Homework can help us balance studying and academics, relaxation time, quality time and playtime all together! How good is that! It is our moral obligation to have enough homework to benefit us instead of piles of essays we have to do.
Homework creates a community of respect and socialisation. Sometimes, teachers may give a class project to work with someone else. Picture this. All you other friends are with someone, and you’re left out! And the teachers puts you with… not the guy you want to work with.
His hair is all crazy like noodles and his shirt is stained with oranges. Well by doing project together and stepping out of your comfort zone to try doing the project with him, you might actually have many things is common! And that turns into a friendship, and that friendship turn into a bond and that bond will never be broken! “Find a group of people who challenge and inspire you; spend a lot of time with them, and it will change your life.” replies Amy Poehler. Homework can make feel a sense of belonging and you will have friends on your side!
In addition, homework, parents are so curious on how their child is doing, and homework can do exactly that! Homework will help them know what level your child is on, providing an understanding of what they should do to aid their child.
In conclusion, I think homework is a necessity in our lives when assigned the right amount, improving significant qualities and helps socialise with others. I hope and vision a future where homework will improve students life forever. Lets us empower and unite to improve younger kids education and socialisation.
Thanks for waiting! Here’s the feedback for your writing! 🙂
Overall Score: 17/20
Structure: The essay is structured well with an introduction, body, and conclusion. The discussion of the essay is clear and logical. However, the sentences could be more concise and there could be more transitions between the paragraphs. For example, instead of “At school, we get homework. While many may think homework is useless and not beneficial for us, however, many won’t remember hard topics learnt at school, or what they even did!”, this could be rewritten as “At school, we are assigned homework, which many deem useless and not beneficial. Yet, this homework helps students remember hard topics that they have learnt in school.” Additionally, instead of “Scientists have proven that homework helps reduce stress and prioritise time more well.”, this could be rewritten as “Scientific studies have demonstrated that homework reduces stress and improves time management.”
Persuasive Techniques: The essay effectively uses persuasive techniques to make its argument. For example, the author says, “It is our moral obligation to have enough homework to benefit us instead of piles of essays we have to do.” This appeals to the reader’s sense of morality. Additionally, the author states, “Time management is significant as Spica’s team once said, You can only manage time if you track it right.” This appeals to the reader’s sense of logic. However, the essay could use more persuasive techniques such as analogies and metaphors to emphasize the importance of homework. For example, instead of “It is our moral obligation to have enough homework to benefit us instead of piles of essays we have to do.”, this could be rewritten as “It is our moral obligation to provide students with just enough homework to benefit them, not to drown them in a pool of essays.”
Emotional Appeal: The essay effectively appeals to the reader’s emotions. For example, the author writes, “Picture this. All you other friends are with someone, and you’re left out! And the teachers puts you with… not the guy you want to work with.” This is a great example of appealing to the reader’s compassion. Additionally, the author states, “It is our moral duty to indoctrinate the generations to come.” This appeals to the reader’s sense of responsibility. However, the essay could use more emotionally powerful words and phrases to reinforce its appeal. For example, instead of “It is our moral duty to indoctrinate the generations to come.”, this could be rewritten as “It is our moral imperative to educate the generations to come.”
Figurative Language: The essay makes use of figures of speech and vivid imagery to create a sense of emotion. For example, the author paints a vivid picture of an unwanted classmate by saying, “His hair is all crazy like noodles and his shirt is stained with oranges.” Additionally, the author says, “And homework can be beneficial when given the right amount.” This is an effective use of simile to compare homework to the right amount of food for growth. However, the essay could use more figurative language to emphasize its argument. For example, instead of “And homework can be beneficial when given the right amount.”, this could be rewritten as “And homework can be beneficial when given in the right proportions, like nutrients for a growing plant.”
Grammar, Syntax, and Vocabulary: The essay’s grammar and syntax are correct. However, the essay could use a more sophisticated vocabulary to make its argument more powerful. For example, instead of “How crucial homework is to improve ever students days.”, this could be rewritten as “How essential homework is to enhance every student’s day.” Furthermore, the author could use more emotionally powerful words and phrases such as “inculcate” and “stepping stone”.
