Day 6 Writing Homework
Prompt : Write two persuasive emails about the playground renovation:
A formal email to your local council member requesting inspection and support (300-350 words)
An informal email to a local business owner requesting sponsorship (300-350 words)
Each email must include:
At least two examples of figurative language (metaphor, simile, personification)
Strong emotionally evocative language
Vivid physical descriptions that engage at least three senses
Clear adaptation to the specific audience
Proper email structure
500-600 Words
Please upload your homework as a comment below:
- Due Date : April 23, 2025
- Feedback will be shared in 3-5 days
8 thoughts on “Day 6 Writing Homework”
My HMWK
Playground fixing LB
formal email
Subject: Immediate Action Needed: Unsafe School Playground Violates Safety Regulations
Dear Councillor Warner,
As a concerned student of Ashtown Primary School, I am writing to you to express my alarm about the current state of our playground. What used to be a vibrant, bustling playground that echoed with the laughter and joy of active children is now a desolate and neglected space, one that is dull and unsafe. The colourful paint has faded into weathered, peeling patches, revealing the rough, splintered wood underneath. This deterioration creates a safety hazard for children, putting them at risk of painful splinters or cuts. These dangerous conditions of our playground not only makes the playground unfit for use, but also breaches the safety standards set by the council.
There have already been instances where students have gotten severe injuries. A few weeks ago, Rosie Tay from Year 1 was playing on the equipment when a loose screw in the wooden flooring caused the plank she was standing on the break, leading to a fall of approximately 2 metres onto the concrete, which resulted in her having to go to the hospital. Her piercing scream filled the air as she hit the ground, her face contorted in pain and agony from the impact. This tragic event shows how dangerous our playground is, and how urgently something needs to be done about it.
The current state of our playground violates several safety standards outlined by the council. For example, Section 4.02.3 says that all play equipment must be free from loose components, yet the loose screws on the equipment directly violate this requirement. Additionally, Section 4.36.8 says that school playground need to undergo safety inspections every three years, but our playground has gone 12 years without a single checkup. These violations not only put students in danger but show a failure to uphold safety protocols set by the council.
We respectfully request a site inspection at your earliest convenience, followed by consideration of funding for a renovation to ensure the safety of our students. Thank you for your attention to this critical matter.
Respectfully,
Hillary
informal email
Subject: Community Partnership: Help Renovate Our School Playground
Dear Ms. Carlson,
I am reaching out to you to offer Ashtown Shopping Centre a chance to enhance it’s reputation for social responsibility by sponsoring Ashtown Primary School. Our school playground, once a place of cheerfulness and joy, is now like a garden left untended. Broken equipment, uneven surfaces, and rusting metal, and other hazards are putting students at risk every day, and with your help we can do something about it.
Just a few weeks ago, I personally witnessed Samantha Rodgers fall face-first onto the concrete floor when a loose screw on the monkey bars betrayed her, causing the whole thing to collapse while she was hanging from one of the rungs. As her friends carried her towards sick-bay, tears fell down her bloodied cheek. This is only one of the numerous tradgedies that has occured in this playground.
If you decided to help us, it would also benefit Ashtown Shopping Centre’s reputation. You could help us raise money by advertising fundraisers in your shops for more than 200+ families to see daily. The money required for this renovation is $20,000. With enough donations, we can make this a reality and you can enhance your shopping centre’s visibilty.
Together, we can replace this hazardous playground with a monument of community care. Thank you for considering this unique opportunity.
Sincerely,
Hillary
Here is my formal email, I will send my informal email as another comment. Hope u like it 😀 -Amelie
To: alya.williamskensingtoncouncil@gmail.com
From: amelie.fung@gmail.com
Subject: Urgent: Playground students safety at risk
Dear Councilor Williams,
I am writing this email to you as a concerned member of the Kensington Student Council. Our school playground, once a heaven for school children, now a scary nightmare. Our once joyful playground now a dark monster, lurking in the shadows waiting for the right time to trap any student. This matter needs your immediate attention. Swings are slowly deteriorating, monkey bars are going to eventually fall, and slides are gradually breaking.
This impact on us students, is harsh and rigid. Only 3 months ago, Year 5 student, Alice Davies dislocated her ankle after falling off a creaky seesaw, needing to stay in the hospital for 2 weeks. This accident is not a mere mishap, but a severe emotional scar for all of us.
From a recent school survey, 62% say that they have had exposure to either an unlucky fall, being trapped in equipment or supervision deficiencies, 37% having experienced those events several times. This means that our playground needs a checkup and renovation. This particular concern has gone against the Children’s World Play Rule Book, page 325. It states that ‘No playing field built for children at a breaking point must be renovated as soon as possible. If not, the owners of the park must be sued.’ If this is true, the council will to be blamed for, so you need to refurnish our beloved playground.
We politely ask for a site inspection, where we can all play in peace. The Student Council has prepared a document of all safety violations attached to this email.
