Week 5 Writing Homework
- November 17, 2024
- 3:30 pm
- 13 Comments
Writing Homework: Using the story starter provided, craft a narrative that delves deep into Rick’s internal struggle during a pivotal day at the mill. Focus on the visceral weight of his moral burden, the physical manifestations of his fear, and the gradual transformation of terror into resolve. Show how the environment of the mill itself becomes a character in his story.
Please upload your homework as a comment below:
13 thoughts on “Week 5 Writing Homework”
A Pivotal Day at the Mill
The acrid tang of dust entered Rick’s nose as his boots shuffled towards the mill’s iron gates. He was soaked from the morning rain, and had left several footprints in the dirt. The evidence in his pocket made his heart skip a beat, each step a battle between self-preservation and moral obligation.
The machinery clunked loudly as he entered the mill into his spot. The overseer glared at the workers, looking over them like an irritated hawk. Rick trembled as he sorted the threads carefully, each movement praying that his subterfuge would remain undiscovered.
The sickening squeak of machinery filled Rick’s ears as his eyes widened in horror. Young Tommy screamed, their overseer cursed and scowled endlessly, while others, like Rick, were watching in horror. Immediately, Rick moved into action, determined to not let his years of accumulated evidence disappear in the overseer’s hands.
He gathered the papers and headed over to the overseer. In a crackling voice, he confronted the overseer loudly, as a crowd gathered around. The overseer had turned red, his face written with guilt, but had continued to deny it. Soon, everyone knew what was going on, but the overseer just wouldn’t admit it. As Rick held his papers in the air for everyone to see, then reading out everything, like a dam of information and proof. The overseer was clearly beaten, and Rick knew it. He threw his papers around at the gathered audience for them to see, then contacted inspectors to help check if anything else had been false, or unsafe for the workers and community. Rick’s eyes gleamed with triumph as he watched the overseer walk through the gates of the mill one last time, never to come back and cause harm to the community ever again.
FEEDBACK
Nancy Wang- FEEDBACK
Rick was a 15 year old boy who was walking to the rusty old gates of the old mill which was built in 1900 which brought shivers down his back. He had stopped going to school to create his own living so he could not think of what else to do if he were to be fired.
He had a tiny journal which was hidden behind a crumbled, insecure stone that could be cranked out with his fingers. When the sun finally went to sleep, Rick secretly flicked through the journal, using a candle for light. Last week he had heard mysterious voices from below the floor, and he heard screams from nowhere.
When he asked the boss, he just said it was his imagination, but he was not creative but a serious boy from all the memories he had. From the day that his mother gave birth to him to right now he could remember that nothing could make him laugh or even carve a smile into his face.
After a few months, he realised that many of the workers were disappearing. Luke Chan, who was one of the loudest and tallest workers, disappeared on 1/8/1923. After that, all the other workers were wondering what clandestine thing was causing this much trouble.
“What on atrocity is going on?” thought Rick. Over the next few days, Rick was thinking that the manager was malevolent, so he snuck into the office at rest times to rummage through the vast amounts of folders. One day he was looking at a file, but a tiny dot of black caught his eye. He pulled the file and in big, bold letters the file said: TOUTURING HISTORY OF THE MILL. He quickly raced down the stairs, heart beating a tattoo in his Adams apple. He quickly skimmed through the file and found the workers who got sick even with fever were tortured.
He raced through the door and burst into the authorities office. He quickly showed the papers and led the police to the mill.
The boss was quickly dragged through the streets to prison and Rick was considered a hero. Rick was about to start selling his house and processions and become homeless when the mill offered him the chance to become boss as he saved many lives. He was later considered a hero and got to have a beautiful house and live in luxury.
FEEDBACK
Chris Wang- FEEDBACK
Rick’s hands moved mechanically at his workstation, his mind elsewhere. Hidden beneath the floorboards lay evidence of the factory’s darkest secrets – violations that haunted his conscience. As the machines roared overhead, he wrestled with an impossible choice: speak up and risk everything, or remain silent and live with the guilt.
Rick trudged into the factory grounds of the mill, his boots stained with mud and evidence of stratagem in his pocket. His heart thumped with every move he made, his stomach twisting with anxiety. Rick breathed deep breaths, hoping to succeed in the prosecution of the iniquitous foreman who was becoming ruthless with his scheme. He had suffered for too long. Now, it was time to seek revenge on the person who had created the intolerable hardship for everyone working in the factory.
When Rick had first come to the factory, he was put under hard labour, flogged, and black-mailed; if Rick dared to say anything that would upset the foreman, Mr Ire he would be treated to something no-one ever thought would happen. It was never exposed.