Use of Evidence: The essay makes use of evidence to support its argument. For example, the author states, “Scientific studies have demonstrated that homework reduces stress and improves time management.” This is an effective use of evidence to support the argument. Additionally, the author says, “Homework ameliorates many important qualities like the capability to record more information run your mind, study skills and able to manage time well.” This is a great example of using evidence to demonstrate the benefits of homework.
Vocab List:
Indoctrinate – Imbue
Stepping stone – Milestone
Drown – Submerge
Essential – Vital
Enhance – Amplify
Nutrients – Nourishment
Rewrite:
The weekend should be reserved for homework. It is our moral imperative to empower and unite the generations to come through the provision of education. We must nourish our students with just enough homework to benefit them, not to submerge them in a pool of essays. Homework ameliorates many important qualities such as the capability to record more information within the mind, study skills, and the ability to manage time well.
Scientific studies have demonstrated that homework reduces stress and improves time management. It is essential for students to reinforce what they have learnt in school, which can be achieved through the use of homework. Homework also allows for parents to understand the level of their child’s education, providing them with the opportunity to aid their child’s development.
Homework also creates a sense of belonging and camaraderie. For example, when assigned a group project, students are encouraged to step out of their comfort zone and collaborate with someone they may not have expected to work with. This often leads to the formation of friendships and closer relationships.
In addition, homework helps students balance studying and academics, relaxation time, quality time and playtime all together. It is our moral obligation to provide students with just enough homework to benefit them, not to drown them in a pool of essays. We must work to amplify the education of the generations to come and imbue them with the knowledge they will need to succeed. Let us empower and unite to improve the education and socialisation of younger kids.
Topic: Why should we include foreign languages in our curriculum?
I dream of a day where inspiring cultures and languages will be imported into our education and shared with those who seek knowledge. A day where the abundant heritage and traditions from countries all over the world can be embraced and incorporated into our daily life and learning.
I believe schools will benefit from foreign language courses. Learning a new language can increase self-confidence and esteem. A new language is a great way to feel accomplished! According to Lead with Languages, learning a foreign language can help you to develop intellectually and emotionally, make you a better communicator, empower you to reach your goals, and boost your self-esteem.
Incorporating foreign languages in school curriculums can also benefit your brain. Students who study more than one language tend to behave better in school and tests because of their improved concentration, memory and concentration and mental flexibility! According to TELC Language Tests, learning a second language can develop new areas of your mind and strengthen your brain’s natural ability to focus, entertain multiple possibilities, and process information.
Learning new languages also can help you in the future as well. In your career, you will be able to communicate with many different people from different countries, which is really useful. It’s also really fun and you can share a passion with everyone else who also enjoys the language!
Overall, including foreign languages in our curriculum can benefit us by improving our confidence, concentration, memory and future. Let us make the better choice and incorporate foreign languages in our learning!
Thanks for waiting! Here’s the feedback for your writing! 🙂
Overall Score: 16/20
Structure:
The structure of this persuasive essay is quite sound. It is divided into paragraphs that are each focused on a different point and the essay is clear and easy to follow. 7/10
Persuasive Techniques:
The essay makes use of many persuasive techniques, such as offering facts and evidence to support its argument, providing a logical explanation of why foreign languages should be incorporated into our curriculum, and making an emotional appeal to the reader. However, some of the sentences could be more effective. For example, the sentence “A new language is a great way to feel accomplished!” could be more persuasive if it was phrased as “Learning a new language can be immensely rewarding, providing you with a sense of achievement and accomplishment.” 7/10
Emotional Appeal:
The essay does a good job of making an emotional appeal. For example, the sentence “Incorporating foreign languages in school curriculums can also benefit your brain” conveys the idea that learning a new language can be beneficial in multiple ways. However, the emotional appeal could be improved if the sentence was phrased as “Discovering a new language can open up an exciting world of possibilities and benefits to the inquisitive mind.” 8/10
Figurative Language:
The essay does not make use of any figurative language, so there is no score for this category. N/A
Grammar and Syntax:
The grammar and syntax in this essay are correct. 9/10
Use of Evidence:
The essay provides evidence to support its argument with citations to reputable sources. 9/10
Vocabulary:
The essay makes use of appropriate vocabulary for the topic. 8/10
Rewrite:
The prospect of learning a new language is a tantalizing one, opening up a world of possibilities and enriching the lives of those who take the plunge. Not only can learning a foreign language enhance self-confidence and esteem, but it can also stimulate the mind and foster intellectual growth.