Thank you for your attention to this crucial matter.
Sincerely,
Amelie Fung
Student representative
Kensington Public School
This is my formal email, I will send in my informal letter later tyy. Hope u like it 🙂
To: alya.williamskensingtoncouncil@gmail.com
From: amelie.fung@gmail.com
Subject: Urgent: Playground students safety at risk
Dear Councillor Williams,
I am writing this email to you as a concerned member of the Kensington Student Council. Our school playground, once a heaven for school children, now a scary nightmare. Our once joyful playground now a dark monster, lurking in the shadows waiting for the right time to trap any student. This matter needs your immediate attention. Swings are slowly deteriorating, monkey bars are going to eventually fall, and slides are gradually breaking.
This impact on us students, is harsh and rigid. Only 3 months ago, Year 5 student, Alice Davies dislocated her ankle after falling off a creaky seesaw, needing to stay in the hospital for 2 weeks. This accident is not a mere mishap, but a severe emotional scar for all of us.
From a recent school survey, 62% say that they have had exposure to either an unlucky fall, being trapped in equipment or supervision deficiencies, 37% having experienced those events several times. This means that our playground needs a checkup and renovation. This particular concern has gone against the Children’s World Play Rule Book, page 325. It states that ‘No playing field built for children at a breaking point must be renovated as soon as possible. If not, the owners of the park must be sued.’ If this is true, the council will to be blamed for, so you need to refurnish our beloved playground.
We politely ask for a site inspection, where we can all play in peace. The Student Council has prepared a document of all safety violations attached to this email.
Thank you for your attention to this crucial matter.
Sincerely,
Amelie Fung
Student representative
Kensington Public School
Day 6 pt.1
whoops is sent 2, just read the first one
Formal email:
URGENT INSPECTION NEEDED ON NEGLECTED PLAYGROUND
Dear councillor John King, I write to you about a neglected playground as a much concerned student representative and citizen of the school. The playground poses many risks and is absolutely woeful. When playing on the so called ‘playground,’ you can slowly feel the equipment deteriorating as you play on it. The potholes lay on the ground eagerly waiting for someone to mistakenly trip and fall over. All this happens while the poor children are baking by the sweltering hot sun.
Over the past several months—if not years—the playground has been subject to persistent neglect, resulting in a progressive decline in its structural integrity and overall usability. Numerous components of the play equipment are either damaged, corroded, or entirely inoperative. Additionally, the surfacing is riddled with uneven patches, exposed roots, and eroded ground covering, all of which increase the risk of injury. The fencing, intended to offer security and containment, is partially collapsed and fails to serve its intended purpose. These conditions are, quite frankly, unacceptable in any environment where the welfare of children is at stake. As the seesaw screams completely the kids run in fear not wanting to play on it anymore.This heaven for children has been deprived completely to the point where the children don’t even want to come to school anymore. What was once a peaceful and quiet playing area for children has now become a fiery, chaotic and injury-prone locality. An completely thorough safety evaluation of the playground could hopefully lead to a more ameliorated playing area.The condition of our communal spaces is a direct reflection of our collective values. Investing in the restoration of the playground is not merely a matter of infrastructure—it is an affirmation of our commitment to safeguarding childhood, fostering holistic education, and cultivating environments where young minds and bodies can thrive.
Therefore, I respectfully request that the council expedite a comprehensive site inspection of the playground facilities, conducted by a certified health and safety inspector. Such an assessment should evaluate the current structural, environmental, and usability conditions of the space, with a view toward immediate rectification and long-term revitalization. Moreover, I encourage the consideration of inclusive and accessible design features that would accommodate children of all abilities, ensuring that our playground serves as a welcoming space for the entire student population. Everyone who comes to school should never have to come to school fearing that they will get injured.
Would you want to be the person to let injuries occur?
Would you want to be the one wrecking childrens’ socializing and physical time?
Would you want to be the one to make kids apprehensive everyday?
Therefore, I urge that you prioritize a inspection in regards to our neglected playground as it is prerequisite that everyone is safe when it comes to playing at our school playground . This letter comes with all respect and humility and I implore to you that you must arrange some inspection at some time so the kids at our school don’t have to face things like fear or injury.
Jay Sapkota student representative of the Sutherland primary school.
Informal email:
SPONSORSHIP NEEDED ON NEGLECTED PLAYGROUND
Hello Mr Jimmy Waset, the owner of the woolworths shopping center. I hope this message finds you well. The school right across your shopping center is a school where the kids are in danger and completely unsafe when it comes to going to school. The opportunity for your woolworths would enhance you companies reputation and their general history of helping kids that are in danger become safe. Around 500 kids across you woolworths have to suffer and endure the pain if they want to play on the playground as the playground is harmful to everyone and is a clear sign of risk. What used to be a safe haven has now turned into a neglected rotten palace of danger. What was once a lovely, peaceful, abundant playing area where kids could vibrantly and freely play, where laughter was the only thing you could hear, now stands as a disgracefully held prison where simply playing is a punishment.