Suddenly, a sleek, black car charged into view and stopped right outside of the entrance to the milling factory, as a well-dressed man in a tuxedo carrying a suitcase stepped out of the vehicle and walked into the grounds of the business unit.
“Mr Smith, I am the lawyer you have hired to sue Mr Ire, the foreman of this milling factory,” The lawyer informed Rick.
They shook hands and Rick led the lawyer to the office where Mr Ire worked. The lawyer knocked and opened the door, then stepped towards Mr Ire, who was scrolling on his phone while his feet lay on the table.
“Excuse me Mr Ire, would you mind coming with me to the courtroom?” The lawyer inquired.
Mr Ire’s face turned red like a cherry and his hands trembled as he put his phone into his pocket. Then, he stood up steadily and followed the lawyer reluctantly, Rick sensing his worry as all three of them walked into the courtroom in the factory.
“Please be seated,” The lawyer offered.
Mr Ire sat down to the left of the judge and Rick to the right. The lawyer was on Rick’s side while Mr Ire did not have one.
After what seemed like one hour later, Rick had won the case and Mr Ire was given a decision whether to be sentenced to death or prisoner for fifty years and he obviously chose to be prisoner for fifty years. Rick breathed a sigh of relief that was inaudible. He was free! Free from the hard work!
FEEDBACK
Ocean – FEEDBACK
The mill’s secret: Rick’s moral crucible
Rick’s eyes were drooping. He was wondering around and kicking the ground. He lurched his way past his house, past his school, until towering musty black gates blocked Rick’s way. A mouldy, dark poster was stuck onto the gates.
“WANTED GOOD WORKER AT MILLS” was engraved onto the paper, and a sense of excitement jolted through him. His mind burst with ideas about the money he would get, and how he and his friends could goo to the water park. Rick pushed the gates as they creaked gravely. Rick rushed with excitement to the first room he saw which had “INTERVIEWS” labeled on it. He burst into the room confidently, trying to look. As best as he could be. The room looked like a monstrosity, as Rick thought of how he could work in such horrid and gruesome conditions.
“Next,” Said a woman with an exhausted expression. The clothes she were wearing were covered with mouldy spots and her face looked desperate.
“ so who are you?” Questioned the woman with any energy or expression.
“ my name is rick,” exclaimed Rick confidently, “ and I’m here to apply for the job at the mills.”
“What are your talents?” Asked the woman.
“ swimming, playing the piano, playing the clarinet, basketball, socce-“
“All right you’re hired! Your work starts tomorrow. No beat it!” As the woman cut of Rick. Rick strided out the door, excited to be finally climbing up to the level of a teenager.
As the sun just came out Rick had already arrived at the mills. “Shouldn’t be late for your first impression!” Thought Rick. He pushed the gates open and peddled through the interview and up the stairs which was labeled “FOR NEW EMPLOYEES” he climbed up the stairs, only to see a enormous room covered In smoke, and Rick couldn’t bare the malodorous smell. A small man with mask walked briskly towards Rick.
“Mr Rick, you will be chomping meat at the aisle 666. Here is your mask.” Whispered the man.
Rick walked across to his aisle, only to see eyes staring at him. He ignored them, but it still sent a nervous chill down his spine. He took out his Knife and started to chop meat, one by one.
As weeks raced by Rick had soon made a few friends at his work, one of them named Ethan. Ethan was supposed to be on aisle 665, which was right next to Rick. Rick leaned close to Ethans aisle, only to see that the boy with an optimistic smile had gone. “Wait-there are more empty spaces!”thought Rick, as he gazed around, narrowing his eyes.
Rick thought he had to get to the bottom of this. He ran downstairs to the “MANAGER ONLY” room, only to hear enormous snoring filling the room. Rick took the managers bag and rummaged through it, only to see a scarlet book which labelled: “THE HISTORY OF THE MILL-TOP SECRET” he flipped through the book as his eye caught a mind exploding fact: they had been kidnapping the workers and torturing them!
Rick raced out the room, as he quickly dialled 000.
Rick did all he could to stop the bloody company to keep running.
Soon the mill’s were soon shut and rick was on the news, famous.
Rick is still known today as a famous and honour.
FEEDBACK
Ian Xu – FEEDBACK
Rick’s hands moved mechanically at his workstation, his mind elsewhere. Hidden beneath the floorboards lay evidence of the factory’s darkest secrets – violations that haunted his conscience. As the machines roared overhead, he wrestled with an impossible choice: speak up and risk everything, or remain silent and live with the guilt.
He would be fired if he announced the secret but if the secret wasn’t spread, he’d be haunted with guilt every moment. Rick stumbled into the mill, ready to face another day of gloom and despair. The overseer gazed over the workers like an eagle searching for wounded prey. Rick started working, each movement pleading that his knowledge of the secret would remain undiscovered.