Studies show that those who learn a second language are better able to concentrate, remember information and think creatively. As a result, they often perform better in school and on tests. Additionally, having a working knowledge of multiple languages can be highly advantageous in the workplace, allowing one to communicate effectively with people from various cultures and backgrounds.
The benefits of learning a foreign language are numerous and far-reaching. Imparting this knowledge to our children is a surefire way to equip them with the necessary skills to succeed in the modern world. Not only can it help them to better understand the world around them, but it can also open up a wealth of opportunities that may not have been available to them previously.
In conclusion, incorporating foreign languages into our curriculum is an excellent way to expand our collective understanding of the world. Not only can it provide us with a greater insight into different cultures, it can also enhance our mental capabilities and enrich our lives in myriad ways.
Write a persuasive essay on the importance of foreign language classes in the curriculum.
“Permisi, dimana kamar mandi pria?” A stranger asks me at the shopping center. I was bewildered, and replied, “I beg your pardon, what did you say?”. I pulled out a notebook from my school bag, and asked him to write his question. I then used Google Translator on my phone and gave him the direction in his language, which is Indonesian.
I wish I was taught a second language at school as part of the curriculum.
I envision the world where everyone has aperture to learn and understand different languages, and connect with people from different cultures and backgrounds. A reality where foreign language classes are viewed as an essential asset of the curriculum, and not as an non obligatory or non mandatory course.
Learning a foreign language is not only beneficial for communication,
but it can also be the perfect way to socialise with a whole different country and it improves your memory.
For these stated reasons, I strongly believe that foreign language classes should be an essential part of the curriculum. Due to the fact that, learning a new language drastically improves your memory and it enables you to connect and communicate while you travel to a foreign country
According to https://www.languagenut.com/en-au/, that I my school is using, the more you use your brain to learn new skills, the more your brain’s functions work. Learning a new language pushes your brain to get familiar with new grammar and vocabulary rules. It allows you to train your memory to remember new words, make connections between them, and use them in contextual situations. In addition, learning a new language enables you to communicate with someone in his or her language which is an incredible gift. Bilinguals (able to use two or more languages) have the unique opportunity to communicate with a wider range of people in their personal and professional lives. Without learning a new language you would not have the freedom to do this. For these reasons alone, you will see the gift of learning a language.
In conclusion, foreign language classes must be in the curriculum. Due to the fact that learning a new language drastically improves your memory and it enables you to connect and communicate while you travel to a foreign country.
Thanks for waiting! Here’s the feedback for your writing! 🙂
Overall Score: 40/50
Structure: 8/10
The structure of this persuasive essay is overall well-organised and clear. The introduction introduces the topic and the thesis statement. The body paragraphs provide evidence to support the main argument of the essay. The conclusion provides a summary of the argument and provides a call to action. However, the transitions between the paragraphs could be improved. For example, “In addition, learning a new language enables you to communicate with someone in his or her language which is an incredible gift. Bilinguals (able to use two or more languages) have the unique opportunity to communicate with a wider range of people in their personal and professional lives.” This sentence shows a direct connection between the two paragraphs and could be used to transition between the two ideas.