The consequences of this neglection is shown daily. Just 2 days ago, I unfortunately witnessed poor Jimmy Singh fall of the slide which shortly followed by a weighted ton of pain. His friend, Heung-min-son stood there in disbelief as an accident which could have been prevented easily if no neglection had been committed by our very own community.
Physical injuries aren’t the only injuries that the kids in our school face. There is an invisible vision that they see sitting in the corner visualising other kids falling and thinking if they go over there will they also be the one that’s going to be harmed.They think what no kid should ever have to think about “Why won’t anyone care about us at this school?”
Our situation presents your Westland Woolworths with a great opportunity. By sponsoring our renovation project your company will:
Demonstrate commitment to the well-being of kids
Create an amazing legacy/reputation
Get significant media coverage
The investment to reconstruct our atrocious playground will be around $20 000.
Just think about the amazing shift of safety. From blisters, cuts and injuries from all the damaged and outdated equipment to new, happy children in a safe have knowing that they will be safe no matter what. I would like to give you and myself the opportunity of meeting up together so we can discuss about our reconstruction project and your company benefits
Your sincerely, Jay sapkota
Student representative of estland primary school
Here is my informal letter. Tyy
To: ben.garciaaroundtheworld@gmail.com
From: amelie.fung@gmail.com
Subject: Sponsor Request: Help Kensington Public School
Dear Mr. Garcia
I am writing to you to request a sponsor. Your company, Around the World is about helping kids and remote places around the world, right? If you support us, by donating money to renovate our school playground, it will both, enhance your reputation and help Kensington Public School. Just imagine it, what was once was a creaky, dusty park, now standing a vibrant playground, colourful slides and children smiling from ear to ear.
On Tuesday, I witnessed a miserable scene. 10-year-old Alexis Liu, hugging his knee for dear life. He had scraped his knee, by a protruding metal chain, having its half cut off. His tears only fell on friends trying to get a teachers help. This is just one of the several accidents that have happened this week.
If you sponsor our school your company will:
• Help more than a hundred families
• Be able to rename the park
• Create a positive reputation for your business
• Craft a lasting legacy, for generations to come
Since recognition laws must be applied, you must pay $10 000 for the project. Naming rights, promotional events, permanent signage, and copyright must be compensated.
Just imagine the lit-up faces of hundreds of families after hearing the news of a new playground, from an indifferent expression to a smile that could light up the city.
Thank you for your time and attention.
Kind Regards,
Amelie Fung
Student Representative
Kensington Public School
P.S Here is an attachment of the legal documents and contracts for the project: https://docs.google.com/document/schoolplaygroundproject.com.au
Formal
Will submit Informal later
Dear Councillor Jordan,
I write to you not only as a cherished citizen of our city, but also as a senior student at David Hill Public School regarding the terrible state of our school playground. I find myself compelled to voice my concern over our school’s devastated play equipment. Once safe haven for students to engage with, now a place that radiates fear and anxiety. Unfortunately, the most critical part of our playground lacks safety features. The once sturdy wood benches have weathered to reveal splintering wood, collapsing with minimal weight. The once vibrant paint that covers our play equipment has been washed away, leaving teardrop-shaped colors on the uneven ground, signalling the wrecked state of our playground.
Last Thursday, I saw poor Hayden from 6A crumbling uncontrollably onto the ground after the hand bars failed to hold his weight. I watched him fall in slow motion, heard the thump when his leg hit the sharp rocks that littered the ground. His wretched face was contorted with pain, his usual smile now forced to a painful frown. The usual blazing look in his eyes faded, as tears rolled of his pale face. I was forced to watch my friend suffer hopelessly, knowing that I could not stop the pain. All I could do was call for help and wait. Two weeks after the tragic incident, paramedics reportedly gave him 12 stitches for the deep gash formed in his ankle. This isn’t all about Hayden, numerous other children have suffered the pain as Hayden. By restoring our playground, you will have brought relief to more than 500 families. By restoring our playground, you would relieve students from their anxiety and suffering.
As parents, you entrust your beloved children to school, knowing that they wil come home safe.
Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for the parents of our school. Everyday, they have to worry about the safety of their children. Everyday, parents hope that the next to fall victim to our play equipment is not their child. Our playground seems like an obstacle course with hazardous play equipment everywhere. Dangerous craters and sharp rocks litter the pavement, choosing the next one to injure, the next victim. This environment is not only poses as a physical threat to our students, but also fills anxiety into our parents.
As our elected councillor member, I respectfully request an inspection immediately, followed by funding for a new and improved playground. Students at my school deserve a safe environment to thrive and exercise in.
We created this playground.
We can restore this.
We will restore this.
We must restore this.
Yours faithfully,
Marvin
David Hill Public School