A sudden scream filled Rick’s ears as Gloria, one of the oldest workers, plunged into the unknown darkness below the floorboards. All Rick could feel was panic, young Jimmy’s cry, the overseer’s curse, and Edward’s yell of alarm as he watched in horror. It was the 7th time this month it had happened. Every few days, a part of the floorboards will collapse, bringing one of the workers down into the darkness below. Rick knew he had to bring an end to this.
Rick’s stomach twisted as he held the evidence firm, ready to confront the overseer. The overseer’s face tightened and turned red with embarrassment when he saw the evidence. In a booming voice, he confronted the overseer as the crowd gathered. Rick threw the papers into the crowd as the overseer tried his best to deny it. At last, he confessed that he had been planning these “accidents” and was thinking of torturing every worker to do their best for him. Rick gleamed with pride as he watched the overseer walk through the gate for the very last time, never to be seen or heard, let alone harm the community.
Scholarly Year 4 Term 4 Week 5 Writing Homework
FEEDBACK
Joshua- FEEDBACK
A young child named Rick walked to the entrance of the mill farm. It creates flour for the local town. Rick had come here to work because his family didn’t have enough money. His dad, grandma and grandpa were all killed in a car accident. There was only Rick, his mum and his baby sister Rosie who survived. Rosie was very young so mum had to stay home and look after Rosie while doing office work. Only a few days ago, the office said that his mum didn’t work enough every day so they terminated her role. Now they don’t have enough money for food so his mum asked Rick if he could work in the mill until she can find a new job and he agreed. As he looked at the people pulling out wheat, he thought about what job might he get. Suddenly, a fat, short man walked to him. “Ahh…you must be the new helper. Come into the mill and I will show you your job. You will love it!” he said as he smiled villainously.
When they walked up the stairs, Rick saw all the children sitting on the ground doing their job in ragged cloths. The man led him up to a dusty room with a machine in the centre. “This is a grinding machine. It makes the wheat into flour. Your job is to put the flour in these sacks without touching the flour. If you don’t finish filling up all these bags each day, you will get to eat slugs for dinner! Ha ha ha ha!” the stern man explained. Rick immediately started filling up the sacks with ease but gradually there were too many sacks to fill. He worked effortlessly every day, non-stop and wishing that he would always quickly complete his task.
One day he had enough, tonight he wanted change! He slowly crept downstairs with 2 sacks and rope where the obese man’s office was located. Fortunately, the door was open so Rick could see him. He was sleeping on his chair, snoozing off to a deep sleep. Rick slowly put a sack on top of his head making sure that he wasn’t awake. Then he placed another sack on his legs. The boy tied a knot on the sack ensuring that it isn’t loose. Rick crept down the stairs and searched for a telephone. He looked and looked but he could not find it. He decided to ask one of the children for advice. “Hello, can I ask for where the telephone is? “he asked. The little girl replied, “There is one at the side on the building in the garden.”” Thank you,” Rick answered. He quietly walked to the garden and made a call. “Hello, I am Rick, a worker for the local mill. The boss here is too mean. He doesn’t let us rest and we must finish our jobs before we have food. Please take him away and find a better person to lead these children,” he said. “Sure, we will arrive in 5 minutes to take him away. We will also collect the new leader.” The kids helpline person said. “Thank you and bye!”
Just as rick put the telephone back, he heard a grumbling voice. “GET ME OUT OF THIS SACK!” the leader shouted. Rick ran up the stairs as fast as he could and when he went into the room, he saw the sack wriggling everywhere. It made the rope loose and bang! The rope exploded into thousands of pieces. The man was free and heh was going to catch Rick! Arrr! You naughty kid! I will get revenge!” the pair ran into the garden with tremendous speed. Help!” rick screamed the children heard him and made a circle barrier around the man. Now rick caught him and he has now where to go. But how will they trap him into another sack. As he thinked, he was walking slowly in the garden. Clank! Clank! “What was that? “he wondered. He crouched to the ground and started digging. It was a metal box full of interesting things. Rick scammed the objects and the green whistle attracted him most. He looked at the instructions and found out that if you blow that whistle, it will make you sleep for an hour. Rick had an idea! Rick pushed into the circle and handed the whistle to the man. “Sir if you blow on this whistle, the children will go away.” Without thinking, he blew the whistle as hard as he could and fell to the ground. Rick smiled and put the sack on the leader with the same method.