Persuasive Techniques: 10/10
You successfully use a variety of persuasive techniques to argue your point. For example, they use a combination of ethos, pathos, and logos. They cite an authoritative source to establish their credibility, “According to https://www.languagenut.com/en-au/, that I my school is using”. They also use emotional language to connect with the reader and make them more sympathetic to their argument. For example, “I envision the world where everyone has an aperture to learn and understand different languages and connect with people from different cultures and backgrounds”. Lastly, they use logical reasoning to explain their point. For example, “For these stated reasons, I strongly believe that foreign language classes should be an essential part of the curriculum. Due to the fact that learning a new language drastically improves your memory and it enables you to connect and communicate while you travel to a foreign country.”
Emotional Appeal: 9/10
You successfully use emotional language to connect with the reader and make them more sympathetic to your argument. For example, you use words like “aperture”, “connect”, “communicate”, and “essential asset” to create a sense of unity and belonging. You also use vivid imagery to paint a picture of a world where everyone is connected and able to communicate with each other. For example, “A reality where foreign language classes are viewed as an essential asset of the curriculum, and not as a non-obligatory or non-mandatory course.”
Figurative Language: 8/10
You use a variety of figurative language to make your point. For example, they use metaphors to compare learning a foreign language to a “gift” and a “unique opportunity”. You also use similes to describe the feeling of learning a language as “drastic” and “essential”. However, you could use more vivid language to further emphasise your point. For example, instead of “drastic”, you could use a word like “transformative” or “profound”.
Grammar: 8/10
Your grammar is generally correct and you use correct punctuation. However, there are a few minor errors, such as incorrect verb tense and incorrect use of articles. For example, “For these stated reasons, I strongly believe that foreign language classes should be an essential part of the curriculum.” should be “For these stated reasons, I strongly believe that foreign language classes should be an essential part of the curriculum.”
Syntax: 8/10
Your syntax is generally correct and you use clear and concise language. However, the sentences could be rearranged for a smoother flow. For example, “Bilinguals (able to use two or more languages) have the unique opportunity to communicate with a wider range of people in their personal and professional lives. Without learning a new language you would not have the freedom to do this.” could be rearranged to “Without learning a new language you would not have the freedom to communicate with a wider range of people in their personal and professional lives. Bilinguals (able to use two or more languages) have the unique opportunity to do this.”
Use of Evidence: 10/10
You use a variety of evidence to support your argument. You cite an authoritative source to establish their credibility. You also provide logical reasoning to explain your point. For example, “For these stated reasons, I strongly believe that foreign language classes should be an essential part of the curriculum. Due to the fact that learning a new language drastically improves your memory and it enables you to connect and communicate while you travel to a foreign country.”
Vocabulary: 8/10
You use a variety of words to make your point. However, you could use more sophisticated and emotionally powerful words to further emphasise your point. For example, instead of “aperture”, they could use words like “access”, “opportunity”, or “privilege”. You could also use words such as “transformative”, “profound”, “liberating”, and “unifying”.
Rewrite:
I have a dream of a world in which everyone has the chance to learn and understand different languages, connecting with people of different cultures and backgrounds. I strongly believe foreign language classes should be an integral part of any curriculum, not something that is optional or not required. Knowing a foreign language has tremendous benefits, not only for communication but also for socialization and memory.
Learning a new language is a transformative experience. It gives you access to a whole new culture, and the opportunity to interact with people in their own language. Bilinguals have the privilege to communicate with a much wider range of people in their personal and professional lives. Even if you don’t go abroad, you will still reap the rewards of knowing a foreign language. It has been proven that the more you use your brain to learn new skills, the better it functions. Learning a new language pushes your brain to get familiar with new grammar and vocabulary rules, and it helps you to remember new words and how to use them in context.
To conclude, foreign language classes should be an essential part of any curriculum. Learning a new language has the capacity to be transformational, both in terms of communication, but also in terms of memory and socialization. It gives you access to a new culture, and the opportunity to interact with people in their own language. Knowing a foreign language is a powerful tool, and it should be available to everyone.