Rick walked to the entrance of the mill and waited for them to arrive. Just as he sat down on a stone, he saw a bright light appear on the road. A truck was driving in the distance, stopping at the mill to collect the delivery. Rick told the men inside the truck that the man was inside the mill on the children’s room. They loaded it out and told the new leader to come out. It was a woman that seemed kind. “Hello, I am your new leader.” She said in a sweet voice. Rick waved and said, “The old boss was very mean and made the children work non-stop. Should we tell them you’re the new boss and they should have a break? The woman nodded and they went up the stairs. She saw all the kids rushing their allocated jobs. “Ahem…hi everyone, I am your new leader, Ivy. I will take over the man. Let’s take a break to rest your tired hands.” She said to all the children. The children smiled and raced to the garden. While Rick and Ivy hi fived, they saw the kids’ picking flowers and looking at the small insects. “Look at them. They are so happy in the garden,” The leader exclaimed. Rick thanked ivy for being the new leader and started to work again. “Wait rick! You have been very helpful and found my job so you should go home with this bag of money.”” Thank you and bye!” Rick replied. When he arrived home, his mother was very happy. Not only they had a bag of money, but Ricks mother got a part time job! With Rick being a hero, he dreamed of saving people once again.
FEEDBACK
Alessia Li- FEEDBACK
A mixture of pungent scents obnoxiously entered Rick’s nose as he took a step closer to the mill’s iron fence, the rusting bars damaged with scratched marks. The mill stood like a dark figure against the sky, its massive smokestacks releasing thick grey clouds that mingled with the already gloomy atmosphere. Rick felt a wave of nausea as he breathed in the harsh chemical scent, a reminder of both his struggles and the harm he had caused. The mill, a hulking structure made of steel, seemed to loom over him, heavier today than ever, almost challenging him to confront his swirling thoughts. Each step he took felt slow and burdensome, as if he were moving through thick tar. With every footfall, the grime of reality clung to his worn-out boots, a reminder of the weight of his choices.
Once inside, the cacophony of machinery surrounded him, echoing a sinister melody of clanking metal and hissing steam. His colleagues moved about like shadows, their tired faces reflecting the exhaustion he felt. Rick sensed the rising tension; whispers of dissent floated through the air, conversations about a strike against the decisions made by distant bosses who seemed far removed from their daily grind.
Holding onto the edge of a metal table, Rick felt his heart race. He was acutely aware of the brewing discontent around him, partly because he was one of the few aware. As a supervisor, he had been tasked with cost-cutting measures, aligning production with business goals. This meant layoffs were hanging over everyone’s heads like a dark cloud. While the mill provided him with a meagre paycheck, it had also stripped away the dignity from the arduous work done within its walls, all in the name of profit.
In that moment, he could picture the faces of his coworkers, friends who depended on him for guidance. Yet here he was, an unsuspecting pawn in a game he never wanted to join. The toxic air felt as though it were closing in around him, making it hard to think. Guilt festered deep within, like a wound that simply would not heal.
As noon approached, sounds in the mill transformed, becoming an ominous crescendo that amplified his anxiety. He watched his fellow workers toil away, their faces pale and worn under the glaring lights. Each of them reflected something he felt inside—an emptiness created by relentless demands for productivity. As tears threatened to spill from his eyes, he felt a powerful urge to escape the noise, the smell, and the decisions he still had to make.
But just then, a shift occurred within him. Amid the chaos, a clear thought emerged: it was not too late to take a stand. The mill, with its rusting machinery and rhythmic grind, matched the thumping beat of his heart—his internal conflict. It was both a cage and a forge; it could crush him or transform him into someone new.
This realization began to anchor him. Fear was replaced by a growing sense of responsibility. Rick straightened his posture against the weight of despair; the rumble of the machinery became a war cry, filling him with resolve. He knew that he could not face his friends ever again if he chose to remain silent. The mill whispered promises of courage as he shifted his focus to the workers moving about.
Every step toward the breakroom felt like shedding layers of doubt. Words formed in his mind for a speech, calling on the weary souls worn down by the grind of their jobs. It would be a moment of unity—a reminder that they were stronger together and that the mill’s unending demands would not win without a fight. He recognized that the acrid air could symbolize fear, or even the spark of anger and determination rising within him.
Standing at the door of the breakroom, he took a deep breath and stepped inside. The warmth wrapped around him like a reassuring hug.
“Hey!” he called out, his voice steady, though his heart pounded in his chest. “Can I have everyone’s attention?”
As the deafening machinery outside hummed its ongoing tune, Rick moved forward unafraid, filled with a newfound sense of purpose. He realized that the mill was not merely a place of oppression; it could become their stage for change, the catalyst for something they desperately needed. Today was not just another day at work; it was the moment he had been waiting for—his chance to fight back.